


The Sperm Donor

by shefalling



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band), camren
Genre: F/F, G!P, Intersex, LGBTQ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:34:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 155,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25337701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shefalling/pseuds/shefalling
Summary: Camila’s daughter wants to know who her ‘Dad’ is. How can Camila explain it was a sperm donor and how will she react to the information she finds when tracking ‘him’ down.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	1. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV.  
Something that I had always feared was my child crying themselves to sleep and I never knowing. Every parent would fear this happening. It’s a parent’s duty to protect their child, to know how they’re feeling and to fix them when they’re sad. If you don’t know that they’re sad, how are you supposed to help them? It turns out that my 4-year old daughter had been crying herself to sleep for the past couple of nights unbeknownst to me.  
When I found out I was pregnant, my best friend Dinah and I moved into a fairly average apartment in New York, paid for initially by my father and, almost 5 years on, we are still repaying him in a small instalments. The both of us work at a local café with alternate shifts so there is always someone to look after the little ones. You see, Dinah moved in with me for moral support and to help look after my daughter. But before my daughter Emelia was even born, Dinah also fell pregnant. It’s now just the four of us. Dinah, her daughter Khiara, Emelia and I. And it’s kind of perfect. With our shift patterns, our incomes as well as financial support from Khiara’s father, and a babysitter whenever one is required, we care for our daughters very well. Or so I thought.  
Dinah normally has the night shift at the café and it’s just the girls and I for most evenings which we love, even if we do miss Dinah. The youngest girls treat each other like sisters, like Dinah and I do, and the bond between us all is incredible. Tonight however, Dinah had pulled a sickie. She wasn’t actually sick, she just didn’t want to miss our Disney Movie marathon. Khiara’s father also came over to watch the movies. He tried to see his daughter as much as he could but with his other family, they didn’t spend as much time together as each would like. The truth is, Jonathon, Khiara’s father, loves her to bits. He and Dinah were only a one-time thing, and despite the pregnancy, a relationship would never work. Jonathon already had a girlfriend and a son. Dinah, of course, was pissed at his revelation but she was always going to go through with the pregnancy. Even though Jonathon couldn’t spend too much time with his daughter, he did try, and he supported both Khiara and Emelia with child support – he really was a great father. It rolled around to the girls’ bedtime and we put them both to sleep, each into their own beds which are placed alongside each other in their little pink and yellow room.   
Initially, the girls went down fine, like every night. Emelia was always a little quiet when Jonathon had been over though. He did the typical ‘Dad’ things. He played with the girls, made stupid jokes, did everything he could to make them smile and he always bought them new toys. He did this with both girls but ultimately, he was Khiara’s father, not Emelia’s, and both girls understood this so Khiara always got more alone time with her daddy.  
Emelia had never asked her about her father so I never felt the need to explain the situation. It wasn’t a dramatic story where her father had left more or something terrible had happened which led to my pregnancy. Starting a family was the only thing I desired. I had no real aspirations at school to start an incredible career, I just wanted to enjoy life, and that started with having a baby. At 23 I decided that a child was the only thing that would make me happy but I was single and I am a lesbian so my options were kind of limited.  
Dinah helped me look through profiles of sperm donations but I never wanted it to be an arduous process. When you meet someone and fall in love, you don’t sit there and think about their medical history or the colour of their eyes to decide whether you want to have a baby with them. I never understood why people saw that to be the case for sperm donation. My daughter was going to be perfect no matter who she shared DNA with. One of the first profiles I looked at had very little information about them: brown hair, green eyes, Cuban-American and no hereditary illnesses found in the family.  
So I just went with it. Other than Dinah, nobody knew of my plans. Once I was inseminated and the five pregnancy tests I had taken showed to be positive, I told my family and they were less than happy about it but once they had overcome the shock, my parents were happy to be grandparents and my little sister was happy to become an Aunt.  
9 and a half months later and I had Emelia. As soon as I laid my eyes on her I knew I had made the right choice for the sperm donation. Nobody I could ever meet will create a child with me as perfect as her. She is beautiful. There is no doubt she is my daughter either. She has long, dark hair, a matching skin tone revealing her Latina roots, and like me, is slightly on the shorter side among others her age. These traits she could easily have inherited from me but there were others that I had to put down to her anonymous father. When she first opened her eyes to my parents, the first thing my Mother noticed were her piercing green eyes that she undoubtedly did not inherit from me. Looking a little bit closer and you will see freckles dotting her nose and a V-shaped point in her hairline forming a widow’s peak. Whoever her father is, they have incredible genes. There’s no doubt about it. She may adopt a lot of my physical traits, but there are features about my daughter that definitely belong to the donor.  
Until tonight, Emelia had never asked about her father. I had never had to give her the story, after all, she is too young to understand it. But then, on the way to the bathroom, Dinah heard my daughter crying.  
2 hours ago, Dinah had come into my room with a crying Emelia in her arms, bringing tears to my eyes immediately. Emelia was initially silent to Dinah and didn’t explain why she was crying, until Khiara spoke up and mentioned her daddy. Dinah knew what was wrong straight away. We both had noticed that Emelia was quiet whenever Jonathon was over, we had assumed it was nerves being around someone who wasn’t family because she’s normally a very happy, energetic and passionate child, something she must have also inherited from the unknown father because hell, I’m still as shy and reserved now as I ever have been. After getting Emelia to calm down with me, Dinah had gone back to sleep, ensuring Khiara do the same who had woken up to the noise.  
“Why doesn’t daddy love me?”  
That was the first question Emelia had asked once the crying had stopped; bringing new tears into her eyes. “All my friends at school have a daddy who loves them, where is mine?” Wheels were turning in my head, trying to think of ways to not only explain the situation to a 4 year old and trying to think about why I was so stupid in the first place to be so selfish. Having a child by myself was always going to be hard. But it’s harder on her. She sees Khiara with her Father and she sees the other children at her school with their Fathers who pick them up some days. I never thought it would be issue what with Dinah and a loving family around her, but I was so wrong.  
And that’s where we are now.  
Emelia is staring up at me, tears brewing in her eyes once more. How do I explain this to a 4 year old? I guess we start from the beginning.  
“Emelia, now I need you to listen to me carefully. You are loved by everyone, I promise you. You are so perfect and so, so beautiful, how could anyone not love you?” She offers me a smile. “Before you were born, I decided that I wanted a baby. I wanted you. I knew that you were the only thing that could make happy and I knew that I could do it by myself. Most children will have mummies and daddies, some children will have two mummies, others’ two daddies, any others will only have one parent – like you. That was a choice I made before you were born. The truth is, I knew it would be perfect with just me and you. We didn’t, and we still don’t, need anyone else to make us happy because we have each other. I know it’s upsetting for you baby and I’m so sorry I didn’t realise it sooner, it was so selfish of me. I love you baby, so much. And I’m sorry you don’t have a daddy around to love you as well but I promise, if he was here, he would love you just as much as I do. Do you understand that baby?” She nods slightly, confusion still present on her face. “What is it? You can ask my things if you want.”  
“So I don’t have a daddy at all? I thought you needed a mummy and daddy to have a baby?”  
“You’re right Emelia, you do need a mummy and daddy to make the baby but you don’t need a mummy and daddy to raise the baby. Anyone who has love to give can raise a baby,” I explained.  
“So I don’t have a daddy?”  
“Somebody helped me make you into the beautiful girl you are today but I don’t know who that person is,” I answered truthfully.  
“Can I meet my daddy?”  
“Baby, listen to me. Somebody did help me make you but the Doctor made sure I wouldn’t know who it is. You don’t need a daddy. You have me and Aunt Dinah.”  
“But I want my daddy,” she cries again. Her tears are soaking through my shirt, my tears dropping into the top of head that is tucked into my neck. “I want a daddy so bad.”  
It’s the next morning now and Emelia is still cuddled up to me in my bed. For another night, she had cried herself to sleep. But I knew this time, and I still couldn’t change that. It hurt. It hurt a lot. It hurt to see her cry. It hurt to see how much she wanted a Dad after all this time I thought Dinah, Khiara and I were enough. It hurt to read the text message this morning from Dinah saying that Khiara had told her this wasn’t the first night Emelia had been crying in bed. I thought I was a good mother but it turns out she wants something more. I don’t really blame her. Sometimes I do think about what it would be like if she did have father and we could do family things. But it wouldn’t be a father, it would be another mother, another difficult situation that I would have to explain, and if I was with a woman, then Emelia wouldn’t be here. I still do believe I did the best thing but going through a sperm donor, it just wish she had the presence of another parent.  
After explaining my plans to Dinah, once again, she decided to help. We both have been able to talk to Emelia again by the topic of her father, this time with less tears. She reassured me that she still loved me, more than anything, she just wishes someone else could love her like their child too.  
Dinah and I had visited the doctors and the sperm bank in search for any information about her father. A lot of men will donate anonymously in fear of being later tracked down by their children or having to pay for child support despite not even knowing their child (which I found it is possible!) Others however, allow for their donor number to be passed on. I found the donor number in my medical records for both the pregnancy and my visitation of the sperm bank and we able to recover more “non-identfying” information about Emelia’s father.  
“Born June 27, 1996. Brown hair. Green eyes. 1.63m in height. Cuban-American. Graduated from NYU with a double-major in English and International Affairs. Donated Once.”  
He had only donated once and my insemination was successful first time and we produced an incredibly beautiful and intelligent daughter. Those are some good genes, I thought. There was more information about his blood type, occupation, weight and interests which I refused to look at when I first looked through the donor registry because that type of information was of no importance to me.  
“What the hell is intersex?” Dinah questioned while looking through more of the donor’s information.  
“What? I don’t have a clue. Wait, what are you talking about?” I answered with wide eyes.  
“Listen to this in the ‘About Me’ section: The only thing I think people deserve to know is that I am intersex. I understand that this is not hereditary so please do not worry about that. My OCD however, that probably is hereditary. What the fuck is intersex? He’s kind of funny I’ll give him that but is he a freak or something?”  
“Wait, wait, hold on. Don’t say that. Let me google it.”  
“I can’t believe you had a baby with a freak. THIS IS WHY YOU READ EVERYTHING THAT IS GIVEN TO YOU!”  
“Hey, shut up. We don’t know. And Emelia is perfect so fuck you”. I reasoned with her. “Intersex is the abnormal condition of being intermediate between male and female. I don’t know what that means.” I explained with confusion edged into my voice.  
“It means he has a vagina, he’s a weirdo!” I rolled my eyes at this.  
“Dinah. Just think about that for a moment. We are looking at sperm donations. Just think about that you just said”, I folded my arms waiting for her to catch up.  
“Ohhhh, right. I get it. Don’t be a bitch about it. So he must have a penis, right?” Dinah tried.  
“Maybe it’s a girl?” Dinah looked at me wide eyes, eyebrows furrowed. “Maybe it’s a woman who’s intersex, hence the penis and sperm”, I attempted to explain to myself and Dinah.  
“That explains why your daughter is so beautiful with no masculine features whatsoever. You would think the sperm bank would explain that though?”  
“But it’s all anonymous. She contributed her sperm which means the bank must know but I don’t deserve to know the details. She did say it wasn’t hereditary so maybe it doesn’t even matter.”  
“It doesn’t matter that you had a baby with a freak?”  
“DINAH! What the fuck? Stop it. You don’t even know her. I’ve never once regretted which sperm donor I picked and I still don’t. Emelia is perfect. Sure, she has a lot of my physical traits but those eyes, her intelligence, her whole demeanour; that’s not mine of your influence, that’s the donor’s. Don’t call her a freak. She’s given me a daughter who is perfect and you can’t deny that,” I replied with exasperation.  
“I think you should meet her.”  
“Boy, you’ve changed your tune. Not a minute ago you were calling her a freak and now you want me to meet her? Make up your fucking mind.”  
We both just looked at each other. Dinah narrowing her eyes at me, waiting for me to realise that I actually might want to meet her. Whoever this woman is, she must be perfect. Emelia sure is and what makes her perfect are some of her behavioural and personality traits that she definitely didn’t get from me. Her sassiness makes me laugh. Her intelligence makes me proud. Her ambition and determination is admirable. She just looks like me, she definitely doesn’t act like me. But I love her, I love her so much. And I will forever be indebted to this woman. It really is too bad that I won’t know who she is.  
“You know, Jonathon is a doctor. He has connections. If a donor number was given it means she doesn’t want to be totally anonymous. Maybe she’s left the door open in chance that Emelia would attempt to contact her when she’s older,” I remained silent in thought. “How I see it is, Emelia wants to meet her other parent. I’m sure you would like to meet the person who created such a beautiful girl with you. And you can. I can help. Jonathon will help you. Camila, we can find this person if you just take the time and give it a chance. I’m sure it’s a difficult process to get all of her information but if the sperm bank can’t provide us with her information, we have her date of birth, where she studied, her blood type, previous employment. Camila, we can find her!”  
I fell back onto the sofa, squeezing my eyes shut and rubbing my temples. I am so in shock that 1) Dinah could be so wise but 2) that I could actually meet the donor. It’s what Emelia would want and if I’m honest, I think that’s what I want.  
“Okay, Dinah.”  
“Okay?”  
“Okay. I’m gonna do it. I’m going to find her!” A toothy grin plastered my face, my eyes blinking rapidly in pure disbelief. I’m going to find her. I’m going to find Emelia’s other mummy.  
It’s been 2 months now and we are getting close. Jonathon has been tons of help. He has informed us how to go about finding the woman’s information, who to contact, provided us with these contact details and he’s been on hand to help babysit Khiara and Emelia whenever we’re out on the road chasing doctors.  
We found out that a lot of sperm banks are connected to colleges and big organisations, weird right? We were given access to a list of sperm donors from each college but of course, all came up as male. We used her date of birth to confer with each donation but came up blank, she wasn’t using a pseudonym either. We concluded that she couldn’t have gone to the sperm bank through her college, instead she did it independently. We attempted to use a ‘birth date’ database to use her birthday alongside those who graduated from NYU but without knowing what years she attended and graduated, we came up blank once again.  
Going through to process of finding her, I became more excited. I always knew that I could raise my daughter by myself, and I’ve done that. I’ve done that successfully. Now, though, we are all just curious. I haven’t told Emelia we are looking for her “father”, I don’t want to get her hopes up and not be able to find her or worse, find her and find out something bad has happened to her or she doesn’t want to know Emelia. I haven’t given myself time to paint a picture about she could be like because I don’t want my hopes ruined either. I don’t want to tell myself that she’s beautiful, intelligent, caring and everything else that would make her perfect.  
I don’t really know what I’m going to do if I ever find her. Emelia wants to meet her and on some level, so do I. But I really don’t want her to be a disappointment. Emelia would be so happy to finally meet her other parent, she wouldn’t care if it’s a father or another mother, she just wants someone else to love and to love her. After our first conversation about it, I’ve been seeing the signs a lot more. When we’re at the park, she looks at the families in the want. She sees the daddy chasing the child while the mummy stays back and looks after the picnic. She sees the mummy helping the child feed the ducks while another mummy is reading a book. She is happy with me. I know she is. And with Dinah and Khiara, it does feel like a family quite often but it’s the same. Emelia wants to have what’s missing in her life. And if that’s what she wants then-  
“MILA, WE FOUND HER!” I’m broken from my daze by Dinah’s eruption.  
“You what?”  
“Mila, we found her. We got her,” Dinah answered loudly, wearing the biggest smile I’ve seen on her face.  
“Wait, what? How? We’ve done everything that was suggested how?” I tried to reason, still in disbelief. They found her. Dios mío.  
“Why are you asking me how? Why not who? Chancho, we got her. We found Emelia’s donor!”  
“Oh God,” I release, my hands fanning my face. “Are you serious right now?”  
“Yes, Mila. We have her. Turns out we didn’t need to be so professional after all. Hell, she’s intersex. People are gonna remember her! Jonathon’s wifey Sasha is a nurse, a buddy of hers works at a sperm bank in Michigan, she asked around, somebody remembered her. I mean, well, she’s a girl with a penis, of course someone was gonna remember. I don’t know why we didn’t think about it! She said she couldn’t release any information because that’d be breaching a law or some shit but she managed to release some unofficial information to Sasha,” Dinah started to explain.  
“Oh God, is this really happening right now?” My limbs go stiff and my body starts to shake, tears welling up in my eyes.  
“Hey, Mila. Snap out of it and let me finish. Sit your ass down if you need girl, come on, I’m excited here!” I followed her instructions and sat on the couch, her following after she burst through the door with her news. “So Sasha received some news, told Jonathon and I went over there. Just come back actually-”  
“Dinah, hurry up. Tell me”.  
“Now you wanna know! Damn. Anyway, her name’s Lauren, not sure on the last name and she donated soon after she graduated. The person who gave Sasha the information said that she remembered her because, well, like I said, she has a penis, that’s pretty memorable, and that she’s hot and really cool”, Dinah explained further.  
“Do you know where I can find her?”  
“Sasha was telling me that apparently Lauren was starting a new job as an English teacher at a high school somewhere here in New York”, Dinah answered. “It means she might still be here, Mila.”  
“That was 4 years ago”, I rubbed my eyes with my palms. I don’t even know her last name.  
“We have her name, date of birth, where she lives, where she graduated. We can find her.”  
Soon after, Emelia and Khiara came stumbling into the living room from their bedroom, asking if we could paint with them which of course we would never say no to. I got out all of our painting supplies, the pictures they drew last night, watercolours, children’s paint and blank sheets paper. The four of us all started to paint, like we do on most Sunday mornings, but I couldn’t help but be distracted. We are so close to find Lauren. But I need to be that little bit closer. A phone ringing bleared through the room, neither of the small girls really paying any attention to the distraction. I get up from the floor and walk over the counter where my phone displays an unknown number. I answer anyway.  
“Hello?”  
“Hey,” there’s a small silence. “Erm, is this Camila?” The caller stutters.  
“Yes, this is Camila Cabello. Can I help you with something?”  
“My name is Lauren. I heard you’ve been looking for me?”


	2. The Sperm Donor

“My name is Lauren. I heard you’ve been looking for me?”  
Dinah shot up from her place with the girls as the phone fell from my hand and onto the wooden floor. My palms too sweaty to keep hold of the phone and my heart palpitating too quickly to even think about catching it.  
“Mila, are you ok?” I shake my head quickly, “what’s wrong?” My eyes still wide from the caller’s revelation. Without thinking I grab the phone from Dinah’s hand and bring it to my ear.  
“-ou still there?” I catch the end of her question.  
“Yes. Yes. I’m still here. I don’t really know what to say right now”, I stutter out; waving to Dinah in silent instruction to take the girls away from the room. I hear her tell them to finish painting in their room which they’re never allowed to, something Emelia so gently pointed out to her.  
“Me either if I’m being honest”, the caller laughs. A pregnant pause fills the air, a smile forming on my face nonetheless. Dinah walks back into the room, guiding me to the couch.  
“How did you get this number?” I speak up.  
“Oh God, did you not want me to call you? I am so sorry. I just thought-”  
“No, no. Lauren,” Dinah’s eyes widen in recognition of the name, “I’ve been trying to find you for months. I just, I did not expect to receive a call from you at all so I’m very much in shock right now,” I explained to her.  
“I’m sorry for shocking you then… and making you drop your phone. I hope your floor’s ok?”  
“My floor? Don’t you mean my phone?”  
“No. Floors are harder to replace.”  
“Wow,” I laugh at her, “I guess you’re right. This is quite surreal for me right now. I can’t believe I’m talking to you.”  
“You can’t believe it?” She asked in disbelief, “I can’t believe someone would even want my donation let alone want to find me.”  
“You have a beautiful daughter,” I blurted out. Oh fuck, why did I say that? I couldn’t have known whether she’s called out of interest or she called to tell me to stop looking for her. Why did I assume that-  
“I’m happy to hear that,” she interrupted my thoughts. Her voice is filled with sadness, she sounds like she’s crying. “I am so happy to hear that,” she chokes up. She’s definitely crying. Tears well up again in my eyes and before I could realise we are both crying to each other on the phone. We’re not saying anything, just filling the line with sniffles and deep breaths. Dinah offers me a tissue and motions for me to put the phone on speaker which I reject.  
“And she’s so intelligent. And funny. And so God damn sassy that I should probably thank you for,” the both of us turning the tears into small laughs. “She’s been asking about you.”  
“Is that why you’ve been looking for me?” I nod. I hadn’t acknowledged the fact that she can’t see my answer until Dinah encourages me to speak up.  
“Er, yes. I mean, I’ve always been curious but she is so desperate to meet you and that gave me the push to start the process. I really hope that wasn’t a problem, I’d hate to burden you wi-”  
“No, no, that’s fine. Honestly. When I donated, I became friends with one of the nurses who worked there. It may sound a little awkward but I mean, I had to explain to her what a woman was doing there to donate and eventually she was very supportive… and very curious as you’d suspect,” I let her explain. “Anyway, she contacted me last night, explaining that a friend of hers was asking around in search for me. She explained the situation to me, your situation to me. I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult to find. I allowed my donor number to be released for if this scenario was ever to arise and I didn’t realise how, even with that, it’d actually be so difficult to find a donor’s information.”  
“Oh, don’t worry. I mean, we’ve tried everything and came up blank but I was never going to stop, for Emelia’s sake.”  
“Her name’s Emelia?” She asked, speaking with curiosity yet sadness in her tone again.  
“Mhm. She’s 4 years old and she’s perfect, she’s so perfect,” I relax into the couch. Talking about my daughter always soothes me, always reassures me that I am a good Mother because of the way she has turned out. I hadn’t even realised that Dinah had left the room.  
“Must be your parenting skills. If she’s as perfect as you’ve made her out to be, then you must be an incredible mother.” For the umpteenth time, tears pool in my eyes. “I bet you’re proud of her.”  
“God, I am so proud of her. You would love her, Lauren. Everyone does.”   
“Hm, I bet,” a smile evident in her voice. “Once I found out you were looking for me, I called so many people to follow the trail back to you. It led me to a woman named Sasha who gave me your number this morning and I jumped at the chance to call you. I am so glad that I did. Hearing about Emelia is just… incredible.”  
Another silence took hold of the phone call, neither of us needing to fill it with anything. It’s evident how happy we both are having found each other. Emelia would be so thrilled. I wouldn’t even know how to explain it to her that it’s not a daddy we’ve found but another mummy. I know she’ll be happy regardless but I really don’t want to disappoint her and introduce her to someone who won’t be there for her.  
“Hey Lauren.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Would it be ok for the two of us to meet up somewhere? Like I said, I’ve always been curious but it’s Emelia that has led us to find each other and it’d be lovely to introduce the two of you but of course, as her mother, I need to make sure that would be the right thing. If that makes sense?”  
“You want to meet me first before you introduce me to your daughter?” I stupidly nod again. “That’s perfectly understandable. I wouldn’t expect anything less. You need to “inspect” me first, if you will. I understand that.”  
I let out a sigh of relief. I didn’t want her to feel judged at this or take it the wrong way by any means. “Perfect. I’m not being funny but I’ve waited a long time for this, is there a chance we can meet up fairly soon rather than in a couple of weeks?”  
“Hmm, no I totally agree. You live in New York, right?”  
“I do.”  
“Great. Where would be convenient for you?”  
“Do you know the Barnes and Noble on Broadway?” I wait for her mhm in response. “There’s like an English-style coffee shop not far from there? If that’s not too far out of your way of course.”  
“That sounds perfect, I’m sure I’ll find it. Are you close enough to it that you can meet me there in a couple of hours? Maybe 2 or 3?”  
“A couple of hours? You mean, you want to meet today?” I ask in shock. Today? I’m nowhere near emotionally prepared for this.  
“You did say soon. Is that too soon?” Lauren asks me, with a hint of fear in her voice.  
“Erm, no, I guess not. I can meet you there in 2 hours.”  
“Ok. Well, thank you. For agreeing to meet me that is. I’m excited. And nervous. God I am so nervous,” she let out with a tremble; voicing exactly what I was thinking.  
“I’ll meet you there in 2 hours, Lauren. See you soon,” I hang up before I receive her reply. I hold my head in my hands. My palms are still sweating, my heart hasn’t stopped racing and I’m hot. I am really hot. And so scared.  
“What the fuck happened there?” Dinah interrupted.  
“Dinah, I’m meeting Lauren. In 2 hours. I don’t know what to do,” I honestly replied to her.  
“You could never prepare yourself for this moment, Mila. Just go. Go get ready and go and meet yo Baby Momma!” Large smiles are plastered on both of our faces as we run to each other for a hug. We squeeze each other tightly, both nervous for this moment.  
I am meeting Lauren. I am meeting the woman who provided me with the best gift I could ever imagine. I am meeting Emelia’s other mummy.  
It’s 1.48pm when I pull up outside of the coffee shop, 12 minutes before I’m supposed to be meeting Lauren. My nerves have rocketed in the last 2 hours coming up with different scenarios about how this meeting will go. In one scenario, she turns out to be a bitch and I don’t choose to introduce her to Emelia. In all of the other scenarios, she’s incredible. Just from the phone call alone, I know she’s interested in Emelia and she doesn’t regret calling me. Hearing her getting choked up simply from me describing our daughter is endearing.  
I look back to the clock and see that I’ve been sitting here thinking for 20 minutes, almost 10 minutes late to our meeting. What a great start, Camila! I double-check my appearance, ensuring my simple make-up is still intact and the nervous crying on the way over hasn’t ruined my mascara. I grab my purse and get out of the car, walking nervously toward the coffee shop door, smoothing out my floral dress on the way over. Entering the shop and I’m hit with an aroma of smells that ease my nerves slightly. I don’t even know what she looks like. How the hell am I supposed to find her? I look around the shop and see 2 brunette women on their own and I’m not close enough to see if any of them will look back at me with Emelia’s eyes.  
I hear a small cough from behind me and quickly turn to see who the noise came from.  
It’s her.  
I know it’s her.  
It doesn’t matter what distance I am away from her, those eyes are unmissable.  
I hesitantly walk over to the girl who has now been left alone by the Barista, no wonder I missed her initially. “Lauren?” She offers me a small nod and a timid smile. “I can’t believe it.” I slide into the chair opposite her. Our eyes have never lost each other.  
“I am so glad you came,” she reveals, wiping a tear that fell from her left eye.  
“I’m sorry I’m late. I was just so nervous and-” She waves off my explanation, reaching for a napkin to dab at the tears now free falling from her eyes. With her concentration away from me and onto cleaning up her tears, I looked at her. Just looked at her. I absorbed every detail like this would be the last time I would ever see her. “You’re definitely Emelia’s mother,” I announced. She looked back up at me, still dabbing at the tears now being produced at a much calmer rate.  
“Do you have a picture of her?” She asked bashfully.  
“Lots. She’s so photogenic and such a poser it’s unreal. My phone is constantly on the selfie mode because of it.” Lauren softly laughs while I unlock my phone and find the album made up of just her pictures. I take a deep breath and turn the phone toward her.  
“Wow,” she leans forward as I scroll across the pictures for her, her eyes never leaving the screen and a smile remaining etched onto her face. Lauren runs her fingers through her hair which is now actually black, not brown like her profile had stated, and tears sit in her eyes once more. “She is so beautiful. And she looks so happy. Is she happy?”  
“I believe so. She’s always been a very happy child, quite care free. But recently I think it’s got to her that she only has me. She has my best friend and her daughter that are like family but she doesn’t have two parents like all of her friends. It’s definitely gotten to her. Hence why I’ve been trying to find you,” Lauren nods in understanding.  
“If you do decide that you’d like Emelia and I to meet, would she be ok with the fact that I won’t be the conventional father? If you’d let me, I’d love to be a part of her life and play the daddy roles if that’s what you both want but will it not be more confusing for her to have two mother figures in her life?”  
“I don’t think so. She’s pretty good with that stuff. Sure, at the beginning she asked about her ‘father’ because having a mother and father is what children presume. But I think it’s the whole, ‘having two parents’ thing that she wants. I have these two friends, Normani and Ally, who are raising a child together and Emelia understands it. She questioned it initially but she understands. Honestly, I think she’d be very happy to have you as her mother,” I explain to her.  
“I don’t want to impose, I would never even attempt to replace you as her mother. Honestly I didn’t even know how this meeting was going to go and if I ever get to meet her. Playing a role in her life would be incredible for me, I don’t need to be considered a parent to her if you’re not comfortable with it. That wasn’t my intention at all.”  
“Lauren, listen. I like you. I think Emelia would love you. We don’t need to decide what role you will play in her life now but I can assure you, she’d very much be ok with the fact that you’re a woman and not what you expect a father to be,” I tried to reason with her.  
The Barista came over once more and we both ordered our desired drinks and a slice of fruitcake to share. A conversation fell easily between Lauren and me, at most times about Emelia. We spoke about how she’s getting on at school, her interests, my family, the situation with Dinah and Khiara. I learned very little about her because she was too interested in Emelia. She wanted to know everything. She then tentatively asked why I chose to have a baby with a donor at such a young age and I answered her honestly; about my lesbianism and the fact a child was the only thing I wanted.  
“Why did you choose to donate?”  
“Well, as you can imagine, I’m not very desirable,” she replies with a laugh. Previously she had only laughed softly or with a chuckle, this time it was so raspy yet so child-like and I wish it was me that provoked the reaction from her and not her stupidity. Of course it was stupidity. Not desirable? Let me tell you, Lauren is gorgeous, and funny, and has a very gentle soul that I’m eager to explore.  
“I donated because I know that I won’t get a chance at having my own children any other way. I know my condition is abnormal, I used to be so disgusted with myself and no operation could make me look completely normal. I grew to accept that part of me. I can’t say the same for other people. The only people who ever found out about me were disgusted and I don’t blame them. I know that I’ll never be able to find a woman who could be interested in that part of me, therefore, if I wanted children, which I do, I’d have to go through ulterior means. I’m too young and too single to adopt and I know that my condition isn’t hereditary but my family’s athleticism and tenderness is so I thought becoming a donor would be the best idea”, Lauren explained. She didn’t flinch or tear up when she called herself disgusting, almost like she had come to terms with it which is ridiculous. Sure, I’ve not seen that part of her but the idea isn’t disgusting. Different and initially quite hard to comprehend but not disgusting. “Wow. That was such a long-winded answer, I apologise”, she laughs that adorable laugh again.  
“Though I think your reason for donating is utterly ridiculous,” she raises her eyebrows at me, “because you’re not disgusting by any means, if anything, you’re kind of perfect for a lot of people, like me. I wanted a child but I love women. Nonetheless, I’m thankful that you did donate. So thankful. Lauren, I wouldn’t have any idea as to how to repay you.”  
“Repay me? Why would you even think that? I donated because I wanted to impact the world, I wanted to change someone’s life that simultaneously benefitted me because I wanted to have a child. And now there’s Emelia. I’ve achieved what I wanted. You never need to repay me. Meeting with me and telling me that I have a happy and healthy daughter is everything I need.”   
“I’d like you to meet Emelia,” I announce to the wide-eyed beauty opposite me.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Lauren, you’re everything she wants right now and making my daughter happy is my number one priority. She will love you. And you will make her very happy. Sunday is family day and I’m sure Dinah will be wanting to take Khiara out so it’ll just be Emelia and I. I want you to join us for family day and then, well, we will see where that takes us.”  
“That would make me very happy, Camila.”  
“Me too, Lauren.”  
After agreeing to meet Emelia, Lauren had bought the two of us a drink each to-go and she paid the Barista for everything we had bought in the last few hours despite my protests. Time had just flown by. It turns out Lauren and I were in the coffee shop for almost two and a half hours, neither of us quite believing it.  
I’m now in my car driving back to the apartment Dinah and I share, Lauren trailing in her own car behind. Being alone has given me the time to really think about what has just happened.  
So I met Lauren. I met the woman who helped create my angel. And she’s… incredible. Having met her I’m under no illusion that she’s Emelia’s mother. She has the same beautiful emerald orbs, the widow’s peak in her hairline which she actually apologised for having given it to Emelia, and the cute brown freckles that dot the bridge of her nose. I still can’t quite believe that I’ve met her. I’ve been searching for her for months and now, here she is. There’s not an ounce of disappointment I have toward her. She’s more than I could ever imagine. She is a woman who is already so dedicated to making our daughter happy. She is undeniably a beautiful human being; on the inside and out. Already, I know that she is something special.  
I pull into the small carpark designated for the residents in my apartment block and park up, not within the lines might I add, but I park up and get out the car to wait for Lauren. I can tell she’s nervous. She’s parked a few spaces down and as she turns to me I see her sporting a tight-lipped smile, wiping off her sweaty hands onto her dark jeans. I know what I’m doing. I don’t know why I’m doing it but I’m aware of it – I take her hand in mine and walk toward the entrance, “come on Lauren, it’ll be perfect. I promise.”  
Once we’ve ascended the stairs, me slightly out of breath and her looking as though she can ascend a thousand more, I walk toward my door and open it gently.  
“Hey, Chanch. How did it go?” Dinah calls out from the kitchen.  
“It went brilliantly actually,” Lauren and I exchanging small smiles in amusement.  
“That’s fantastic. Is she hot?”  
“Dinah! Come out here please?”  
“Is that a yes or a n-,” she stops at the doorway between the kitchen and the living room where Lauren and I are now standing, in shock, “oh shit.”  
“Erm, Lauren, this is Dinah. Dinah, this is Lauren. You both know about it each other so no further introduction needed. Erm, ok, well, why don’t you two just sit and I don’t know, talk, and I’ll go and get the girls. I’m assuming they’re in their room considering they didn’t bulldoze me as I walked through?” Dinah nods.  
As I walk hesitantly into Emelia and Khiara’s room, nerves almost preventing each step, I faintly hear Dinah and Lauren engaging in conversation, evoking a smile from my lips.  
“Mummy! You’re back! Did you have fun with your friend?” Emelia asks me sweetly, jumping in my arms for a cuddle.  
“I sure did baby girl. Listen, I need to talk to you about something, ok? Something I’d like you both to hear,” addressing my daughter and Khiara. Lauren and I had discussed how to tell Emelia the truth. In most cases you would suspect the two meet, become friends and eventually be honest but the truth is, Emelia’s a clever girl. If Lauren starts to hang out with us and I only call her a friend, Emelia wouldn’t believe me when I finally say Lauren’s her other parent. So being honest from the get go would be the ideal approach.  
“When you told me all those nights ago that you wanted to meet your other parent, I made it my job to find whoever it is,” her eyes light up at this. “Aunt Dinah and I have been looking for so long and finally we found the person. Well, they found us. The truth is baby, it wasn’t a father we found you, it was another mummy,” I say softly, her sparkling eyes looking up at with a hint of confusion, her eyebrows narrowed.  
“What do you mean, mummy?”  
“It means that I didn’t need a man to have a baby, to have you. I wanted to have you so badly and a very kind woman helped me. She helped me create you,” I explain simply.  
“Do you know who she is now, mummy?” I knew she wouldn’t focus on the fact she has another mother and not a father. I knew she just cared about knowing her other parent, regardless of gender.  
“I do, baby. And that’s who I’ve been hanging out with for the past couple of hours. She really wanted to meet you.”  
“I really want to meet her.”  
“Me too,” Khiara adds.  
“I hope its ok with you but I invited her here,” Emelia looks at me with eyes brighter than ever. “And she’s with Dinah now in the living ro-”  
Before I could even finish, Emelia had raced off to the living room, Khiara hot on her trail. I run after them both and just as I make it to the living room, I see Lauren dropping slowly to her knees, levelling herself with our daughter, the two mere inches away from each other.  
“Hi Emelia,” Lauren says to her softly, a tear slowly falling from her face.  
“Hi mummy.” Emelia places her hand on Lauren’s cheek, catching the lone teardrop before she reaches for Lauren, wrapping her arms tightly around her other mother’s neck. “I wanted to meet you for so long.” Tears now falling from every eye in the room.


	3. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
Lauren and Emelia stayed wound together, holding each other for a good five minutes before they broke away, Lauren kissing our daughter’s head as she does so. Tears still trickle down the cheeks of Lauren and me as we both just watch the grin on Emelia’s face grow larger at Lauren’s tenderness.  
“You are so beautiful, Emelia.”  
“You have the same eyes as I do, mummy. And you have this,” she points to Lauren’s widow’s peak, “just like me.” She turns away from her new mother and walks over to Khiara, taking her hand.  
“Khi, this is my new mummy. Her name is-”, her eyes furrow, unable to identify her name. “What’s your name, mummy?” She whispers in Lauren’s ear though we can all still hear.  
“It’s Lauren,” she replies, just as quiet.  
“Khiara, this is my new mummy Lauren,” she announces with pride. “And that’s Khiara,” she says to Lauren, pointing at the youngest girl, “and she’s my best friend.”  
Lauren smiles. She just smiles. Her eyes have not once moved from Emelia, looking at with such softness and such love. She looks at her like I do. Like a mother would.  
“Ma, can I have two mummys?” I hear Khiara say to Dinah, causing everyone to erupt with laugh; breaking through my thoughts.  
“No sweetie because guess what? You have a daddy. And that’s just the man we’re going to see. We’re going to go and have fun with daddy and we’re going to leave Emelia here with Aunt Mila and Lauren”, Dinah explains.  
“Lauren’s staying here?” Khiara asks with a groan.  
“Yes, my mummy’s staying here with me!”  
Lauren looks to me for the first time since she and Emelia first saw each it. Softness and love evident in her face once more. Knowing that I’ve made both her and Emelia happy with this meeting feels incredible. It’s like, that’s all that matters to me. Lauren and our daughter’s happiness is all that matters. Already, it feels as though Lauren is a part of our family. And it doesn’t feel weird, maybe different, but not weird. It feels right.  
It’s nearing five o’clock when Dinah finally gets Khiara out of the house; protesting to stay with Lauren with “I can see daddy any day,” only for Emelia to reply, “yeah, and we can see Lauren every day now too!” After seeing Khiara with her father a lot of the time, Emelia was really persistent for everyone else to leave so she could spend time with Lauren.  
“Does Emelia have school tomorrow?” Lauren asks me while our daughter runs to her room, probably to grab everything she owns in hope Lauren will play with her with something. But the truth is, Lauren will do anything Emelia asks; play with any toy she gives her as it would make the both of them equally as happy.  
“Yes she does. Normally I’d be happy about it because it means I can get to work and not have to rush round but she’s going to put up some fight if it means she can’t hang out with you.” She offers me that child-like laugh again and I can’t help but feel a sense of pride knowing that I’ve made her that happy. She really is beautiful when she laughs.  
“Ah that’s a shame. And it’s quite late in the evening now. Would it best to stay here then, rather than go out and do something?”  
“Yeah probably. But she’s only at school for another week and then she’s off for two weeks so if you wanted to make plans then Spring break would be the perfect time,” I resolved. “So tonight, I could make some dinner and then you and Emelia could just spend some time together?”  
“I’d like to spend time with you as well,” a blush rose to my cheeks, “but that would be really nice. I would offer to cook you guys dinner but I don’t want to poison my daughter on the first day meeting her.” Emelia walked in dragging a box full of her favourite toys, painting equipment and board games, only intensifying the laughter between Lauren and I that erupted after her last comment. Our daughter dragged the box to right in front of where Lauren is sitting who still hadn’t gotten up from the floor. I don’t even think she noticed.  
Once Emelia had started getting all of her toys out, I was back and forth from the kitchen preparing dinner but also wanting to spend time with the girls. After Lauren’s excitement about finding a game of Jenga among the toys, there was no way Emelia would want to play anything else. Already, you can tell that Emelia just wants to do everything Lauren does. When Lauren takes a sip from the juice I made her, Emelia does the same. If Lauren shows interest in one of her toys, it becomes Emelia’s new favourite. So it was no surprise to me that I found myself being mocked by the two girls who, by Emelia’s request had become a tag-team, for my subpar skills at Jenga. I have little patience, even though I have three children to look after (Dinah and Khiara included), and a below average skill ability at a game of coordination, something both girls found particularly amusing. I had lost the first two games and their victory wasn’t even marginal. One the third and fourth game of our ‘best-out-of-five’, Emelia was laughing and smiling too much to concentrate and found herself knocking all the blocks down. Despite the laughter, she had said ‘sorry’ to Lauren each time for losing the game only to be tickled by the oldest girl as a punishment.  
On the last game I saw how competitive Lauren really was.  
After the tickling, Emelia still found herself too hyperactive to concentrate and she was going to lose them the game once more. The bricks were already wobbling but with my new found ability in the game (the ability coming from the fact I was this close to winning), I knew I could pull of the next move. Lauren had stretched out her legs beside the Jenga block with Emelia leaning on her lap and just as I was about to place the block make on top, Lauren subtly nudged the base of the block with her big toe, sending the Jenga block tumbling, making it look like it was my fault.  
I was this close to being pissed off with her because I’m such a sore loser but after taking my head out of my hands, I noticed she had picked our daughter up in triumph, the two of them laughing and smiling calling each other a ‘winner’. At the moment, I couldn’t care less that I had lost a game I was finally good at, I just wanted to see that picture again and again. My girls happy.  
I had to spoil their little party in the living room and tell them that dinner was ready, Lauren carrying our daughter into the kitchen, clinging onto her mother’s back like a monkey would. She sets Emelia down into the child’s booster at the kitchen table and helps me prepare the table and put our food on the plates. She said she wasn’t fussy with food and if something’s edible, she’ll try it. I, however, am very fussy with food unlike Emelia who had inherited Lauren’s eating behaviour.  
Throughout the meal, it hadn’t occurred to me at all that I had only met this woman today. It felt like I had known her for a lot longer than that. Maybe it’s because she’s so like Emelia, behaviour-wise, and I’ve already become accustomed to someone like her in my life. The only thing that had occurred to me throughout our dinner was how very domestic the situation was.  
Dinah and I rarely get to eat like this with the girls considering how shift patterns at the café and I hadn’t had a girlfriend, or someone even remotely close to becoming my girlfriend, since I had Emelia. But now I’m sitting here with a beautiful, intelligent woman and our baby girl and nothing could make this situation anymore perfect. We had played a game – as a family. We are eating dinner together – as a family. And the flowing of conversation at the dinner table, and the endearing looks I witness between my daughter and Lauren makes everything seem so real. It’s like I actually have my very own family.  
When Lauren had asked Emelia about school, her eyes never left our daughter and the smile never faltered on her face. The endearment Lauren showed toward her was incredible and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to have a child with.  
As soon as dinner had finished, Emelia tried dragging Lauren back into the living room to paint with her new watercolours and it led to the first dilemma for Lauren being a part of this new family. She wanted to go and paint with her daughter, that much was obvious, but she also didn’t want me to leave me to do the washing up alone after I cooked dinner. Our daughter’s pout was helping Lauren either.  
“How about this? Emelia and I will wash up,” the little one groaned as I suspected she would, “and dry up and clean the kitchen,” she pointed her eyes at Emelia when she heard her groan again, only for Emelia to crack up at her new mum’s pretend strictness. “And Camila, you can do whatever you want. Put on a film for us, have a shower-”  
“Are you implying I smell?” I question with my eyebrows raised in amusement.  
“What? No, no. Of course not. I don’t mean-”  
“Oh shh, Lauren,” I laugh at her rambling, “a shower would be perfect right now. So I’m going to go and do that and I expect this kitchen to be spotless when I’m finished!” I announce, pointing at the girls. Laughter breaks out between the two of them again and I rush off to have a shower.  
After a quick shower and a clothes change into shorts and a white t-shirt, I wander back into the living room to find Lauren and Emelia painting with her new watercolours. I slowly walk through the living room, into the kitchen to inspect it, maintaining eye contact with the two sets of emerald orbs staring back at me… until Emelia cracks up laughing once more and Lauren and I are broken from our trance.  
It comes too quickly when I have to tell Emelia that she needs a bath and has to stop painting with Lauren and it definitely comes too quickly to hear her sobbing. She repeats how she doesn’t want to leave Lauren and she wants to continue painting which obviously makes me feel like a terrible mother, having to remove her from the woman she’s waited so long to meet.  
“Hey, Emelia, you said you don’t go to sleep until 8.00 so why don’t you quickly go and have that bath that you so desperately need because let’s face it, you really smell”, she whispers that last part into Emelia’s ear, the corners of my lips tilting up in amusement, “and when you get out, there’s time to watch a film with your mummy and I,” Lauren proposes.  
“And then you’ll put me to bed?”  
Lauren once again looks quite choked up at Emelia saying this but manages the hide the sadness in her eyes long enough to answer our daughter, “and yes, then I’ll put you to bed. How does that sound?”  
Emelia doesn’t even answer her. She jumps to her feet, grabs my hand and leads me into the bathroom. “Come on mummy, I want to hurry so I can get back to my other mummy.”  
“So, Emelia, what do you think of Lauren?” I ask tentatively, even though the answer is obvious. I just put her in the bath and she’s playing with the bubbles as I start to wash her, noticing she has food on her face and hands, and paint up her arms.  
“I LOVE HER!” She exclaims with a splash to the water, giggling as the water goes all over me. “She’s so fun, mummy. She’s fun like you are. She’s funnier than you though,” she laughs much louder as my mouth widens in fake disbelief. “I mean, you’re funny when you mess up, she’s funny by purpose.”  
“On purpose, baby.”  
“Yeah, she’s funny on purpose. Like when knocked the Jenga over on your go.”  
“YOU SAW THAT TOO?” I asked loudly in shock, only causing louder laughs to break out into the bathroom.  
“I love mummy but I’m sad by her picture,” she pouts as I start to wash her hair.  
“What picture, baby girl?”  
“The one you decided to sit on,” her lips turn up into a small smile despite the evident sadness in her voice.  
I turn the picture over in my hands and see that it was a painting Lauren must have done while I was in the shower. Though she must have only spent 5 minutes on it, it was still really good, another talent she had passed down to our daughter. It took me a little while to understand why Emelia was so sad about it but then it hit me. In the picture, there are two people, a mother and a daughter, the daughter clearly Emelia with the green eyes and the fact she’s labelled, and the mother who I assumed to be Lauren. They’re walking through a park and Lauren has drawn a sun and a little picnic nearby. But Lauren had painted the mother to wear the same floral dress on I had earlier with soft brown eyes instead of striking green ones. Lauren had drawn me and not her.  
“Lia, are you sad because she drew me, not her? Or are you sad because she hasn’t drawn me and her?”  
The fact that my daughter had bowed her head down in sadness and not lifted in defence answered my question. It also gave me my own questions. Does Lauren not think she’s part of the family? I know we only met today but it’s really bloody obvious how much of a connection there is between us.  
“I’ll ask her later if you want me to. Now though, let’s get you out of this bath so you can watch a film with Lauren,” evoking a big smile from my daughter’s lips once again. I hate to see her sad. “You’re even more beautiful when you smile, Lia,” I say to her.  
“That’s weird,” Emelia answers shaking her head. “Because that’s what mummy said about you when you were cooking.”  
She runs back off into the living room where Lauren will be waiting after having quickly put on the clean pair of underwear I bought into the bathroom and her Tiger hooded towel.  
Lauren said I’m beautiful. These butterflies in my stomach definitely aren’t going away now.  
It turns out that while I was away giving Emelia a bath, Lauren had found enjoyment in painting the Jenga blocks with floral and Aztec designs.  
Currently we are sitting down on the couch watching Tarzan, Lauren and I’s favourite Disney film. We were actually both aware of this similarity because Lauren had bought up the question at the coffee shop earlier today because apparently, it was quite important to her. Which I’m not judging her for. It’s pretty important to me too. I almost disowned Dinah when she said Cinderella was her favourite. I almost pulled my hair out when Frozen became Emelia and Khiara’s favourite, but that was swiftly replaced by Beauty and the Beast after I introduced it them because I couldn’t stand that damn film any longer.   
Once the best bit of Tarzan had finished, when he was growing up, tiredness fell over Emelia much to her battle with it before. She had wanted to stay awake for the entire film because its more time to spend with Lauren but she lost the fight and found her head dropping into my lap, her feet onto Lauren’s, and light snores masking the gap between Lauren and I.  
When we decided Emelia was in a deep sleep and it was best to put her in bed, Lauren volunteered to carry her, me following slowly behind. I watched Lauren gently put our daughter onto her bed, knowing it was the one on the pink side of the room because Emelia had said it was her favourite colour. She managed to pull back the bed cover with one hand, holding Emelia with the other, resting her weight on Lauren’s thigh, and placing her softly down on the mattress. I didn’t fight the smile that took over my face watching Lauren kiss our daughter on the head and whisper ‘goodnight’.  
“Goodnight angel,” I say, whispering to Emelia and kissing her in the same spot Lauren had. I turn around to Lauren who is now standing in the doorway watching the two us and a tear softly cascades along her cheekbone. Imitating what Emelia had done earlier in the evening, I gently rest my hand to her face, catching the teardrop before I wrap my arms around her. She reciprocates immediately and we find ourselves in a soft yet tight embrace; my head resting on her collarbones and her head reaching down to put on top of mine.  
When I feel her t-shirt shoulder getting soaked as a result of my tears, I pull away from her, much to my heart’s protest. We give each other a tight-lipped smile, an evident blush on both of our cheeks, and she leads me into the living room with her hand entwined with mine, like I did when I led into my home for the first time.  
I check my phone for the first time this evening and see that Dinah has texted saying that she and Khiara are staying over at our friends’ house, Normani and Ally’s so Lauren and I could spend time with Emelia. I know she probably didn’t want to do that because even though Normani and Ally are lovely, their daughter Sasha is a bit of a nightmare and she and Khiara don’t really get along.  
Lauren had offered to leave as soon as we put Emelia to bed but the truth is, I really didn’t want her to go. We decided to watch the remainder of Tarzan together before we flicked through the channels for another film to watch together. I had grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge that is actually Dinah’s and Lauren poured out two glasses for us.  
“Ooh, that one!” Lauren exclaimed, pointing at the movie I had landed on. “This is brilliant. Have you even seen it?”  
“Gothika? No I haven’t. Wanna watch it then?”  
“I’m up for it if you are. It’s a little jumpy and a little screwed up but it’s great,” she explained.  
“Yeah I’m not good with scary films,” I say, hiding my blush behind the wine glass.  
“Aww Camz,” she coos, poking the side of my stomach. “It’s not actually that bad. And it’s Halle Berry. You kind of have to watch it.”  
“Urgh, fine.” Lauren giggles at my pout but turns her focus toward the movie. “Oh god, and it’s just starting,” I whine when the opening credits come up, inducing the child-like laugh from her again.  
Fortunately, Lauren wasn’t the type of person who gets annoyed if you start a conversation during a film. Emelia and Dinah are like that. Sometimes they’ll give me a death glare if you try and have a conversation with them during a good film, other times they’ll just ignore me because they know I can’t stand being understand.  
“So you work at a high school here in New York, right? I didn’t ask you when we were at the coffee shop,” I question after a while into the conversation. A look of sadness washed over her face and I immediately regretted asking her.  
“Erm, no I don’t, not anymore. I did. I started working there about 4 years ago and I loved it. Then a couple of months ago, one of the students found out I was intersex and the not-so-rumour spread like wildfire. Once again, I was bullied by high-schoolers even though I’m older than they are which just made the humiliation a lot worse. I couldn’t stand it so I just left.”  
“I’m so sorry, Lauren.”  
“Hey, that’s okay,” she laughs, “it’s not like you were the one bullying me!” One thing I hate about this is the fact Lauren was bullied and it sounds like she’s been bullied a lot. But the other thing I hate about this is that she laughs. She laughs like it’s not important, like she’s come to terms with it.  
“That still doesn’t make it right,” I reach for her hand, stroking her thumb with mine. “So where do you work now?”  
“I’m a writer. Well, trying to be. At the moment I’m a columnist for Fox News. Sometimes celebrity, sometimes TV or fashion – entertainment basically. But I don’t want to do that. I want to write about politics and social movements, you know, important things.”  
“So like, Kate Hudson in ‘How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days’?”  
“Exactly like that,” she says, giggling at me.  
The conversation dies down soon after, both of us now focusing on the film. Halle Berry’s character has just escaped from the asylum and now I’m just as glued to the screen as Lauren is. We had been refilling our wine glasses throughout the movie and just as Lauren goes to refill them again, we realise there’s not much left and she pours the last bit into my glass.  
After a few jumpy moments in the film, my hands remain fixed at my eyes to cover them. Lauren notices this and laughs at me, taking my hands gently in hers and moving them to her lap. Before I could question her, she puts one arm around my waist, the other leaning over me to hold my thigh, and she practically lifts me up to sit me between her bent legs and the back of the sofa.  
After laughing a little at my confusion, she doesn’t say anything else, just turns back to the screen, leaving me with my thoughts. I hadn’t realised until our hug outside Emelia’s door that I really wanted her to touch me. Even innocently. I just want to be close to her. The way she gently held my hands and touched my thigh yet strongly lifted me into her arms made the butterflies in my stomach intensify and the thumping in my heart worsen.  
“I’m surprised you didn’t jump at that bit, Camz,” she says to me, laughing once more. I hadn’t been watching the film. I was just thinking. About her. About her and Emelia. All three of us.   
“Hey Lauren…”  
“Mhm,” she hums, turning her attention toward me.  
“Why didn’t you draw yourself in the painting?” I ask Emelia’s question for the both of us.  
“I didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”  
“What do you mean?” I turn so I can see her face completely.  
“So much has happened today and I’ve loved every minute of it. I am so happy with the two of you that despite only meeting today, I would have loved to add myself to the painting. But I didn’t want you to think I was imposing on your situation. I’m basically a stranger to you both but being here today, it made me like I was a part of something. I was a part of a family. But I don’t know you feel about it,” Lauren explained.  
“Look, Lo. How I see it is this, Emelia really fucking likes you. And she’s not the only one… Khiara seemed to like you too,” I say with a wink. “But seriously, I have loved today and I agree, it feels like you are a part of my family. Our family. I’m not saying you need to be a mother to her straight away but you’re not going anywhere,” I hold her hands in mine. “Lia and I want you as a part of this family.”  
There’s not been a point where Lauren and I talk about our situation and not cry, and right now is no different.  
“Now, I want you to get your ass on that floor and finish the painting. With you in it, please. It’s not a family painting without you.”


	4. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
It’s Friday morning now and Emelia and I haven’t seen Lauren since Sunday night; the distance a result of inconvenience, not because any of us wanted it. Lauren had been working hard on new material for her company and I was rushing around at work because Dinah had actually fallen sick so I had to cover some of her shifts. Everyday though Emelia had asked me if Lauren was coming over. She was a little bit upset each time I said no but she understood which we were both thankful for. Neither of us wanted to disappoint her so we were both relieved that she understood the circumstances.  
She’s also understands that today is her last day at school and then she has a two week break for Easter. Chocolate was the second thing that came to her mind when she thought about Easter. The first being Lauren. Having two weeks off gives her more of a chance to get to know Lauren; something that we both want to achieve.  
Even though we haven’t seen Lauren, the both of us have spoken with her. After Lauren finished her painting on Sunday night, we had realised how late it had gotten and she decided it was best for her leave. We had swapped numbers right before she left; leaving with a smile on her face, a blush tinting her cheeks and a small wave. We hadn’t given each other a hug when she left even though it was obvious we were both itching to. The goodbye was slightly awkward and a little fidgety on her part, hence the blush to her cheeks, not knowing whether to lean in for a hug or not. She hadn’t text me when she got home which made me slightly worried. I hadn’t asked her to but I thought it was expected. The next morning I had text her though, ensuring she was alright and blaming her for “keeping me up all night with worry”. But… she didn’t find that very funny and kept apologising, only for me to feel shit about it afterwards.  
Throughout the week though I had texted her a few times and Emelia had even called her once, not with my permission might I add but I wasn’t mad when I found her on my phone laughing at something Lauren had said, I just smiled at her. All week we both have been saying how surreal everything was and how happy we all are as an outcome. I still can’t quite believe we have met her but I don’t want to rush things. She can see Emelia, of course she can, but I’m not going to move her in or allow Emelia to push me away and spend lots of time with her. I just want to take it slow. I don’t want to ruin this.  
“HOT!” I quickly turn my head to the person who loudly whispered in my ear. “A really hot girl just walked in.” Oh, that’s what she wants. I’m currently at the café where I work, with my back turned to the door while I do some washing up. Cara knows I’m single and she knows I’m a lesbian so she always feels the need to inform me when an attractive woman walks through the door. I don’t know why, it’s not like I ever act on it. Pursuing romantic relationships have never been top priority for me, especially not now that I have Emelia. You can’t introduce her to someone, they form a connection, and that person decides to bail. Hence why I’m being cautious with Lauren. I know she wouldn’t just leave Emelia and I but, Emelia loves hard. If Lauren were to suddenly change her mind, already I know that Emelia would feel broken. “Oh my God. She’s coming this way. Act cool,” I roll my eyes at Cara as I turn to face the ‘attractive girl’.  
“Hey Camz,” Lauren greets. Lauren is looking particularly attractive today.  
“Hey, I’m just getting off. I’ll be with you in two minutes.” It’s come to the end of my shift and Lauren offered to meet me at work for the two of us to walk over to Emelia’s school and pick her up. I turn to walk into the staff room and hear fading chat up lines from Cara, obviously directed toward Lauren. But that just made me laugh, Cara’s chat up lines were worse than mine (if I ever used them to find out) and Lauren was too… introverted? After hearing her explanation as to why she donated, I can tell that even if she had had relationships in the past, she’s too withdrawn and timid to pursue anything again.  
I walk back out into the café main floor and see Cara still trying to flirt with Lauren. She’s not blushing like girls would normally, nor is she flirting back like confident girls would. She just looks uncomfortable.  
“Hey Lauren, are you ready to go?” I ask, trying to release her from the situation. She clears her throat.  
“Yes,” she says quickly. “I mean, yes of course I am,” she corrects with a smile and finally, a blush to her cheeks. She rises from the counter stool and walks to the door which she holds open for me. “Nice to meet you, Cara,” she offers the other Barista a small smile and follows me out of the door.  
The walk to Emelia’s school isn’t quiet. Lauren has a funny way of conversing with someone. She doesn’t speak too much but she’ll ask you question, wait for you to answer and prod with smaller questions until you’ve revealed every detail about the subject spoken about. She doesn’t really allow for you to ask her questions. Probably why I feel like I know very little about her but she seems to know everything about me. With her questions though, she doesn’t seem intrusive like you’d expect, she sounds interested.  
“So, did you like Cara?” I ask once Lauren’s questions have subsided.  
“Erm, I guess she was alright but I don’t really know her so I can’t really form an opinion,” she answers me hesitantly. She’s gone back to looking uncomfortable.  
“Yeah, of course. She seemed to be interested in you,” I offer a small laugh to ease her discomfort. It hasn’t worked. She just continues to look forward, her eyes slightly pointed to the ground as she walks, something she’s done this whole time. A general conversation with her and she oozes confidence. Maybe it’s because, with her questions, it makes her in control of the situation. In other cases, it seems as though she’s got walls building up inside and she grows uncomfortable if you attempt to burn those walls.  
I just wish I knew why she keeps herself so guarded.  
“Mummy!” We just got to her classroom door on time as the children were just leaving and now Emelia is running at me with her book-bag dragging on the floor behind her. I get a similar greeting every time I come to see her. She’s always happy at school but she’s especially happy when she sees me and knows that school is finished for the two of us to spend some time together. I crouch down to her level and she swings her arms around my neck.  
“Hey Lia, guess what? I’ve brought someone to see you,” I watch confusion wash over her face before I point over my right shoulder to guide her attention to the figure leaning against the wall behind me.  
“Mama!” I watch my daughter run over to Lauren.  
“Nice to see you again, munchkin!” I hear her whisper to our daughter as she picks a running Emelia up into arms; the youngest latching onto Lauren with her arms and legs.  
It takes a little while to prise Emelia away from her other mother but when I do she immediately attaches her hand to Lauren’s and her other to mine as we walk out of the school and home. I don’t live too far away from the school or my work so I like to walk between the places as much as I can. Especially with Emelia, she gets car sick quite easily and just loves the sunshine. So she’s really happy now. Just walking along the route to our home, holding hands with both Lauren and me, swinging her arms as she does so.  
Each time I look over to Lauren, she’s looking down at our daughter, smiling or laughing at whatever she’s saying at the time. She catches me looking at her, offers me a timid smile and mouths the words ‘thank you’. My heart warms at the sincerity in her eyes.  
Since meeting Lauren, I’ve only really thought about what this could do for Emelia and I. I never thought about how much this could mean to her. I still haven’t. I guess I won’t know until she tells me which doesn’t seem like something she’ll share anytime soon. All I know is that she’s very happy and seems to enjoy every minute she spends with Emelia.  
“Hey Camz, is there a chance I could take the two of you out somewhere after we’ve gotten to your house. I’m sure you’ll want to change out of your work clothes and Emelia her school clothes. But I would like to do something fun now this little munchkin is free from school,” she asks while she pinches Emelia’s sides when she calls her ‘munchkin’, eliciting a giggle from the girl, one falling from my lips shortly after.  
“Yeah of course. What do you have in mind?” Emelia’s head turns from mother to mother as she watches the conversation.  
“I was thinking something like bowling or crazy golf?”  
“Yes, yes, yes. Mummy, please say yes?” Emelia pleads; Lauren giving us my favourite laugh of hers.  
“Of course I was going to say yes. That sounds like fun!” I say to Emelia before I look up to Lauren, her eyes immediately looking into mine, a toothy smile etched onto her face.  
Lauren had said that she had a few calls to make and so waited outside of the apartment while Emelia and I quickly went to change our clothes. Less than 15 minutes later and we both emerged to find Lauren standing by her car. Apparently she had driven over to my apartment earlier on and walked to my work because she pre-empted that we would agree to go out with her.  
It turns out, I’m just as bad at crazy golf as I am at Jenga but in this case, I don’t seem to be getting better. Lauren and Emelia are practically in stitches as I’ve had seventeen failed at attempts at a hole that Lauren nailed in two attempts and Emelia in five. But I wasn’t giving up.  
“Mama, why don’t you help her?” Emelia says to Lauren as I fuck up again on my eighteenth attempt.  
“How am I supposed to help her? I’ve given her tips!” Lauren says in between laughs and she sees me growing increasingly frustrated with myself.  
“Like they do in the movies, silly!”  
“Oh rightttt. What, like this?” She says with a glint in her eye as she moves to stand behind me, arms reaching around to grasp the golf club. My breath hitches at her close proximity but not at her touch because… I can’t feel her. It’s not like how it is in the movies at all. Her front isn’t pressed to my back. Her breath isn’t tickling my neck. And her hands aren’t holding mine. She’s just standing behind me and holding the club. It doesn’t ease the blush on my cheeks by any means but she’s still so distant. Not that Emelia could recognise. Emelia cheered at our interaction, making Lauren feel pride in making her daughter reacted so happily.  
With Lauren’s help, I was able to sink the ball in with little trouble. That didn’t stop me from making a fool out of myself on the remaining holes, I still sucked much to Lauren and Emelia’s amusement.  
“That was really fun mummy. Thank you for taking me,” Emelia says to Lauren as we drive back home. I sit in the passenger alongside Lauren while Emelia is sitting in the car seat behind us. During the week, Lauren had bought a car seat for Emelia we can go out for days like this. It was the perfect height and size for our daughter and was clearly expensive despite Lauren’s claims that it wasn’t. The drive home was fairly silent until Lauren whispered to me.  
“Does she need any car sickness tablets? She looks fine right now but I could stop off and get some?”  
I look behind me and see our beautiful daughter looking out of the window, drawing imaginary things on the window. She looks content. Like nothing in the world is wrong right now. Which to her, there wasn’t. She has me and Lauren and that seemed good enough.  
“No, that’s fine. You’re right, she does look alright. It’s probably best if you do end up buying some though. She really enjoyed today. As did I apart from my horrific skill at golf,” she turns her attention away from the road and toward me from a second, laughing at my pout. “So I think we’ll be doing these trips a lot more often if that’s alright with you?”  
“Of course that’s alright with me, Camz. More than alright,” she smiles at me again, my eyes not leaving her.  
“Great. Erm, so I don’t know when this will be but Dinah really wants to hang out with you. Khiara, too. Would you be ok with that?” I ask hesitantly.  
“Yeah, that sounds fun. From what you’ve told me they’re pretty great so I’m up for that!”  
“That’s if Emelia over there doesn’t mind sharing you,” I whisper to her, both of us laughing at how accurate her possessiveness is. “I think Dinah wants to go to the beach. Living in New York, we don’t get to go very often.”  
As I continue talking about how the four of us are obsessed with the beach, I don’t notice Lauren shift in discomfort at my proposal. I hadn’t taken my eyes off her the whole journey and when I do, to talk to Emelia about how excited she is for the beach, I don’t see how Lauren is treating the news. When I turn back to her, I notice her arms are tensed and her breathing has quickened. Both of her hands are now firmly on the steering wheel, only relaxing when her fingers flex with anxiety. I ask her whether she’s ok and she just assures me she is. No smile, no look. She just stares straight ahead.  
Her obvious anxiety is affecting me now too. I try to remember what I could have said and come up blank. Emelia, of course, not noticing Lauren’s shift in mood. After 10 minutes of silence, we finally pull up to the apartment. And this time it’s me that doesn’t know what to do.  
She helps get Emelia out of the car seat and places her on the pavement beside me. Lauren crouches down to our daughter to say ‘goodbye’, receiving a big kiss on the cheek by our daughter. Emelia then runs inside the house, seeing Dinah welcome her. My best friend offers Lauren a welcome too before she wanders back off inside to take care of the little ones.  
“Look Camz, I don’t think I’m going to be able to come to the beach,” she says, guilt almost itching into her voice.  
“You seemed really up for hanging out with us all, what changed?”  
“I just don’t really like the beach,” she says a lot quieter.  
“Can you not swim? If you can’t that’s fine. I don’t go in the sea anyway. The waves kind of take me out,” I say with a small laugh, Lauren only offering a smile in response.  
“No it’s not that, the beach just isn’t really my thing.”  
“Oh.” I say with defeat. Her eyes search mine, looking for something I can’t decipher. “Well, not to worry, I guess we can figure something else out?” I say with a glimmer of hope. It’s not the fact I was desperate to go to the beach with her which has me a little bit sad. It’s the thing something is wrong and she doesn’t want to tell me. She isn’t required to tell me anything after all, we have only just met, but something is clearly affecting her and I’ve caused it.  
“Fuck it. Okay, Camz. I’ll come with you but I’m gonna need an umbrella or something so I can stay in the shade. And I probably won’t be dressed appropriately to go in the water so don’t promise Emelia that I can take her into the sea. I’ll come with you, just don’t pry, ok?”  
“Yes.” She laughs at my lack of hesitancy. The first real laugh I’ve heard from her in a while.  
“Text me the details.” She says to me as she drives off.  
I stay on the side of the pavement, watching her car leave. A part of me wants to smile because Lauren had agreed to come with us and we had spent a great day together with our daughter. But she was hiding something from me. The real reason she didn’t want to go the beach. The sun, the sea, sand, the ability to tan because you’re only wearing a bathing suit… oh.


	5. The Sperm Donor

“Dinah, hurry the fudge up!” I scream at Dinah from the living room, putting on my other sandal.  
“Now, now, Mila. Me getting ready quicker won’t rush along Lauren getting here so shut the ish up dude,” she shouts back, punctuating her sentence with an increased volume.  
Emelia and Khiara look up at me with wide eyes, holding their beach toys in their hands. We had arranged with Lauren to go to the beach today, the Sunday after the Emelia finished school, and the girls are very excited. Of course they were excited about going to the beach but both girls also wanted to spend time with Lauren. Since she and Emelia met, all Khiara had heard from the girl was how amazing her other mum was and she too was eager to spend time with the older woman.  
I had double-checked with Lauren a few times since Friday if she was really ok about going to the beach. I hadn’t mentioned to her why I think she was uncomfortable with the situation because I didn’t want to heighten her discomfort, she having to explain her condition or me being wrong about the situation. Though I know I wasn’t wrong. I couldn’t lie and say that I hadn’t thought about her condition because I had, more so out of curiosity. I don’t know what to expect. I hope she feels comfortable enough with me one day to share details about it but I know that’s unlikely. So I’ve had to settle with thinking about it. Other than curiosity and intrigue, it doesn’t make me feel much else, neither disgust nor excitement. I just don’t know what to think.  
“Mummy, Lauren’s here!” I hear Khiara shout out to Dinah, the two youngest girls looking out the window to see Lauren pull up. I know she’s going to be nervous about today so I’m going to try and make her as comfortable as possible. I don’t know how I’m going to that but I’m going to try.  
Two hours later and the five of us had arrived at the beach. Lauren had driven all the way despite me offering to drive half of the way. I had been wedged between the two car seats in the back after Dinah couldn’t fit her butt into the middle seat. Instead, Dinah had occupied the passenger seat alongside Lauren who had remained mostly silent along the way. The most words she really said was answering Dinah or the girls’ questions, offering to stop at the services and asking Emelia if she had felt sick, despite giving her the car sickness sweets when she first pulled up outside of the apartment.  
Khiara had taken one of my hands while Emelia grabbed Lauren’s and pulled the both of us toward the beach from the carpark, knowing not to run off; leaving Dinah to grab all of their beach toys (something she definitely wasn’t happy about).  
We placed the beach towels a fair distance away from the sea, close enough for the girls to run to and from the sea to collect water for their sandcastles, but not close enough for Dinah who complained about the “long walk” when she had to accompany the girls each time. We had come equipped with drinks, food, sunscreen and everyone was happy. Especially Lauren.  
At first she was pretty hesitant about being here. Once we had settled our things down, Dinah had stripped off her clothes, winding up in just a bikini while everyone else on the beach was in the same attire. Bar Camila and of course Lauren. I waited a while until I stripped down into my bikini because I didn’t want to make Lauren feel uncomfortable and well, I wasn’t quite ready for Lauren, a practical stranger, to see me in such little clothing. Strangers on the beach I was fine with because hell, I’m never going to see them again anyway. But near to everyone is self-conscious with at least one thing about themselves. I am self-conscious about pretty much everything. Stripping down in front of strangers is hard but most of the time, you get over it. Stripping down in front of someone who could potentially become a huge part in your life is quite daunting, mainly because what they think of you becomes something of significance. I definitely care about what Lauren thinks of me. Most of me believes that she would never judge someone based on physical appearance anyway because of the great extent to which she judges herself. But try telling my insecurities that. Eventually I realised my insecurities are nothing in comparison to what Lauren has shown toward herself. After some prodding from Dinah, I finally plucked up the courage to undress, trying to go unnoticed by Lauren which Dinah revealed had failed.   
“She was drooling over you, Mila,” Dinah tells me as she moves to lay on her beach towel beside me. Lauren had just excused herself so she could go and buy some fresh bottles of water from the shop; downing the ones she had previously bought out of anxiety and discomfort, and taking Emelia with her who wanted to look for more beach toys. She had only just gotten out of ear-shot before Dinah felt the need to share this information.  
“She was not!”  
“Honestly. She could not take her eyes off you no matter how hard she tried,” she tries to explain. I roll my eyes at her in disbelief. I wasn’t trying to get her attention when I was undressing but I wanted to know where her eyes were attending to as I was doing so and it definitely wasn’t on me.  
“Dinah, would you please shut up? Lauren was not staring at me. She wouldn’t stare at me.”  
“She wouldn’t stare at a hot girl with a Cuban booty who’s pretty much wearing nothing?” Dinah asked, raising her eyebrows. “Yeah, right. I’m surprised I didn’t see a tent in her shorts-”  
“DINAH!”  
“Hey Camz, Emelia said that-”  
“Oh fuck!” I hold my hand over my chest in startle as I hear Lauren’s voice. I didn’t realise she was standing right there, I hadn’t heard her approaching. Well obviously you didn’t hear her, she’s walking on sand!  
“Mummy, that’s a bad word!” Emelia reprimands me.  
“I’m sorry baby, I was just really shocked for a minute there,” I let out a small laugh as I try to regulate my breathing.  
“I’m sorry about that,” Lauren says in between her own laughs, “I didn’t mean to scare you. As I was saying though, Emelia wants to use the bathroom and I didn’t know if you wanted to take her or if there’s a problem with me taking her or anything like that?”  
“No, of course not. Of course you can take her. You probably don’t want to though so I can do it if you want?” I offer as I start to stand up.  
“No, no. That’s fine,” Lauren says to me as she rests her hand on my shoulder to encourage me to sit down. “I need to go anyway, I drank too much water, so I’ll be right back.” Lauren offers me a small smile as she turns around and takes Emelia’s hand in her own. She asks Khiara if she also needs the bathroom and the little girl hurriedly says she does, probably because she doesn’t want to feel left out, not because she actually needs to go.  
“Ok so that was insensitive of me and I apologise for that,” Dinah speaks up again now that we are alone. “But haven’t you thought about stuff like that?”  
“Stuff like what?” I ask curiously.  
“Do you think it’s all functioning down there?” She asks in a hushed down as she hovers her hand in a circular motion around her own groin as if I didn’t know what she meant.  
“Dinah-” I sigh, shaking my head.  
“Mila, I’m not being mean or nothing. I’m just wondering. Do you think it works?”  
“One, it’s ‘anything’, two, she gave me Emelia didn’t she? So yes, I would say it’s functioning. I’m not sure to what extent but she’s able to have kids so I’d say she is, for sure.”  
Silence washes over the two of us for a brief minute before she asks her next question.  
“So what toilet does she use? The ladies’ or the gents’?”  
“Dinah! Really? She’s a woman. She obviously uses the women’s bathroom.”  
“But she has a dick?”  
“Dinah, what the fuck? You are being really insensitive right now!” My frustration toward her had been building up since the start of these narrow-minded questions but the vulgarity of her speech really pushed me. It was definitely the vulgarity of it that angered me. Not the fact I didn’t really know the answers to her questions. I think.  
Lauren’s situation doesn’t concern me, nor does it disgust me but I can’t help but also be curious. We hadn’t discussed her condition yet and I’m not sure we ever could despite how much I’d like to. I’d like her to be comfortable to talk to me. I don’t know if she already has someone she can confide in or talk to but I would like to be there for her. I would like to break down her barriers and be exposed to the real her. Then maybe my own questions could be answered. But for now, I have to deal with Dinah’s prodding and absent answers to unspoken questions.  
“Mila-”  
“No Dinah, I don’t want to hear it,” I cut her off with a whine of annoyance.  
“No look, I’m sorry, yeah? I just… I’m confused. I’m probably not allowed to ask her questions no matter how much I want to so I thought I’d ask you because you might know. And you’re more aware of this stuff than I am, maybe you’ve come across something like this before? Sorry if it pissed you off but you’ve got to be curious too, right?” Dinah explains to me.  
“I do have questions but it’s obviously something Lauren isn’t comfortable with so talking about it behind her back just seems wrong,” I say with a solemn tone as I bring my knees up for my cheek to rest on as I turn to Dinah.  
“Yeah I get that. I’m just curious that’s all.”  
“Curiosity killed the cat,” I say to her, a smile making its way onto my face in amusement.  
“-but satisfaction bought it back!” She replies with a smug grin on her face.  
“Ay, who taught you the rest of that?”  
“Lauren. It came up while we were in the car. You must have been away with the fairies again. She’s pretty cool you know?”  
“Yeah I know.”  
Dinah and I had thought that would have been our only private conversation while away at the beach, thinking that Lauren would stay sitting or reading the entire time. But it turns out we were very wrong.  
After she and the girls had returned, Lauren told us how she has never made a sandcastle so Khiara and Emelia were eager to change that. Lauren had held our daughter’s hand all the way until they reached the sea where they collected water and started building their sandcastles. The sheer happiness on Emelia’s face as she was watching her other mummy learning to make sandcastles and loving every minute of it was a moment I wanted to treasure. They were quite a distance away from where Dinah and I were sitting so I couldn’t hear them speak but it was clear how much fun the two were having. The two girls were laughing at everything Lauren had to them and everything Lauren had done wrong. Building sandcastles is not a difficult process and it was clear Lauren got it straight away, but if it meant she would keep our daughter amused, she would screw up time and time again.  
Eventually, Khiara had come to sit with her mother and I as the three of us watched on to Emelia and Lauren who initially were perfecting the older woman’s skill at sandcastle-making, but then moved on to flicking each other with sea water and scouting for pretty shells.  
“Is Lauren going to be with us a lot now?” Khiara asks, looking up at me.  
“I think that’s what Emelia wants. Would that be ok?”  
“Yeah. I really like her. We all like her I think. Do you like her Aunt Mila?” She asks curiously. Dinah lets out a small laugh and mutters you bet she does under her breath.  
Before I could answer her, Emelia comes running toward us, loud laughs never disappearing from her lips while Lauren chases her. Our daughter falls into my lap for protection, tears brimming in her eyes from how much she’s been laughing.  
“Oh that’s right, go to mummy. She’ll protect you,” Lauren taunts as she falls into my beach towel like Emelia had, her fingers digging into Emelia’s rubs as she tickles her.  
“No- no mummy!” Emelia just about stutters out between her giggles and tears as she fights off Lauren. Lauren finally lets up on tickling our daughter when no noise comes from Emelia, laughing so hard it becomes soundless. Dinah had gone back to tanning while Khiara curled up next to her, sprinkling sand particles onto her mother’s skin. I’m sitting on my beach towel with Emelia in my lap, still recovering from Lauren’s onslaught of tickling, and Lauren sitting at my feet. She continues to tease our daughter with light pinches to her skin, the three of us smiling in unison at her childish behaviour.  
“Mama? Could you put lotion on mummy’s back? I think she’s burning,” Emelia requests when a moment of silence falls between us. “I always do it wrong.” Emelia had never done my lotion before?  
“Erm, yeah, sure!” Lauren hesitates in acceptance, moving around to sit on the beach towel behind me. “Did you want to lift up onto your knees?”  
“Okay, yeah,” I agree. Moving Emelia off my lap and onto the towel in front of me, I sat up onto my knees so I was the right height for Lauren. I’m not sure the two of us had completely figured this out beforehand though because she remained seated on her backside, meaning my butt was almost head height to her. A small cough she lets out tells me she hadn’t realised how compromising the position was either. She also moves up onto her knees and begins massaging the sun lotion into my shoulders and upper back, avoiding the straps of my bikini top completely.  
“Should I do your lower back too?” She asks me hesitantly, I hum in agreement. Her hands worked wonders on my skin and I couldn’t help but silently praise Emelia for coming up with such a good idea. She used her fingertips to massage the lotion into my skin and each time she spread the liquid out onto my lower back, her fingers moved round to my sides, making me squirm each time. Once again she hadn’t come close to the edges of my bikini to put the lotion on the waistband on my bottoms. I normally burn very easily there but I knew Lauren wouldn’t want to overstep any boundaries she set in place for herself.  
“Did you want to take a walk before we leave?”  
It had been about an hour since Lauren had put lotion on me and she reverted back to her normal shy self. I hadn’t been able to talk to her alone since we’ve been here. Not that I had anything specific that I wanted to discuss with her but already in the short time I’ve known her, I know that she interests me and I know that she is unique, and I want to get to know her. Every bit of her.  
“Yeah, of course,” Lauren sits up from where she is playing with Emelia and the shells they found. “After you.” She holds her arm out in direction toward the sea front.  
“So I thought you didn’t like the beach?” I ask her with a smile on my face. “You seem to have enjoyed yourself?”  
“I’ve never been to the beach,” she shrugs, “I assumed I wouldn’t like it. But I’ve had a really good time. Thank you for bringing me here. Thank you for making me feel so damn guilty when I said I didn’t want to come.” The both of us laugh at this in memory.  
“You’re very welcome,” I say, winking at her smugly. “I can’t believe you’ve never been to the beach.”  
“Yeah, well, I was never comfortable with it. I’m still not if I’m completely honest. I mean, I’m ok but I think I’ll always be uncomfortable in situations like this.”  
“Do you have to change things about your life then? Can you do things you want to or do you stop yourself because you’re uncomfortable in particular scenarios?” We’re walking along the sea front, our toes dipping in the water when the tide comes in further and she just looks so peaceful. I don’t want to make her awkward but I also know that she is comfortable with me. Now it’s just dependent on how far I can go with these questions until that also changes to a sense of discomfort.  
“My life has always been pretty weird because of my condition but I’ve grown to adapt to it. I don’t change anything now but that’s because I’ve had to alter the way I lead my life in comparison to how others do it right from the beginning. I do live a “normal” life”, but I have to avoid being outed or something because trust me, it’s not good when that happens. It hasn’t happened much but it ruins you, it’s horrible. There’s obviously a vast stigma associated with being intersex, mainly because people don’t really understand it so they just resort to discrimination. So I try to avoid it, in fear that everyone I meet will be the same,” she explains, her eyes never moving from the sand she’s walking on.  
“So, not going to the beach? That’s one of things you’ve had to do?”  
“I’m just not comfortable with it. Like today, I’m wearing bagging trousers in the scorching hot simply because I wouldn’t want to wear something less. I can’t wear anything tight because things become obvious. I obviously can’t go swimming or use a gym due to the changing facilities. My body is too feminine for male changing room but, I have a penis, so it is also inappropriate for female facilities. So I do have to make changes to my life obviously. For one, I can’t swim because of it. I couldn’t go swimming as a child so I would probably drown if I were to be thrown into a pool.”  
“That’s… Wow. I’m not even going to try to understand how you would have felt growing up. Or even now. It must be pretty shit.”  
“Yeah,” she releases a small laugh at my shock, “it is pretty shit. But like I said, I’ve lived with it my whole life. I don’t have to change anything anymore. It’s normal.”  
How this woman could just accept everything different in her life is incredible. She of course doesn’t like to live this way but she considers it to be so normal that she just laughs it off. She is so strong. And so brave. And I don’t even know her full story.


	6. The Sperm Donor

“Oh, Mila, I invited Lauren to come with us tonight!”  
“What?” I looked to my roommate in confusion. When had they spoken?  
“Yeah I text her and asked her if she was free. It was the girls’ idea!” Dinah explains. Of course it was the girls’ idea. It has been two weeks since our family trip to the beach and the girls are back at school, much to their disappointment. Lauren had managed to get some time off work while Emelia was off so she could spend some time with her and that’s just what she was able to do. Since the beach trip, the three of us have spent quite a bit of time together.  
The first thing we had done was go to the movies, just the three of us. It was pre-planned between Lauren and I, and our daughter was overjoyed to hear she would be spending a night out with both of her parents. Something she also bragged about as soon as she got into school on her first day back. We had gone to see Inside Out by Lauren’s request. I thought the film’s concept would be too complex for children but I couldn’t tell if that was the case with Emelia, she was just as enthralled by the film as Lauren was. As was I if I’m being completely honest. Our daughter sat between the two of us of course, but that didn’t stop Lauren and I looking at each other from time to time during the midst of laughter, ensuring the other is also finding the same things funny. She really does have a beautiful laugh and I doubt I will ever tire from hearing it.  
One lunch time, Lauren had also taken the two of us to a Pizza Express to make our own pizzas which I think she planned mainly for my happiness rather than Emelia’s. Another thing that Lauren turned out to be brilliant at was making her own pizza, unsurprisingly. After the completion of making her own pizza dough, she had offered her services to our daughter, only to be batted away and told that she’s almost there. Eventually she had begun helping me with mine because it really was not going well. Initially it was because I sucked at rolling it out properly but I soon got the hang of it, I just failed to show that to Lauren. I liked having her help me. It started with her kneading some of the dough herself but soon after she was holding my hands in her own and manoeuvring my fingers into the correct motion. I remember how nice her hands felt on mine, not as nice as they felt on my skin when she was applying my sun lotion at the beach, but the tenderness was warming and didn’t fail to tint my cheeks with a deeper shade of red. The fact she was more open to touching me, unlike how she was that time we went crazy golfing, warmed me just as much.  
Her openness to touching me was exasperated that time she took Emelia, Khiara and I to the park. It started out like a normal day at the park. We each took in turns by feeding the ducks from the supply of food that Lauren bought for this event. Apparently bread can be dangerous to ducks as she informed me in one of our late night phone calls so we mutually decided it’d be best if she bought the food. This was our late night phone call before our day at the park, not just a random phone call of ours where ducks’ eating habits cropped up in conversation, they touched upon strange and quirky topics but they weren’t that bad.  
After we basked in the sunlight for a little while, sitting on the grass and engaging in mindless discussion, the two youngest girls had wanted to play soccer. There wasn’t a point in settling teams, nor did we create any goal posts to give the game any purpose, but we all enjoyed just running around, passing to whoever and tackling everyone. Lauren appeared to be the only one who could actually play and used simple tricks to humiliate us. It resulted in the three of us to play dirty and tackle her all at once, Khiara and Emelia jumping onto her to knock her off balance, while I went for the ball at her feet. I used my body to shield her from the ball, her leaning over my arched back, and in the midst of everyone laughing and having fun, it didn’t seem to cross either of our minds that she was holding onto my hips and waist to try and move me out of her way. It finally came to my attention when Khiara and Emelia had backed off in waiting for my pass, and I was still in front of Lauren, the ball now at my feet, arched over to shield the ball from her and her body mirroring mine to mould her front onto my back. Her forearm was pressed against my bare abs from where my top had ridden up, her hand at the top of my thigh to keep the two of us balanced and her lips tickling behind my ear. All too quickly I had managed to pass the ball absentmindedly to one of the girls, only to turn to Lauren and find neither of us were laughing anymore. We had just looked to each other with reddened cheeks and hidden smiles that hadn’t quite made it to the surface.   
With the three of us hanging out as a family so much, the two haven’t spent much time alone because in truth I’m just not ready to leave my little girl so easily with someone new. With that however, I’m also not sure I want to miss out on anything. Seeing the two interact warms my heart every time; the small smiles the two exchange, their identical giggles, and the fact their eyes light up as soon as one feels as though she has made the other happy. Both always eager to talk about their time spent together even if I had just witnessed it all.  
But I don’t think Lauren or Emelia minded at all, especially Lauren. She had said to me that she doesn’t think she’s ready yet to look after our daughter alone and also, she really likes spending time with me too. And now thanks to Dinah, tonight we get to spend more time together as a family.  
There is an auction night at Emelia and Khiara’s school as a way to raise money for a new programme the school is starting for children with Autism. People have donated prizes, ranging from bottles of champagne and chocolate gift boxes, to weekends away and dinner at fancy restaurants. It wasn’t really an auction night though. We all had been given a list of the items available, we had to write down a bid and the highest bid won. It was all pre-bought in a sense. As well as that, the school had organised little games for the children to play while the parents were all plugging money into this new programme. I was already looking forward to night as I get to see Normani and Ally but now that Lauren’s coming, I have more of reason to be excited. One thing I’m not looking forward to however is introducing Lauren to the girls.  
“Where’s your friend, Mila?” I turn to Normani and the girls, sipping my drink from its straw, shrugging my shoulders. Lauren had said she couldn’t make it on time and so would meet us here at the school much to Emelia’s disappointment who wanted to arrive with both of her mothers. Normani and Ally had come over during the week with their daughter for a play date with the girls and I eventually told them everything. They knew I was looking for Emelia’s other biological parent and they knew that I found them but they didn’t know she is a woman. To say that they were shocked was an understatement and I had to sit there listening to their questions about her condition and me not having any answers to give them. I told them what I know but I didn’t divulge too much information from what Lauren had previously told me because that wasn’t my place. But in truth, I still don’t know much about intersex and Lauren’s case in particular.  
I had done some research on intersex since Lauren and I had met but I gathered almost immediately that all cases are different from each other. I didn’t know exactly what is about Lauren that makes her intersex. Of course the penis was a big give away but I didn’t know anything else but I sure wanted to.  
“There she is!” Dinah announces. I turn to where her eyes were attending and I see an unmistakable Lauren crouched down beside Emelia saying something to make our daughter laugh.  
“Aww, she’s so cute with her,” Ally gushes as we are now all looking at the two of them, Lauren not yet noticing our intense stares.  
“Can we even say ‘she’?”  
“Normani, what the fuck?” I turn to her in shock and disgust at her question. I knew this would be a bad idea. If somebody doesn’t understand a concept sufficiently, it’ll often resort to some form of discrimination. No doubt why Lauren has been the target for so long throughout her life and now, in this moment, with Normani. “Don’t you ever say something like that again, you got it?”  
Normani didn’t say anything else after that.  
After Emelia had introduced Lauren to all of her friends, the green-eyed woman came to join our group to which I introduced her to Ally and Normani. Ally being Ally was welcoming and sweet to Lauren, talking to her about the auction, Emelia and being a part of her life. Normani hadn’t even said hello.  
Soon after, prizes for the auction were being read off and all of the parents and teachers were having great time still trying to outbid each other. Lauren had Emelia sitting on her lap while she was talking to our daughter’s teacher; Ally had taken Normani outside to give her talking to according to Dinah, and my best friend and I were mingling among the other parents until she also pulled me to the side.  
“So, I kina bought something for you. You and Lauren. Don’t act too shocked when your name gets called out then because I put big bucks on that so don’t-”  
“Wait, Dinah, what? You bought something for us? What did you buy?” I ask suspiciously, crossing my arms in front of me.  
“You’ll just have to wait and see but you have to do it!”  
“Not if it’s something weird! Wait, if you bought it then why would my name be read out? Then Lauren would think whatever it is was my idea!”  
“That’s the plan!” Dinah winks at me. “You gotta get your girl, Mila!”  
“My girl? What do you mean? I never said I wanted that!”  
“You make it so obvious and that girl is just too damn stupid to see it. You already see the three of you as a family, you’re quick to defend her and you look like Cupid’s just giving you a slap every time you see her with your red cheeks and twinkling eyes.”  
I didn’t say anything back to her. One, I didn’t know what to say. And two, I was thinking about everything Dinah had said and how right it all was. I do like Lauren. I’ve realised that now but I can’t have her. Or at least I don’t think I can but then again, optimism has never been something that comes easy to me.  
By the end of night, Normani and Ally walked away with keys to a beach house for the weekend, Dinah had won some champagne and chocolate, and I had reservations at a posh restaurant in New York. Well, Lauren and I have these reservations, she just doesn’t know it yet.  
My heart rate spiked when a night in a fancy hotel was read out and Dinah winked at me, me foolishly thinking she had booked it for me. I couldn’t deny the feeling of disappointment I endured when somebody else had won it. Something which I’m sure Dinah had seen as my features appeared deflated. As Lauren wasn’t given the list of prizes beforehand, she hadn’t been able to win anything but she did donate $200 to the programme, an action which everyone including myself found endearing.  
“So thank you for coming tonight. I know Emelia really liked having you there as she was able to introduce you to her friends and teachers and whatnot. She really liked it.” I say to Lauren as I’m saying goodbye. After the auction, she had come home with us to put Emelia to bed and decided to leave soon after. Now we’re both standing beside her car saying goodbye while I’m still trying to think of a cool way to ask her out.  
“I had a great time. Thanks to you and Dinah for inviting me. It means a lot to me that I get to go to events like that for my daughter. That still feels weird to say,” she looks away from me with a toothy smile plastered on her face, “my daughter. Well, our daughter.” Her child-like giggle surfaces once again.  
“Yep, our daughter,” I laugh with her. “We both really appreciate you spending time with us these past few weeks. We’ve both really enjoyed it.”  
“So have I. It feels incredible. The two of you have made me really happy.”  
“It’s made me happy too.” It’s silent between the two of us while we exchange timid smiles. “So, Lauren, erm, I don’t really know how to ask this,” I rub the back of my neck with my palms as she looks at my expectantly, making me more nervous.  
“What is it Camz?” Camz.  
“Would you like to go with me on this dinner tomorrow night?” I rush out, not making eye contact with her.  
“Are you asking me out?” She questions smugly. Never have I ever seen her so confident. Normally she’s flustered or uncomfortable. Now that I’ve adopted those emotions, she’s transformed into someone so very assured. I’m not sure it’ll last long so I choose to appreciate it for a moment. I take note that her eyes are a shade lighter and her smug grin is surprisingly sexy.  
“You’re being difficult, Lauren.”  
“Hm, maybe I am. Luckily for you, I don’t enjoy making people uncomfortable,” I finally make eye contact with her, “and you don’t need to use those puppy dog eyes either,” she laughs with a pointed finger at me. “Of course I’ll go with you, Camz. It sounds nice.”  
“Er, great!” I swallow my nerves. I still haven’t calmed down, I’m now thinking of the date…  
“Even though you’re asking me, I’d like to take the reins on this one,” I look at her with confusion, “I’ll pick you up and I’ll drive us there. I obviously can’t pick the place to eat because that’s already been decided but yeah.” Her flustered state is back. Confidence immediately taking of me.  
“Oh yeah? I bet you’re only driving so you can get me drunk,” I wink at her, laughing at her nerves.  
“No, no, of course. That wasn’t what I meant. I mean, you can drink but that wasn’t-”  
“I know, Lauren. Calm down. I was only messing. Pick me up at 7?” She nods.  
“I’ll see you at 7.” She agrees but doesn’t make a move for her car. She leans forward and my heart pretty much stops. Her eyes are so close to me and they are so, so beautiful. Her perfume invades my senses and her lips look so incredibly inviting. Her leaning in wasn’t slow or romantic like you see in the movies. Her lips moved straight for my cheek like she was scared to even be this close. But I knew I had to take notice of her every feature this close up because the opportunity to do so again is something I could never be sure of.  
I couldn’t really enjoy the kiss to my cheek because it was over too quickly and she fled to her car. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she calls out to me as she ducks her head into her car. She drives away and I wave goodbye, filled with both nerves and excitement for our ‘date’ tomorrow.  
Feeling her touch on my skin had always made me want more but now with her lips, it’s not a want, it’s an irrepressible crave.  
“So, what were you like as a kid?” I ask Lauren, leaning onto my elbows with a twinkle in my eyes. The dinner had been at a top restaurant in NYC. It’s not particularly formal but it is quite fancy. We are currently seated, just having finished our meal, on the restaurant’s rooftop with not even a cool breeze to extinguish any existing nerves.  
“Hmm, let me see,” she takes a sip of her wine, “a lot like Emelia funnily enough. I was very cheeky apparently. Very loud, very confident, always trying to crack jokes and make people laugh. Very sporty. I played in the soccer team, hockey team and baseball team.” She laughs in recollection.  
“Baseball team, huh? Defied social boundaries and picked baseball instead of softball?”  
“Social boundaries?”  
“Girls pick softball, right? That’s what I was pushed into until they realised I’m a klutz and I’m terrible at every sport,” I laugh at my hopelessness.  
“Oh, those social boundaries,” she joins in the laughter, “Yeah, no, erm,” she swallows her nerves, discomfort washing her features again, “I was raised as a boy until puberty.” My eyes widen in shock at her confession. “So I didn’t defy the social boundaries actually, I accepted them. I played baseball like all of the other boys.”  
“Wow. If you don’t mind me asking but when did you realise you wanted to live as a girl?”  
“You can ask me whatever you want,” she smiles at me before she clears her throat. “When I was about 9 years old I had a bunch of different examinations because I was having really bad stomach pains. They found out that I have female anatomical features also and that’s when they first realised my condition because at that age, I did look like a “normal” boy so they were none the wiser before that. But during puberty I realised I wasn’t developing like a regular boy, more like a girl and I was basically given the decision of whether I wanted to live as a boy or a girl,” she explained carefully.  
“And was it a clear choice for you?” I asked, wanting to know all the information I could about her.  
“It was actually. I’d always thought of myself as female. As my biology can’t determine what gender I am, I was able to look at it as comfort. My body is feminine despite one or two factors. How I see it is, your gender shouldn’t be defined by anatomy because there are so many different variations of it. Think of biological sex like colour, where one colour represents “male” and one colour represents “female”. “Intersexed” would then correspond to any colour in between of which a wide array of variation could occur. That’s a whole lot of people who can be ‘different’ but don’t classify themselves as so. But that’s biological gender. Who has the right to determine the true sexuality of a person? I don’t know if that makes sense at all but how I see it is, anatomy shouldn’t define a person… because it puts people like me in a sticky situation!”  
Despite her seriousness, she could always do that. Make a situation light-hearted very quickly. The two of us laughed, a lot. Our conversation was quiet and indeed very private so when we both broke out into obnoxious laughs, others who were dining on the NYC rooftop were shocked to say the least and we both grew embarrassed at the unwanted attention.  
The way she viewed gender and sexuality was amazing to me. I’d never considered gender to be like a scale before because, why would I? But it’s such a brilliant observation and I wish it was something I’d given thought to. Like sexuality. Both belong on a Kinsey scale.  
“Do you regret your decision?” I ask tentatively.  
“To live as a woman?” I nod. “At times I have done. When I was younger, I told medical professionals and my parents about my choice and though they were happy about it, they tried to force procedures on me to make me “normal”. That was hard to initially endure then to reject. I never wanted to cause more problems for my parents but it happened anyway and I felt like such a let-down. Then I realised I was attracted to women so I reconsidered my choice as living as female. It would make more sense to live as a man, marry a woman and have children. And though the last two is what I want, living as a man never seemed appealing to me. It’s just not who I am,” she finishes her wine. “Not thirsty, Camz?” She says to me, nodding to my still full glass.  
I clear my throat. “I forgot about that actually,” I take a sip of my wine. “Wow. That’s just a lot to take in. I don’t really know what to say if I’m honest.”  
“That’s okay,” she leans over and strokes my hand that’s resting on the table, “I wasn’t looking for a philosophical or sociological response about my decisions and the accuracy of my interpretations. I was just answering your question. And I can tell that you have a lot more, hence why I tried to answer as many as I could in my explanations. I’m sorry if I’ve overwhelmed you…” She heightens her voice at the end as though she’s asking me a question.  
“Of course not. Well, I mean, kinda? That was a lot. I’m so glad you’re comfortable enough to talk to me about it but I feel so inadequate in providing you with a sufficient response.” She laughs at me. Why is she laughing?  
“Inadequate? You’re far from inadequate,” I soften at her sincerity, “now, how about that dessert menu?” She winks at me then laughs when my mood completely lifts at the idea of more food.  
As Lauren drives me home, I think back to everything that transpired this evening. From her talking about her childhood, to her condition, and then to random questions we asked each other throughout the night. I actually suggested we play ’20 Questions’ much to her amusement, but we played anyway. We hadn’t finished, we’ve only asked a few but we both now know that questions will become prevalent in our relationship, or our… whatever this is.  
“My question now, hmm,” Lauren breaks me out of my thought bubble, herself now looking deep in though. “Ah, I got it! Who has been the biggest influence in your life? If you say Harry Styles I’m going to scream.” See, always making me laugh.  
“Emelia,” I say with no hesitation. “Without a doubt. Having her made me grow up. It’s made me more independent, more confident in myself because I know I can do anything I put my mind to, like having a child and raising her myself. She has influenced my life in every way. And now, she’s introduced me to you.” She looks away from the road for a brief second, catching me with blushed cheeks.  
“I love that answer,” she finally says to me.  
Not too long after, we pull up outside of my apartment. Lauren also gets out of the car as she promised she would put Emelia to bed if our daughter was still awake if we got back. Not too surprisingly, Emelia, Khiara and Dinah all crashed out on the coach watching a movie; Khiara cuddled up to her mother and Emelia stretched out alongside them, face buried into the cushion and limbs all of over the place. After we both had taken pictures of the three of them on our phones, Lauren helped me carry the two youngest girls to bed, tucking them in and wishing the both of them a ‘goodnight’, though we knew neither girl could hear us.  
“Dinah,” I shake the arm of my roommate, “Dinah, wake up. Your bed will be a lot comfier so get your ass up.” After about 10 minutes of trying to wake the girl up, receiving no help from Lauren at all who found the entire situation amusing, she finally stirred.  
“Where am I?” A dazed Dinah said, looking between Lauren and I. “Hey, green eyes, where am I?” She prods again. Causing us both to laugh again.  
After a small explanation about how the dinner was and teasing from the Tongan about Lauren coming back for her “dessert”, she finally walked into her room to go to bed, leaving Lauren and I still blushing from her comment.  
“Did you wanna stay over for a bit? Watch a movie or something? I’ll crack open another bottle of wine if you want,” I say walking into the kitchen, already heading for the bottle of wine.  
“Yeah, sure!” She takes off her jacket, leaving her now in tight bootleg trousers and a button-up white shirt. I had settled for a thigh-length summer dress and accompanied it with a blazer to deem it appropriate for evening wear. She looks gorgeous and formally dressed, I just settled for cute and comfortable.  
The bottle of wine is now settled on the coffee table in front us, our glasses both empty for the second time and the slight inhibition meant that moves become bolder for the two us. We chose not to watch a horror film this time for my sake, she knew I was scared, and decided we watch ‘Pretty Woman’ after I revealed to her over dinner that it was my favourite film.  
Despite how big the couch was, we found ourselves very close – partly my fault. She had taken residence on one end, her legs bent to put her knees on the couch, her feet tucked up near her backside, her body facing the rest of the couch. Instead of sitting away from her, I decided put my butt between her thighs and the back of the couch, my legs stretching out across hers.  
It was an unconscious decision really. I didn’t know how much I wanted to be close to her until then. It just felt right.  
When she moved one arm to place in my lap so she could encircle my waist from the front and the other behind me to stroke my upper arm, it just felt natural. I knew she had tensed up when I first sat here but her behaviour now made me realise just how comfortable she soon found the position also. We didn’t talk about how we were sitting, nor did we ask the other if this close proximity is okay, we just knew it was.  
With the loose dress that I’m wearing, sitting like this with my knees up meant that the fabric fell slightly and exposed more skin on my thigh. After the first and second time, I didn’t attempt to fix my dress again. I knew Lauren had noticed. The times I went to fix the placement of my dress her gaze followed also. Then when I stopped, she took advantage of the fact I was engrossed in the film, or so she thought I was, and her gaze fixated on the revealed skin of my thigh.  
Her hand around my front wasn’t still, her thumb would often graze the fabric of my dress, gently stroking my hip, similar to her other hand that has since moved up into my hair to stroke the brunette strands.  
Soon, I felt my butt slipping slightly from my position so I fidget back into position, accidentally pushing my backside into Lauren’s lap slightly. I try to resume the same position I had without moving away from Lauren, now however, my butt is practically in her lap and I’m sitting back onto her tilted torso.  
That was also something that told me she was comfortable.  
I had been feeling it against my thigh for a while but until then, I hadn’t felt it so… full on. The pressure against her groin caused her to release a small cough as though she was choking on the breath she was holding. And I muttered a small ‘sorry’ without even thinking about it.  
“You meant to do that,” she whispered to me in fake annoyance.  
I turn my face 45 degrees to look at her properly. Her face so close to mine that I can identify every shade in her eyes. From emerald to blue and hints of silver, her eyes are a puzzle in themselves.  
Her eyes attend to my lips.  
She squeezes my waist.  
Her eyes meet mine and for a brief second they flicker back down to my lips.  
Lauren’s hand moves from my waist to the back of my neck, her fingers grazing my stomach and breast along their journey.  
She leans forward to my awaiting lips.  
A second away from our first kiss and we’re both met with hesitance.  
Is it all worth the risk?


	7. The Sperm Donor

“What are you thinking?” Lauren whispers to me, her hot breath hitting my lips because of our closeness.  
I shake my head in clearance of my thoughts, my eyes still pointing at her lips. “Do you want to kiss me, Lauren?”  
“Yes,” she leans in to take my upper lip between hers for the first time, applying so little pressure that if it wasn’t for the shivers that coursed through my body, I wouldn’t have known we had made contact. “Let me kiss you, Camila.”  
I nod delicately as she moves back in for my lips, the both of us leaning in at the same time, meeting in the middle. We engage in a few small kisses, savouring the feel of the others’ lips. The tenderness is left in that moment as our lips soon meet with primal intentions. I shift for comfort and I turn my body to face hers, on my knees and pressing my body against her torso, with my hands gripping the back of her neck. Lauren whimpers when I push my tongue into her mouth, taking advantage of her breaking our kiss for air.  
I have to coax her shy tongue into mixing with mine, her inexperience showing but not obvious. Our tongues begin to move deliciously when I release the first moan into the kiss, Lauren squeezing the back of my thigh in response.  
The vitality of our kiss leaves us both panting and reeling as we separate, still close enough to feel Lauren’s hot breaths. Before she could even contemplate slowing this down, I make that small move to straddle her, still on my knees and pressed against her chest rather than sitting on her lap.  
“Is this okay?” I whisper to Lauren as I cradle her face, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on the corner of her lips.  
“Mhm,” Lauren seeks for my lips again. We exchange soft, chaste kisses for a moment, appearing in no rush to sate our desires. Lauren and I enjoy a steady rhythm until my neck begins to pain from leaning down into her kiss. I move to sit firmly on her lap, lowering myself to make our lips level. I remind myself this is why I am moving to sit on her lap but knowing I would be intimately closer to her makes my transition hesitant. I want to feel her. God, I really want to feel her. Take it slow, Camila.  
Lauren’s breathing hitches when my butt finally hits the top of her thighs. Mine does too but for different reasons.  
The firmness in her trousers tells me she’s just as horny as I am but when she reaches for my hips to lift me back onto my knees, pulling my chest into hers, it tells me that she’s just not ready. For kissing and over-the-waist touching maybe, but not for me to feel that part of her.  
“Can we slow things down, Camz?” She asks nervously, confirming my thoughts.  
“Of course,” I kiss her lips softly before pulling away, “I’m sorry if I pushed you. I just- I just got really into it,” I hold my head in my hands, chuckling in embarrassment.  
“You didn’t push me. I wanted all of that to happen. I got really into it as well,” she says, emphasising the ‘really’ in mock of my enthusiasm. “You can stay right here as well,” Lauren says to me weakly as she holds onto my hips and pushes me further into her chest, my hands resting on the couch above her shoulders to keep my balance. “I like having you close to me.” She places soft kisses under my breasts, skimming along my ribs.   
“Oh really? I thought you wanted to take it slow?” I ask with the intention of teasing her, ignoring the heat between my legs and the fact my thighs are burning from holding my weight.  
She doesn’t look me in the eye when she answers. “Just that moment. Like I said, I wanted all of that to happen.”  
I gulp at her inference. She wants this to happen again? And she doesn’t want to take it slow?  
I lift Lauren’s face and wait for her to reveal those alluring eyes. In a silent understanding, we both know we want this. Whatever this is. We both liked it and we both want it to happen again.  
The warmth that radiated from my skin at even the smallest of touches from the green-eyed girl. The craving for her to touch me more intimately. The connection between us that is too precious to ignore. Everything about the situation made me realise just how much I need that to happen again.   
“Mama?” Lauren and I break our gaze and quickly turn to the source of the disruption – our daughter. “Mama, what are you still doing here?” Emelia stands in the doorway, rubbing at her eyes. I hastily get off Lauren’s lap and move across to our daughter before she could realise the compromising position Lauren and I were in.  
“Baby, what are you still doing awake?” Lauren also makes her way over to Emelia and me, the both of us kneeling down to face our little girl.  
“I had a bad dream,” she recalls, tears pooling in her eyes. “And you weren’t in bed when I went to find you.”  
I hold my arms out for Emelia to cuddle into me, Lauren wraps her arms around the both us and kisses our daughter on the head. “You found me now, baby,” I whisper to her.   
“Can I stay with you and mummy tonight?”  
“Of course you can stay with me. But sweetie, Lauren’s not sleeping here tonight,” I say to her softly. Softly or not, that didn’t stop Emelia from crying.  
“Don’t cry, princess. You’ll still have mummy here,” Lauren intervenes, kissing our daughter’s forehead a couple of times to soothe her sadness.  
“But I want you as well,” tears now streaming down her face, breaking the hearts of Lauren and I.  
“But baby, you can’t get everything you want. Lauren can sleep here another night, I think she wants to go home for tonight.” I say to her. I wouldn’t mind it if Lauren stayed, I would like it. Emelia would too. But perhaps it’s too soon for Lauren? Maybe she’s not comfortable with it?  
“Camz,” Lauren calls for my attention, “do you think we could-,” she points between the two of us inferring for us to talk alone.  
“Lia, go wait in my bed while Lauren and I talk, ok?”  
“Ok,” she mutters sadly, walking away from the two of us and down the hallway into my bedroom.  
“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, Lauren?”  
“No, I know. But I do want to. If that’s not a problem of course?”  
“Yes!” Lauren laughs at my urgency. “I mean, no that’s not a problem. Of course you can stay over. We would both like that very much.”  
“I would too,” Lauren says sweetly and edges closer to me. I hold out my hand for her to take and I lead her into my bedroom. On the way I make a joke to her about getting me into bed on the first date and that’s how Emelia first sees us when we walk into my room: holding hands and giggling.  
I hand over some nightwear to Lauren – a t-shirt and joggers – and we take turns using the ensuite bathroom to get changed. Once I’ve changed into shorts and a tank top, I turn off the bathroom light and walk into the bedroom. Emelia is already fast asleep, tucked into Lauren’s chest and her head resting on the bicep of her mother’s crooked arm. Lauren watches as I walk over to the bed, not being subtle when she runs her eyes along my legs. I lay down on the opposite side of our daughter, facing the two of them, my eyes connecting with an emerald gaze immediately.  
“Thank you, Camz,” Lauren whispers to me. I’m not sure if she’s thanking me for the evening or allowing her to stay with Emelia but it’s clear how grateful she is for all of it.  
I move closer to Emelia and I cuddle my daughter from behind, kissing the back of her neck like I always do when we cuddle like this. Lauren outstretches her arm over the body of our daughter and her hand falls to my hip, her fingers caressing the bare skin exposed. I reach up to just above Lauren’s head and flick the light switch, shutting off the bedside lamps. Despite the darkness, I know Lauren and I are now blushing; me for accidentally putting my breasts in her face when I leaned over, and her for enjoying it.  
“Goodnight, Lauren.”  
“Goodnight, Camila.”  
“Goodnight, mummies.”  
It has been a couple of days since Lauren slept over and despite the distance, Lauren never failed to make me smile. Just like now. I had just taken Emelia to school, Dinah and I are not sitting on the couch watching shitty daytime television before we both have to set off for work.  
From: Baby Mama   
My boss just moaned at me because I was too busy booking things for us instead of writing my latest article… All your fault.  
From: Me  
How is that my fault? You’re the one thinking about me during work hours ;)  
From: Baby Mama  
Egotist ;) Actuallyyyy, I was thinking about taking you and Emelia out. Maybe for dinner somewhere? I dunno. I had to look at things to do in New York for kids and I’m still clueless.   
I’m clueless about a lot it seems…  
From: Me  
Normally Lia doesn’t like to go out for dinner but I’m sure if you’re involved, it’ll become her new favourite thing to do. Like EVERYTHING else you do with us. I swear, you’re changing my daughter…  
What else do you think you’re clueless about? I think you’re doing a pretty great job at everything…  
From: Baby Mama  
*Our daughter. Did you forget? ;)   
From: Me  
How could I forget something so magical? ;)  
She replies instantly to my message but before I could open it, Dinah tears me away from my phone.  
“So what’s got you all smiley? Lauren, again?” I blush hearing her name and a crooked smile appears on my face. “Of course it was Lauren. Why did I even ask?” Dinah laughs at my reaction.  
“Yes, it’s Lauren.”  
“Mhm,” Dinah smiles at me knowingly. “And how is Miss Green Eyes?”  
“She’s good.”  
“Mhm. I bet she is,” she winks at me suggestively.  
“Dinah, no.”  
“She stayed over the other night, what do you mean ‘no’?”  
“We stayed with Emelia. Nothing was going to happen,” I wave off her accusations and turn back to my phone. Lauren had something witty and equally flirty in response, only to follow up with another message saying she had to get back to work. Great, and now I’m left with Dinah…  
“So, if you weren’t with Emelia, something might’ve happened?”  
“No, of course not.”  
“You seemed pretty close when I found you in the morning,” she smiles smugly at me when embarrassment washes over my features.  
Emelia had woken up before Lauren and I that morning and went into the kitchen to eat breakfast with Dinah and Khiara. According to my best friend, Emelia was quick to recount everything that happened the previous night, from her bad dream, to the crying, and then to getting her own way with Lauren finally sleeping over. That child really does get everything she wants. Fortunately she had left out the fact her mother and I were all over each other when she had found us much to my relief.  
After this, Dinah had then waltzed straight into my bedroom to see for herself. She had caught Lauren and I holding each other while we were sleeping, Lauren my big spoon with her front moulded into my back, her face tucked into the back of my neck and arms wrapped around my body. If it wasn’t for the picture she took of us, I wouldn’t have believed it. We must have unconsciously moved into that position in the short time period of Emelia getting out of bed to when Dinah found us. Lauren had woken up before me and was met with Dinah’s curious eyes first. She had said nothing about the two of us but that didn’t stop me from sharing every detail when she had left to go to work.  
“Look, I’m not gonna tease you about it,” I narrow my eyes at her, knowing that was bullshit, “but honestly, it’s obvious you guys like each other, but what’s going on between you two?”  
I put my head in my hands and rub at my eyes, preparing myself for what to say.  
“I just don’t know, Dinah. I do like her, of course I do, and I think she likes me too. But I don’t know,” I take a breath while she waits for me to proceed. “There’ll obviously be… physical limitations between the two of us-”  
“Didn’t look like it! You both want each other. I can see it. Sometimes it’s kind of cute, other times there’s just so much sexual tension that it even makes me want some!  
Also, you haven’t had sex in a long time, since before Emelia which I still find ridiculous but whatever. You can’t spend all this time around Green Eyes and not want to fuck her, let’s be real, so figure out what you want from her and go for it. The emotional attachment is there. You don’t need to figure that out. Nor do you need to label it, it’s there. But the physical one. Mila, you need to get laid. And so does Lauren.”  
“It’s not as simple as that, Dinah!” I say to her, wishing all that could be true. “I think she’s really conflicted. On some level, I do think she wants me too, like that, but then she gets nervous.”  
“Yeah, because she’s a virgin – probably. Wait, is she a virgin?”  
“No, she’s nervous because she’s uncomfortable with that part of herself. I don’t know if she’s virgin or not,” I start to think about her with other people and I’m overwhelmed with jealousy. I’m not even dating her for God’s sake and yet I’m already so fucking possessive. “I know she’s inexperienced because of how nervous she is but I don’t know if she’s just like that or if she was once comfortable with someone enough to have sex, only for them to fuck her over. I don’t know, Dinah, I’ve not asked.”  
“I think you should find out. That’ll give you some idea on how to pursue her. If she’s been fucked over by someone before then you need to prove to her that you’re good enough and won’t do her wrong. If she’s a virgin and as inexperienced as I think she is, you need to help her be comfortable with herself first. Simple.  
Now, get your ass ready for work!”  
I very much doubt it’s that simple.  
Lauren and I hadn’t spoken about the kiss. Sometimes, that could be considered a bad thing because the thought of the other person regretting it would swim through your mind. Other times, it’s a great thing because it avoids awkwardness or, on some level, neither of you feel like you have to speak about simply because the action was enough.  
Though the prospect of Lauren and I still confuses me – could we ever become a thing? – I felt like neither of us talking about the kiss was the result of the latter argument. The action was enough.  
Coming together has meant everything to the both of us. We have both shared how undeniably happier we both are; her finally having a family, and me seeing my daughter overjoyed. The connection had been there since we met. From a physical connection, to an intellectual one, to both wanting the same thing – the happiness of our daughter.  
The kiss signalled our acceptance of that.  
We both accepted that what we were doing is making Emelia happy. We both accepted that there was a connection between us. And we both accepted that there is a potential for the two of us to be together. We didn’t have to speak about it.  
In spite of that however, we haven’t seen each other since.  
Do I kiss her again?  
Do I talk about the kiss?  
Do I tell her how much I want to kiss her again? Because I really want to kiss her again.  
This afternoon, Lauren had texted me to ask if she could surprise Emelia by picking her up from school again which I of course agreed to. She came to meet me at the café again, like she did the first time she came with me to pick up Emelia. And once again, Becca tried to flirt with her. And once again, Lauren didn’t like it.  
Her comfort around me in comparison to other people is something else I also find reassuring when my mind is running laps, creating the reasons why and why not Lauren might want to be with me too.  
Dinah was also working by the time Lauren came to meet me, the Polynesian working later on Fridays because Jonathon picks up Khiara from pre-school. While I was too busy undressing the green-eyed girl with a motionless gaze, I wasn’t mindfully present for Dinah inviting the girl out for drinks at a local club we rarely get to go to.  
I had picked up on the words ‘club’, ‘Ally’, ‘birthday’, ‘come’ and ‘fucked’ during my daydream. Only to realise what Dinah must have said was “going to the club for Ally’s birthday, do you want to come and we’ll get fucked?” (I’m assuming she meant ‘fucked’ as in ‘drunk’, not outright insinuating her potential lack of virginity but it’s Dinah so who knows?)  
A husky voice had snapped me into the present and I realised Lauren’s lustful eyes were leering into mine, her lips asking if I was also going to the club which I obviously was and even if I hadn’t planned to, I was definitely going when she asked me.  
“Don’t do that,” was the last thing she said to me before she got back into her car and went to her house to change her clothes. Like planned, we had picked up Emelia much to her surprise and joy, and took her home for a change of clothes also. Of course, our daughter had held our hands the entire walk home, telling us everything about her day and inciting that wonderful laugh from Lauren through many of the stories. Due to our plans tonight, Emelia got to stay with her Grandma and Khiara got to stay with her Father. Dinah and I rarely got to have nights out that didn’t involve the kids and so even though we always missed them, we grabbed the opportunity with both hands and carted our children off to the hosts for the night.  
“Don’t do that,” is what Lauren whispered to me as she tugged my bottom lip out from between my teeth as we were saying goodbye. Emelia had just been picked up by my mother and the two of us were standing by her car. Lauren hadn’t met my mother today. She could have, but I didn’t want her to. My parents don’t really know about the situation with Lauren other than the fact she’s in our lives.  
Emelia had told anyone and everyone about having another mummy, my mother included, but the small girl doesn’t understand the situation entirely and so can’t share information that she doesn’t know with others. My parents just think she’s a new girlfriend. Which is fine, for now, and I will tell them the truth but they’re not easily accepting.  
After Lauren had ordered me not to bite my lip, accompanying that with a seductive wink, thus forcing me to bite my lip even more, she had driven off and I had rushed inside to get ready for the club tonight.  
Preparation for nights like this always took a long time simply because we weren’t used to it and Ally’s birthday, we wanted to make a special effort. Well, for Ally’s birthday and the fact I have to impress Lauren.  
According to Dinah, I don’t have to impress Lauren and wearing a tight dress would make the girl fall to her knees and bring me to mercy a hundred times over.  
Wishful thinking.  
Until I saw Lauren’s reaction to seeing my dress and I saw potential to her tease.  
She had come to pick Dinah and me up, volunteering to be the designated driver for the two of us much to Dinah’s annoyance who, I repeat, wanted her to get “fucked”.  
Her eyes hadn’t left my body since the moment I opened the door and her hands have found every possible excuse to touch me since. You could actually see her swallow when she first took in my appearance and swallow hard. I had settled for quite subtle make-up yet a tight little black dress that covered much of my chest, yet dropped low to the top of my butt at the back. She hadn’t failed to compliment me immediately which of course left me blushing and flooded with warmth despite her stuttering and the fact her eyes hadn’t lifted from their fixation on my legs to meet my eyes.  
I hadn’t seen Lauren in anything but trousers and shirts since we had met but tonight was a welcome change.  
Unlike the green-eyed girl, I made my looks of approval more subtle despite how difficult it was. She had worn a black playsuit with laced sleeves and a plunging neckline to reveal a famous cleavage that become the feature of my attention. The playsuit was baggy enough to hide her surprise package, but not so baggy that it didn’t compliment her figure deliciously.  
All night she had been buying rounds of drinks and becoming increasingly comfortable around my friends. Normani still didn’t give her the time of day, until her Ally had giving her looks reprimand and she slowly started warming up to the girl. The tension was still clear but Normani was trying to make the effort. She hadn’t gone out of her way to talk to Lauren as of yet, but she didn’t completely ignore her presence or shoot her hurtful glares when she did.  
The only time Lauren did receive a less than positive glare from Normani was when she rested her hand on my waist and a look of disgust appeared across the darker girl’s features.  
The other times Lauren touched me was more subtle.  
If she wasn’t stroking my fingers with hers under the table, or holding onto my waist like Normani had seen, she was delicately grazing her fingers along the exposed skin on back, tracing my spine and drawing small etches on the top of my backside.  
Dinah had noticed how close we got.  
The first time Lauren dragged her fingers along my spine, I turned into her body, craving her warmth, the tenderness forcing my eyes closed. When I reopened my eyes, my front was pressed completely against Lauren’s, my hands on her sides, and her touch soft on my sensitive skin. I lifted my head to meet her gaze, knowing she was looking down at me, and our lips met with no hesitation.  
There was no rush or lustful desire fuelling our movements. Our lips met in a feather-light touch and we separated only seconds later, wearing toothy smiles.  
“I’m going to get another water. Would you like anything?” She said to me and at a shake of my head and a smile in response, she turned and left for the bar. Her destination a lot more desirable than mine as I turned away from her and was met with Dinah and a smirk plastered across her face.  
It has continued like that for much of the night. Lauren and I finding every opportunity to touch one another or compliment one another; Dinah seeming as though she had caught onto every one of them with a wink or a smirk aimed my way.  
Other than Dinah offering something teasing or Ally giving me a small smile when Lauren wasn’t looking, we had received little disruption from the girls. We were able to sit and talk while they went off dancing, or go to the bar alone, neither of the girls had really paid much mind into getting involved with the flourishing relationship between Lauren and I… until now.  
The five of us had just been sitting in our booth laughing and drinking until Dinah decided to take Lauren’s hand and pull her onto the dancefloor, my best friend offering me another wink on the way.  
Their dancing was seemingly innocent, their only connection being Dinah lifting Lauren’s hands to place on her hips, but it still meant jealousy quickly consumed me.  
“Go and get your girl, Mila.” I turned to Ally whose encouragement toward mine and Lauren’s relationship has yet ceased to make me happy. Normani also offering me a small smile in reinforcement.  
It doesn’t take me long to reach the two girls and nudge Dinah out of the way so I can move in between them. Fortunately Dinah and Lauren both found the move absolutely hilarious and not desperate at all much to my surprise and allow me to move in between them. Not too long after, Dinah excuses her and Lauren and I are left alone on the dancefloor.  
The melody of ‘Hold You’ by Gyptian soon filters through the room, the crowd making noise in appreciation before holding onto their partner.  
“I love this song,” Lauren pulls me in by the waist and mutters into my ear, her hot breath tickling my skin.  
“Me too.”   
I hold onto her forearm that’s around my waist and turn into her, pressing my back into her front. We adjust to the new position immediately, Lauren squeezing me closer to her before gripping onto my hips. One of my hands find the back of her neck while the other holds onto one of hers, aiding its pressure on my hip. We are both consumed by the soft yet lustful music penetrating the room that we find ourselves slowly become more confident in tempting the other’s body.  
She offers needy kisses to my neck, from rolling her tongue along the skin beside my ear to the light nibbles onto my collarbone. How Lauren can control my body with her touch enthrals me as our surroundings become a distant presence; the two of us living in the world of each other.  
As that melody fades and another fills the room, Lauren spins me to face her and cradles my face, immediately taking my lips in hers. We exchange bruising kisses until she focuses on pleasuring my tongue, sucking on it with expertise and swirling hers with mine. Her dominant attitude thriving and her before insecurity at our first kiss nowhere to be felt.  
The lengthy moan I release into her mouth comes as a result of her kiss and the friction she is creating through the way she touches me. It didn’t take long for her hands to release my hips, one reaching up to cup my face tenderly and the other completing its opposite: roughly squeezing my butt, weakening my legs in the process. Friction is forced between her strategically placed leg and my centre at each of her gropes of my backside, my mind thrown further into a haze at the feel of her hardened member pressing against my hip.  
Our grip on each other remains tight yet the frenzy of our lips ease, the both of us lightheaded at the exhaustion of breath.  
“Fuck,” Lauren whimpers, the woman now nuzzling at my neck.  
“I know.” I stroke at her chest, the heat radiating from the both of us becoming evident through the traces of sweat on her skin. We stay in silence for a moment, holding the other securely and simply embracing our closeness, until Dinah hesitantly interrupts, clearly not something she wanted to do either.  
“Erm, Ally’s not feeling too well so Normani was going to drive us back to ours as its closer than going all the way back to theirs. Are you coming or staying here for a bit?”  
I look up at Lauren, our arms still wrapped tightly around one another, an embrace I’m not ready to remove myself from. I turn between the two of them unsure on what to do until Lauren squeezes at my hip and softly kisses the crown of my head. I fall into the touch before I turn back to Dinah with my answer.  
“I think I’m gonna go home with Lauren tonight.”


	8. The Sperm Donor

It didn’t take long after Dinah and the girls leave the club for Lauren and I to do the same, instead to her house.  
It also didn’t take long for the car journey on our way back to become slightly uncomfortable and flooded with nerves.  
The atmosphere between us is tense. While Lauren is driving, her fingers drum against the steering wheel systematically, not rhythmically, as though she is trying to calm her nerves. Her body heat is radiating as well as her anxiety, evidenced by the fact her tongue keeps slipping from her mouth to run over her lips.  
I’m not so different. I’m equally as nervous as she is and probably for the same reason: things will be different tonight. Our relationship will become something different.  
Despite the clear nerves we both share, sexual tension forms a thick air within the car. We both know something is going to happen tonight and there is a hunger for it to happen now. Having her so focused on the road despite the odd moment she would look over to me in longing, it gave me time to really look at her and appreciate the beauty in the woman beside me.  
There’s no denying that Lauren looks absolutely incredible tonight and the predatory stares that other people in the club gave her put me under no illusion that it’s not just me that thinks so. All night I focused on her touching me, the softness of her fingers and the delicacy of her touch. It therefore doesn’t surprise me when I look over to Lauren and linger on her soft, supple skin. Her toned biceps and thighs, the teasing cleavage and the knowledge that there is something else under her clothes remind that it isn’t just tenderness that she can give me, but her raw sexual magnetism is something that will be entirely new.  
While I am now consumed by lust and affection for the girl, I see that she is still drumming the steering wheel with her fingers, nervousness still prominent. I reach across to her and stroke her wrist, silently encouraging her to drop her hand from the steering wheel. As she does so, I take her hand in mine and interlock our fingers before I bring our hands to my lips and I softly kiss the tips of her fingers. Despite how special it was each time we kissed, nothing feels more intimate and right than it does in this moment. She offers me a smile with reddened cheeks before she turns back to the road.  
I take the time that she’s relaxed and not focused on me to admire her some more. When my eyes fall to her crotch, I don’t have time to scold myself before the car stops and she announces that we have arrived. She lets go of my hand, gets out of the car and walks around to open my door before she leads me to her front door. God I hope she didn’t notice where I was looking.   
I’d never really thought about what her house would look like but being here and I’m pleasantly surprised. It’s completely Lauren. It’s clear how much input she had into the design of the place. She has a fairly large house for just one person and everything is modernised yet with a retro flavour to the decor.  
“Your house is beautiful, Lauren,” I say to her as she proceeds to give me a guided tour. It’s not too long before we end up in her bedroom, and I look around to admire all the small features about her room in hope to unravel the smallest details of her personality. We had only untangled our fingers when we got to her room, allowing me to move around and pick up the photo frames, books and CDs she has laying around to inspect them.  
I turn back to her wearing a wide smile after having seen a picture of her and who obviously is her family, only to find her already staring at me. She’s staring at my body, hunger in her eyes as she takes in my curves and the length of my legs. I suddenly feel weak under her gaze but I quickly pick up my confidence when I realise how I have affected her.  
“Instead of undressing me with your eyes, why don’t you just undress me?” My tone comes across as almost innocent despite the suggestion, my eyes pleading for her to do something.  
I walk over to her and assume her silence to be that of nervousness. I place her hands on my hips before I move my own up to her face, cupping her jaw, my fingertips glancing across the back of her neck. “It’s okay, Lauren.” I kiss her lips, the woman reciprocating delicately. “You can touch me, Lauren. It’s okay.” When she finally nods, I turn my back to her, giving her the chance to start the process of removing my dress.  
Lauren squeezes my waist softly before she moves up to my shoulders to remove the dress; the drooping backline allowing her to slip it off my shoulders easily, revealing my naked back. The fabric of the dress now only covering my butt and the top of my thighs, Lauren drags her fingertips along my exposed spine, making me shiver at her tender touch. The way my hair is tied up allows my back to become a canvas for her work, her fingers producing smooth strokes and the tender kisses she gives to the top of my spine completing the magic touch.  
She spends some minutes carefully drawing along my back before her hands move down to my hips and she slowly removes the dress from the curve of my butt, letting the garment fall to the high heels at my feet. My breath hitches when I feel her fingers caress my backside as though she’s appreciating a delicacy. The black thong I’m wearing allows her fingertips to explore every inch of the ample curve, her touch leaving my skin hot and desperate.  
When her movements become less hesitant and more confident, I reach behind for her hands and bring them to the front, grazing my clothed centre and ignoring the sensation, I bring them higher and place the both of her hands on my bare breasts. Even though I had expected the new feeling, nothing prepared me for Lauren touching me so intimately.  
I shivered in delight when her warm hands came into contact with my breasts, the torturous friction against my nipples causing me to lean back into her chest, pushing my chest fully into her hands. Lauren ignites something inside of me when she starts to place wet kisses on my neck, sucking the skin into her mouth while confidently massaging my breasts, forcing me to release lustful moans.  
The moment ends too quickly when Lauren frees my breasts from her grasp and moves lower to squeeze at my sides and abdomen. Instead of moaning, I let out a soft laugh at this move and then I whimper when she removes any contact from me and takes a step back. I quickly turn to Lauren, finally stepping out of my dress and I hold her face in my palms.  
“I’m sorry, just ticklish,” I chuckle once more, making note of how her nervous eyes from before are darker in colour yet shining with happiness. I hold one of Lauren’s hands and walk toward the bed, smiling smugly when I know her gaze is fixated on the movement of my backside when I walk.  
My confidence had never been so bold but knowing her hands and her eyes have been admiring me all night, the dominance is coming naturally to me.  
I guide Lauren to sit on the edge of the bed and I move to stand in between her thighs, her eyes never leaving mine. It doesn’t take long after my fingers bury themselves in her hair that she starts to apply rough, wet kisses to my abdomen, using her teeth to nip at the skin below my ribs. I overcome how ticklish it was to begin with and I focus on how tantalising and hot her tongue feels on my skin.  
The extra height gained from my high-heels allows Lauren to place tormenting kisses to my hips, moving to tease her tongue across my panty line. Her kisses grow slower yet more intense as she focuses on the skin where my thong begins, her teasing means I scrape my fingers through her hair, scratching her scalp slightly.  
When I thought my sensitivity toward her touch was already at its peak, her fingers squeeze at my inner thighs before they drift north and drag over my centre. Lauren no doubt aware of the wetness that has soaked through the lace.  
“Can I take these off?” Lauren’s soft tone breaks me from my heady state momentarily and I look down to see her eyes fixed at mine. Despite the sweetness to her voice, the carnal desire in her eyes reveals just how desperate she is also.  
I nod almost hesitantly at her request, her fingers already hooking my underwear before she removes them slowly; Lauren’s eyes now fixed at the skin exposed to her rather than my eyes, something that doesn’t change even as she leans down to untangle the thong from my heels.  
Lauren licks at her lips as her fingers move up from my ankles to dance along my thighs and then to my sensitive lips, the wetness gathering on her fingers, before she strokes up to the landing strip of pubic hair I had waxed on a whim, thankful to have done it now. Lauren appears entranced by the features of my centre and her obvious longing leads me to my next request.  
“Do you want me to lay down?” She nods quickly and she stands up for the two of us swap places. I sit at the edge of the bed and before I could move back into the centre of the bed, she instantly sinks to her knees.  
I’ve had sex before. A long time ago but I have had sex before. But I’ve never felt so exposed, yet so desired, than in this moment right now.  
Lauren hooks one of my thighs over her shoulder and attaches her lips delicately to the inside of my knee, slowly moving upwards. Before I could whine at her slow pace, she roughly attacks the inside of my thigh with a bruising kiss, squeezing it also with her strong fingers. It doesn’t take long for Lauren to hook my other leg on her shoulder, giving both of my thighs the same treatment: the same licks, the same kisses, the same bites.  
I’m leaning on my elbows, looking down at the gorgeous girl between my thighs. Lauren tears her eyes away from my centre and looks up at me. I hold her gaze until the moment she sucks on the skin where my centre meets my thigh. My arms collapse beneath me and I fall back onto the bed, arms covering my face and thrusting my hips up to her face.  
Lauren’s pace is teasingly slow. I don’t know if it’s her intention to tease me but her intensity yet lack of finality is torture.  
“Lauren, please,” I dig my heel into her shoulder and pull her further into me. It’s still not enough when her tongue explores my centre, drawing my folds into her mouth, worshipping them with her tongue but not paying any attention to the areas I need her most. “Baby, please.”  
Lauren looks up at me almost nervously and my heart swells with affection. I hold one hand to her cheek and guide Lauren’s mouth to my clit, throwing my head back in pleasure at the first contact. This had never felt so good. Her confidence grows at my debauched reaction and sucks at the place I left her lips, directly on my clit, drawing it into mouth and surrounding it with her tongue.  
“Is this okay?” She breaks for air, a hint of worry in her voice as she asks. In a silent answer, I entangle my fingers in her hair and gently pull her back down to resume her skill.  
Profanities slip easily from my lips as I’m overwhelmed by her raucous attention to my clit, bringing me that ever so much closer to my peak. I reach for her hand that is pressing firm against my abs and move it lower to aid her tongue. I guide Lauren’s fingers to retract my clitoral hood and pant “soft, soft” to manipulate the amount of pressure she uses due to my heightened sensitivity. Time slows and for what feels like minutes, she delivers firm but gentle sucks on my exposed clit, ultimately sending waves of fire through my body, my nerves shattering.  
After some moments when I finally regain my senses, I feel a weight on my now relaxed thigh, Lauren using it as a pillow before she turns her head and looks up to me.  
“Fuck, that was so good,” I groan as I come down from the highest point of ecstasy I have ever reached. Lauren slowly stands up, unhooking my thighs from her shoulders. She gently removes the high-heels from my feet before she moves to lay on the bed beside me. Lauren leans up on one of her elbows and turns toward my body, caressing my abdomen and then my breasts with her fingers and lips.  
Normally I would have felt uncomfortable at this point. I am completely naked and my partner is far from it; my body exposed to Lauren completely.  
“Is it okay to kiss you? Or should I brush my-?”  
I cut off Lauren’s rambling with a searing kiss, tasting myself on her tongue. The raunchiness of it sends my mind reeling as I press her down completely onto the bed and crawling to a position almost on top of her. After some minutes of massaging her tongue, I find that my fingers have now travelled to her exposed cleavage, gently caressing the soft yet sweaty skin of her breasts and the channel between them.  
I harden the pressure of my kiss when Lauren nibbles on my bottom lip, my hands now completely massaging her breasts from beneath the fabric of her playsuit. Hesitantly, I drag my hand lower on her body, my lips and tongue upholding their set rhythm on hers. My fingers come into contact with Lauren’s clothed package when I feel her body tense and her lips stop moving against mine.  
“Please stop,” she pleads at my firmer touch, I only having made knowledge of the width and her discomfort before she tells me to stop. I rest my palm on her pelvis before cupping her face.  
“I’ve stopped, ok? Please relax.” Lauren’s pain is evident through her eyes being squeezed shut, her hands in her hair and the tears threatening to fall, for now drowning her green orbs. My heart breaks at the sight. She was comfortable. Lauren was fine when I was touched her. But that all changed when I touched… her. “I am so sorry,” I plead for her forgiveness; kissing at her lips and cheeks.  
“I’m sorry I ruined it.”  
“No, baby. Lauren, you didn’t ruin everything.”  
“I did, I’ve ruined this,” she gestures between us.  
“You really didn’t, sweetheart. I promise. Everything’s okay. Apart from the fact I’m really naked and really cold. But everything else is fine I promise,” I ease her nerves light-heartedly, stroking at her face and offering her a small smile.  
Sadness in her eyes remains in a trace but her green eyes pour love and affection into mine. There is nothing that could make me look away from her gaze, the intimidating yet glorious glare touching me in the deepest way.  
“Maybe we should get some sleep?” Lauren suggests to me, breaking the silence but not the connection of our eyes.  
“Maybe we should,” I nod delicately. “Erm, could I borrow some clothes?” The fact I am still completely naked and so exposed bemuses me, it’s so unlike me yet I feel so comfortable with Lauren.  
“No,” I look at her, amused by her quick response. “I mean, yeah, of course. I don’t know why I said you couldn’t. Of course you can.” She’s rambling again. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay like that?” She’s confident again.  
“Do you want me to stay like this?” I wink at her once she has completely stood up, now devouring my naked body with her eyes once more.  
“Well I’m not going to oppose to the idea.” Once she turns around to the drawer set, I move under her duvet, the cold air finally becoming too much.  
“A shirt will be fine, Lauren,” I quell her worries when I see her trying to find some pants that won’t be too big on me. She throws me the Bob Marley shirt and I slip it over my head, immediately enjoying the warmth and her comforting scent. She excuses herself to change her clothes and walks into the ensuite bathroom.  
She emerges a couple of minutes later wearing a tank top and long basketball shorts, announcing she has a spare tooth brush if I wanted to brush my teeth. I shake my head at her cuteness but join her in the bathroom anyway. We’re both sharing the sink, brushing our teeth together and stealing not-so-subtle glances at the other. I also don’t miss the fact she looks to the bottom of my shirt often, hoping to see the larger shirt rise. And that’s when I don’t regret not putting underwear on either, it feels incredible to be the object of her desire.  
It feels way too domestic when we exit the bathroom together and Lauren goes to turn off the bedroom’s main light and at the same time I turn on a bedside lamp, illuminating the room perfectly. We take our sides on the bed even though I find myself predominantly on her side anyway. Without much thought, I tuck my head into her chest, Lauren’s arms wrapping tightly around me. She stretches for the light switch and darkens the room once more. I don’t pay much mind to the domestic and intimate shift in our relationship, instead I focus on her scent, and her warmth, and how fucking amazing it feels to be in her arms.  
“You’re beautiful by the way, Camila. I didn’t tell you before. You are so, so perfect.”  
“You are too, Lauren… so perfect.”


	9. The Sperm Donor

You’d think I’d be mad at an incessant buzzing waking me up at stupid o’clock on a weekend but when I groan into the pillow and I’m hit with Lauren’s scent, and I remember the arm she has draped around my waist, nothing could wipe the smile of my face.  
Memories of last night come flooding back to me (though it’s not like they were gone long considering I dreamt about it all night). I remember how she made me feel so wanted and so desired. I remember the look on her face when I was exposed to her for the first time. I remember how she touched me, how much she enjoyed touching me. And then I remember how everything afterwards came naturally to us: brushing our teeth together, getting into bed and Lauren taking me into her arms. Still half asleep and I’m smiling into Lauren’s pillow.  
But she still hasn’t turned that fucking alarm off.  
“Lauren,” I nudge my elbow into her arm, trying to rouse the woman from her sleep. “Lauren,” I groan a little louder.  
“Hm?” She replies sleepily, burying her face further into my neck. I went to sleep cuddled up into her chest and I’ve woken up to her spooning me again, like she did that morning Dinah had caught us, her body tight to mine and an arm wrapped possessively around my waist.   
“Alarm.”  
“Hm?”  
“Lauren. Turn off your damn alarm.”  
“Yes, ma’am,” Lauren turns slightly and reaches behind her to turn off the source of my annoyance, the position causing her pelvis to jut out and into my backside; her morning hardness becoming more prominent. It doesn’t take long for her to switch off the alarm and collapse on the bed beside me, no longer wrapping her arms around me, instead rubbing at her eyes tiredly.  
I don’t dwell on the fact that already I miss her warmth, her closeness and her arms wrapped securely around me, and I turn to her, laying on my side.  
“Why did your alarm go off on the weekend?” I ask nosily, still irritated to have been woken up so early. She stops rubbing her eyes and turns to lay facing me also. “You don’t have work do you?”  
“Sometimes my boss drags me in at the weekend, but not today. Today I have different plans,” she explains with apprehension.  
“But it’s sooo early.”  
“Camz, its 9am. That’s a lie in!”  
“What? You have got to be kidding me. I live with two children and I still get a better lie in than this on most weekends,” I explain, trying to ignore the fact that with our entwined legs, her thigh is very close to my naked centre – and her penis not far either.  
“Well, this is probably the latest I’ll ever get up so you best get used to it!”  
“Get used to it? Are you implying that we spending the night together will be a regular occurrence?” I tease, smirking at her when her cheeks tint with a blush. My smirk however quickly removed when she starts attacking my sides with her fingers, probably remembering from last night how sensitive I am. I’m sensitive in other places too but she’s conveniently forgotten that…  
It doesn’t take long for her fingers to let up and release me from their grip but that’s when I find myself sitting on her stomach, leaning over her and catching my breath. From fending her off I find myself on top of her, pinning her arms on the pillow either side of her head. It doesn’t occur to me that she’s clearly a lot stronger than I am yet somehow I find her submitting to my defence and me now laying on top of her.  
I sit up firmly on Lauren’s stomach and I don’t make any attempt to move, instead I observe how beautiful she looks. Her green eyes are softer, and lighter, either from happiness or tiredness, her dark hair is spread across her pillow, and her pale skin is glowing from the morning sun searing through the curtains. She makes a move to loosen the grip I still have on her arms and follows up by locking her fingers through mine and resting them against the bed.  
I tear my gaze away from Lauren’s and I look toward our hands where she is rubbing smooth strokes to the back of my palm. For a few moments I just appreciate how intimate and almost natural this situation has become. Holding her hand feels normal – the spark when we touch not gone – but it feels normal, like we should always do it, or like we’ve always done it.  
I soon look back at Lauren and find she’s not looking at me like she was before, her eyes are fixed somewhere else.  
And that’s when I remember for the second time this morning that I didn’t put underwear back on last night.  
Lauren’s eyes are just fixed at my naked centre, revealed to her from where my shirt had ridden up, my backside on her stomach and my thighs slightly on top of her chest. I overcome the embarrassment and insecurity that first washes over me and just focus on the overwhelming desire that is evident in her gaze. Longing and lust, yet curiosity, was her approach last night and right now is much of the same.  
“Are you okay, Lauren?” I break the woman from her daydream and she darts her eyes to mine, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, are eyes wide with fear that I had caught her. I had but I’m not going to let her know that.  
She clears her throat, “yeah, of course. Erm, I’m quite hungry actually so maybe we should go down and get some food?”  
I could make a joke about a lot of that sentence.   
“Yeah, of course. I’m hungry too,” I swing my leg over her lap to fall back onto my side of the bed, purposely giving her a better view of my exposed area. When she clears her throat again, I know I did just that. “Come on then,” I say to Lauren as I put on a pair of her jogging bottoms that I found on the floor beside her bed. She sits up and stretches in the cutest way, sounding like a baby dinosaur in her groan.  
“You go and I’ll meet you in the kitchen,” I give her a pointed look in confusion, “I just need to use the bathroom,” Lauren says with a tight smile.  
“Go on then, I don’t mind waiting here,” I say with a shrug.  
“Erm, no, Camz. Just go downstairs and I’ll be there in a sec.”  
“Why is it a problem if I wait here? Is there something wrong?-”  
Oh. “Oh,” my eyes automatically look toward her hidden crotch, “you’re still-” I gesture toward Lauren’s area.  
“What do you mean ‘still’? Did you feel it?” Her nerves causing the questions to come out in a rush.  
“Lauren, we were really cuddled up,” I prove to her simply.  
“Oh,” she looks down at her fidgeting hands, “well, I’m sorry you had to feel that,” her typically husky voice now layered with sadness. I sit on the bed beside her and hold her face in my hands.  
“Please don’t be sad, or embarrassed. It’s perfectly natural and I promise you, I was okay with it.” Lauren shakes her head, not believing the words I’m telling her. “Honestly, Lauren. I accept all of you. Even if you do get horny in the mornings.”  
And there’s the laugh I’ve been waiting to here.  
“Oh God, please shut up,” Lauren falls back on the bed with her hands over her face, embarrassed yet laughing at my comment.  
“I’m gonna go downstairs and raid your kitchen. You can just- while I-” I motion toward her area and then the door, suggesting that I leave so she can do whatever she needs to do. She catches on and then quickly sits up with wide, nervous eyes to defend herself.  
“No, no, no, I just need to have a cold shower. I’m not going to do… that. I don’t do that. I just need a shower if you would just wait for me downstairs? Raid my kitchen all you want.”  
I smirk at Lauren as I make my way toward the door. “Whatever you say, Lo. I’ll see you soon.”  
“No, Camila. I don’t-” she defends with a louder voice as I exit the room. I linger down the hallway long enough to hear her say, “I don’t do that,” in a defeated tone to herself.  
“So do I need to drop you off at home or at your mother’s?” We’re back in the car now and Lauren is driving me back home to see Emelia, my mother dropping her home in an hour or so.  
Lauren had come down to the kitchen about 15 minutes later in a change of clothes and her hair tied up, still wet from her shower. I started on making some pancakes with the ingredients I had found in her kitchen and she helped me with them soon after; allowing me to eat the first one while she continued with the rest.  
We hadn’t spoken about this morning. Or last night. Instead we fell into a natural conversation about Emelia, work and the pancakes which were delicious. But that didn’t bother me. I didn’t want to talk about either situation because, for one I didn’t feel like we needed to, and two, the last thing I want is to make her feel uncomfortable when she’s now so relaxed.  
After a shower, she had given me another shirt to wear with the jogging bottoms I had already stolen and we started the journey to my house. Unlike the journey last night, there wasn’t any tension or nerves, it was just filled with mindless chat and the adorable laugh of Lauren every so often.  
“What are you and Emelia getting up to today?”  
“Nothing’s planned so probably not much. Maybe go to the park. Why?” I look to Lauren and make note on how beautiful she looks when she’s concentrating; indicating right and turning onto my road.  
“Well, I kind of have this day trip planned for the three of us. Nothing’s booked so it can be whenever but the weather’s great, not too hot so hopefully Emelia will be ok in the car. So if you’re not busy, I’d really like to take the both of you out today,” she suggests hopefully.  
“That’s really sweet of you, Lauren. Of course. I don’t even need to ask her because I know how happy she’ll be to spend the day with you.” She smiles bashfully as she pulls the car up outside my apartment.  
“Great! Well I have to meet someone right now but I’ll be done in about an hour. Text me when Emelia’s home and I’ll come to pick you both up?” I nod in excitement, already eager to spend the day with Emelia and Lauren.  
I don’t kiss her goodbye.  
But I really wish I had.  
“Mama!” Emelia runs down the steps from our front door and launches into Lauren’s arms who is standing next to her car waiting for us.  
“Hey, beautiful girl. Did you enjoy your night out at Grandma’s?” Lauren asks our daughter, holding the small girl on her hip. They both always look so happy just being with each other and it’s that simple tenderness that makes their relationship so special.  
It’s not long after that Lauren carries our daughter to the backseat of the car, fixing the small girl securely into her car seat and then asking me to double-check she had done it properly. She had like I suspected and the pride on her face was something admirable. Lauren and I then buckle into the front seats and I turn to Lauren and then Emelia, both radiating excitement and happiness.  
“I’m warning you both now that it’s a pretty long trip,” Lauren says as she pulls away and starts driving, “if either of you want to use stop or use the restroom or something just let me know. There’s also food and drink in that hamper there,” she points her thumb to a big box on the floor of the back seat.  
Unsurprisingly, both me and Emelia are perfectly ok with it being a long journey and spending all day with the green-eyed woman.  
“Mama? Do you have better music?” Our daughter asks from the backseat, making me giggle at how cute she approaches her mother so she doesn’t insult her.  
“Excuse me, missy, but this is great music. Your mummy likes it too, she told me!” Lauren’s childish tone makes me laugh even more. We’ve been driving for about 40 minutes and John Mayer’s ‘Continuum’ has been playing softly in the background of our chatter. Lauren’s right, I do love this music and the album is one of my favourites but Emelia seems to think otherwise.  
“No she doesn’t, Mummy hates it. She wants you to put on something else!”  
“Oh does she now?” Lauren questions comically, looking at our daughter in her rear-view mirror.  
“Mhm.” That child is unreal.  
“Go on then, Camz. Put on something else because of how much you hate this music,” Lauren’s juvenile tone making Emelia laugh in triumph, the green-eyed woman now smiling to herself for provoking that reaction from our daughter. I lean forward and press the ‘2’ button, switching to another CD that she has already in the audio system.  
Tribal music fills the surround of the car and instantly I recognise that it’s ‘Circle of Life’ from The Lion King.  
The Lion King.  
Disney.  
Lauren has a Disney CD.  
“Lauren, why do you have a Disney CD?” I turn to her in confusion, Lauren and Emelia already looking equally happy with the new music.  
“I may have made a playlist…”  
“You may have made a playlist?”  
“Yes. Or two.” Can she get any cuter? Lauren looks to me briefly and flashes me a cute toothy smile. Yes, yes she can get cuter. “Could you get me a water, please? From back there?”  
I stretch behind to the hamper in the back and grab a water for Lauren, a squash for Emelia. Lauren mutters a small thank you when I give it to her before having a few sips and giving it back for me to also have some of the water.  
“One minute I’m in Central Park”  
The song I recognise from Oliver and Company tears through the car, a bit of a tempo change from ‘Circle of Life’, and I struggle to keep the water in my mouth as I laugh at the randomness of her playlist. Lauren looks at me already laughing and she claps her hands in amusement when she sees water spilling from my lips, threatening to spray out.  
Eventually I calm down enough to swallow the water. “Lauren, is there any theme to this playlist at all?”  
“Yes, Disney! I thought we clarified this?”  
“Oh, God.”  
“Oh, Dodger.”  
Emelia chimes in with the laughter when she recognises the dog’s name from the film. I turn around to look behind me and Emelia’s finished laughing and is now wiggling in her car seat, dancing to the song. When I know she’s distracted by the song and the cars driving passed us on the freeway, I turn to Lauren.  
“Lia’s having a good time.”  
“Yeah?” Lauren asks me, “we’re not even there yet!” She says to me laughing. “But I’m glad. You don’t think she’s feeling sick at all, do you?”  
“She’s too distracted to think about it. Normally I would have had to pull over by now but she doesn’t seem to be thinking about it,” I look back her our daughter, seeing that she’s still in her own little world.  
“I’m glad,” she looks over to me smiling, her eyes sparkling with happiness. “There are sandwiches, fruit, snacks and stuff in the bag. Did you want to stop for lunch or would you both be ok to eat in the car?”  
“If you don’t mind dirtying your car seats then we’ll eat in here. It saves wasting time and stopping,” I propose and she nods in agreement. I turn back around to the hamper and I grab a sandwich that’s obviously made for Emelia, peanut butter and jelly without the crusts, as well as a small box of fruit slices.  
“Thank you for making me lunch, Mama,” our daughter calls out to Lauren who is now singing along to something from Mulan.  
“You’re very welcome, princess.”  
I also grab some food for Lauren and me, holding a sandwich out in front of Lauren for her to bite into while she’s driving. I take in turns feeding myself and then feeding Lauren, the both of us also ensuring Emelia is eating, which of course she would because Lauren made it for her after all.  
We’re finishing up our lunch when a new song bursts through the car – ‘Bare Necessities’ from Jungle Book.  
Emelia’s laughter intensifies when Lauren starts singing: “Wherever I wander, wherever I roam // I couldn’t be fonder of my big home // the bees are buzzin’ in the tree to make some honey just for me // When you look under the rocks and plants and take a glance at the fancy ants-”  
The three of us could not contain our laughter at this point, Lauren looking slightly embarrassed but ultimately she couldn’t care less about it especially if it made her daughter as happy as it did. Emelia and I join in with the song and Lauren turns up the volume, the three of us singing so loudly that if the car was to stop in traffic, other cars would probably be able to hear us.  
The sing-a-long continues when ‘Love is an Open Door’ from Frozen plays and Lauren and I immediately assume the positions of Hans and Anna respectively, and we sing a full-length duet to the song, Emelia clapping her hands and laughing at her two mothers.  
After Lauren and I’s performance, I see that we’re already off the freeway and she’s pulled off the main road and into a more secluded area. I look at the digital clock and see that we’ve been driving for almost 3 hours and Emelia hadn’t complained once; Lauren keeping her entertained effortlessly throughout the journey.  
Lauren drives the car up a small hill and immediately into an empty car park. There really isn’t any building structure around, just a big entrance sign leading into some sort of ranch and an area of woodland. But there are people walking around, all in a uniform, carrying various things. Lauren drives through the carpark and onto a grassy area where she finally stops the car and turns to me with a big smile.  
“You can leave whatever you want in the car, nobody’s around to steal anything.” Lauren quickly hops out the car and walks around its front, opening my door for me and then moving onto Emelia’s. She unbuckles our daughter from her car seat and places her on the ground beside us. “Are you ready?” She locks up the car and turns to us both.  
“Lauren, where the hell are we? Emelia, don’t repeat that word,” I quickly say before she attempts it. Lauren gives me that adorable laugh again which even makes Emelia smile before she explains.  
“It’s an animal rescue place. But for lions, tigers and big cats and stuff. It’s kind of a family-run business – my family. Well, my sister. She owns right now.” Wow.  
“Wow!” Emelia takes the word right out of my mouth. “That is so cool! I want to see them,” and our daughter starts running toward the woodland area, leaving Lauren and I laughing. We don’t chase after her right away because she’s not incredibly fast and her waddle is quite frankly one of the cutest things. Lauren takes a couple of big strides toward her and scoops our daughter up and into her arms.  
“Now, missy! Don’t think about running away from us. We wanna see the tigers too, ok?”  
“Ok, Mama. Mummy, come on!” Emelia orders me from over Lauren’s shoulder. We walk for about 5 minutes through the wooded area and Lauren talks to us both about the place and what happens here.  
Basically it’s like a reserve for the animals to protect them from any danger. Either they have been rescued from violence in captivity or they’re too ill or too weak to live in the wild at the moment. They help them, fix them up, and send them back into the wild. Lauren explains to us how she’s been coming here ever since she was a kid because her family founded the place and there is always someone from her family who is running it – like her sister currently.  
“Hey Lauren,” we all look toward a man about our age wearing a cowboy hat and holding large buckets of water. “Welcome to you guys too!” He offers Emelia and I a big smile before he continues to walk on, the three of us greeting him also.  
“That’s James. He’s been working here for about a year now but we’ve known him our whole lives,” Lauren explains to us. She’s put Emelia on the floor now and like always our daughter is walking between us both and holding our hands; our little girl swinging our arms in a dance. The field has opened up a lot now and the space is huge. A few buildings now too but all clumped together, leaving copious amounts of woodland and grass for the animals.  
As we walk toward what looks like a main reception of some sort, a brunette woman screams Lauren’s name and runs to her, wrapping her arms tightly around the green-eyed woman’s neck.  
“Hey, Tay,” Lauren grumbles into the girl’s neck, releasing Emelia’s hand wrapping it around the other woman’s waist. They let go of each other and immediately the girl’s eyes turn toward Emelia and I, I would be intimidated if it wasn’t for the friendly smile plastered across the girl’s face.  
“You must be Camila, it’s lovely to meet you,” she reaches for me and gives me an equally squeezing hug. “I’m Taylor. Lauren’s sister. She’s told me lots about you.” The girl who I now know as Taylor winks at me leaving me frozen in the spot before crouching down to Emelia. “And you must be Emelia. I’m very happy to meet you.” Taylor says sweetly to her niece. Lauren looks at me and offers me her infamous toothy smile and it immediately calms any nerves I had about meeting her sister.  
I lean down to pick up Emelia, lifting her onto my hip, Taylor also rising to her feet. “Lia, say hi to Taylor. She’s mummy’s sister and she owns this place,” I say reassuringly to my daughter who seems a little bit nervous about meeting someone new.  
“Hi Taylor.”  
“Hi Emelia. You’re very beautiful.” Emelia smiles bashfully and tucks her face into my neck while her cheeks start to go red causing us all to laugh. “I can tell she has you two for parents,” she winks at me again, Lauren and Taylor now laughing at my blushing face.  
“Emelia, did you want to go to the toilet before I start showing you around?” Lauren asks our daughter, the little girl nodding in response and holding her arms out to Lauren who puts her on the floor and takes her hand.  
“I’ll wait here with Taylor,” I say to them before they start walking off to a building which I assume to be the restroom.  
“So…”  
“So…” I repeat awkwardly.  
“Lauren and Emelia seem to get on well. From what Lauren’s told me, she adores that kid!”  
“Yeah they really do. It’s really sweet and I’m really happy. They got on straight away and Emelia loves her to bits,” I explain with a smile.  
“That makes me happy. Lauren, she’s been so happy since she’s met you guys. We’ve all noticed the change in her. We don’t see her too often but she calls all the time and it’s obvious how happy you’ve made her.”  
I smile wider when I hear how happy she is from somebody else. I knew she was happy being with us, it’s clear by the constant smile she’s wearing when she’s around us, but hearing it from somebody as close as her sister feels really great. Taylor’s obviously seen her at her happiest and her saddest times and right now, she must be at one of her happiest.  
“Yeah, I can see how happy Emelia makes her.”  
“Not just Emelia. You too. She talks about you a lot!”  
“Really?”  
“Mhm. Normally people wouldn’t repeat what she says because of privacy or whatever but I’m her sister so I’m supposed to embarrass her.” I laugh at Taylor before she resumes, almost nervous though to hear what she says. “She tells me how much of a great mother you are, and how much you love Emelia. She’s also told me how beautiful she thinks you are but I’m not allowed to say that bit,” she smirks at me again. Ah, so it’s a Jauregui smirk. “And how comfortable she is with you, which I really appreciate. It’s hard for her to be comfortable around people as you can imagine, but I know she trusts you. So thank you for that. And thank you for being hot, that kid is beautiful!”  
I laugh in my flustered state, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach before I change the subject. “So how long have you worked here?”  
She laughs at my attempt but humours me anyway, “about two years. Our mother pretty much founded the place but when she got sick I took over.”  
Their mother was sick?  
Before Taylor can continue speaking, Lauren and Emelia return from the restroom, the green-eyed woman shooting her sister daggers in warning of what she might have told me.  
“I promise you’ve embarrassed me enough, little sister.”  
“Oh indeed I have. I’ve only spoken the truth though!”  
“Hm.” Lauren blocks out her sister with a laugh and turns to me, “ready to go and see some Tiger cubs?”  
“YAY!” Emelia shouts, trying to run off but Lauren scoops her up in her arms again.  
“No running, missy. The lions might eat you!” Lauren pretends to take a bite out of Emelia’s side, making the small girl wriggle in her arms, her laughter ringing out into the ears of me and Taylor.  
“Have a good one, guys. Let me know if you need anything, Lo!” Taylor turns back into the main reception, but not before flashing me a big smile once more.  
After walking for a few more minutes, being introduced to some people who work there and simply looking around at the ranch, we start walking towards a big, grassy area and I immediately start swooning at the tiger cubs playing with each other and some toys.  
“Cute, right?” Lauren says to me smiling. Emelia runs toward the fence and tried to call out for some of the tiger cubs before Lauren shocks us both and opens the fence, encouraging Emelia and I to follow which we do with no hesitation. “It’s lunch time for these cute things and we,” she bends down into an outdoor refrigerator, grabbing some milk bottles, “get to feed them.”  
“Wow, Lauren.” Baby tigers are jumping up my legs, scratching at my shoes and I’m in love. They are the cutest things and Lauren is given me the chance to do something I’ve always wanted to do. Emelia is just as in awe of the tiger cubs as I am and she’s trying to pet them like dogs, quickly pulling her hand back if one of the cubs moves toward her with their mouths. “This is incredible,” I finally get out.  
Lauren leans down and picks up our daughter, resting the girl on her hip then before I know it, she’s holding my hand too, walking me over to a patch of grass by some of their toys. We sit down side-by-side on the grass, Emelia sitting in between Lauren’s legs and she hands us a milk bottle each.  
Lauren teaches us both how to hold the bottle and before we know it, we each have a tiger cub trying to get at their food. The smallest one falls into my lap, resting its head on my leg and takes the bottle in its mouth, drinking it with no problem.  
Lauren teaches us both how to hold the bottle and before we know it, we each have a tiger cub trying to get at their food. The smallest one falls into my lap, resting its head on my leg and takes the bottle in its mouth, drinking it with no problem.  
Emelia’s one is a little bit more excited.  
Lauren’s helping her hold the bottle out to him but he’s not sitting still. He takes the bottle into his mouth yet tries to jump on Emelia, falling over her legs to get closer to the bottle. Her constant laughter tells me she loves it even though most kids would probably be fearful.  
“Camz,” Lauren calls for my attention and I look toward her. “Could you feed this one as well while I help Emelia out?” She hands the milk bottle over to me, the larger tiger cub following its food, and falling on top of the other to drink, neither looking as though it’s a problem.  
Lauren seems to have tamed the excitement of the other cub, helping Emelia feed it properly while it’s seated in front her. Once Emelia finally got the hang of it, Lauren took her phone out of her pocket and started snapping pictures of us. The three of us feeding the cubs, all smiling and laughing. I look over to her phone right before I see her sending the pictures to somebody but I don’t see who it is.  
“Hey, Gerard’s back!” Lauren says with excitement before she quickly gets up, “I’ll be back in a second,” and she walks to the area next door, unlocking it when she gets there.  
Emelia and I are left with the tiger cubs crawling all over our legs which we’re both still ecstatic about but we look over to Lauren who seems to be on her own.  
Until a big tiger runs her way.  
Well, it’s not that big. Bigger than the cubs but not quite full size.  
Lauren starts to fuss over the bigger tiger she’s with, rubbing at its face and talking to it happily. It doesn’t take long for their interaction to become a little bit more aggressive and she starts to wrestle with the tiger. Gerard jumping on her and Lauren pushing it away time and time again.  
“Wow,” I look down at Emelia who had just voiced her amazement and she’s not even paying attention to the cubs that are now asleep in her lap, she’s watching Lauren who appears to be in her element. She’s laughing and fake growling at the tiger, pushing it away each time but taming it when it becomes more aggressive.  
I see Taylor walking up to Lauren, laughing at her sister’s antics but joining in the play fight with Gerard before another trainer calls for its feeding, leaving Lauren and Taylor alone. Lauren starts to look a little bit distressed at whatever it is she and Taylor are talking about but when she looks over to Emelia and I, she smiles and it’s genuine, our daughter and I mirroring the same smile back to her.  
“So, Gerard, huh? You didn’t tell me about the man in your life?” I wink at Lauren beside me. We’re walking back to the reception area now, Emelia and Taylor walking in front of us. Lauren had introduced me to the tiger in question, but not Emelia because he was a little too big for her, our little girl had stayed with James and Taylor. He tried play fighting with me as well but Lauren always stood in front of me, shielding me from the tiger’s big paws each time. She had also given us a tour around the ranch, showing us the big area where the lions stay even bringing us close to one. She had gone inside the fenced area and led an adult lion over to the fence where Emelia and I were able to take pictures with him. Apparently his mood swings have been quite bad since he got sick and so strangers aren’t really allowed to go in with him.  
Without even realising it we had been at the ranch for 2 hours and Lauren decided it was best we leave because she had another stop in mind before we go home.  
But first she wanted us to go back to the reception area and show Emelia something.  
“Mhm, he’s a great man. A little rough around the edges but nothing I can’t control,” Lauren winks at me back. “He’s been here since he was born. I was his playmate from the beginning. He’s blind in one eye, going blind in the other, but for now it’s not so bad. He’s just come back from an operation to help it. We won’t know the results for a little while.”  
“Aww, I’m sorry to hear that.” I take her right hand in my left and lean into her side, kissing her shoulder and rubbing at her bicep. Still, Lauren and I haven’t questioned our behaviour around each other. In moments like this, it seems as though we’re together and it truly does feel right. Other times, we’re more distant. Like when Emelia can see us. Neither of us have explained why, but we don’t have to. It seems as though we’re both happy doing whatever feels right in the moment, not thinking about what could happen and how we’d behave then.  
Living in the now, not living in hypotheticals.


	10. The Sperm Donor

Back at the reception area, Lauren had shown Emelia and I how you can ‘adopt’ one of the animals, pay a monthly contribution to the welfare of the animals and in return you’re gifted with pictures and things related to it. Lauren had also given Emelia the opportunity to name a new-born tiger cub that is unwell and is receiving treatment to get better, ultimately adopting it, Lauren paying the fees.  
Our little girl is now sitting back in her car seat, looking through the pack of pictures and information about her tiger, Leonard, awwing and cooing over each picture.  
“He’s so cute, mummy. Look at this,” I turn around to see the picture she’s holding, it’s one of Lauren holding the tiger, the cub looking only minutes old when Lauren has it wrapped up in a blanket.  
“He’s very cute, Lia,” I say in agreement to her before I turn to Lauren, “you look pretty cute too.” The green-eyed girl takes a second to figure out which picture I’m talking about before she tucks her head down, blushing and smiling in response.  
“Ok then, you two,” Lauren shakes away her embarrassment and addresses Emelia and I, “we’re gonna stop for dinner in about an hour or so and there’s something pretty fun to do while we’re there, then we’ll drive home. Is that ok?”  
“Yes, mama. Please can you play Disney again?”  
Lauren and I laugh at Emelia’s impatience and the green-eyed woman leans across to put the second part of the playlist on. “Is that alright with you, Camz?”  
“Of course,” I reply simply as something I surprisingly didn’t know started to play from her sound system. “Lauren, what’s this?” I ask the girl who’s already moving to the beat of the song.  
“Gospel Truth,” she answers in an obvious tone. I still don’t have a clue what that is so I raise my eyebrows at her trying to further her answer. “From Hercules?”  
“Never seen it.”  
“WHAT? Get out. Get out of my car,” Lauren points sternly toward the passenger door, Emelia and I laughing at her reaction.  
“Stick to the classics, Lo.”  
“Erm, Hercules is a classic you imposter! Acting like you know Disney films,” Lauren huffs at me, comically directing her attention back to the road. “You’re not so perfect after all.”  
“Perfect?” I ask teasingly causing Lauren to blush again. “Aww. You see this, Emelia? Your mama thinks I’m perfect,” I jokingly flip my hair, Lauren laughing at me, cheeks still red.  
“That’s because you are mummy.”  
“Aww, baby,” I turn around to my daughter, kissing my hand then touching it to her lips, Emelia kissing my hand also. “I love you.”  
“I love you too, mummy. But mama needs that kiss too,” Emelia says obviously. I touch my hand to Lauren’s lips, the woman kissing my hand in response.  
Our journey falls into a comfortable silence after this; Lauren concentrating on her driving, Emelia listening to the music and trying to read a book she bought with her, and I take the time to reflect.  
Last night we had a really incredible time together, from the laughter we shared at the club to the intimacy we shared later on. Being with Lauren was nothing like I had experienced before. She has this way of being really sexy and confident, transforming into someone so geeky and giggly, and becoming someone who is ultimately shy and very vulnerable. But that just made her so desirable to me.  
I want to find out everything that makes her become each of those people; which of those people she truly is and which will make me fall for her.  
Last night I saw how desperate yet nervous she was for intimacy. I had never felt so desired under someone’s lustful gaze and Lauren wasn’t trying to be subtle about how appreciative she was of my body and how much she wanted to touch me. But she was nervous to. Her inexperience was abundantly clear in the hesitancy of her actions but ultimately that didn’t matter. She’s incredible. She makes me feel incredible. I know it won’t be the last time she makes me feel that way and hopefully, with time and patience, I can make her feel the same way.  
I’m broken from my thoughts when I hear light singing to my left, Lauren’s melodic voice running over the current song that I make out to be ‘Colours of the Wind’ from Pocahontas. I rest my head firmly against the headrest, absorbing the beautiful sound. It quickly comes to an end when the classics from ‘The Lion King’ start playing through the car, Emelia and Lauren passionately singing giving me no excuse but to join in.  
The three of us having fun and enjoying the others’ company is something that has come easy to us all, something that we all probably didn’t expect but are very thankful for. It doesn’t take a lot to make any of us laugh when the others are around simply because we all feel nothing but happiness. Even when we’re not trying to entertain Emelia, I’m always happy being around Lauren.  
Throughout the enjoyment and excitement that exudes from us all by the music, I hadn’t felt any tension between Lauren and I. Considering how intimate we had gotten the night before, we hadn’t allowed for any awkwardness or embarrassment between us, even before we had started the day with Emelia. But tension has a way of creeping up on you if a small factor of a situation changes.  
The song for example.  
Lauren and I don’t sing to the next song, instead we exchange soft glances, the both of us itching to do something. Once ‘Kiss the Girl’ from The Little Mermaid comes on, it’s just Emelia singing – trying to sing. She doesn’t really know the words but she thinks she does. Lauren and I laugh at how adorable our daughter is but as soon as we caught sight of the other’s eyes, we couldn’t resist to look again.  
I hope she wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss her. I know neither of us would make the move because of Emelia. Kissing in front her would just confuse the small girl and provoke her to ask questions we don’t have answers to.  
I don’t have too much time to dwell on the tension or the fact I really want to do something I know I’m not allowed to. Just as the song is finishing, Lauren pulls up outside of a big complex, boards around to advertise the shops and restaurants inside, and parks perfectly in a spot close to the pavement.  
Once again Lauren moves around the front of the car, opening my door on the way to Emelia’s, opening hers and helping the girl out of her car seat. Emelia stands to the side of the pavement attempting to tie up her shoes which she took off in the car. I’m looking down at her, watching the determination on her face, when Lauren attaches her lips to mine.  
Before I could take the time to enjoy the softness of her lips yet pressure of the kiss, she moves away with her hand still cupping my cheek and her thumb stroking at my lips. Lauren offers me another quick kiss before she turns toward Emelia, ensuring the girl is still distracted by tying her shoe laces before she bends down and reteaches the girl how to do it.  
“Build-a-bear? You’re other surprise was Build-a-bear?” I ask Lauren, laughing at her childish grin when she saw the big sign for the shop.  
“Not just any build-a-bear, Camz. This is the best and biggest one in America. Oh, and there’s a really awesome pizza place next door, so shush!”  
“That sounds great, Lauren,” with no thought I lean up and kiss her cheek, the both of us equally surprised with my gesture in front of our daughter.  
“Ok then,” she gives me a timid smile before she takes Emelia’s hand, “come on then, princess. Let’s go and make some bears!”  
It doesn’t take long once we get in the store for Lauren to disappear, Emelia and I catching glimpses of her wandering around to make the perfect teddy bear.  
“Do you think she’ll like this, mummy?”  
“I think she’ll love it, baby,” regarding the tiger dressed in dungarees we made for Lauren. “Maybe she’ll call him Gerard!”  
She didn’t call him Gerard.  
We had given the stuffed animal to Lauren when we next saw her and the genuine smile on her face encouraged a similar one on the faces of Emelia and I. She decided to name him Tiger. Creativity clearly not one of her strong points.  
Emelia was once again elated by Lauren’s reaction to her present and even more so when Lauren revealed a cute pink teddy bear designed to look like a princess, Emelia’s name written across its chest.  
“For you, princess,” Lauren hands the teddy bear over to our daughter who clutches it tight and repeats her thanks half a dozen times over. “Now,” she takes the little girl’s hand, “we’re going to make something for mummy.”  
“No, Lauren, you don’t need to do that.”  
“Yes, we do. Now how about you go and find us a table at the pizza place next door, it’s likely to be pretty busy so grab a table outside,” she points to the tables that are visible from here. “And we shall see you soon.” Lauren winks at me before she leads our daughter around the store.  
Admitting how flustered her wink made me is not something I’d like to do but I can’t deny how sexy she looks when she’s smug and confident. I walk outside of the store, saying goodbye to the girls on my way, and moving to find a table. On the way I hear my phone ringing, looking down I see Dinah’s caller ID.  
“Hola!” I answer happily.  
“Hey, fancy pants. What’s got you in a good mood?”  
“Just having a great day, why do you ask?”  
“Just wondering if it’s got anything to do with you staying at Lauren’s last night?” Dinah asks suggestively, knowing she has a satisfied smirk across her face.  
“Dinah!”  
“What? I didn’t see you this morning before Lauren whisked you away again. How was it?”  
“How was what, Dinah?”  
“The fucking, obviously.”  
“Obviously,” I murmur sarcastically, “we didn’t do that.”  
“Bullshit!”  
“Dinah, we didn’t. We did stuff, but not that.”  
“All’s the same. At least you got some lovin’, maybe now you won’t be antsy.”  
“Hey! I was never antsy. Stop implying I was so sexually frustrated,” I say the last bit in almost a whisper, I’m in public after all. I still look around at the people close to me ensuring they hadn’t heard what I said.  
“You haven’t gotten any in years since what’s-her-face, of course you were. Since you’ve met Lauren it’s just been worse. So what did happen then?”  
“You haven’t gotten any in years since what’s-her-face, of course you were. Since you’ve met Lauren it’s just been worse. So what did happen then?”  
“None of your business.”  
“Chanch…”  
“I’ll tell you when I get home. I was going to anyway. You know I tell you everything and I kind of need to talk to someone about it because I don’t know how to handle the situation.”  
“That’s fair enough, we’ll discuss tonight. So what are you up to now?”  
I look up and see Lauren and Emelia at the cashier, paying for the three bears. The little girl is still cradling the bear Lauren had made her while jumping up in enthusiasm, engaging in an animated conversation with the green-eyed woman, Lauren leaning down and laughing, trying to hear everything the excited girl is saying.  
“Mila?”  
“Oh sorry D, we’re just about to get some pizza,” I answer her, forgetting she had asked a question before.  
“Girl sure knows how to get into your pants! Alcohol last night and pizza today, you’ll be boning by next week!”  
“Dinah! I’m hanging up.” I hang up the phone just as Lauren and our daughter joins me at the table, Dinah’s words making me flustered and embarrassed once more.  
“Are you ok? You look a bit red,” Lauren observes and questions with sincerity.  
“I’m fine, that was Dinah on the phone, wanted to know how our day is going.” Lauren smiles at me and I keep my gaze fixed on her, my face probably getting redder as images of what Dinah had said runs through my mind. I start thinking about the desperate kisses we shared last night and how she touched me inexpertly but so wonderfully. She was able to make me feel a way that I had never felt before and that was only the product of her devouring eyes and exploring tongue. I doubt I will ever be prepared for the way she’ll make me feel when her confidence grows and she can offer me more. It doesn’t take long for images of her thrusting into me to invade my mind and flustered can’t even begin to describe the way I’m feeling.  
“Mama, can we order now?” A small voice breaks from my daydream and I can’t help the embarrassment that washes through me, no doubt my face revealing how guilty I am.  
“Of course. Camz, do you know what you want?” Lauren asks me innocently. I nod nervously as she calls over the waiter. I look over to Emelia who’s watching me questioningly.  
I was just thinking about sex while my daughter is sitting right next to me.  
I am such a bad person.  
“So, Camila, now it’s time for your present.” We had just ordered our pizzas and Lauren doesn’t give time for the warmth in my cheeks to subside before she addresses me again, her hypnotising green orbs giving me their undivided attention. She reaches inside the bag and pulls out another stuffed animal, passing it along to Emelia.  
“Mummy, we made you a Simba! He’s really cute,” the little girl reaches over and pretends the stuffed animal is kissing my cheek.  
“He’s adorable,” I take him in my hands, “thank you guys, I really love him.” I hold the cute toy up to my face, facing the girls, and I imitate a lion’s growl, thankful to have received Lauren’s adorable giggle in return and not a look of ‘what the fuck?’ like Emelia is giving me.  
“Well I have the Nala at home so I thought you’d might like the Simba,” Lauren adds, looking down at her hands with a small smile and blushing cheeks.  
“He is really sweet, thank you, though I’m sure when Dinah sees it she’ll kidnap him with no hesitation.”  
It doesn’t take long for our pizzas to arrive, Lauren and Emelia sharing a large cheese pizza and me having my own Hawaiian. As I’m taking a bite out of one of the slices, I look over to see Lauren cutting up some of their pizza into bite size pieces for Emelia. It’s the efforts that Lauren takes to pleasing our daughter that warms my heart every time; whether it’s as simple as cutting up her pizza, or as extravagant as treating her to a day with tigers.  
“Thank you, Mama,” Emelia says to Lauren as she picks up a small bit of pizza and eats it with ease.  
“You’re very welcome, princess.”  
Lauren licking off traces of tomato sauce from her fingers probably shouldn’t turn me on as much it does during such an innocent moment between the two but memories of her talented tongue dirties my mind once more.  
“You have such a beautiful family,” I look up to see a much older lady talking to Lauren; the green-eyed girl wearing the biggest of smiles, once again making me feel guilty at having these thoughts while their innocent presence.  
“Thank you!” Emelia interrupts, popping another bit of pizza into her mouth, provoking laughter from the three adults.  
“Thank you. They both are very beautiful,” Lauren responds to the woman but looking at Emelia before leaning across to place a soft kiss on our daughter’s forehead.  
The lady leaves shortly after, touching Lauren’s shoulder and smiling at the two of us encouragingly. Lauren doesn’t stop smiling throughout the dinner, either to herself when it’s silent or at Emelia when the little girl starts a conversation.  
We decide after dinner to buy some ice-cream for the journey home, Lauren paying again even after my protests and we now find ourselves back in the car to start that long journey. Emelia has her stuffed teddy bear from Lauren securely in her lap, trying her hardest not to get ice-cream on it, and I’m holding mine and Lauren’s ice-cream. It doesn’t take long for Emelia to completely devour hers and pass me the empty cup which I sit on the floor beside my feet.  
A lot like the sandwiches from earlier, every now and then I feed Lauren some of her ice-cream only this time I observe carefully how her delicious lips wrap around the spoon, her tongue then poking out to wipe off the excess ice-cream from her lips. The innocence of the woman doesn’t allow for her to notice my staring, her attention directed fully to the road.  
“Already fast asleep,” Lauren mutters, turning down the volume of the Disney music that’s now playing something from Tangled.  
“Huh?” I stop staring at her lips when I notice them moving, the woman now speaking to me.  
“Emelia. As soon as the ice-cream is gone, she falls asleep,” Lauren laughs to herself as how adorable our daughter looks right about now. She has her head tipped backward, her mouth ajar, and her small hands clutching the teddy bear to her body. “She looks so cute.”  
“She really does,” I murmur softly, still looking at the little girl before I turn back to Lauren who’s looking at me with the same adoration I showed our daughter.  
“Is there more ice-cream?” I laugh at her before I scoop up some more onto the spoon and feed it to her again. I feel her eyes on me this time when I take the ice-cream into my mouth and I make a show of it, circling my tongue around the spoon and then licking my lips.  
When she turns her attention back to the now darkened road, I move to feed her the last bit, ensuring it’s slightly off target and hitting more of her lips than actually into her mouth. After Lauren licks off the traces of ice-cream left on her lips, I notice there is still some remaining at the corner of her mouth. I lean forward to kiss the spot, my tongue swiping off the ice-cream and into my mouth. I see her swallow hard at my forwardness, fidgeting in her seat before she speaks up, “tease.”  
I chuckle softly at her annoyance before I lean over her again to place a delicate kiss on her lips, Lauren quickly returning the kiss before she has to divert her attention back to the road. I want to take the time and appreciate her side-profile from the prominent cheekbones, to her thick eyebrows and full lips but her phone starts to ring, not connected to handsfree system and so it’s not loud enough to wake Emelia.  
“Sorry, Camz, could you check to see who that is?”  
“Of course,” I reach for her iPhone in one of the holders in the car to see the caller ID, the name immediately sparking waves of jealousy inside, “erm, it’s Charlotte.” Lauren coughs nervously before replying.  
“Just leave it then, I’ll call her back later.” I end the call and put her phone back to where I had gotten it.  
Charlotte.  
Lauren had never mentioned a Charlotte. She hasn’t mentioned much about her life to be honest. Brief things about her family but nothing about her colleagues or friends. It’s not right for me to feel this way but I know why I do. Already I care so fucking much about Lauren that the thought of someone else being equally important in her life as I am saddens me. It angers me a little, but it mostly makes me upset.  
I’m looking out of the passenger side window and I can see my reflection biting her nails nervously and rubbing the creases in her forehead tiredly. There’s more movement in my reflection when I see another hand coming across, taking mine away from my lips and holding it securely.  
I look away from the window and turn my attention toward Lauren who is alternating her gaze between the road and me. I look down at our interlocked fingers and watch as she grazes her thumb over my hand. I move in my seat edging closer to her and I place our hands in my lap, my other hand coming up to stroke at her bicep and my head falling onto her shoulder. The stretch to get close to her is a little uncomfortable but her warmth and the softness of her skin makes the position bearable. So bearable that after I reach up and place a kiss on her cheek, I fall asleep with my head on her shoulder, my right hand still clutching at her bicep.  
“Camz,” I hear a soft voice beside me, “Camila,” the voice speaks up again. I open my eyes and Lauren’s emerald eyes are the first things I see, her soft gaze turning into something of amusement when she recognises the daze I’m in.  
“Mm?”  
“We’re here.”  
“Where’s here?”  
“We’re at your house, silly.” Lauren chuckles slightly as I rub at my eyes trying to wake up.  
“What’s the time?”  
“About 10. Not too late but we need to get the little one in bed,” I nod at her suggestion as I try to get out of the car, avoiding the ice-cream cups on the floor.  
“Hold on, Camz.” Lauren quickly hops out of the car and comes around to the passenger side, opening the door for me and holding out her hand for me to lean on as I shift my weight outside of the car. She holds me upright when I finally get out, my tiredness causing me to almost fall. “Are you still sleepy?” Lauren cups my face and directs my attention back to her eyes and I nod in confirmation. “Aww, babe,” I feel her lips press softly to mine before she pulls away again.  
The coldness in the air as well as Lauren calling me ‘babe’ causes me to wake up a little bit more just as I see her take Emelia out of the car, the still sleeping girl now in Lauren’s arms, the teddy bear tucked in between them. The older woman locks her car before she starts walking with Emelia up to the apartment, me trailing behind but holding onto her bicep again.  
When we finally make it into the apartment, Dinah opening the door for us, Lauren quietly greets her before she walks down to Emelia’s room and puts her to bed.  
“Have a good day?”  
“Mhm, it was a really great day.”  
“I’m glad,” Dinah answers sincerely, “I’m not sure how you want to handle this but Mani’s in there,” she whispers and points to the living room.   
“It’s a bit late, why’s she here?”  
“Pretty big argument with Ally and she came here because she didn’t know what to do. She’s only just stopped crying.”  
“Oh,” despite how Normani has treated Lauren, I do feel sorry for her. Their relationship hasn’t been great and it really does take its toll on the girls; Dinah and I are always on the end of one of them ranting about the other. I walk into the front room and wrap my arms around Normani, the dark-skinned girl giving me a small smile in return. “I’m sorry things are shit, Mani.”  
“Me too, I just want to make things better.”  
“Is everything alright?” The three of us turn to Lauren who has just reappeared in the front room, sympathy in her eyes as she sees the tear-stained cheeks of Normani.  
“I’m ok, things just got a little much. I should probably head back now actually,” she stands up from the couch, Dinah and I following. “Do you mind calling me a taxi?” She asks me.  
“You didn’t drive here?” Dinah questions.  
“No, I couldn’t leave Ally without a car in case she needed it.”  
“I could drive you home if you want?” Lauren proposes, each of us looking at her in shock, neither expecting her friendly approach after the way Normani had treated her before. “It’s up to you.”  
“You don’t have to do that, Lauren.”  
“I know I don’t have to but I’m offering. I’m heading out now anyway so I can drop you off, it’s no problem?” We all look at Normani for an answer and she still seems to be in shock at how nice Lauren is treating her.  
“That would be really nice of you. Thank you, Lauren.” Dinah and I smile at this, noticing how Normani is making the effort to get over whatever it is she felt about Lauren and is trying to make peace. Lauren being the complete sweetheart here but Normani’s making the effort nonetheless.   
I don’t really know how to say goodbye to Lauren with everyone standing here. I hadn’t kissed her goodbye when she left this morning but I wish I had, but now we have an audience. I can see her hesitation also when Dinah and Normani are hugging goodbye and she’s looking at me nervously but almost excitedly.  
“Thank you for a great day, Lauren. I had such an incredible time and Emelia loved it. She’s always so happy when she’s with us and I can’t thank you enough for that,” I say softly, moving closer to Lauren so I’m standing right in front of her.  
“You’re thanking me for making our daughter happy? No need. Making you both happy is my duty… and I love the responsibility,” Lauren replies cheekily making us both giggle.  
“Fine then. Thank you for making the effort, Lo. I really appreciate it.”  
“It’s my pleasure,” she almost whispers, the both of us subconsciously moving closer to one another. “Can I kiss you goodbye?” Lauren asks even quieter, her hot breath now tickling my ear.  
She pulls away from me and I quickly nod at her question, the huskiness of her voice reducing me to the simple action rather than words. Our lips meet in a soft embrace and she cradles the side of my face, the kiss staying relatively chaste until she sucks at my lip, silently asking to deepen the kiss. Our tongues snake over one another, finding a practised rhythm but Lauren slows it again and pulls away.  
Lauren looks to the two other sets of eyes in the room and giggles in clear embarrassment as they’re both eyeing her in shock and humour.  
“Erm, Normani, are you ready to go?”  
“I am. Are you ready to go? Perhaps another kiss for the road?” Lauren receives a wink from Normani and a smirk from Dinah before she heads to the door and I follow.  
“Goodnight, Dinah,” she calls out to the still smug girl in the living room. “Goodnight, Camila.”  
“Goodnight, Lauren.” She places a kiss on my forehead before she turns to leave with Normani, offering me a timid smile on her way out.  
I close the door and turn my back to it, leaning against the frame and thinking about the kiss. All of the kisses. The heated ones and the innocent ones. Every kiss with her I have loved and I really hope I get to share more with her. I walk into the living room and sit on the couch beside Dinah, knowing from her smirk that we’re having that conversation right now.  
“Tell me everything.”


	11. The Sperm Donor

For the second morning in a row, I’m awoken by a consistent and very much annoying noise. I look around my bedroom in a daze, searching for the source of my rude awakening and find nothing. I sit up in bed and wipe at my eyes where I’m immediately met with a chill in the air from an early morning in spring weather. The coldness doesn’t surprise me when I look down and realise that I wore almost nothing to bed last night. Through my tiredness I had just stripped to my underwear and climbed into bed, taking off my bra soon after because who can sleep in a bra?  
The noise comes again and I realise it’s coming from the front door, someone giving it reasonably loud knocks, pauses in between each. Who the fuck could that be? Getting out of bed and reaching for my robe that hangs on the back of the door; I look back at my digital clock to see its only 9am… on a Sunday.  
Registering how early someone has woken me up on a damn weekend causes me to be more annoyed than the physical struggle of getting out of bed. I quickly tie the robe and rush to the door, looking through the peep-hole.  
Lauren.  
Why am I not surprised it’s her fault I wake up early on both days of the weekend. Crossing one arm over my chest that’s exposed by the sheer, satin robe, I open the door to the girl.  
“Do you have any idea what the time is?” I ask her in annoyance. Lauren seems taken back at first by my attitude and then my appearance, the see-through robe exposing my bare stomach and underwear.  
“Erm, not really. It’s not that early though, surely?”  
“It’s 9 o’clock… on a Sunday”  
“Like I said, not that early. I just came by to drop off the things you left in the car?” I look down from her charming smile and see my iPhone, the Nala she made me and my bag that’s probably holding my purse and keys. “You were pretty tired last night and so just left everything,” she laughs at me when I smile tiredly, “I thought you’re gonna need this stuff.”  
“Despite how early it is, thank you for bringing this stuff back so quickly. I would have had a panic attack if I realised I’d lost my phone and bag until I remember it’d be with you.”  
I reach for the stuff in her hands, my arms leaving their crossed position on my chest, something I hadn’t remembered would be a huge deal until I saw Lauren’s eyes widen and stare blatantly at my exposed breasts. They’re a part of me that I’ve never been comfortable with due to their smaller size but with Lauren so obviously appreciative, I’m reassured and for once I feel confident someone seeing them so I smile to myself and allow for her ogling.  
I turn to put the items on the coffee table in the front room, purposely bending over slightly to tease her some more. When I look back at Lauren, I witness a quick movement of her turning her head to the side, gazing down the corridor with a red face as though to hide the fact she had been staring.  
“What are you doing up this early anyway?”  
“I woke up at about 6 to go for a run, had a shower and stuff then came here,” Lauren explains.  
“6? Lauren, I will repeat, it’s a Sunday!”  
“Yeah? And Sunday’s are for getting things done!”  
“Nope, that’s Saturdays, or weekdays.”  
“Nope, Saturdays are for having fun.”  
“Lauren, you’re living your weekends wrong.” I put simply, Lauren laughing at me in return and with the lack of protest I know I won this argument.  
“I am sorry for waking you up so early considering it’s such a crime in this household,” Lauren winks at me and I can’t help but think how Goddamn sexy she is when she does that.  
“It’s gonna take a lot more than that to make me forgive you,” I tease, smirking at her when the struggle to keep her gaze locked on mine instead of moving to my chest becomes obvious as I uncross my arms again. “Watch a film with me?”  
“Did you not want to go back to sleep?”  
“Look at you, Jauregui, trying to get me into bed,” she giggles at me again before I explain, “but no, you’ve woken me up now. Want to watch a film or no? Dinah and the girls won’t be up for a while. They understand the importance of sleep on weekends.”  
“Oh shut up and put on the film.”  
I walk over to the TV and put on ‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2’ which I had recorded, not bothering to ask what she wanted to watch. Lauren takes off her jacket leaving her in jeans and a flannel over a white top and sits on one end of the couch.  
“So how did it go with Mani last night?” I ask Lauren, remembering how she had offered to take the woman home last night.  
“Not too bad. I mean, it was pretty awkward and we didn’t say much but she seemed really grateful for me taking her home. I suppose that’s a step up.”  
“I am really sorry for the way she treated you before. Neither of us really know why she acted so cold but I am sorry you had to put up with her shit,” I explain to her as recline on the couch, putting my head in her lap but my body facing the TV, Lauren tensing from shock at my unintentionally bold move.  
“It wasn’t your fault. Nor hers to be honest. People get like that sometimes, especially if something’s different and they don’t quite understand it. Hopefully she’s coming round though because I don’t want there to be tension between me and your friends. I don’t want that for you, or Emelia. It’s not fair.” The way Lauren could think that Normani being a bitch wasn’t fair on Emelia and I, and not her, was crazy. Lauren doesn’t want there to be tension for our sake, not for hers or the fact she was being bullied. How she can be so aloof to the discrimination she receives, or has received, is something I know I won’t ever accept.  
It doesn’t take long for her right hand to find the waves in my hair, her fingers combing through the morning tangles and applying a gentle massage. It also doesn’t take long for me to realise she’s confused as to where to put her left arm; over the top of the couch or squished onto her lap, in the small space between my body and the back of the couch or touching me in some way.  
I laugh at her obvious deliberation and take her arm to place it over my waist, her hand immediately coming into contact with my exposed tummy. Goosebumps appear quickly on my skin from the sudden yet arousing contact between her warm hand and my chilled, sensitive skin.  
Once Lauren also gets over the sudden shock of touching my bare skin, she flattens her palm and explores my toned stomach, drawing small circles with her fingertips. I silently groan at how tantalising her touch feels on my skin, awakening my senses and my desperation.  
A gradual squeeze of confidence and her hands elongate the sample of skin she’s exploring, moving further North than she originally ventured and the same in the direction of South, barely touching my ribs then my hip bones. I hadn’t bothered to check but it’s clear my robe has loosened while lying in this position giving her fingers the opportunity to explore areas that were recently covered by the sheer fabric.  
Still trying to focus on the film and I feel her hands decide which route to take first. It takes a few nervous strokes along the length of my side before Lauren confidently rests her palm on my upper ribs, her fingers resting on the underside of my breast. She doesn’t make a bolder move to cup my breast completely but I can feel her fingers settle on the curve of my breast.  
It’s almost as though she’s a hormonal teenager trying to cop a feel of a girlfriend. Her hesitant move to grope at, or even simply – to touch, my breast either from nerves or a silly hope that I don’t register what’s happening. I try to keep collected and remain watching the film but that’s so I don’t embarrass her, most girls would do that because they want the (usually a dude) to back the fuck off. Her also prominent erection adds to my interpretation of a horny teenager; either from the pressure my head is giving, the fact she is touching a nearly naked woman or that she’s watching a film featuring Emma Stone.  
When I feel a gentle pressure on either side of my breast from her fingers and thumb in a small squeeze, I jump slightly and release a small giggle. Lauren quickly pulls her hand back to rest on my tummy again. Yeah, like you can pretend you weren’t doing anything.   
“I’m very ticklish if you hadn’t noticed,” I inform her timidly, still afraid to embarrass her in case she stops exploring because I’m too fucking turned on for her to stop now.  
“I’m very ticklish if you hadn’t noticed,” I inform her timidly, still afraid to embarrass her in case she stops exploring because I’m too fucking turned on for her to stop now.  
“Only with pressure it seems,” I almost turn to her in confusion but she pinches at my sides causing me to jolt in her lap. I mutter a curse word under my breath only for Lauren to giggle in response.  
At the change in dynamic I find it easier to turn completely onto my back, my head still on her lap and turned to its side to watch the film, and my legs propped up on the couch. I had wanted to move into this position since her hands started exploring, offering a larger canvas for her finger strokes but I thought it seemed kind of desperate. Now, I don’t really care if it seems desperate. I doubt Lauren cares either when the new position fully exposes my tan nipples and taut stomach through the translucent fabric of the robe.  
My suspicions are confirmed when her breath hitches at the still unfamiliar sight. Clearly she had picked up on my signal for her to carry on with the new position as it doesn’t take long for her fingers to explore again. I close my eyes and just focus on the feeling of her hand moving up to one of my breasts, holding its underside before running her thumb over my nipple. Repeating the same actions on my other breast before Lauren firmly palms it, the older woman releasing a satisfied groan.  
“These are so beautiful,” I shudder in response of hearing that husky voice.  
I turn my face up to the ceiling, still keeping my eyes closed and just focusing on her touch, as my breathing grows heavier. I gently take her forearm and slowly venture it south, my legs subconsciously spreading wider in response. My only clothing being the white lace panties has officially soaked through by the time her hand had obeyed my silent request.  
Lauren breaches the elastic of my underwear and doesn’t take a minute to trace the lace outline, instead her fingers quickly find their way beneath the fabric. With the immediate entrance into my panties, I had expected Lauren to forego the teasing and grant me what she has made me so desperate for. Instead, however, she settles her fingers just beneath the waistline, delicately exploring the mound, its shape, the way it curves and she gently tugs at the strip of hair she finds there, making me jump at the unexpected act.  
“I like this,” Lauren whispers to me, her thumb stroking at the short curls while her long fingers graze against the outer lips. Never have I been with someone who explores the smaller details. Her touch of course has heightened the sensitivity but it’s nothing pleasurable, hence it often doesn’t happen and I’m shocked to receive such delicate treatment. It occurs to me that her careful and curious exploration comes from the fact we have a different anatomy. She’s curious about an area that she should have been born with but wasn’t.  
“Yeah?” I squeeze with one hand at my thigh at the torturous slow pace, my other hand barely holding onto her forearm as I engage with her comment. She hums happily in response and despite the sexual nature of the conversation, I can’t help but think how adorable she is.  
Lauren gives into my impatience as my hips grind upwards, encouraging her hand to move lower. The first touch at my most sensitive spot and I grip harshly onto her forearm, a soft moan reaching from my lips. The sudden contact forces my pelvis to rise in an attempt to seek a greater pressure, my clit now subject to a pressured weight of her middle finger.  
Before I could succumb to slow, tight circles she makes with her finger, her long digits seek for a new target. Lauren thrusts into me with two fingers, forgetting the slow pace she had set earlier, and I tip my head back at the pleasurable surprise. The warm heat around her fingers as well as the added friction to her groin causes an unadulterated moan to fall from her lips, her clearly large erection more obvious in the way her hips thrusted slightly.  
My hips writhe against her hand, unsuccessfully encouraging her fingers to stretch for territory they can’t reach from this position. In a frenzy of impatience I remove her hand, much to my body’s protest, and hurriedly remove my underwear, straddling her waist immediately. With fervour, our lips meet in a messy kiss, both of Lauren’s hands quickly move to my backside, roughly grappling at the cheeks. I reach for one of her hands and I place it on her lap, angling her fingers upright. We both moan into one another’s mouth as I lower myself and her fingers enter me again, reaching a lot deeper and thrusting with more dominance. Lauren’s mouth latches onto my breast, sucking and biting at the skin the finds while one of her hands is still roughly grabbing at the generous curve of my butt.  
My breath quickens and I feel the temperature of my body getting hotter as I near my climax, my grip becoming tighter on her shoulders and neck. In an attempt to reciprocate the pleasure for Lauren, I work to grind on her fingers when they rest in her lap, rolling my hips to intensify the pressure on her erection.  
Lauren’s forehead drops to my collarbone as she pants and groans at the building tension in her jeans before she removes that pressure altogether. With a sudden hard thrust upwards, I fall apart in her arms, holding onto the girl weakly as her fingers start to slow, stretching out the epitomic of my pleasure.  
It takes Lauren a minute or so to completely remove her fingers from inside me but she doesn’t distance herself, instead she holds onto my centre possessively as I sit back onto her lap.  
“So beautiful,” Lauren whispers to me, stroking strands of hair out of my face to tuck behind my ear. Our lips meet in a slow yet searing and messy kiss, our tongues too lazy to focus instead just wanting that contact. Though her hand is providing that barrier between her cock and my centre, I rub the protruding erection slowly, my centre grinding on her hand instinctively.  
Everything is slow, no longer in the rush we were in only minutes ago. It’s slow and it’s tender, and my heart warms at the closeness and intimacy I share with such a perfect woman. When her thumb starts to circle at my clit I know she is only in this for my pleasure, leaving her hardness once again straining and desperate.  
“Really? Have you seen how early it is?” I jump at the loud voice that I knew hadn’t come from Lauren and quickly get off her lap, tying my robe back up as I watch the interrupting Polynesian cover her eyes. “Is it safe to look?”  
Lauren throws her jacket at me when she notices how even more revealing the sheer fabric is now that I am completely naked. “Yes, Dinah, it’s safe.”  
The woman opens her eyes and sees that I’m holding Lauren’s jacket tight to my chest to cover myself while the other woman is holding her face in her hands, face redder than I had ever seen. “Well, well, well. Twice in one weekend, huh?”  
“Oh, God.” Lauren covers her face completely and I almost feel sorry for the woman until I realise I’m under just as much scrutiny. Dinah laughs at our embarrassment before she addresses us again.   
“Now, 1) I want you to pick up your panties from the floor and get dressed,” she says pointing at me, “2) I want Lauren to cover herself with a cushion.” Lauren quickly lunges for a sofa cushion and puts it over her lap, looking up at Dinah guiltily. “And 3) Lauren, I suggest you wash your fingers before the kids come in.”  
Dinah stalks off to the kitchen while Lauren’s face washes with fear and embarrassment. “Oh my God. I can’t believe she caught us.” Lauren sighs, holding her face in her hands showing how even her ears have been coated with a red tint.  
“I should probably go and get dressed,” Lauren nods at me, the woman still not quite believing we had been caught. “And you should probably wash your hands like Dinah said.” She nods again.  
I leave Lauren in a state of shock as I walk toward my bedroom, a large grin plastered on my face now that she can’t see it. I’m embarrassed we got caught, but I’m not guilty or ashamed, nothing could revoke my happiness right now.  
Half an hour later and I find myself showered, dressed and hungry. The girls have been awake for a good 20 minutes or so, hearing their running feet down the corridor and into the front room. I’m not sure what’s happening out there but the constant laughter from all four girls ensures a stupid grin is back on my face when I return to them.  
Wearing Lauren’s jogging bottoms that I stole from her on our first night together and a vest top, I walk back into the living room and see Dinah engage in a routine of picking up each of the young girls and playfully throwing them onto the couch over and over again. Laughter from the three rattles through my ears as I make my way toward the kitchen where I assume Lauren to be. The older woman stands at the stove, frying up some pancakes like we made yesterday morning. Lauren doesn’t flinch when I move to stand beside her, dragging my hand across her lower back.  
“They look good,” I compliment her, my hand still placed just above her backside as I move to kiss the top of her arm, lingering in her close proximity.  
“And you look good in my clothes.” Lauren kisses my forehead after she glances down at the way her sweatpants fall from my frame. “The first couple are ready if you want everyone.” I nod at her suggestion and turn to fetch the other girls only to be met with Dinah already standing in the doorway, her normal smirk replaced by an encouraging smile.  
“Girls, come and get your pancakes!” Dinah calls out to our young daughters, the sound of tiny feet already resonating through the kitchen.  
Lauren had ensured the four of us were sitting at the table eating our first ones while she continued to cook some more, eating bits of hers while she does so. Emelia and Khiara were as loud and excited as they normally are but it was surprisingly quiet between the three adults. Before Lauren had come to the table to sit with us, Dinah didn’t hesitate to throw my accusatory glances and smirks of mischief to make me uncomfortable. She had caught Lauren and me in a… compromising position this morning and she knew things had happened with Lauren and I on Friday night.  
Though we were supposed to have discussed it last night, I fell asleep as soon as I sat on the couch, Dinah begrudgingly picking up a semi-conscious me and taking me to bed while moaning that she’s not getting the “juicy details”. I knew that conversation was coming though.  
“Sorry guys, I hate to shoot off so quickly but I’ve got to go into work for a few hours. Something I’d written was completely wiped from the computer over the weekend and I need to get it done by tonight.” Lauren interrupts my internal monologue when she finishes what’s on her plate and moves to stand up, stretching for her phone that’s on the kitchen counter. “Do you mind?” She asks me softly, probably recognising the wave of sadness that has washed my features.  
“Of course not, it’s work. Can we see you tonight?”  
“Yeah I could probably do that. What did you wanna do?”  
“Actually,” Dinah interrupts, “I spoke to Mani and Ally last night and they were talking about coming over tonight, bringing the little one and having a movie marathon or something.”  
“Oh, of course, never mind then, I can see you tomorrow after Emelia finishes school?” Lauren proposes.  
“No, stupid. You’re obviously invited. I mean, when you come over later, that’s what we’ll be doing so don’t make other plans with Chancho.”  
“Who’s Chancho?” Lauren’s thick eyebrows furrow in confusion.  
“That would be me,” I raise my hand like a school child. “But a movie marathon sounds good. Are you up for it?” I ask Lauren hopefully but it’s not her that answers.  
“Yes, Mama will be there.”  
“Yep, Lauren’s coming.”  
We all raise our eyebrows at the two little girls, both happily eating their pancakes yet mindlessly interrupting our conversation to answer on Lauren’s behalf. “Looks like I’ll be there.”  
“We were thinking a Harry Potter marathon but the kids only like the first two, not that they really understand them but anyway. Start at around 6 then we can continue watching when they’re asleep?” Dinah chimes in.  
“Sounds good,” Lauren confirms with a firm nod of the head. “Alright then, I’ll see you later, princess,” Lauren stands behind Emelia’s head and bends down to be in front her, her face now upside-down from our daughter’s. Lauren gives the laughing girl a big kiss before she stands upright again. “You too, munchkin,” Lauren gives more of a tame goodbye to Khiara and gives her a small kiss on the top of her head, still causing red cheeks and soft giggles from the little girl.  
“Sweetheart, what about me?” Dinah asks innocently as Lauren looks to be finished with her farewells. Lauren laughs at her before she moves toward the Polynesian to say goodbye anyway.  
“See you later, Dinah,” like with Khiara, Lauren kisses the top of her head and moves away again, the two small girls laughing at their interaction.  
Lauren and I walk to the front door where I hope to get a proper goodbye this time. “Thanks for this morning,” I say to her, in hope to achieve a hint of seduction in my voice.  
“The pancakes?”  
“Those too.” I smirk at her and that’s when she realises what I’m talking about. I obviously hadn’t sound seductive when I tried to.  
“I had a good morning,” Lauren weaves her arms around my waist and pulls me into her body, my arms immediately wrapping around her neck. “I hope it’s now ok that I had woken you up?” She starts to place to soft kisses to my jawline and I shiver at her touch, my head tipping backward in pleasure.  
“If I’m woken up to that each time then you can wake me up all you want.”  
“That can be arranged,” Lauren whispers against my awaiting lips that are now anxious to be kissed.  
“I hope so,” I nudge my lips against hers to encourage some movement. “Maybe one day I could also make you feel as good as you make me feel.” My muscles tense as soon as those words slip from my mind, in fear of how she might react.  
“Hm,” she nudges my lips in return, “maybe that can be arranged too.” Lauren takes my lips passionately in hers, a feverous exchange with lips and breath but making no move to include our tongues. “I’ll see you later, baby.” She kisses me gently a last time before she squeezes at my waist making me flinch, and walks out of the front door, chuckling at my ticklish reaction.  
“So, The Donor can be a tease, huh?” Dinah’s surprise comment makes me jump once more, holding a hand over my chest in reflex. “Girls, are you done in there?” Emelia and Khiara come wandering back into the front room to show that they had. “We’re gonna need to go out and get some snacks for later on so we don’t you go into your room, play for a bit then get dressed so we can go. Mila and I just need to talk privately, ok?” Without an answer, both girls go running into their bedroom, either excited about playing or the prospect of eating more food later on. “Let’s talk.”  
Dinah and I move to sit on the couch beside her, the younger woman looking at me expectantly as my body grows warmer in nerves and excitement.  
“Friday night, you didn’t have sex, no?”  
“No.”  
“But you did stuff, yes?”  
“Yes.”  
“Did you do the stuff or did she do the stuff?”  
“She did the stuff.”  
“Expected. Was she any good at the stuff?”  
“Surprisingly so.”  
“Surprising?”  
“Definitely a virgin, Dinah.”  
“Expected once again. Has she not done anything before?”  
“Not sure. Probably kissed someone but she’s not seen a woman naked before.”  
“Did she say that?”  
“No.”  
“Then how do you know?”  
“Let’s just say, she was awfully appreciative. Not so much with words right away but just by the way she took the time touching me. And almost like she was in a daze. Nervous as fuck too.”  
“She took her time? What do you mean?”  
“Like, with everything. Lauren didn’t immediately start touching me in places she knew I would like or that were pleasurable, she was kind of exploring.”  
“Because her body’s different?”  
“Most likely. That’s what I felt from it anyway.”  
“But it was good?”  
“So good. Nobody has ever cared that much. Most people would just jump into it and try to make you come. Lauren didn’t know how to do that so she took her time in appreciating every single bit of me which unsurprisingly, made me come quicker!”  
“Damn. That makes sense though. She seemed to know what she was doing this morning though.” Dinah’s suggestive eyes are back again.  
“This morning was strange because it wasn’t even a sexually tense situation. It started with harmless touching and once again, Lauren just wanted to explore I guess. And once again, she got the job done pretty quickly,” I say in disbelief.  
Reaching climax had always been pretty difficult for me and Dinah knows this, I tell her everything. Mainly I felt my problem was because the girls I had been with didn’t really pick up on signals well. They couldn’t tell by my bodily reactions what I enjoyed and what I didn’t and I was never comfortable enough with them to share those details. With Lauren, I was comfortable in being completely naked around her. And I was comfortable to guide her to where I needed her to be. I don’t know why that’s the case, I just know that with Lauren, everything is different.  
“Did she let you touch her?”  
“On Friday, not at all. She completely froze up and it was heart-breaking actually to see how much the proposition affected her. I wasn’t so bold when I made the move today. I didn’t move to touch her right away, I kind of used to fact she pleasuring with to mask the fact she was receiving something too.”  
“Is that why you were on her lap?”  
“Exactly. I knew she’d focus on pleasing me that the pressure on herself wasn’t her main priority.”  
“Probably a good idea. I’m sure she’s comfortable enough with you that something more could happen, it’s just taking that step. She knows that you’ll already accept her because of how far you’ve come, it’s probably just taking confidence in that opinion of you when it comes to it.”  
“I understand that completely. I’d like to think that she’s comfortable with me because if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t put herself in those situations. But you’re right, it’s that confidence thing. I’m not going to push it though, I’m going to give her the time.”  
“You don’t need to push it, but you can encourage it.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“If it’s just the confidence she’s lacking then you need to prove to her that you’ll be ok with it. I’m not saying shower her in compliments about how much you’ll like her dick,” I grimace at her vulgarity but it’s Dinah, nothing surprises me. “But flirt with her, tease her some more. Prove to her that you want your sexual relationship to continue and eventually she’ll be confident in the fact that you’re the right person to share herself with.”  
“Fuck.”  
“Good right? The way she looks at you, it’s so obvious she likes you, romantically and sexually. She just needs that encouragement to pursue it.”  
“And how do I do that?”  
“Your slutty robe from this morning did the trick! But really, she’s a woman so it’s not going to be simple and barely sexy things that turn her on like it would be with a dude. But, she’s also a virgin so it probably won’t take too much either. Just be sexy not slutty and it should do the trick!”  
“Easier said than done.”  
“Trust me, if it really is only the confidence she’s lacking – which it is – having you be a teasing minx will prove to her that you want it just as much as she does. I promise.”


	12. The Sperm Donor

It has been a few weeks since the ‘Harry Potter Marathon’ which had been a success – for Lauren and I. It turned that she’s an even bigger fan of the films than the rest of us are and all night Lauren and I were quoting parts of the films, everyone else getting severely pissed off with it. Emelia had even told her to be quiet at one point.  
Since that night, things between Lauren and I had been developing. But the thing is, often development is perceived to be something that is always progressive but it’s not. Development is something changing, and so at times someone or something can develop in a regressive manner. That’s not to say things between Lauren and I are worsening, but it’s not exactly moving on.  
I had taken Dinah’s advice of teasing the green-eyed woman and it always worked but not in the developmental way that I had hoped for.  
One night that Lauren had stayed over, I purposely increased the air-conditioning in my bedroom to distract her from her normally responsible behaviour. When we got into bed that night and she moved to cuddle me like we always did, she had quickly taken notice of my hardened nipples from the cold air. It didn’t take long for the older woman to latch her mouth onto each of the nubs, her warm breath making me ache before her lips slowly travelled down my body. Nothing more had happened other than her usual gentle yet gratifying exploration with her tongue and fingers.  
I continued the teasing when we were both in public. For one shopping trip specifically, Lauren unintentionally put me on edge during our journey to the mall that throughout the day, I did everything I could to provoke a similar flustered state in the woman. Throughout the entire drive Lauren had a firm hand on my leg, her fingers offering a gentle squeeze to my inner thigh occasionally. It shouldn’t have turned me on as much as it did but she knew I was especially sensitive if her movements were rough.  
For payback, I couldn’t tease her with lingering and passionate kisses like I had wanted to and knew she would fall victim for because Emelia was with us and we’ve yet to show too much affection around her. Instead, my gestures had to be more subtle.  
When we were squashed into an elevator, I did the obvious. I ensured I was standing partially in front of her so I could keep pressure on her groin with my backside. When some more people had entered the lift, it gave me the perfect excuse to completely press my body against hers. Lauren’s hand moving up to hold onto my waist, mine falling onto her leg in an attempt to keep my balance, her breath hitching when I squeezed her upper thigh and press more firmly into her. Other than avoiding eye-contact with me while in the elevator, Lauren had made no attempt to acknowledge what had happened. If it wasn’t for her reddened cheeks and the subtle rearranging of the front of trousers, I wouldn’t have known she had even realised.  
Later on that day we had gone to a clothes store and Emelia had encouraged me to try what I wanted on. She knows I’m the type of person who will never try things on in the store, I get home, it doesn’t fit, and I have to go back and return it. Emelia didn’t want to come back to return anything, so she ordered me to the fitting rooms. I had just finished trying on a pair of jeans and I still had on a blouse that I wasn’t sure about. Looking in the mirror and for once, I actually felt great. The blouse was quite see-through and revealed the lace underwear I had worn underneath.  
Obviously, I had called in Lauren to see what she thought.  
I had asked Lauren if she could peek in the changing room to see if she thought the blouse was too see-through (which I already knew it was.) She had peeked her head through the curtain and I had to tried to pose a little bit for her, the slightly unbuttoned blouse revealed my black bra while I shaped my nude legs so I was flashing her the underwear there too. It took Lauren a little while before she made eye-contact with me as her gaze was fixed on my body, approving of my laced underwear and the revealing blouse. She had only muttered a small yes to inform me that it was too see-through but made no attempt to leave. Eventually only leaving because I shooed her out, telling her to watch over our daughter who was wandering around the fitting room and playing with the hangers.  
Revealing my underwear and exposing more of my skin was something that became quite common in my mission of teasing her. I would wear just shirts of hers and some underwear around the house when it was just the two of us, or when everyone else was sleeping. I would think of any reason to bend over in front of her, giving her the perfect view of my ass yet pretending as though I had no ulterior motives.   
Every time I had worn something provocative for her eyes only or teased Lauren with whispering words, she would react confidently by throwing me down and pleasing me expertly. It hadn’t moved past the use of her fingers and tongue but every time she becomes more confident in her skill. My body always reacts as though it has been fulfilled but I can’t help but always hope that her escalation in confidence will encourage something more.  
Lauren had become more comfortable with the fact her penis isn’t a secret to me and often made jokes about ‘blue balls’ and how putting herself through constant teasing must be quite dangerous for her health. Whenever she stays over now she only wears a tank top and boxers which is both good because she’s becoming more confident with herself around me, yet bad because of how much of it I can now feel yet knowing I can’t do anything.  
Like now.  
Lauren hadn’t stayed over in a couple of days because I had to pick up a few extra shifts at the café and I didn’t have too much time to spend with the woman. When Emelia had finished school, sometimes it was only Lauren who could be there to pick her up and sometimes it was only Lauren who could spend the afternoon with her, cook her dinner and play with her. But for the weekend Emelia had specifically asked if I could not go to work and have Lauren over instead because she misses her ‘family time’, something that I couldn’t say no to because I also had missed it. Even though I definitely to pick up those hours from work again.  
It’s the first night now in a few that I find myself wrapped up in Lauren’s arms and it didn’t occur to me until now that I crave to fall asleep in this position every night for the rest of our lives.   
Unsurprisingly as soon as I had followed Lauren into my bed, she had moulded her front her into my back immediately, encircling one arm around my waist and pulling me into her tightly. The thin material of her boxers makes no attempt to hide how well-endowed the older woman is, the soft length pressing snugly against my backside.  
We have found ourselves in this position a few times before, cuddling in an attempt to sleep yet the intimacy provokes a lustful desire between us both that neither can deny. Especially considering I had been teasing Lauren all night again which led to her pinning me against the wall and just kissing me until our lips were bruised.  
I welcome the gentle yet wet kisses Lauren delivers to my neck on her journey from my collar bone to nip on the lobe of my ear. My eyes squeeze shut and I arch into her body, opening my neck up further for her hungry mouth. I don’t realise that I had pushed my butt forcefully into her groin until her tender strokes of my arm turn into rough gropes of my breast.  
After thrusting her hips haphazardly into my butt with her hardening cock, she slows her pace to whisper in my ear, “I want to see you.” She purrs while quickly manoeuvring the both of us so she’s lying completely on top of me between my spread legs.  
I want to see you too.   
That’s something that has changed with Lauren and I. When we’re intimate it’s not always sweet and romantic like it used to be, in times like this Lauren dominates and the frenzied state we enter is something we both enjoy.  
Our lips collide, our teeth clatter and I revel in the familiarity of her taste. Lauren quickly removes my tank top, one of her hands immediately finding and switching between my breasts, the other already tugging at my underwear and pulling them off. She cups the side of my face to focus our lips on one another as our hips meet in a simultaneous thrust, the head of her clothed cock rubbing teasingly at my clit. Lauren’s hard appendage rocking against my centre is something that has happened before but not with so little barriers like this time. If it wasn’t for her boxers I’d be feeling her and feeling her properly. I whimper in approval at the idea of feeling her so intimately and I can’t remember a time I’ve been so desperate for something.  
Before I could question why the guttural moans that spilled from her lips had stopped, I feel her fingers rubbing at my centre instead, providing that familiar barrier between the two of us. Lauren doesn’t waste time in thrusting into me with two fingers and I’m surprised at how deliciously rough she is being with me tonight. For a short while her fingers subside the growing ache in between my legs but it’s not enough. “Lauren, more,” I pant into her ear, our lips now too lazy to massage each other, instead settling for the close comfort of the other’s neck. The surprise of stretching me with another finger doesn’t make me any closer to reaching my peak. “No, babe,” I reach to down to remove her hand from me before guiding just two of her finger back into me, the erotic groan Lauren releases reminds me just how much she enjoys me taking control. “Use more than your fingers. Please Lauren.”  
“Do you have any toys you want me to use on you?” Lauren whispers, her fingers stopping their fast-paced motion yet stretching and stroking territorially inside of me. Toys?  
“What?”  
“Yeah, do you have anything?“ Lauren pants looking down at me.  
“No, Lauren,” she removes her fingers and looks at me quizzically, “you have a fully functional penis,” I explain obviously.  
“Camila, I’ve never done that before,” Lauren sits back onto her calves.  
“You’ve never done any of this before,” I snap, “what’s stopping you from doing more?”  
I never meant to get angry with her. I never wanted that. I’ve understood that she wanted to take things slow but it’s not something I want to continue. I want the woman I’m falling for to be comfortable and to be happy around me, not insecure and self-conscious. If she was willing to trust me with something so intimate in the first place then where is the willingness to be completely open?  
“What’s stopping you, Lauren? Is it me?” I continue while she shakes her head at me, tears present in her eyes yet welling in mine. “Do you not want to lose your virginity to me? Do you not trust me?”  
“Of course I do, Camila. I’ll do this for you but I don’t want to disappoint you,” Lauren disputes gently as she leans toward me again, holding my thighs open for her to settle in to.  
“No, Lauren.” I put my hand on the Donor’s chest and push her back onto crossed legs before I reach for my panties and put them on again. “I don’t want you to just do that for me. I want to do that for us and for you. I want you to be honest and comfortable not pretend to be to make me happy. It makes me feel shit that you still don’t trust me with something like that and you still aren’t comfortable being yourself around me.” I don’t make any attempt to barricade the tears streaming down my face but Lauren does as she moves to sit beside me, wiping at my tears and cradling my face into her chest.  
“It’s not that I’m not comfortable. I am comfortable, I’ve had to be my whole life. What I’m not comfortable with is the judgement and the scrutiny that comes with people finding out,” I look up to her to interrupt but she intervenes, knowing that I would have defended my own judgement. “I know that you’ve known about it this whole time and you’re ok with it but there’s a difference between knowing about something and actually seeing it. I don’t want you to be disgusted with me when you see it because it shouldn’t be there and we both know it. You are the first person I’ve come even remotely close to showing it to but there are things I’m just not ready for. I want to be ready for it, I really do but Camz, I just need time.”  
Lauren kisses the top of my head and lets out a deep breath. The tears have subsided but the pain in my chest doesn’t when I hear the obvious fear in her voice about showing herself to me.  
“How long do you think you need?”  
“I don’t know, Camz. But I’m working on it.”  
“You are?”  
“Mhm. I’ve been seeing a therapist to help me out. It’s helping because of how close I’ve been able to get with you, but it’s just one of the last steps now, you know?” My eyes widen when I hear that she’s been visiting a therapist and I can’t help but barrel myself with a load of questions that I’d like answering. Explore tentatively, I remind myself.  
“How long have you been seeing a therapist?”  
“I’ve seen a few different ones since I was younger. I needed to find a way to accept myself and accept that other people won’t always be so kind. I was seeing a therapist right back to when I was living as a boy because I knew that’s not how I wanted to be and I was struggling with what to do but that got better so I stopped seeing him. When I was bullied out of the high school I worked in, I turned to drink. And a lot of it. It got really bad at one point so I started seeing a different therapist. She’s been really good for me,” I hear Lauren smile at her own words and I turn my head to look up at her.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. She helped me enough with the drink and being comfortable in my own skin that I didn’t have to see her for a few years. But then I met you and we started getting close and I just didn’t know how to handle it so I started seeing her again. She’s been helping me figure out ways where I can be affectionate and even intimate with you without stretching too far out of my comfort zone because I do want that, Camz. I do want to be with you, I’m just learning how to.”  
“So she knows about me then?” I ask with no attempt to hide my happiness, a smile stretching its way across my face.  
“She’s become a good friend of mine. We try to maintain a professional relationship but I owe her so much. She was the first person I told about Emelia,” Lauren smiles at the name of our daughter, “the first person I told about my feelings for you.”  
“You have feelings for me?” I ask her, looking directly into those green orbs, searching for sincerity.  
“Don’t be stupid, Camz.”  
Oh.  
“Of course I do.”  
Oh. “You do?”  
“Mhm,” Lauren cradles my face and softly takes my bottom lip between hers. Just a few seconds later and we move our lips away from each other, Lauren’s fingers still holding my face carefully. Her hand moves to tuck away some lose hair behind my hair and carefully traces the features of my face; stroking at my cheekbones, my nose then lips and jawline. “You are so beautiful,” Lauren whispers to me, affection adorned in her eyes and her smile as my cheeks grow warmer and I tuck myself into her neck.  
“I have feelings for you too,” I say to her quietly, “if you hadn’t already realised.” We exchange timid giggles until it’s close to silence, the sound of Lauren’s vibrating phone disrupting the tranquillity. “Did you want to get that?”  
“Nope. I’m perfectly content here.” She lowers herself on the bed and I follow, the both of us now laying on the bed and turned toward one another, her arm wrapped around my waist still providing that closeness. “If you have any questions, you know, I don’t mind you asking. I thought I would but I am comfortable with you and if you want to know anything, I don’t mind answering you.”  
“Are you sure?” Of course I have questions but making her uncomfortable is the last thing I want. Lauren leans forward and gives me a small kiss once more as a way of encouraging me to continue. I clear my throat nervously before I ask what I’ve wanted to know since I found out about her condition. “What does it look like? Does it look like a normal penis?” My embarrassment to ask such a question and the hushed tone on the word ‘penis’ makes the older woman laugh adorably which I can’t help but reciprocate.  
“Yes, it looks like a normal penis.”  
“No additional stuff?”  
“Nope, no additional stuff. Well, I have a testicle. Just the one though.”  
“Where’s the other one?” I ask without a filter, causing her to laugh once more.  
“I wasn’t allowed the other one,” she winks at me in amusement. “But intersex comes in lots of different forms. It’s rare for two people who are intersex to have the same features. So I just have one.”  
“Is there anything else that’s different?” I ask curiously.  
“Hmm, well let’s see. I basically have male genitalia but everywhere else a female skeleton, hence the boobs and stuff.” Subconsciously I look toward her breasts which I don’t think she noticed. How come I haven’t seen her breasts yet? Too focused on the penis probably. “I don’t have any body hair.”  
“What?!”  
“Nope, none. Hormone thing. A do have a uterus and ovaries though which I obviously can’t make use of. I was actually thinking about donating my ovaries because they contain genetic material but they aren’t much use to me.” Lauren explains.  
“Wow. That’s really interesting. I’d never even thought about you having those too. Do you have to take any hormone tablets?”  
“Yeah I do. Because obviously I have higher counts of testosterone than other women, hence the sperm production so I do need medication to ‘make me more female’, I guess. It doesn’t really counteract the testosterone so I can still produce sperm but it just ensures the testosterone isn’t produced more often than say, oestrogen or other hormones like that.”  
“So you still produce sperm? So you could potentially have more children?”  
“Yeah I could. It’s rare for intersex people to be fertile so I’m very lucky. If they had known when I was born I would have been castrated but they just assumed I was a boy when I was born so didn’t contemplate it. When I was teenager and people knew I was female, I was supposed to have the operation but I couldn’t go through it.”  
“If you had then we wouldn’t have made Emelia.”  
“And that’s why I don’t regret it for the world. It sucks having a penis – it’s really fucking shit actually – but I have a beautiful daughter and I have you in my life because of it. Being with the two of you has completely outweighed everything bad that has happened to me because of my condition.”  
“I’m happy to hear that,” my lips are drawn to hers again and they stay like that for a minutes. A gentle, budding rhythm sustains between our lips while we exchange a breath and affectionate touches.  
Tonight was the first night Lauren and I had admitted our feelings for each other and tonight was the first night I felt Lauren was truly comfortable with me. Her comfort isn’t shown through her exposing herself to me, I’ve learned that tonight. Instead it’s about being honest. I was honest with her about how her guarded behaviour makes me feel and she was honest with me about her condition and how it makes her feel.  
Neither of us are perfect by any means. Our situation definitely isn’t perfect. But we’re perfect for each other right now and that I am sure of. With time, I believe Lauren can be completely comfortable with me and that’s what she needs; someone to herself with. And with Emelia, Lauren is everything I need and I’ve ever wanted: a family.


	13. The Sperm Donor

“Mummy.”  
“Mummy.”  
“Mummy, wake up.” I jerk awake when the whisper is delivered right into my ear, my eyes rushing open to see my daughter standing beside the bed.  
“Hey, baby. What are you doing awake?” I manage to say through a yawn while my daughter waits patiently for me to fully wake up.  
“Mummy, why is mama in bed with you?” Emelia whispers again. I look down and see Lauren’s arm draped over my side and I feel how tightly her body is pressed into my back. Fuck.  
“She stayed over last night, remember?”  
“But you said she normally sleeps on the couch? Did mama have a bad dream?” Emelia asks sympathetically.  
“Yes!” I quickly agree, using her suggestion as a reasonable excuse as to why Lauren is in bed with me, Emelia still not aware just how close her mother and I have gotten. “I mean, yeah she did.” I try to pull away from Lauren’s arms and sit up so I could usher Emelia out of the room but the older woman tightens her arms around me and pulls me back into her embrace. “Did you want to get in bed with us, Lia?”  
Emelia nods quickly and jumps onto the bed, her knee hitting hard against my stomach and I grunt at the pain. “Sorry, mummy.” I manage to turn over onto my back and though I’ve stayed in Lauren’s arms, she recognises movement and tugs me closer to her again. Emelia situates herself on top of my stomach and fortunately on top of the duvet because I am still only in panties and Lauren’s large erection would be difficult to conceal.  
“How did you sleep last night, baby?” I ask my daughter who seems to be fully awake and wearing one of the sweetest smiles I have ever seen on her.  
“Really good.”  
“Why are you smiling so much?” I playfully ask her, poking my daughter in the stomach as she weakly fights me off. Emelia denies that she is and buries her face into my neck to hide her still smiley face which translates into a loud, adorable laugh when I start to tickle her. My daughter fidgets in my lap, arms trying to fight mine off and legs flailing about on the bed which ultimately wakes up Lauren.  
“Good morning,” her husky voice greets, her eyes opening slowly to reveal Emelia’s matching emerald orbs. “And good morning to you, princess,” Lauren reaches up to our daughter and strokes at her cheek causing the young girl to stretch her smile.  
“Mummy said that you had a bad dream,” Lauren’s eyebrows furrow in confusion and looks toward me in silent question, “and that’s why you’re in bed with mummy.” Her eyes comically widen when she assesses the situation, realising that Emelia has caught them in bed together. “Are you ok now?”  
“Much better now, thank you,” Lauren encircles our daughter’s waist with her arm and tugs Emelia closer to her so the small girl falls in the newly created gap between Lauren and I. We turn on our sides so we both can face our daughter who lays between us, still smiling to herself.  
“So are you going to tell me what’s got you all smiley this morning?” I prod our daughter again. It takes a few seconds of her blushing and hiding again for Emelia to finally answer.  
“Because mama’s here with us and I like having you both with me.”  
“I like having your mama with us too,” I whisper in the blushing girl’s ear, making her giggle again. The tender moment between the three of us is destroyed by a phone ringing, mine this time, and Lauren stands up to fetch my phone and a t-shirt once she realises that I’m still nude from the waist up. I put on the shirt that Lauren gave me, take the phone from her and walk toward the corridor.  
“Hello?”  
“Camila, hey, we’re gonna need you to come into work today. We’re short staffed and I remember you saying how you need more hours.” I had promised Emelia that I wouldn’t work this weekend but I have to and I really do need to extra hours. I was looking forward to a whole weekend with my girls but of course I have to ruin it by going into work.  
“Yeah ok, I’ll be there in an hour or so.” I hang up the phone and linger outside my bedroom door for a minute, hearing beautiful laughter from the two girls on the other side. Fuck, they make me so happy. As soon as I step into the room with a tight smile, they both know that I have to go into work, Lauren clarifying with a question.  
“But mummy you said you didn’t have to go in this weekend!” Emelia bangs her fists on the mattress, narrowly avoiding Lauren’s crotch area; her eyes widen either telling me that she knew how close our daughter had gotten to hitting her, or ‘wow, our daughter is fierce’.  
“I know, baby, but I have to go in. I did tell you that I’ll be at work more often,” Lauren furrows her eyebrows in a silent question as to why I need more hours. “I’m sorry Lia but I’ll make it up to you.” Emelia sniffles loudly to dramatically make a statement that she’s upset. The first time she had done this around Lauren, the green-eyed woman was quick to cuddle her and reassure our little girl that she’ll get what she wants. Soon she realised just how dramatic how daughter could be.  
“Maybe we could all eat breakfast at your work?” Lauren proposes, Emelia’s face then lighting up because she still gets to do something with the both of us… and knowing Lauren will buy her favourite waffle.  
Just over an hour later and the three of us had almost completely cleared our plates at the café, Lauren and I helping Emelia with hers because just as expected, such a little girl couldn’t eat the entire thing. Emelia had gotten over her early tantrum and is instead looking forward to her day with Lauren who was equally as excited to share that she was available to look after her all day. Lauren just finishes dotting some of the whipped cream onto Emelia and I’s noses when a woman approaches her table. I take a look up at her and I recognise the woman immediately, quickly using the back of my hand to wipe the cream off my nose.  
“Abbey?”  
“Camila Cabello,” the woman smiles at me, “long time no see,” her charming smile now forcing a similar one of my lips. “So are you gonna give me a hug then?”  
“Of course,” I laugh at her before I stand up and put my arms around her awkwardly. Abbey squeezes me tightly before she allows me to sit back down. I clear my throat and nervously begin the mindless chat.  
“The last time you saw Lia she was just a few months old, right?”  
“Right,” Abbey squeezes herself onto the edge of the seating bench next to Lauren, causing the silent woman to shuffle up. “How are you, cutie pie?” Emelia just looks between the three adults at the table, eyes wandering between the three sets of eyes that are staring at her before she mutters a ‘fine’ and turns back to her waffle.  
“And this is my… friend, Lauren.” I gesture causing Abbey to turn around and look Lauren up and down before turning back to me. Lauren immediately turned her disappointed eyes toward the food on Emelia’s plate when the word ‘friend’ had slipped from my lips. The familiar blonde woman must have noticed my hesitation as to what I refer to Lauren as and the look that she gives her is one of jealousy and not judgement.  
“Lauren, this is my ex-girlfriend, Abbey.”  
“Nice to meet you,” Lauren says maturely, smiling at my ex-girlfriend sitting next to her. Almost instantly, Abbey stood up from the table again, offering me her signature perfect smile.  
“I best get going but we’ll be seeing more of each other, Mila. We had some great times, maybe we should revisit them sometime” my cheeks redden at her suggestion. “And now I know where you work,” she eyes my work uniform, “expect some impromptu visits,” the flirtatious wink she sends me as she leaves the café reinforces just how uncomfortable I felt in that entire situation. Abbey and I were together for 3 years throughout high school and rekindled an old flame shortly after Emelia was born but it just never worked out. My priority became Emelia and she never quite understood that. I hadn’t seen her since the night I ended things with her but that had always been our thing: date, argue, break-up, make-up, and sex. The only woman I had ever been with; the only person I had ever been with. It was always going to be awkward seeing her again but I never expected Lauren’s presence to be a feature in that too.  
“Maybe we should get going too,” Lauren suggests when she watches Abbey walk out of the door. “Are you ready, princess?”  
“Yes, mama,” Emelia messily wipes her mouth with the napkin and I move off the bench seat for her to shuffle out.  
“Give your mummy a kiss, baby,” Lauren picks our daughter up and rests the little girl on her hip who leans forward, holding onto my shoulders, and puckers her lips for me to kiss them. I walk them both to Lauren’s car, between the two of us managing to secure an excited Emelia into her car seat. “Do I not get a kiss?” Lauren shuts Emelia’s car door and rests her body against it, arms crossed and eyes staring at me.  
“Our daughter will see.”  
“My body’s completely covering her window, she can’t see anything,” Lauren hooks her fingers over the waistband of my jeans and tugs me closer to her, my body falling into her strong arms. “Emelia will just think we’re talking.” She hungrily surges forward and attaches her lips to mine. I rest my hands at the back of her neck, a position too high for Emelia to see through the window and my knees buckle at the way our tongues dance together. She’s hastier with her kisses than usual as Lauren completely devours my lips and tongue with hers, her hands squeezing impossibly tight at my hips. My legs go weak when she doesn’t let up on kissing me; my head going dizzy at the lack of oxygen and emotions in her kiss. I fall into her again, my legs unable to hold my weight up, and she tightens her arms to catch me, her lips still unrelenting until I move away from her. I rest my forehead against her collarbone, catching my breath and trying to find the energy to move my limbs.  
“What was that for?” I ask shakily, my head still dizzy and pressed firmly to her chest while she peppers kisses across my hair and her fingers still stroke at my hips.  
“I don’t want you to revisit those times with your ex.”  
“Why?”  
“You’re mine, Camila Cabello.” I keep my head on her chest, closing my eyes while her words rush over me. Mine. That’s something I could definitely could get used to. It’s also something I didn’t know I really needed to hear.  
“And you’re mine, Lauren Jauregui.” I remove my head from its place and kiss her softly on the lips. “Now go and have fun with our daughter. I’ll see you tonight.” I whisper the last part on her lips and she visibly gulps in anticipation.  
LAUREN’S POV!!  
It’s not the kiss that has been plaguing my mind since I had left Camila, it’s why I had kissed her the way I did. Abbey made me jealous. Of course she had made me jealous. Camila had never mentioned her before but I knew that she had exes and I knew those exes would be attractive and charming because Camila shouldn’t settle for anything less than she wanted. What I didn’t know was how jealous it made me to think about someone else touching her. I’m sure Abbey had touched her in similar ways to what I have but there’s always this thing of secrecy between Camila and I that I’m sure she didn’t have with her ex and that she probably preferred.  
I know Camila wants more. She wants me to be open and confident around her, she wants me to be who I really am and she wants me to trust her with something I have never before. I’m sure Abbey wasn’t like that. I don’t want to be like that. And I will prove to Camila that I can be just as open and honest as everyone else.  
“Mama, I’m not feeling well,” my daughter’s voice interrupts and I briefly turn to look at the little girl who is now rubbing her tummy.  
“Are you ok, baby? What’s wrong?”  
“I feel sick.” Fuck, she didn’t take her car sickness tablets. Even though they’re mainly a psychological ploy to convince children they’re ok in long journeys, Emelia must have remembered that she forgot to take one.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t give you the tablet did I?” She shakes her head at me, pitifully still rubbing at her tummy. “Want me to pull over?” She nods her head silently. We had only been driving for 20 minutes to a new shopping mall that had just opened but instead I’m now pulling off the freeway and into a secluded area. I park up in the middle of nowhere and get out of the car to reach for my daughter. “Are you ok, princess?”  
“No, mama,” Emelia tucks her head into my neck and my heart breaks at her whimpers and sniffling.  
“Do you think you could take another couple of minutes while I find somewhere for us to park up and hopefully get some food and drink?”  
“In a minute.” I repeat what she says back to her and I start to pepper kisses on her face, my little girl eventually laughing instead of sniffling.  
“Are you ok to get back into the car?” She nods and I carefully place her back in the car seat. Looking in the rear-view mirror every so often and we drive a short journey to what appears to be a campsite where I park up and reach for my daughter again. I put my daughter on the floor, lock up the car and take her hand before we start walking toward a pathway that leads through a forest. “So we’re going to walk through here for a bit and we should see a camp site which means we could get some food and just chill for a bit. Is that alright with you?”  
“Yay!” I giggle at her enthusiasm and she laughs back, the two of us walking along the path laughing at just each other. The time I spend with Emelia is just perfect. I find her absolutely hilarious and so goddamn adorable that everything she does just makes me smile. A lot like Camila actually. I laugh at everything she says and swoon at everything she does. Though I love time spent with my daughter, I think we both would have really loved it if Camila were here with us.  
It’s been a while since the three of us were able to go out somewhere together because Camila always had to work. I love it when she would call me up and ask for me to spend the day with Emelia but I love it even more when I get to spend all day with both of my girls.  
“Emelia, are you ok with the fact your mummy has to work a lot lately?” She shrugs her shoulders before she responds.  
“It’s ok. I would like it even more if she could come but I know that she has to work. Aunt Dinah said so.”  
“And what did your Aunt Dinah say exactly?” I ask, trying to find out why Camila has had to work a lot more than previously.  
“I heard her and mummy say that they both need to work more. Mummy said that she might get another job because she needs the money because of a reason I don’t know.” I furrow my eyebrows at this, Camila had never mentioned that needs money. “But it’s ok because I can spend time with you!”  
“Yay!” I share her excitement, throwing my arms up in the air to make her laugh. Why does Camila need more money? Are they having problems? She had never so much as hinted at the fact that she was looking for another job or that money has become an issue.  
“Do you like being with me and mummy?” Emelia asks me curiously, her head turning to the side as soon as she finishes the question.  
“Of course I do, silly! Do you like being with me and your mummy?”  
“Yes! I love it. Are you and mummy together now?” The sudden outburst causes me trip on a medium-sized rock on the trail and I quickly collect myself to stop from falling. Emelia doesn’t laugh. She just wants an answer.  
“I don’t know, baby. I’d like for us to be together. Would that be ok with you?” I ask hesitantly, for the first time admitting to someone other than my therapist that I truly would like to be in a relationship with Camila. And that someone just so happens to be a blabber mouth and her other mother would hear those words recalled to her very soon, I’m sure of it.  
“You look at her like she’s Jasmine.”  
“Jasmine?”  
“Yep,” Emelia ends the emphasis on the ‘p’ with a pop, “and you’re Aladdin.” I look down at my clever and observant daughter while she just looks straight ahead. “And you can swoop me and mummy off on your flying carpet to somewhere amazing!” We laugh in sync with one another and I absorb her maturity to the situation. As soon as I had gotten into the car after Camila and I’s intense make-out situation in the middle of the street, Emelia had asked why her mother and I had stood so close together when we were talking and her voice was hinted with slight accusation even then.  
“Ooh, that reminds me, do you think your mummy will like it if we went away for the weekend? Not this weekend but next?”  
“Can I come?”  
“Of course!”  
“Then yes, she’ll love it and she’ll love you!”  
“Hopefully,” I mutter, excited and hopeful to ask Camila to come away with me for the weekend.  
“Mama? My legs are hurting.” Without second guessing her, I scoop up Emelia into my arms and encourage her to climb onto my back, her legs and arms wrapped tightly around me for security. We walk for another 10 minutes before the park opens up and there’s almost a party happening between the campers, a barbecue lit and music playing. I order a hotdog and buy a plate of fries from a small stall one of the campers had set up. It was doubtful that a 4 year old would ever enjoy something from a barbecue so the plate of fries was mainly for her, as well as an apple that I had bought from another stall and then carefully chopped up into bite-sized pieces for her, some of the campers commenting on how cute we were.  
We find ourselves walking a little further across the field, heading toward a lake where some of the campers are enjoying the scenery. We find a spot on the grass and sit down opposite each other, mirroring each other’s crossed legs. We sit in relative peace for a little while, Emelia alternating between her apple pieces and the fries. We had soon started sharing all three foods between us, Emelia opening her mouth in a silent request for some of the hotdog that I was eating, ketchup smearing across her lips after every bite. I reach across in laughter holding a tissue and she puckers her lips, just knowing the mess she was making.  
“Mummy said that you’re special.”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Mhm. I tried explaining at school but they don’t get it.”  
“Get what?” I ask curiously, looking over at my daughter who’s avoiding eye contact and staring at her food.  
“They say that I need a daddy and that it’s weird to have to two mummies,” Emelia answers sadly.  
“That’s because it’s more common to see a child with a Mum and a Dad. It’s not that common to see a child with two mothers or two fathers. But it’s not weird at all. Because it’s not as common, it’s quite beautiful actually. They’re not picking on you are they, Emelia?” My daughter shrugs and my heart clenches in agony and anger at the thought of my child being bullied. “Does mummy know?” Emelia shakes her head when she finally looks up at me, tears welling in her eyes but she quickly rubs at them and prevents any tears from falling.  
“You’re a very strong and very brave girl, Lia. I was bullied when I was at school and it was horrible. I just wanted to cry but you’re being so strong right now.” She nods at me before she climbs over the food and into my lap, her head resting on my chest but still no tears. “You’re strong because you go into school every day with a smile on your face. You hold your head high and you face those bullies. I’m not calling you strong because you’re not crying. It’s ok to cry. And it’s ok to talk about it. Thank you for telling me but I do think your mummy deserves to know as well, ok?” She nods silently again. “Are you going to tell her or did you want me to do it?”  
“Can you do it?” She mutters into my chest.  
“I can do it. But she’ll want to talk to you, ok?”  
“Mhm.”  
“Good girl.” I cradle my daughter’s body in my arms, kissing the top of head repeatedly, just like I had done to Camila this morning.  
After finishing our food we had stayed for a while gazing out toward the lake; conversing about all things relevant and all things pointless. After staggering to the car, a tiresome Emelia had immediately fallen asleep in her car seat leaving me with one less worry that she would feel her car sickness again. I look toward the clock and see that we had been out for hours and it was nearing 4 o’clock, an hour after Camila had finished work. The thought of Camila already being home brings a smile to my face, one that doesn’t last long however when I remember I have to tell her about our daughter getting bullied.  
When I arrive back at Camila’s, I carefully take my daughter out of the car seat and carry her to the front door where I was surprisingly successful in giving it a tentative knock. The door whips open to a breathless Camila on the other side, sweat on her forehead causing her hair to stick and dressed in tight running shorts and a sports bra.  
“Hey!” I don’t recognise that she had spoken until she holds her arm out to grip my shoulder, I had been too busy devouring her sweaty skin with my eyes and appreciating just how tight her outfit was on her. I offer her a quiet greeting when my eyes meet hers again as she pulls the door open and ushers me inside. “How long has she been asleep?” Once again I had been too preoccupied staring at her, this time her ass when she turned to close the door. “Lo?”  
“Erm, about 20 minutes?”  
“Ok great, well you can take her to bed if you’d like and we’ll wake her soon.” I do as she’s told and walk Emelia to her bedroom, not before Camila kisses her forehead gently and coos at how adorable she looks when she’s sleeping. After settling her into bed, I walk back into the living room to find no sign of Camila. I follow the sound of soft singing and walk into the kitchen where she has her back turned to me, adding some more ingredients into the slow cooker she has turned on.  
I initially wanted to speak to her about serious things: Emelia, wanting to go away for the weekend, what had happened this morning, and potential financial problems. But she just looks so fucking sexy.  
I try to calm my breathing as my eyes rake over her form, her tanned skin glistening with sweat, her petit waist, the generous curve of her butt that never failed to turn me on and long, toned legs from the small amount of time she dedicates each day to either yoga or some other form of exercise. As soon as I see that Camila had placed the remaining ingredients into the slow cooker, I stalk over to the girl and roughly pull her body back into mine, the girl letting out a small shriek in surprise.  
I nuzzle my face into her neck to absorb more of the delicious mix that is her sweat and her body lotion and I forego any anticipated teasing when I firmly cup her centre through her running shorts. “Where’s Dinah and Khiara?” I whisper close to her ear.  
“Out,” she mutters breathlessly.  
“Good,” I turn Camila around in my arms and pin her against the kitchen counter. “You are so sexy,” I whisper against her lips before I attach my own to hers, our tongues finding each other instantly, “and so fucking beautiful.” I wrap my arm around her and gently lift her on top of the island in the middle of the kitchen and making the move to take off her running shorts right away. Camila falls back onto the counter, arms covering her beautiful face as I attach my lips to the juncture between her thigh and her thong. I move the offending material to one side and offer a teasing swipe of my tongue along her centre, the tip of my tongue stroking between her folds and then her clit as I do so.  
I remove the pressure and after a few long, awaiting seconds, I move her thong over to the side, giving her folds the same treatment as before. My intention to tease her has a similar effect on me, she just tastes so fucking good that it’s torture knowing I’m not going to devour her straight away. I continue the alternating treatment a few times before her impatience pushes her to half-sit up and remove the thong herself. And she’s so fucking sexy when she takes control. In the brief moment Camila focuses on removing her underwear instead of my touches, I thrust two fingers inside of her, the surprise action causing her to fall back again and I finish the task of removing the thong from the last leg.  
The abundance of moisture I always find between her legs never fails to surprise me and turn me on and I’m always filled with a sense of pride knowing I can make her like this. But a feeling I can’t get over is when my fingers enter her and she tightens around them, I can’t help but imagine how she would clench around my cock. When I curl my fingers up into the rigid, rough patch that always makes Camila squirm and whimper, she clamps my fingers tighter and without much thought, I unzip my jeans and pull them down to my thighs. When the tip of my tongue meets her clit and she starts to chase her orgasm, I grope at my cock over my boxer shorts, relishing in the feeling and how long it’s been since I’ve touched myself.  
I watch the arch of her breasts become less profound as her breathing slows and her legs only twitch and not shake like they had before. I remove my fingers and gently drag my tongue all of her sensitive centre to taste every bit of her release. I let go of my hard penis and I take advantage of her delirious state to explore her anatomy again, using my fingers to part her folds and my lips to kiss and nip at each fold and each detail that is exposed to me.  
“What are you doing?” Camila asks softly as she tries to sit up. I release her skin that I had between my teeth and look up at her innocently.  
“Nothing,” I reply, my red cheeks acting up again. She looks down and sees that my jeans are pooling at the knees and that only my boxers conceal my softening member. Camila devilishly leans forward and hooks her fingers over the waistband of my boxers and rests her palm on my cock.  
“It doesn’t look like nothing.” I take her hands away from my boxers and plant them firmly to the edge of the kitchen counter, Camila softly laughing at the situation.  
“Now get back down,” I jokingly push her tummy so she’s laying with her back on the counter again. “I was exploring.”  
“You’re always exploring,” she quickly replies with another small laugh.  
“And you’re my favourite discovery.” I hook one of her legs over my shoulder and press gentle kisses to the pink skin again. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”  
“It should do because I’m so exposed like this and moments like this aren’t particularly sexy so I don’t have that lust to blind me.”  
“Moments like this aren’t sexy?”  
“What we just had was sexy, this is quite innocent and cute.” Camila abruptly sits up and I follow, standing upright so my face could meet hers. She hooks a finger over the neckline of my shirt and pulls it slightly, dipping her head down to see what’s beneath it. She releases my shirt and smiles up at me.  
“Ok……….” Why had she just done that?  
“Sorry, I just haven’t seen your breasts yet and you see mine all the time.”  
“Ah. But I can’t see yours now either and that upsets me.” Without saying anything further, I reach for the bottom of her sports bra and I lift it over her breasts, revealing the small mounds that I love. Camila only starts pushing me off when I kiss each of her nipples and she laughs loudly saying that it was too ticklish. We both look at one another and just laugh at how ridiculous we look right now.  
Camila’s bare pussy is sitting on the kitchen counter while her sports bra is only covering half of her breasts. And I am standing between her legs with my jeans now around my ankles trying not to press too much against the kitchen counter because the cold surface would leave my cock hardening again.  
“Do you want to go away with me for a long weekend?” I abruptly ask her before taking her lips softly in mine for a moment. “Me, you and our daughter. A beach house somewhere. Just the three of us?” Camila nods quickly and kisses me harder as a way of giving me an answer.  
“What weekend are you thinking?”  
“Not this weekend but next. June 25th to the 28th?” She moans into my mouth when we kiss again.  
“Sounds perfect,” our lips and tongues explore one another again in a slow and steady space; soft moans and innocent caresses distracting us both.  
Now I just need to prepare for the weekend, already knowing how to make my birthday special for the both of us.


	14. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
Emelia and Lauren were acting weird over dinner, like they were sharing a secret. Lauren was silently supporting our little girl with something and I still have no idea what was happening but I’m worried. Emelia just looked deflated and nervous, something no mother wanted to see of their child.  
Dinner time came around two hours after the moment between Lauren and I. Once again lust overpowering reason as I allowed her to take me while we were in kitchen. I allowed her to dominate and control me in the openness of the kitchen; the fact that our young daughter could have interrupted us was a distant thought as we both knew she would still be asleep. Lauren had helped me redress, pulling me down from the counter and putting my shorts back on for me then rearranging my sports bra to look somewhat presentable.  
Neither of us could stop smiling or laughing at the awkwardness of the situation. As soon as the hunger had dissipated, we both realised where we were and how something like that had happened between us so quickly. But the mood changed again when she held me. When I was dressed and her jeans had been buttoned up, Lauren pulled me into her arms and just held me. No space between our bodies and she just held me close to her, initially burying my face into her neck and wrapping her arm securely around me, and then cradling my face and kissing me. One minute there is nothing but desire and longing between us. The next is tenderness and passion and I love it all with Lauren; I love every moment I spend with her. She placed soft kisses to lips, my cheeks and then to my jaw, with no primal intention, almost a loving intention. It gave my time to caress her physique, running my fingers along her waist, then her tummy and chest, and then her arms. Her lean yet muscular arms that I can never get enough of.  
“I don’t want to ruin this moment but I should really shower,” I said to her after a few minutes of simply enjoying the affectionate touches. Hearing Lauren groaning almost triggered that primal drive I always seem to have for her and we had to separate before I started something again; the annoyance in my eyes directed toward her making the woman laugh again, seemingly aware of what the noise did to me. It wasn’t something we wanted to do but we soon separated, Lauren washing her hands then moving into Emelia’s room to wake our daughter while I walked into my Ensuite to have a shower.  
I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time I was in the shower. It’s been like that constantly since I had met Lauren and saw how amazing she is with our daughter. Their closeness is something I had hoped for from the very beginning but not realised until now that it has become one of the most important things to me. I thought about how, considering it is something so incredibly important to me, why more people weren’t aware of it. My mother is still yet to know. There’s been many times I could have told her, I just never did. I’m not ashamed of Lauren but I’m scared, like she was. Some people just wouldn’t understand and wouldn’t be so kind as to accept her condition. We had arranged to meet for Monday morning while Emelia is at school and Lauren’s at work to hopefully give me time to sit down and explain everything. My parents were none too happy to accept my lesbianism at first and were even more so disappointed when I announced to have a baby alone. They got over it and my family love Emelia and me to bits – maybe they could love Lauren too.  
I need them to love Lauren like we do. I couldn’t imagine my life now without her. Nor could Emelia I presume. With her childish giggle, her intelligence and charm, and her big, loving heart; I don’t want that to ever leave our lives. But it’s not just her presence, it’s how she can make people feel.  
Ally and Normani had said that knowing Lauren has made them feel stronger; if she could surpass all of the hardships thrown her way (and there was a lot of them), the two woman could surpass the difficulties in their lives. Dinah has said that Lauren makes her feel like a good mother. On numerous occasions Khiara had done something to make Lauren laugh or smile and every time she had complimented Dinah, appreciating how well she had done with her daughter. She makes Emelia feel happy. All the time. I don’t see her smile bigger than when she is with Lauren, or talking about Lauren. And she makes me feel… alive. Everything is greater with her. There’s more laughter, more reason to smile and more passion. It didn’t take long for me to get side-tracked, thinking about just how passionate Lauren and I can be, and then imagining her in in the shower with me. The shower ended quickly after this because I should not have been thinking about that moments before I spend time with my daughter.  
I got out of the shower the same time Dinah and Khiara had arrived home, both girls making a dramatic and loud entrance provoking that giggle from Lauren I had just been thinking about. I hurriedly got dressed and found something so simple, yet so beautiful in the living room.  
“One… Two… Three… Four… Fi-five… Six!”  
“Good girl,” Lauren cuddled our daughter further into her arms while she praises her. They were both sitting on the floor, Emelia in Lauren’s lap while the older woman helps our daughter with her homework; Khiara also sitting close to Lauren while she colours in a picture that she must have drawn for her.  
“Now how about this one,” Lauren pointed to another question on Emelia’s homework sheet. “How many dogs are in this picture?” The green-eyed woman looked up at me and encouraged me to sit down beside them, when for a few moments, I just watched Lauren teach Emelia a few simple math problems and spellings, animatedly praising our daughter at each one she had gotten right. Lauren just thought our child was brilliant; getting excited at how easily our daughter picked up on what she was being taught and consistently praising her at even the most minor achievements.  
According to Dinah she had taken over cooking duties from Lauren because she was ‘fucking up and close to burning down the kitchen’. Dinah isn’t any better mind you but she sure thinks that she is and didn’t make that bad of a meal; most of which Lauren tried to take credit for. It was then that I noticed something was wrong. Dinah had simply mentioned school, asking Emelia if her school friends were jealous about Lauren taking her to see the tigers and my daughter just looked sad. She looked to Lauren almost nervously before she hung her head and continued eating her dinner. I narrowed my eyes at Lauren in a silent question before she leant over and whispered in my ear, “we’ll talk later.”  
The girls are now tucked up in bed, Dinah actually falling asleep in their room after reading a bedtime story and Lauren and I prepared for bed. After brushing and flossing her teeth, Lauren walked through the dimly lit room and over to the bed, clad in a tank top and long shorts. “Are you ok, babe?” She asks when she notices the worried expression on my face; climbing into the bed beside me and holding my face.  
“What’s wrong with Lia?” She sighs before she rests against the backboard of the bed and pulls me into her chest, kissing the top of my head before she delivers the news no parent wants to hear.  
“She’s getting bullied.” I quickly remove my head from her chest and look up at her, tears already threatening to fall from my eyes. I’m unaware they had actually started to fall until Lauren reaches up to dry them away. “But she’s ok. She’s strong. I think it’s mainly because she doesn’t understand why they’re doing it. Apparently it’s because she has us two, and not a father,” I squeeze the older woman tighter when I hear the sadness also in her tone.  
“Why hasn’t she told me?”  
“She didn’t want you to worry. But she’s asked me to tell you so she knows that it’s important for the both of us to know.” I nod into her chest, wiping at my own tears.  
“I’ll talk to her teachers on Monday. See if they know what’s actually been said or make them aware of it,” I say, trying to think of ways to deal with the situation. I know it must have been hard for Emelia to tell Lauren and that’s why I’m not mad she hadn’t told me first. At least she was honest with one of us so we can do something about it.  
“You talk to the teachers and I find the kids’ parents. Tell them they’ve done a fucking awful job in raising their children.” Lauren announces, gritting her teeth and trying to soothe her obvious anger.  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Lo.”  
“No?”  
“Nope. Not right away anyway. If nothing changes then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll fit you with armour so you can destroy the heteronormativity and make a name for same-sex couples everywhere.”  
“Sounds inspirational,” Lauren says sweetly and I know without looking up that she’s smiling. “Can we talk about something?”  
“Of course,” I squeeze at her waist and kiss her chest softly before I cuddle up to her breasts again.  
“It’s about this morning. You know, with Abbey?” Oh.  
“Yeah, what about her?”  
“Were you guys serious?” Lauren asks tentatively.  
“We were in high school. We dated for a few years and she was my first for everything. First kiss, first love, first time… first heart break.”  
“What did she do?”  
“I found out that she started fucking a college guy. Apparently it wasn’t serious, just casual but it didn’t hurt any less. I got over it pretty quickly though, maybe I wasn’t in love with her as much as I thought I had been at the time, you know?” Lauren’s fingers combing through my hair makes me relax just enough to not get worked up over the situation like I always had before, I just focus on her affection and bury myself further into her chest making the woman giggle. “There was nobody else after her really, a few flings and one nighters but nothing serious. We tried to start something again after Emelia was born but it just wasn’t working. We weren’t kids anymore and it either had to be serious or nothing.”  
“I’m sorry she hurt you. You didn’t deserve that, nobody deserves that,” Lauren kisses the top of my head and drags her fingers along my spine a few times before she reaches up under my shirt to repeat the motion on my exposed skin. “Have you only been with women?”  
“Yes they were all women. I don’t think I’ve ever been sexually attracted to a man.”  
“Oh.” Lauren releases, sounding disappointed and almost deflated.  
“Lauren, you’re not a man.”  
“I know but that means you won’t be attracted to that part of me.” I take my head off her chest to rest on my arms and look up at her.  
“Sweetheart, not even straight girls find that part attractive,” we both laugh at how true the statement is, “but that’s not what’s important. I find you attractive. All of you. And nothing’s going to change that.” I lean up and kiss her delicately, stroking at her defined jawline before resting on her chest again.  
“You know I said that I’m trying. I’m trying to do that with you and be comfortable with it and stuff?” I nod and let her continue. “Erm, you don’t have to if you don’t want, I’m not by any means forcing you to but, would you come with me to a session with my therapist? Just the one. She would really like to meet you and maybe she could give us both tips on how to approach situations, maybe suggest that-”  
“I would love to, Lauren.”  
“Yeah?”  
“I think it’d be good for the both of us. I don’t want to intrude on your session and you can tell me to leave at any time but if you’re ready for that, you just don’t have the confidence or something then maybe I could get some tips on how to help you?”  
“I’ll arrange something for this week or next.”  
“Good.” We spend a few minutes just kissing, enjoying the taste not the rush, before we settle into our positions for the night. Lauren once again holding me tightly to her chest while she moulds her front to my back, kissing the chamber of my neck before we fall asleep.  
A never thought a meeting with my mother could make me more nervous than the time I came out to her but I’m sitting in this coffee shop, the same one I had first met Lauren actually, and I am sweating. The first thing I thought about when I first came in was Lauren. Meeting her here some months ago has changed my life. And now I’m about to tell my mother that same story. I had told the green-eyed woman yesterday when we were all at the park about telling my mother about her today and though she was more scared and nervous than I am currently, she had offered to come with me which I shook off. I don’t know how my mother will react and I didn’t want Lauren to be here if it did go bad… which I’m sincerely hoping it doesn’t.  
Lauren slept over again last night despite having work so early this morning. Normally she had done this if we partook in amorous activities and I just wanted to be wrapped up in her arms but last night we couldn’t for… special and unfortunate reasons. Lauren had almost forgotten that women get periods until she had made sexual advances and I rejected her. I never reject her. But I had to, obviously, and she was just the cutest. That’s why she ended up sleeping over; she wanted to cuddle me and ensure that I was ok. She almost got quite obsessive about my wellbeing but then I made a joke about giving blowjobs during this time of the month and she stopped to focus on calming her red cheeks and protruding erection.  
Thinking about last night and smiling from the cute moments with Lauren to blushing and smirking over her reaction with the offering of a blowjob, and that’s when my mother walks in.  
“What’s got you all smiley, mija?” And then it was my cheeks that turned a darker shade. I stood up and reached for my mother, giving a hug like I always did before sitting back down again. “So, the smile? Why so happy? What are you thinking?”  
“So I can’t be happy now?” I say with a small laugh.  
“Of course, it’s just been a while since I’ve seen that big smile.” We both take a sip from the drinks I ordered for the both of us and she sits there patiently waiting for an answer. Oh, so it wasn’t rhetorical.  
“Erm, just things”, I point my eyes toward my drink instead of my mother who always knows when I’m lying or hiding something. “And people.” I take another sip and try to ignore the small laugh my mother releases.  
“People, huh? Have you met someone?” My face felt warmer than it was before and I stretch out my fingers and hands from the clammy moisture. “Is it Lauren by any chance?”  
“What?” My eyes widen in fear that she already knows too much. “How do you know Lauren?”  
“Emelia.” Oh. “She never shuts up about her. She tells me that Lauren spends a lot of time with you both and how she’s really happy, and that you’re really happy. I haven’t mentioned anything because I was waiting for you tell me.” I look up at my mother and she smiles at me before furrowing her eyebrows in memory of something else, “Emelia has also referred to her as ‘mummy’. I didn’t think you’d let your girlfriend get close enough so soon for this to happen?”  
“Firstly, Emelia is really happy. And I’m really happy. Lauren is incredible and she treats us like we’re her world. Honestly, there’s not a thing she wouldn’t do for us,” my mother smiles even bigger when she sees the biggest one painted across my face that was created as soon as she had mentioned Lauren’s name. Before I continue speaking I have to think in advance, how can I say this without judgement from my mother?  
“Mija, what’s wrong? Has something happened with Lauren?” I quickly shake my head, still in process of what to say.  
“The thing is Ma, Lauren’s not my girlfriend. I wish she was but right now she’s not. But Emelia calls us ‘mummy’ because well, she is.” I look straight at my mother to catch her true emotion, instead of the one she’ll try to play, as I continue to speak. “Lauren’s special. God, she’s so special. Lauren has this genetic condition that means parts of her are more male than female. It’s called intersex. She’s definitely female but there are parts of her which aren’t.”  
“What are you saying?”  
“She was the donor, Ma.” I don’t miss my mother’s eyebrows raise when I say this, nor do I miss the wash of confusion over her face either. “It was her donation that helped me make Emelia – she’s ours, Ma. She’s mine and Lauren’s, completely.” Her face is unreadable. Is it sadness, curiosity, confusion, disgust? I don’t know. “Ma, what are you thinking? Please tell me. I was so scared of your reaction but I really don’t know what your reaction is right now.” More silence. “Are you disgusted with her, or me?”  
“Oh God no, mija. I could never. I’m a little, no, very, confused to say the least, but not disgusted. Does she just have the, uh,” probably referring to the sperm, “or does she also have a, uh?” Her face contorts into surprise and embarrassment as she wordlessly hints at a penis. I clear my throat in laughter at my mother’s awkwardness.  
“Both.” Her eyes widen and her mouth forms a pout as she nods her head, shocked and unaware of what to say. “Have you seen it?” Oh, Jesus.  
“No! Ma! Why would you ask that?”  
“I’m intrigued. A woman with a, uh, is very unusual.” A laugh at her refusal to actually say the word penis. “So you two aren’t…” The guilty look on my face must say it all and my mother almost calls me out on it before I speak up again.  
“I really like her, Ma.”  
“Aw, baby. And does she really like you?” The blushing and the smiling starts again, my mother laughing once more at my reaction.  
“I think so,” I say with firm nodding. “We haven’t discussed a relationship or anything yet, I want to but I’m scared to.”  
“Why are you scared? If she likes you then you shouldn’t be scared.”  
“It’s not just about her not reciprocating, it’s because of Emelia. She loves Lauren, so much, and I don’t want the two of us to be together then something happens and we break up. Emelia would be heartbroken. That’s why we don’t show affection around her because we don’t want her to get her hopes up.”  
“But you just said you haven’t discussed it with Lauren. She might be fearing the same but then you’d both realise that you won’t be getting Emelia’s hopes up and shattering them. If you got together, you broke up, Emelia would be upset, of course she would be. But she’ll get over it because whether you both are together or not, you’re both going to love her. You’re not dating right now but Emelia is the happiest I’ve ever seen her. It’ll be like that again if you broke up. So that’s out of the question, anything else that’s holding you back?” I laugh at my mother’s persistence and I warm at her loving reaction to the idea of Lauren and I. I just shake my head at the question. That is the only thing stopping me. “Be happy, mija. If being with her would make you happy, then why are you even questioning it?”  
“It would make me happy.”  
“There you go. You do have to be honest with her though. Share your fears but also making your intentions very clear. I’m sure she’s going through the same turmoil.”  
“You’re right, Ma. Thank you,” I lean over and hug my mother again, overwhelmed with feelings as to how incredible she is. We slip into conversation about Lauren and I don’t bother to hide the smile that creeps up on my face just talking about her. A smile that soon washes away when she brings up a topic I’ve been hiding for too long.  
“How are you doing with money now, mija?” I let out a deep breath and shake my head. “Your father is really sorry about bringing all this on you. He didn’t know he’d have to pay that much for his operation and he didn’t realise just how much left was needed to pay off your apartment.”  
“I know it’s not his fault. I’m picking up extra shifts at work but it’s not enough. Dinah’s trying too. The kids aren’t happy about it at all, but then you mention Lauren and how she’ll babysit and their faces light up.” I laugh in memory of how much Emelia and Khiara both love the green-eyed woman. “But Ma, Dinah and I are struggling. We don’t make enough to come up with money to pay off the apartment, to pay the bills and to look after the girls. I’m still paying off the clinic for the treatment I had with the sperm donation. Jonathon’s had to cut back on what he gives to Dinah as well because his business isn’t doing well.” I rub my temples and look at my mother worriedly.  
“I know it’s stressful, you shouldn’t have to go through this. Your apartment should have been paid off by now and if you’d met Lauren earlier you wouldn’t have had to spend so much on the donation!” I laugh at her attempt to lighten the mood yet wipe at the few tears that are falling down my cheeks. “Does Lauren know?”  
“Of course not. I’m not going to burden her with this stuff.”  
“If she loves you, it won’t be a burden.”  
“I never said she loves me, Ma.”  
“If not now then she’s on her way to it. But I promise, it won’t be a burden, just to talk her. She might not be able to help but just be honest about things, ok?” I nod my head at her and she proceeds to give me financial advice like every mother would. I’d never expected our meeting to go this way. I’d never expected her to be so accepting of Lauren or our relationship let alone going so far as to encouraging its progress.  
“Tell that girl the truth,” is the last thing my mother says to me before she leaves the coffee shop, giving me a kiss and hug on her way out. About money or a relationship? Probably both. I tell myself to think of disadvantages of telling her either but there isn’t any. She’d appreciate my honesty about the money. And I also really fucking want a relationship with her that I’d do anything to have her.  
But am I ready?


	15. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
It’s been just over a week now since I saw my mother and I haven’t yet done what she said. I haven’t questioned Lauren about a relationship, nor have I told her about my money problems. Even though I told my mother I would, I still can’t help but think of the worst. I know what Lauren will do in both situations; she’ll agree to a relationship if that’s what I want or we won’t make it official if that’s what I want and she’ll give lots of money because that’s what I need. She doesn’t do much for herself, everything she does is to please other people. Something I’m not surprised about because of how loving and warm-hearted she is but she’s so selfless that I don’t know how to talk to her. And that’s why I chickened out. I saw her that night and she was smiling and looking as beautiful as ever, I didn’t want to ruin it by talking to her about something that she’ll selflessly solve without a care for herself. Maybe I’ll mention something this weekend. The weekend I haven’t stopped thinking about.  
Since the night Lauren invited Emelia and I to a weekend away with her, the only time she had mentioned it again was when our daughter asked to see pictures of where we’re going to stay. It’s a gorgeous beach house in Cape May. Looks expensive too but of course Lauren was never going to tell me the price. A private pool and a hot tub, a balcony and terrace, apparently it also had 6 bedrooms even though it would just be the three of us staying there. It didn’t matter to me how extravagant the place was though, of course Emelia would love it because it’s something she’s not used to, but I wouldn’t care. We could spend a week on a campsite and though that’s something that would usually bother me, I wouldn’t care because I’d have my two girls.  
But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the extravagance. Everything was Lauren’s idea and it’s not that I’m unhappy that she’d spent money on the three of us, it’s just that it’s not necessary. Nonetheless, I haven’t been excited about just one thing in so long. Since Emelia. Or meeting Lauren, but that was more nerves truth be told. This weekend is going to be incredible. A big smile will no doubt be spread across Emelia’s face the whole weekend, spending time with Lauren and I as well as staying so close to the beach will undoubtedly make her ecstatic. And then there’s Lauren. Moments between the three of us are just perfect but then there’s what happens between Lauren and I alone. The affection and tenderness, then the lust and passion, everything is just so surreal when it comes to us.  
The excitement and warmth in my heart dissipates as soon as I reach Emelia’s classroom to pick her up from school and I’m confronted with a very grump and a very disgruntled little girl. “Hey, baby. How was school?” I ask her anyway, kneeling down to her height and immediately taking notice of the scowl on her face. “What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing!” Emelia pushes past me, almost making me lose balance while I was crouched to the floor and I quickly pick myself up and follow after her.  
“Emelia, don’t walk away from me, I’ve asked you a question. What’s wrong?” And she doesn’t even look at me. My daughter walks a few yards ahead of me toward the school gates, her anger forcing her legs to move at a quicker pace than normal but not fast enough to prevent my longer strides to keep up with her. “Don’t ignore me, Lia. What’s happened? Have you been bullied again?”  
“No!” The Monday morning after Lauren told me about her problems at school I went to speak to her teacher, asking if she was aware of the situation, which she was, and why I wasn’t informed. Apparently two little boys in her class had been bullying her, asking where her Dad was and why she’s so happy about having two mothers when she shouldn’t be. Lauren and I were both extremely mad that we hadn’t been told but the teacher had approached the boys’ father instead, bringing up the issue and encouraging him to speak to his sons. The teacher thought it had worked and didn’t notice it happening more secretly until I spoke with her and she had kept a closer eye out. We have now arranged a meeting for next week for the parents to talk through things, Lauren demanding she be there to meet ‘the homophobic bastard’ that is their father.  
“Are the boys picking on you still?” Emelia doesn’t answer me, instead she keeps her head up, a scowl still plastered across her face, and walks down the street. “We need to pick up some groceries, Lia, so I’ve bought the car,” and right before she interrupts I continue, “and don’t complain.” I still can’t understand why she always hates cars with me but as soon as she’s with Lauren, everything’s fine but I overlook it because it’s a waste of a potential argument.  
Honestly, I just can’t be dealing with Emelia’s shit today. Normally, she’s well-behaved and a joy to be around but sometimes she can be very demanding and very grouchy and dealing with that on days like today is something that can’t be done without a loss of sanity. Dinah and I had received another notice about this month’s rent and the urgency to pay it was something we hadn’t encountered before. It was usually dealt with straight away but between us, we just don’t have the money to have everything up front. The fact I also can’t work at the weekend because of my trip with Lauren wasn’t helping either because it meant that everything had to be done before I go and at this rate, we won’t have enough money on time.  
After a silent walk with an irritated daughter we make our way into the grocery store and I grab a small basket to fill it with necessities. That’s another thing that has become difficult, it is only necessities we can buy because extra cash has its priorities. I wouldn’t be shopping now if I didn’t need to be.  
“Mama, can I have this?” Oh, so now she wants to talk to me. I look down the aisle at my daughter who’s holding up a big bag of cotton candy, a wide smile on her face at the prospect of eating it.  
“No, Lia, you can’t.” And here we go.  
“But, mama. Please?” Emelia had run up to me, holding the candy in her arms yet instead of the puppy dog eyes that I normally receive, which she had inherited from Lauren, she just looks frustrated. “I want this!”  
“Well tough, you can’t have it.”  
“You never buy me sweets!”  
“Because it’s bad for little girls like you to have too much. You don’t need the candy, put it back.”  
“No!”  
“Lia,” I move to take it out of her arms and she squeezes it tighter and backs away from me. I rub at my temples, feeling a dull ache prodding from behind my eyes and opening my eyes again I see Emelia with a reddened face and clenched lips in frustration. “Lia, give mummy the candy.”  
“No!” She stretches over to put the candy in the basket like a rookie and when I move it back to avoid her attempt, she stomps her feet and folds her arms.  
“Emelia, why don’t you be a good girl and not have a tantrum right now. Just put the candy on the shelf and I’ll make you something when we get home?” I proposition.  
“No!”  
“Lia, I’ll give your mummy a call and she’ll tell you off,” the warning of having Lauren mad at her doesn’t lessen the anger in my daughter like it normally would. Usually she would give up because she never wants Lauren to be mad at her but we’re not so lucky today. Emelia throws herself to the floor and crosses her arms over her chest and I look up from the drama queen and turn to bystanders who look on with disapproval. After a few attempts at getting my daughter off the floor, with words and physically, I notice my temper toward the girl and everything else heighten when I angrily wipe away the few tears that have left my eyes, ultimately reaching for my phone to call Lauren.  
“Hey, baby,” the older woman greets on the third ring, “how’s everything?”  
“I need your help,” I say almost pitifully, making no attempt now to wipe the stray tears trickling down my cheeks.  
“What’s happened? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine,” I say as I look down at my daughter again who is actually now looking back at me sadly, still lying on the floor. “Emelia’s playing up, can you talk to her please?”  
“Of course, baby. Put her on. And Camz, please don’t cry,” I mutter a small ‘okay’ and hand the phone to the little girl laying on the floor, Emelia reaching her arm out for the device like it’s a regular occurrence.  
“Hi, mama.” I don’t hear any of the conversation other than my daughter explaining what has happened. Emelia just hums and agrees to whatever it is that Lauren’s saying, the little girl starting to look defeated and apologetic. It’s five minutes later that Emelia stands up from the floor and hands the phone back to me, already saying goodbye to the older woman on the other end of the line, not giving me the chance to hear her soothing voice again. “I’m sorry,” my little girl says to me and I wipe again at my cheeks to clear the last set of tears, take her hand in one of mine, the basket in the other and I make my way toward the check-out.  
“Mama said that she’s leaving work early to give me a time-out,” Emelia mutters when she’s seated in her car seat and I’m driving us back home. I answer with a weak ‘okay’ and rub again at the now big ache behind my eyes. It only takes us ten minutes to get home and I pull up inside the small car park, unstrapping Emelia from her car seat and taking her and the lone shopping bag into our apartment. Lauren had stood up from the couch as soon as we walked in, giving our daughter a disapproving look before turning her now sympathetic eyes toward me.  
“I’ve put the naughty chair facing the wall in the kitchen and I want you to sit there for five minutes, okay?” Lauren says to our daughter once she has kneeled down in front of her, Emelia giving her a small nod before sulking off toward the kitchen. “Come here, you.” The older woman engulfs me in her arms and I break down for the second time in the past hour. Her warmth and her smell do nothing to quell my distress this time and I just fall apart in her arms, soaking her leather jacket with my quiet sobs, not wanting to upset Emelia further who could hear us from the kitchen.  
It doesn’t feel like too long later that my sobs have subsided but I’m still holding on tightly to Lauren, the two of us now on the couch and I’m practically in her lap though I don’t remember us falling into this position. “Are you okay, mummy?”  
“She’s good, princess. Just tired. Why don’t you go into your room and change out of your school clothes?” Lauren answers for me, probably realising that I wouldn’t want our child to see me with a tear-soaked face like I’m currently wearing. “What’s wrong, baby?” Lauren asks me sweetly, holding me tight into her chest and kissing the crown of my head. “I know it’s not Emelia. You don’t normally act like that when she becomes Diva Cabello. There’s something else, what’s wrong?” I shake my head against her chest before I answer, not giving her the answers she wants.  
“I just want to focus on our session this afternoon and this weekend. Can we not talk about this now, please?”  
“Camila, please just talk to me,” Lauren whispers and my heart breaks at the fact I’m not being honest with her right now but I can’t bring myself to unload all of my issues onto a woman who has to deal with her own.  
“Just tell her,” a third voice interrupts, Dinah walking into the room with a basket of laundry and looking at us both in sympathy. “Don’t shut her out, just be honest.”  
“What’s she talking about?” Lauren asks, trying to move herself away from my hold but my grip tightening in her failure. I keep my head rested securely at the older woman’s chest when I hear Dinah huff and sit down opposite us.  
“We’re having some money problems. Alejandro has a small operation coming up but it means he has to come up with the money, the money he would be using to pay off this place. So now we have to come up with the money for rent, bills, care for the little ones and a few other expenses. Jonathon can’t give us any more and the job we’re working isn’t great pay. We just don’t know what to do, Laur.” I thought I was at least mature enough and responsible enough to tell Lauren myself but I couldn’t. While Dinah was speaking she tried to nudge me slightly to get my attention and I curled into Lauren’s body even more, hiding my face in her neck to avoid any questions.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I still don’t answer her.  
“She didn’t want you to worry. We can handle it, just right now it’s difficult and it’s trying to get through this little rough patch.” I feel Lauren nod her head at the youngest woman and I guess I am slightly relieved that one of us could be honest with her.  
“I wish you would have told me, Camz.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“I could have helped long ago.”  
“We don’t need your help, it’s just getting to me right now and everything’s making me emotional. I didn’t want to worry you.”  
“I’m here for you. For all of you guys. Of course I’m going to be worried but I’ll help in every way that I can. We’ll work it out, I promise, baby,” and Lauren kisses the top of my head again before I reluctantly pull away from her hold at the sound of tiny feet running into the living room.  
“I’m sorry I made you sad, mummy,” Emelia whispers, loud enough for the three adults to hear. The small girl quickly climbs into the small gap between Lauren and I when we both give her timid smiles and she immediately wraps her arms around my waist. I close my eyes and enjoy the affection from my daughter, much preferring this side of her than the irritable one I had seen earlier.  
“Baby, your mummy and I have to go out in a few hours and you’re going to stay here with Aunt Dinah, okay?” It couldn’t have even been a question because as soon as Emelia tried to counter, Lauren shuts her down with an authoritative stare and raised eyebrows as to say, ‘I wouldn’t argue back if I were you’. “We won’t be gone too long and then you can have us both all weekend!” Emelia’s excited cheer forces a welcomed smile back onto my face, once again reinforcing that this weekend will be very much needed for the three of us.  
“So what are you gonna get up to all weekend?” When Emelia starts rambling about all the fun things she wants to do, I see that Dinah’s pointing a suggestive stare toward Lauren and I, wiggling her eyebrows and smirking. The heat in my face is nothing compared to the fire that has consumed Lauren’s.  
A few hours later, after the awkward moment with Dinah and a surprisingly delicious meal made by Lauren, the green-eyed woman I find ourselves alone in a small yet warm waiting room outside the office of her therapist. Lauren had been nervous throughout most of the car ride but I knew she was going to be alright and I told her that which she eventually believed. She calmed down a little bit and stopped tapping her fingers on the steering wheel to reach over and hold my hand. This has become a habit when we’re in the car together. She would always hold my hand but would be reaching over to rest our hands on my thighs so Emelia couldn’t see the gesture and would do this even when our daughter wasn’t in the car. If we had been holding hands for a while she would then release the hold and instead grip securely on my inner thigh. Lauren would never do anything more while we were in the car, to her it was an innocent gesture but if you’re always horny like I am around her, no touch that close to my centre could be an innocent gesture.  
Similarly she’s resting our connected hands on top of my lap while we’re in the waiting room and I’m turned into her to rest my head on her shoulder and my other hand on her bicep. A few minutes after a man walks out of the room and past us, giving Lauren a ‘hello again’ in passing, before the receptionist addresses, “Dr Whitley has asked for just Miss Jauregui to go in for now and she’ll call your guest in soon.” Lauren ensures I’m ok with staying in the waiting room and kisses my lips softly before she goes into the adjoining room. I twiddle my thumbs and look around the room, taking note of the various framed certificates and leaflets and posters addressing all sorts of issues. I do this for a good fifteen minutes until the door to my left opens and Lauren’s face appears and asks with a smile, “did you want to come in now, Camz?” I nod quickly and approach her at the door, Lauren taking my hand in her before leading me further into the room, shutting the door behind us.  
“Camila, this is my Doctor, Rebecca Whitley,” she gestures toward an elder woman who appears to be in her 50s, greying hair and calming blue eyes beneath her glasses. “And this is Camila,” Lauren rests a hand on my lower back as I lean forward to shake the hand of the older woman, her warming smile mirroring my own.  
“I’ve heard lovely things, Camila.”  
“Likewise. Lauren speaks very highly of you,” I compliment as Dr Whitley moves to sit back in her leather chair, Lauren leading us to sit opposite her on a couch. “She’s wonderful and considers a lot of who she is now to be a product of what you’ve done for, so thank you.”  
“I should be thanking you. You’re making her very happy,” I blush at Rebecca’s words making the both of them chuckle at my embarrassment. “I do have to say though, you remind me very much of my daughter. Other than the fact you both look very similar, she’s also a lovely girl who speaks very highly of Lauren. I can see why you’ve become so important to her,” I smile at her words before I turn to the yet-silent green-eyed woman who doesn’t return my gaze in an awkward state. I quickly move past the weirdness and address the Doctor again.  
“That’s sweet, what’s her name?”  
“Charlotte.” I can’t explain why but my heart drops at that name. Lauren had never spoken about her but I see that she always receives texts or calls from a Charlotte and Lauren almost looks guilty every time that happens when we’re together. “She’s usually the receptionist but recently hasn’t been very well. It’s a shame because she really wanted to meet you.”  
“Pity.” Lauren quickly turns her head at my bluntness, a guilt-ridden face once more. “I mean, it would have been lovely to meet her and it is a shame,” I cover with a fake smile toward Rebecca Whitley.   
“So, we best get on with it then. I’m sure you both don’t want me wasting your time,” she chuckles before continuing again. “Camila, Lauren has been a patient of mine for some years as I’m sure you’re aware and the appointments have become more frequent since the two of you have met and the sessions have been directed toward becoming comfortable with something.” I nod along to what the elder woman is saying, aware that she is hinting toward our physical relationship and why Lauren needed to seek more help. “And I’m sure you’re aware of what that something is,” she continues with slight amusement yet not mockery to her voice.  
I release an awkward laugh before I turn to Lauren whose reddened cheeks and avoiding eyes establish she’s just as embarrassed as I am. “Come on, Lauren. Don’t get all shy on me again,” the therapist prods the green-eyed woman, “she does this every time your physical relationship is mentioned,” she whispers to me, loud enough for Lauren to turn to us in shock and for the Doctor and I to laugh at her response. She may have a slutty daughter that I just can’t wait to meet but she actually is a lovely woman.  
“I do not,” Lauren huffs like a child, folding her arms and avoiding eye contact again.  
“Now, I understand why Lauren may have these insecurities and I understand why she wants to get over them and we’ve been trying to overcome these boundaries one step at a time. From what I’ve been told is that you have been; overcoming these boundaries one step at a time and that’s great. I understand Lauren is progressing and becoming more and more confident each time, perhaps overcoming these smaller hurdles, yes?”  
“She has, yes. I’m really proud of how far we’ve come,” I reach over and take Lauren’s hand in mine, her therapist smiling at the gesture.  
“And that’s great, at least she hasn’t been lying to me,” we all laugh this time and both Lauren and I ease into the comfort of the situation. We may be talking about sex but clearly it’s something Lauren and I both feel the need to discuss and decide we have to be adults in this situation. “I think you’ve handled the situation very well, Camila. According to Lauren you haven’t been persistent and you’ve been very attentive to her emotions and how she’s feeling at each new barrier you face and that’s definitely helped you both. Your honesty has also been very important; addressing the issues you’ve had about Lauren’s discomfort is something that has really encouraged her to work on herself and I think that was needed.”  
“Now though,” the therapist starts to address Lauren, “I think we need to establish what that last boundary is. It used to be comfort in your own self but you’ve discussed your condition openly with Camila and from what I’ve been told, you don’t shy away from the truth. She knows about your condition and you’re not physically distant in regards to her knowing it’s there. You’ve become more accepting of that fact that in those types of situations, you both need sexual release and while the focus is still on Camila, you’re not completely refusing the fact your own needs should be attended to.”  
I had noticed that in Lauren, also. Even though it was always her pleasuring me, I had noticed changes in how she would treat herself in those situations. Our first time together and the time she had pleasured me on the couch, Lauren hadn’t allowed herself to be touched in anyway, by me, herself or even the friction between us. But more recently she had been less distant about being touched in that area. During our sleepovers she would now just sleep with boxer shorts covering her lower half and the thin fabric has always meant I could feel almost every inch of her member touching me when we cuddled and she allowed that part of herself to feel me to. Or she would shyly touch herself while pleasing me, rubbing her cock over her jeans or even tugging her jeans down to relieve some pressure. While I had been distracted thinking about every sexual experience between us, I hadn’t realised the doctor was still talking until she started her summary.  
“So, you know that Camila knows of your condition and you’re now fine with that. What you’re not fine with is making it real, showing her and allowing her to please you in return?”  
“She does please me.” Lauren states defensively and the butterflies in my stomach arise surprisingly and I don’t stop the small smile that reaches my lips.  
“That last hurdle is allowing yourself to experience the pleasure she feels.” Heat rises to my cheeks in a blush and so I thought it would be the same for Lauren, instead I turn to her and she just looks scared again. Fragile, almost. “Lauren, what are you most scared about?”  
Lauren bats her eyelids quickly as though to avoid any tears falling, “that she won’t like me anymore if she sees it.”  
“Ok, and how about if she feels it?” I turn my shocked eyes up to her therapist at these words. Dr Whitley didn’t bother to dwell on Lauren’s deflated statement, instead she was quick to assert an alternative.  
“I’m not sure what you’re saying,” my still shocked expression turns between each woman during their conversation.  
“You seem to focus on the visual aspect. ‘If she sees it, she won’t like it because the defect becomes obvious if you can physically see it.’ But what about a focus on touch? Camila doesn’t need to see it for you both to experience pleasure.” I can’t help but feel a level of excitement when she says this, looking over to see the curious face of Lauren and a part of me thinks this might just be the way to help us. “Normally, we would focus on the psychological problem at hand by identifying it and thinking of ways to overcome it. We’ve identified your problem is fearing the visual and instead of dealing with that right now, we’re going to start a new route in hope to achieve the same destination, and that is, being comfortable both mentally and sexually with Camila.”  
“So, you’re suggesting that we find a way to…” Lauren looks almost embarrassed before she continues, “take that step, without exposing myself completely?” The green-eyed woman asks as a way to understand the advice.  
“Would that help?” Dr Whitley responds with quick thought once more.  
“Yeah, maybe,” Lauren turns to me for the first time since her therapist began addressing our problem, embarrassment yet interest into what was being said probably the reason why. “I do want to go all the way with you but I can’t even look at myself in the mirror when I’m naked and I don’t think I’m ready for you to see all of me like that.” I hadn’t realised that the prospect of her refusing the advice and not still not being comfortable meant that my head had physically dropped, until she lifted my face with her fingertips under my chin. But I do really want to try and please you in more ways than I’d like to think I have done already. If you’d let me that is?” Lauren asks hopefully. I quickly nod my head and she laughs at my eagerness as she leans over and presses her still laughing lips against mine. We kiss delicately for a few moments, the both of us now giggling softly against one another’s lips before she looks me in the eye and addresses me seriously, “thank you for being so patient with me.”


	16. The Sperm Donor

Lauren’s POV  
“Come on, Lia! We gotta go, mama’s outside!” I hear Camila yell through the house to our daughter as I step out of the car and see the beautiful woman at the front door, signalling to me they will be ready in one minute. I lean up against the door of my car and wait for my family, smiling at the fact I can hear them both rushing around in both excitement and impatience. After Camila had picked up a last minute morning shift at the café, it meant that we had to get on the road a lot later than I had anticipated but after seeing the woman herself, it didn’t matter what time I was picking her up, at least I was spending all weekend with her.  
A couple of minutes later and my daughter comes strolling out in her onesie and jacket, wearing a small backpack and holding onto the railing as she descends the few steps. “Hi, mama!”  
“Hello, princess,” I pick up my daughter and kiss her forehead as she sits on my hip before I put her back down again. I hear a huff and a struggle and I look up to find Camila trudging a large suitcase down the steps and over to me.  
“We’re only going for three days! What’s with the suitcase?” I laugh at her, still not bothering to help with the suitcase as I lean against the car again and she darts her narrowing eyes at me.  
“Shut up!” Camila mutters when she finally reaches me, her volume not loud enough for our daughter to hear who is standing idly at my side. She moves around to the back of the car to put her suitcase in the trunk but I jog around to meet her and take it out of her hands, effortlessly lifting the heavy suitcase into the trunk before Camila could even attempt the struggle. It really was heavy, what the hell is she bringing, her whole wardrobe? “Thank you,” I turn to Camila who’s smiling at my help and rubbing my bicep, fuck, I love it when she does that. I feel a tapping at my thigh and I look down to see our daughter holding her backpack out to me which I take with a laugh and place it in the trunk of the car also.  
I hear some more steps coming from the stairs and I turn to see Dinah holding Khiara on her hip and walking over to the car where they both give me a wave in greeting. “I’ll see you in a few days,” Camila says to the younger woman when she leans in to hug her, kissing Khiara’s cheek when she pulls away. Emelia felt her goodbye back in the apartment was good enough so she opens the car door and tries to climb into her car seat; unsuccessfully until I lift her into it gently and strap her in. I’d become pretty good at that. When Camila starts to open the passenger side door I turn back to find Dinah still there and waiting for my goodbye.  
“Have fun this weekend, Lauser,” she says to me when I wrap my arms around her for a hug, “and there’s no such thing as too much fun,” she adds with a wink. “Look after them both. I’m sure you will but just in case you needed reminding.” I pull away from her hold and kiss the crown of Khiara’s head, making the small girl blush in the process, “oh and Lauren, thank you. For the loan. Neither of us wanted you to do that and Camila probably won’t be very happy when she finds out but thank you.”  
“Of course. I’m here for all of you, and thank you for being honest with me. I hate the thought of any of you suffering in silence when I could be helping in some way.” Dinah smiles at me and ushers me toward the car where Emelia is looking impatiently through the window at me and Camila is still standing by the open passenger door, watching on at our interaction with a smile and curious eyes. I walk over to the mother of my child and hold the door for her with a hand on the small of her back, encouraging her to get into the car and she gives me a rare toothy smile that I love so much, provoking a similar one on my lips.  
Not too long into the car ride, after mentioning to them both about the drinks and snacks I once again stocked up on in the hamper, I switch on the same Disney playlist as I had played last time on Emelia’s request. Frequently while the songs were playing, I’d look in the rear-view mirror and briefly look at the way my daughter would try and sing to the songs, mostly with a mutter, while she colours in a wildlife colouring book I had bought for her. It isn’t until a particular song when we really get a reaction out of her. The little girl squeals almost when ‘A Whole New World’ from Aladdin comes on and she claps her hands excitedly. I turn to her briefly and see her pointing between Camila and I, and I remember our discussion from our walk through the campsite – Camila’s my Jasmine. I wink and laugh at my daughter and she responds with an identical giggle, leaving Camila confused yet smiling to herself.   
Camila is my Jasmine and in less than three hours, I’ll have the woman all to myself, and my own little family to look after, even only for a few days the thought makes me happier than it should. Hopefully the events of this weekend will just repeat themselves for the rest of my life; spending time with my family, making them laugh, ensuring they’re safe and loving them with everything I have. It’ll give me an insight to what it’ll actually be like to live as a family. Camila and I aren’t even in a relationship as of yet but I’m always thinking about what it would be like to live with them. Waking Emelia up for school in the morning. Developing a routine with Camila regarding our jobs and who will at home at what time to look after her. Sharing the household chores. Helping Emelia with her homework, bathing her then tucking her into bed. And being able to cuddle Camila every night, kiss her before she sleeps and be the person she first opens her beautiful brown eyes to every morning. This weekend will open all the doors for us and I just can’t wait. For all of it. Of course there is one thing we are both anticipating to happen this weekend and despite my still prominent nerves, I just can’t wait.  
I had been ready for sex for a while, before the meeting Camila and I had with my therapist, but I just needed reassurance and advice to overcome that last segment of anxiety and worry. Dr Whitley’s main point was for the both of us to focus on touch and not the visual aspect. But what does that even mean? Do I blindfold her? Maybe that’s a bit too extreme for our first time. Do we turn the lights off? Something about a position to be in? I’m sure I’d have to be on top but should we have sex when I’m behind her? Fuck, and now I’m aroused thinking of all the positions we could be in.  
I had even done research – ‘which positions is more pleasurable for her’, ‘how to make her climax’ – sure, I had made her orgasm before but this is doing something different. Maybe I’d have to go back to that if I’m bad at sex. Even though I love doing that and I hope to never stop, I really am hoping I could please her in the way she wants. A writhing Camila is always a beautiful sight to see and I can never get enough of it. Fuck. I should really stop imagining sex with Camila, I feel my face growing hotter, my palms starting to sweat and my jeans becoming tighter. When I feel a warm hand on my thigh I flinch from how sensitive my skin is, “are you alright?” I turn to look at Camila’s worried expression and I give a tight-lipped smile and a nod. I reach for her hand to put it on her own lap, and I hold onto her thigh and not her hand so she doesn’t feel the clamminess. Nothing can calm my arousal when my fingers stretch over the soft skin of the inside of her thigh and I can sense her eyes have dropped to my straining erection against my jeans.  
Fuck. She always makes it so hard not to touch her any more than I’m comfortable with. I’ve wanted for her to touch me and I’ve needed for her touch me but ultimately I would only shy away from her advances, fear and anxiety overpowering my arousal. But not anymore – hopefully. I know she had become quite irritated at times which is understandable. After all I have seen her completely naked and each time I gently explore every inch of her body, making her vulnerable under my powerful gaze and yet I’ve not allowed her to even touch me. I understand each time she would get irritated but she had never pushed me, always letting me move us at my own pace. I’ve known that for a long time she has wanted to take the next step and now I’m ready to take her there, I just needed some tips and hints.  
About two weeks ago I had found an erotic book hidden on Camila’s bookshelf in her bedroom and while she was showering, I shamefully read through some of it. I know I shouldn’t have because well, it’s kind of creepy. It’s private and probably embarrassing on her behalf if she were to find out that I saw it but it was a way to see what she likes and things that could potentially get her off. It was a long shot but for research purposes only. A stupid idea also because of the flustered state I was left in reading some of the chapters then hastily hiding it back onto the bookshelf when I heard the water turn off. I wouldn’t touch myself. That only happens very rarely when nights with Camila had made the urge almost unbearable, to the point it was almost painful to leave it. As soon as she had come out of the shower I had her against the wall, unwrapping her towel and on my knees, her leg shakily over my shoulder while my tongue moved relentlessly around and inside of her.  
Making the experience more pleasurable for Camila is what has driven me to work so hard in improving my self-confidence. I wanted her to feel a way that nobody has ever made her before. Hence my extensive preparation – it was necessary.  
Fuck.  
Rule number one in preparation for your first time: use protection, and I forgot the fucking condoms at home! I grip Camila’s thigh in annoyance at myself, honestly forgetting I was holding her thigh for the moment when I gripped harshly. It doesn’t hurt though. I turn to her when she shudders and tightens her legs around my hand. “I’m sorry,” I apologise anyway, Camila shaking her head softly and with heavy breaths to suggest I had nothing to be sorry for. Through my mental preparation and fantasies, a raging erection and sweaty palms, I hadn’t realised we were half way there and with traffic like this it would only take another hour to reach the beach house. I inform both Camila and Emelia and our little girl just replies with an update on her tiredness. “I’m so tired my head could fall off,” were her exact words.  
“And that means you have to eat your dinner and then go straight to bed, missy,” Camila tells our daughter, turning around in her seat to stop Emelia before she whines, “you still have all day Saturday, Sunday and Monday to have fun but it’s getting late and you’re going to need some sleep. How are you going to have all that fun if you’re tired?”  
“I’m excited!”  
“I’m excited too, baby,” she agrees with a smile, turning to me and her loving grin makes my heart warm. I release her thigh from my grip and hold her hand, stroking her with my thumb before I pull it up to my face and kiss her palm with no thought as to if our daughter is watching.  
An hour or so of karaoke and Emelia yawning, we turn into the drive-way of the familiarly large house that we’ll be staying in. Camila gets out of the car and her eyes widen at the two-story house, both floors with a balcony encompassing it from the steps leading into the front door. I walk around and release Emelia from her car seat, placing her on the floor beside Camila whose eyes are enlarged in the same way as her mother’s. I laugh at how adorable and identical they look in the moment and start to unload the trunk, pulling out Emelia’s backpack and wearing it on one of my shoulders, followed shortly by Camila’s large suitcase and my own duffel bag that I carry on my other shoulder. I don’t actually know what’s in Emelia’s backpack because apparently her clothes had been packed into the suitcase with Camila’s stuff. Knowing my daughter it was more food and tonnes of books.  
I lock the car and ascend the steps to the front door, both girls following me and offering to take their own bags which I decline. Once I’ve disarmed the front door, I watch Emelia run through the house and Camila mutter a ‘wow’. It wasn’t as big on the inside as it looked on the outside but it’s warm, homely and just a beautiful house to be in. It wasn’t open plan, lots of doors and little rooms that you’re always bound to get lost in but the living room was my favourite: a couch and a few comfortable chairs around a fireplace, the TV on the wall that bears the fire. For a large house, all of the rooms weren’t very big, there was just lots of them, and that’s what I loved. It wasn’t extravagant, just comfortable. A place I could see myself living permanently. Perhaps having Camila and Emelia to share it with.  
“Mama! Have you seen the kitchen?” Emelia comes running toward me, the size of her eyes still not going back to normal.  
“I sure did, baby.” I pick my little girl up and place her on my hip while I walk to find Camila with her face buried in the fridge… obviously. “As it’s getting late, I was thinking how about we order a pizza so we don’t have to cook?”  
“Yes!”  
“I’m talking to your mother, Lia.” I poke at my daughter’s sides and she laughs loudly into my ear before wriggling to get out of my hands which I allow her to do. “What do you think, Camz?”  
“Pizza sounds great.” Her husky voice replies. She looks around to see that Emelia had wandered off into another room before she encircles her arms around my neck and presses her delicious lips against mine. I moan against her skin when her tongue slips into my mouth and she presses her entire body against mine. There isn’t any drive to the kiss, just a rhythm of lips and tongues until she pulls back and smiles sweetly at me. “Thank you for bringing us here.”  
“Anything for you,” I move into kiss her again but she only allows a soft peck before she pulls back, calling out to Emelia that she needs a bath to which we can both hear her groan. After I’ve shown them both to the bathroom they should use, I leave to order the pizza but not before Emelia tells me that I have to come back afterwards.  
“Mama, can you wash my hair?” Emelia asks as soon as I step foot in the bathroom again. Camila is sitting on the floor beside the bath, playing with the bubbles with a grin on her face while Emelia is looking up at me sweetly.  
“Erm, yeah, of course.” I roll up my sleeves and kneel down beside the bath, taking the cup from a smirking Camila before I begin. A few minutes in and I’m getting nowhere to be perfectly honest. Both girls are laughing at how gently I’m rinsing and scrubbing her hair, in fear that I’ll hurt her then drown her with the water. I’m defensive about it but to no avail, even Emelia is telling me to get on with it!  
“Come on, Lauren, we don’t have all night!” Camila chuckles at me as I hold a shielding hand on the top of Emelia’s head and slowly pour water onto the shampoo filled hair. It doesn’t take long for Camila to snatch the cup from my hand, causing Emelia to laugh even louder and take over. “Close your eyes,” and our little girl obeys before Camila tips the whole cup of water over her hair, most of it soaking her face. Once Emelia has rid of the suds, Camila excuses herself to unpack a few things, leaving me alone to finish washing her hair, which I don’t do right away.  
I lather her hair in the conditioner and then we’re both too distracted to continue; instead we blow the bubbles at each other, Emelia sticking a cloud of them on my hair and face, and use the foam letters she had bought with her to practise her spellings on the tile wall, all the while her hair is conditioned in the firm shape of an Elvis Presley quiff. I quickly wash it off, quicker than I had been with the shampoo, carry Emelia out of the tub and wrap her into a towel. With her arms pinned inside like a straightjacket, I pick my daughter up who’s laughing and kicking her legs, and take her into her room where Camila soon joins us.  
“Is this going to be my room?”  
“It is, princess. This used to be my room when I was a kid,” Emelia’s lights up at this information, “this was my Grandma’s house and I used to visit all the time. This was always my room.”  
“I didn’t know this place belongs to your grandmother?” Camila chimes in.  
“She passed away when I was nineteen. It was left to my siblings and I, so this is technically my place,” I say with a small smile. Camila moves toward me and wraps an arm my waist, kissing the top of my shoulder in sympathy. I return a kiss to the top of her head and the sound of a door bell is what breaks us apart as I rush downstairs to retrieve the pizza and Camila helps dress our daughter into her pyjamas.  
After completely devouring the two pizzas I had bought, we find ourselves in the living room, watching Monsters Inc. beside the fire and little time passes before Emelia dozes off in the small space between Camila and I. We wait until the film is finished before we decide to take her upstairs, our little girl having looked so cosy cuddled into our laps. I stand up and hold Emelia in my arms, Camila following behind me to turn off the television and lights, then double-checking the front door was locked and I carry her upstairs, tucking the small girl into her bed and ensuring she had the bear I made for tucked under her arms for if she were to wake up. Camila and I each give her a goodnight kiss before I take her hand and walk the both of us into our bedroom, a few doors away from Emelia’s.  
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” Camila says to me when I pull her in for a gentle kiss.  
“Of course not, baby. The ensuite is right through there,” I gesture toward an almost hidden door beside us. Fifteen minutes later and I’m settled on the bed reading a paper for work when Camila walks out of the bathroom, hair in a messy bun and clad in one of my shirts and underwear. She climbs into bed beside me and without looking I raise my arm for the woman to crawl under and snuggle into my chest.  
“Do you always wear Calvins?” Camila asks after a moment of silence, a finger running along the waistband of my boxers that are peeking through from my jeans.  
“They’re more comfortable because they’re tight but not as tight as briefs. Some dudes will wear the long, baggy ones but I’d just have to smooth them out all the time and it’s not appropriate to always have your hands down your trousers,” I laugh as I put the book down to focus on Camila, stroking her fingers with mine that are still on the waistband of my boxers.  
“Do you only have Calvin Klein?”  
“No, I have Ralph Lauren too.”  
“Of course you do,” Camila chuckles, encircling her arm around my waist and snuggling further into my chest.  
“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Camila just shakes her head with a smile before she yawns and cutely buries her face. “Tired, baby?” And she wordlessly nods. “I still need a shower.”  
“Nooo!” Camila groans, tightening her hold on me.  
“Can I at least get changed?”  
“If you’re quick.” I untangle myself from Camila, despite her protests, and remove my shirt, slowly replacing it with a white-tee while her eyes tiredly gaze over my chest. I un-do my bra and pull out from beneath my top, throwing it to the floor and then remove my jeans, all the while Camila’s eyes flicker over everything that she sees. I had been in my boxers around her before but only when we sleep, she hadn’t really seen such a clear view of them before. I turn off the light and climb back into the bed beside her and turn her to the side so I can hold my little spoon like I always do, shaping the front of my body against her back and kissing her shoulder, neck and then right behind her ear.  
“I like that your Calvins are tight,” Camila whispers, provoking a giggle from my lips. My groin is pressed right against her backside that I’m sure she could probably feel everything.  
“Pervert.”


	17. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
Like every morning I wake up with Lauren, I find the older the woman cuddling me from behind, her body curling to shape my own perfectly. And like every morning I wake up beside her, I don’t bother moving for a few moments, I relish in the moment of her pressed tightly against me where I can feel every curve of her beautifully sculpted body. I stroke at her hand that I’m holding and clutch it further into my chest, Lauren using the gesture as encouragement to hold me tighter and pepper kisses at the back of my neck, slowly moving around to reach its column and then up to my jaw and lips.  
“Good morning, beautiful,” her husky morning voice whispers into my ear. I immediately turn over, my body falling on hers slightly, and her emerald eyes are gazing adoringly back at me; not intense like they normally are but warm and calming.  
“Good morning, beautiful,” I whisper, not caring about morning breath when I attach my lips to hers, taking Lauren’s bottom lip between mine and manipulating it lazily. Her hands find their way to my hips and pull me slowly on top of her, my knees finding their place at either side of her hips and my body stretched over across her torso to maintain the kiss. “How did you sleep?” I ask between kisses as I cup Lauren’s jaw and kiss her with more purpose, occasionally stroking her tongue with mine and sucking on it softly.  
“I always sleep perfectly with you beside me.” When we kiss like this, it has become almost routine for me to not sit on her lap directly and it wasn’t something I was aware to be doing now until she tugs my hips down to meet hers. The tough grip Lauren had on my thighs was enough to enflame the nerves in my body but her bulging erection meeting my centre added more heat to the flames and our lips were unresponsive to one another’s for a short time. Lauren’s womanly groan the oxygen and the desire to feel my tongue play with hers was only encouraged. Languid breaths and heavy moans filled the space around us as the gradual friction between our centres fuelled the blaze; Lauren gripping now tightly onto my hips as she manipulates their ride. With our kiss nothing but the tangling of tongues and our barely covered centres rubbing one another, I feel the first thrust. Lauren’s pelvis pushing up into mine, her cock pressing deliciously against my clit while her hands grope harshly at my butt.  
“Fuck, Lauren,” I grunt into her ear when the second thrust disorientates the kiss from both of us. I suck at the skin on Lauren’s neck while her groping hands manipulate the way my wet centre rubs against her erection through the fabric. At the sound of her grunting and rapid breaths I look toward the woman beneath me and I’m in awe as to how sexy she looks; eyebrows furrowed, reddened cheeks and lips that can’t decide whether they should be bitten or left ajar and so she oscillates between the two. Though the feeling of touching one another so intimately feels incredible, I’m not blinded to the fact that it must feel ever better for her. I very much doubt Lauren had done this before. Even though we are both in our underwear, the direct pressure is something she had never allowed herself to experience before.  
“Mummy?” I quickly dart my head toward the bedroom door, expecting to find my daughter there but nothing. Lauren had stopped moving our hips, however, and I look back down to see the woman trying to control her breathing, her arms covering her face and the hardness in her boxers pressing firmly between my legs.  
“Fuck,” I pant, still looking toward the door. “She didn’t see what room we’re staying in so she’s probably looking for us.” Lauren nods her head from beneath the wrapped arms that still cover her face, probably in annoyance and frustration rather than embarrassment. “We’ll finish this later, ok?” I whisper close to her face when I move her arms away, taking notice of her almost-black eyes and the baby hair sticking to her forehead from the small drops of sweat. “I promise we’ll be finishing this later,” I say finally as my fingers press against the front of her boxers, not-so-accidentally grazing her erection in the process.  
I lift myself from Lauren’s lap and move toward the bedroom door, opening it up and peering down the corridor to see a lost-looking Emelia clutching her stuffed bear and rubbing at her eyes. “Can I sit in bed with you and mama, please?” She doesn’t wait for an answer. As soon as Emelia had spotted me she began walking toward the bedroom Lauren and I were in, squeezing my past legs and jumping on to the bed beside Lauren who had resettled the duvet back onto her lap to cover herself. “What are we doing today, mama?” The older woman’s sexual frustration disappeared in an instant when she saw our daughter stalking into the bedroom and replaced the look with one of tenderness, a loving smile spread wide across her features. I sit beside Emelia on top of the bedcover and look to Lauren waiting for her answer.  
“Well if it’s ok with you, I think my family would like to come over today. Only for a couple hours. We’ll have some lunch and then they’ll leave. My parents don’t live as far away from here as we do so they won’t be here for very long. I know they would love to meet you both.” As Lauren mentioned her family I was hit with a wave of confusion as she had never mentioned they would be coming. But then it was excitement. Lauren wants to introduce us to her family. But now it’s nerves. Lauren wants to introduce us to her family. “Is that ok with you, Camz?” Lauren asks nervously.  
“Of course it is. I didn’t expect them to visit but I think that would be really nice.” I answer honestly. We are here all weekend and we have plenty of time to do whatever was planned, meeting her family would be a nice surprise for the weekend.  
Soon after Lauren reveals her family are coming to visit today, the three of us get out of bed and walk toward the kitchen, Lauren quickly putting on a pair of sweats over her boxer shorts before we do so. She had sat Emelia on top of the counter in the kitchen, bidding the girl not to move anywhere in fear that she would fall, while the two of us began preparing some French toast. All morning the kitchen was filled with laughter from the three of us either after I had said something stupid, Emelia had said something funny or Lauren had said something snarky. Our little girl most likely not understanding Lauren’s sarcasm but laughing anyway because everything Lauren does it funny apparently, words spoken from Emelia, of course.  
It also didn’t take too long after that before Lauren was ushering the both of us upstairs to get ready for her family’s arrival and hurriedly having a shower after I prevented her from having one last night. Of course Emelia would wear the outfit Lauren had bought for her, a white butterfly top with denim dungarees, to show off to the older woman’s family. The little girl was buzzing with enough excitement for the both of us as I had just been feeling nervous since Lauren had given us the news this morning. I look into the half-sorted wardrobe I had started on yesterday evening and find nothing. Nothing that would make me impress Lauren’s family.   
“Not that I don’t mind seeing you like this but where are your clothes?” Lauren whispers into my ear as she stands closely behind me, her fingers stroking immediately at my bare stomach where I am just standing in a bra and panties. “I really love these on you,” she whispers again, this time hooking her fingers over the white lace panties that are barely covering my lower half and swiftly moving upwards to cup my similarly covered breasts. I tilt my head back onto her shoulder and sinfully enjoy her roaming her fingers. I remember what I’m supposed to be looking for and bring her hands to a stop, hold them in mine against my tummy.  
“Emelia could walk in any minute so I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I chastise.  
“If you saw yourself the way that I see you, you’d understand why I can’t keep my hands to myself and you would be doing exactly the same.”  
“Lauren,” I feel her soft lips press against my collarbone, swiftly turning into a giggle at my reprimand once more. “But seriously, what should I wear?”  
“Why is it important? We’re not going out for lunch. Wear my jogging bottoms if you want to.”  
“I don’t think so. I need to look good- and don’t say I always look good,” I quickly add when I sense her mouth had opened to speak, closing again when I said it before she had. “Honestly, what should I wear? I want to impress.”  
“Just so you know, you don’t need to impress, at all. They don’t even know you but they love you. But if you’re seriously struggling, wear those jeans that I love on you. The light ones that accentuates your butt perfectly.” Lauren suggests with a squeeze to my ass, my breath jumping at the surprise and added arousal. “And one of my shirts because I like to see you in my clothes.” With a soft kiss to my neck and then a searing one to my lips, Lauren walks off to check on Emelia, leaving me to think about the fact everything she does turns me on and it really should not be the case.  
–  
“Happy birthday, love!”  
What the fuck?  
“Happy birthday, angel.”  
Birthday? What?  
“Yeah, happy birthday, Lo.” Lauren engulfs an older version of herself into a hug, and then the stocky man standing beside her, and lastly a taller, attractive guy. Birthday? Since when was it her fucking birthday? I hadn’t realised my palms were sweating and my eyes were enlarged like an owl’s until Lauren sides up beside me and asks if I’m ok.  
I feel awful. How did I not know it was her birthday? Well, she had never told you for one, I remind myself. The only time I had ever known her birthday was looking through her information on the donor profile. How could I not remember?  
“So, guys,” Lauren’s voice breaks me away from my nervous state and places her hand on the small of my back, “this is Camila. And Camz, these are parents, Mike and Clara. And this is my younger brother, Chris and his girlfriend. Taylor couldn’t make it.” Quickly after the introduction, Clara had reached forward and wrapped her arms around me for a hug, Mike quickly doing the same after her release.  
“It’s so lovely to meet you, Camila,” Lauren’s mother states with tear-stained eyes, Mike nodding in agreement.  
“It’s great to meet you both, it really is. Lauren has told me so much.” Lauren’s parents ask me questions while we ask them about their journey until we all hear the sound of small running feet. Emelia runs from the front room, still clutching the teddy bear Lauren had made for her, and stands beside Lauren, a toothy smile across her face when she notices who is standing with us. Lauren leans down to pick up our daughter, placing the small girl on her hip.  
“Emelia, these are my parents. Your grandparents.”  
“Hi,” Emelia greets sweetly and with a small wave before tucking her head into Lauren’s neck from a rare shyness. Clara’s eyes were no longer a forecast but falling rain upon seeing Emelia running toward us. Her parents wear identical grins as they look on to see their daughter holding her own so naturally.  
“And this is my brother Chris.” While Emelia slowly overcomes her shyness, I look on to see her smiling and laughing with Chris whose eyes are at a similar teary state to his parents. And then I look at Lauren’s parents who between them are identifying the similarities between my two green-eyed girls, cooing and smiling at how adorable they both are together. The nameless girlfriend hadn’t spoken anything else since a greeting and a ‘happy birthday’ to Lauren but the beautifully loving smile etched onto her face as she watches Lauren with Emelia is enough. She and Lauren probably aren’t very close but her adoration for the two proves to me just how important it is for Lauren’s family to see her happy.  
–  
“I’ve never seen Lauren so happy,” Clara says as she moves to sit beside me on the deck chairs. It has been a few hours now since Lauren’s family had arrived and all of us are outside on the balcony overlooking the sea, occasionally being passed food from Mike who is cooking us a barbecue lunch. Chris is showing his girlfriend around the house who was reluctant to leave because she wanted to be with Lauren and play with Emelia, and then Lauren, she’s just being her adorable self and messing around with our daughter while talking to her father. Neither me nor Lauren had spent much time with Emelia this afternoon because all she has wanted to do was play with Chris or her grandparents who were more than happy to entertain her.  
“I’m glad she’s happy. Being with her is incredible and I’m glad we can make her happy like she makes us. Her, I mean. Emelia. Emelia makes her happy.”  
“You don’t think you make her happy?” I had specified Emelia because I wasn’t sure Lauren had told her parents about us but the shine in Clara’s eyes and the Lauren-smirk on her face tells me otherwise. “You both make her really happy. She hasn’t stopped talking about either of you.” Her mother smiles more when she sees my cheeks grow red but a toothy grin across my lips also. A sense of pride I think. I can make Lauren happy. Emelia and I make her happy. A woman who deserves everything. “She’s had a hard life, Camila. I’m so glad that’s changing now she has you both.”  
“Lauren has told me bits from her childhood and it sounds like she really suffered.” I tell the woman, watching her face fall slightly in recollection.  
“She had to move schools a lot as a kid, not because people knew but because she was never comfortable. When she was really young we had enrolled her into an all boy’s school, I’m assuming she told you about that?” I nod my head in answer to the woman, knowing that she was really asking whether I knew about her living as a boy. “But the way she was developing made it clear she shouldn’t be there so we got her into a mixed school. A few of them actually, she never settled. It got worse when she was a sophomore. That’s when the whole school found out about her condition. She had decided a couple of years before this to live as a girl but that was a really horrible time for her.”  
“How did they find out? Lauren has never said.” I could barely ask the question, my voice was laced with sympathy toward Lauren and her family, and watching her mother almost break down telling me her story was heart-wrenching.  
“She had a girlfriend during sophomore year. They were dating for a while and the girlfriend found out, told the whole school. I don’t know how the girl found out but that’s something I wouldn’t ask her. But it broke her. She didn’t tell any of us for a while. She even paid Chris and Taylor not to say anything because of course they were at the school and heard all the ‘rumours’. We didn’t find out until she started coming home in cuts and bruises.” I let the first tear fall from my face thinking about the pain Lauren has had to endure most of her life.  
“How bad did it get?” I hesitantly ask her mother, wiping at the tender tears stroking my cheeks.  
“She was emitted into hospital when she was 17 through physical injuries. It became quite common for Lauren to get beaten up, broken ribs all the time which she never dealt with. But one time was particularly bad. Lauren doesn’t like to talk about what exactly happened that day but she was found unconscious at the back of the school field, head injuries, a broken nose, bruised ribs, and a lot more. I was told they cut her as well but that’s something Lauren definitely doesn’t like to discuss.”  
“Where did they cut her?” Clara didn’t have to answer. I knew where they cut her from the way she looked at me, similar tears falling from her eyes and an angry shake of the head. “Was she ok?”  
“The head injury meant that she was emitted for a few days but nothing more. The cuts just left scarring, no permanent damage, which Lauren was surprisingly very disappointed about. She had undergone some procedures before this though, doctors claiming they wanted to ‘fix her’. Mike and I weren’t given the full run down of the operations, just that it would make her life happier but it turned out not to be the case at all. There were a lot of things that could go wrong so after the first few minor procedures, we pulled her out of having the operation so she had some scars from that already. I think it’s safe to say we sued the doctors in charge of her case.”  
“You did?”  
“Yep, Mike and I took them to court for misleading us, almost tricking us into allowing Lauren to go through with it. We won and the money of course all went to Lauren as a poor token of apology. Other than for her house and car, she doesn’t use it. Doesn’t really want to be associated with her childhood I think.”  
“She’s so strong.”  
“She is. And happy now, because of you. I don’t know how we could ever thank you.” We both look away from each other and across to where Lauren is, holding Emelia on her hip and looking toward the sky trying to identify shapes the clouds have formed. “She called Mike and me as soon as she got home after meeting you and Emelia. She was ecstatic. Wouldn’t stop talking about how beautiful Emelia is and how you’ve done such an incredible job with her. Of course Lauren was crying the whole time she was telling us but so were we; overwhelmed by how things could be changing for her. We didn’t even know she donated until that phone call. But we could not be happier with how things have turned out.”  
“I love life with her.” Clara only replies with a genuine smile before Emelia comes waddling toward us, placing herself in my lap before talking to her grandmother. I look toward Lauren to see what she’s doing and she’s in the same place, holding onto the balcony rail and looking out to the sea. Chris’ girlfriend is beside her though, their backs to me so I can’t see if they’re talking. I thought nothing of it until his girlfriend puts her hand on Lauren’s lower back, stroking up toward her shoulder blades and whispering in her before turning to find Chris who had called her name. I could have sworn he called her ‘Char’.  
–  
“I had such a fun day, mummy,” Emelia exclaims while I’m bathing her, splashing the water in retrospective excitement. Lauren’s parents had left quite recently, staying for dinner also which everyone appreciated. While the green-eyed woman is cleaning the kitchen, I was left to bath Emelia who was covered in food and paint from where she had been painting and drawing with Chris. His girlfriend still hovered around Lauren the whole afternoon and evening. I hadn’t realised how touchy she was toward Lauren until that moment on the balcony and then I saw it all the time. I’m sure it wasn’t entirely obvious to everyone else in the house but I saw it. How she would stand or sit so closely to Lauren, putting her hand on Lauren’s back or her arms when she would move past her. Something was happening because they would also have quiet conversations or I would catch them looking at each other a lot, the girlfriend’s eyes with almost love, and Lauren’s with something I couldn’t interpret.  
I still hadn’t gotten over the fact it was Lauren’s birthday and I didn’t know. I hadn’t bought her anything or even wished her a ‘happy birthday’, I still haven’t. Fortunately nobody has made it obvious to Emelia that it was her mother’s birthday. If she knew she had missed her birthday, there would be tears and tantrums and a deserved blame on me for not buying Lauren anything from her daughter.  
Once I had gotten Emelia out of the bath, dried and dressed, I sent her on her way to find Lauren while I had a shower. Even though today I had felt ashamed for forgetting her birthday; anxious about what’s happening between Lauren and Chris’ girlfriend; upset over the stories her mother had told me, I felt nothing but love and happiness when I watched my girls together. Like I always do. Whether they were just talking or playing, both were always smiling and laughing and it warmed my heart every time.  
Just like now, when I walk through the house having had a shower, and eventually find the two girls lying beside each on the swinging hammock on the balcony outside that overlooks the moon glaring onto the sea. Carefully I climb into the large hammock next to them, Emelia moving to lay on top of Lauren, giving me room to lay next to her. A half-dazed Emelia didn’t take notice of the fact that as soon as I got on, Lauren had stretched out an inviting arm which she uses to wrap around my body, allowing me to cuddle into her side. Or if she did notice, she didn’t say. But that was unlikely because she was a lot like Dinah: always having something to say.  
“Did you have a good day?” I ask Lauren, leaning up from her chest to look at her.  
“I had a great day. My family were really happy to meet you both and they loved you. Chris and my father wouldn’t stop going on about how cute this one is,” Lauren says, nudging the now-sleeping girl on her stomach, “and my mother loved you.” Lauren continues to talk about what her family said about the both of us, giggling at the shyness on my face at each compliment she recalls. Very carefully, after a few minutes of quiet talk, Lauren moves off the hammock and takes our daughter to bed, promising to be back in a few moments.  
Lauren was a lot longer than anticipated, probably finding something else to clean after putting our daughter to bed before coming back to me. But she does. She does come back to me and she eases herself back onto the hammock and I don’t give her any time to settle before I’ve already put my head back on her chest, cuddling into her body and wrapping my leg over her waist. Her finger strokes across my arm fall away and she breaks a comfortable silence with her husky voice resonating so close to my ear. “My father said before he left that I’ve found someone special and to never let you go.” I turn over to lean on my elbows, looking into her eyes directly; those beautiful green eyes that illustrate only love and affection.  
“Do you think he’s right?”  
“Definitely.” Lauren strokes some hair away that had fallen onto my face and tucks it behind my ear before cupping my jaw. “Camila, I don’t ever want to lose you.” She brings me closer and kisses me with a tender passion before pulling away and directing her eyes to penetrate through my body. “I don’t want to be without you,” she kisses me again. “Ever,” and again. “I want you as my girlfriend, Camila.”  
Looking into her eyes and seeing how genuine she is doesn’t shake my nerves. With the way we behave around each other, I had almost forgotten that we’re not actually together. But hearing her say those words is overwhelming. My actions compensate for the lack of words I can articulate as I kiss with a passion I have never before. A passion encompassed by complete love. We moan together as our tongues clash in a familiar greeting. Lauren rolls me onto my back and climbs on top of me, both her hands cupping my face as she focuses solely on working our lips and tongues together. We moan again when her centre collides with mine and she removes her hands from my face to hold my hips, pulling them around her thighs so my butt lifts from the hammock and I’m pressed directly to her groin.  
Slowly, Lauren pulls herself away from me and off the hammock, expertly keeping her lips pressed against mine. She helps pull me up next to her and with her hands on my hips and mine linked around the back of her neck, our lips move with desire and a softness while she locks the patio door, double-checks the front door, and head toward the stairs. Our lips still haven’t steered away from one another even after she had picked me up, hands gripping my thighs and butt, and carrying me upstairs. When we reach the bedroom door she puts me down again and resumes our earlier position, opening the door for us and encouraging me inside with her grip on my waist. The bedroom is illuminated unfamiliarly and I detach my lips from hers and look around the room to find various lit candles on each of the surfaces, the bed already removed of pillows and the curtains closed to keep in the soft light.  
“When did you do this?” I ask Lauren, still in awe as to how beautiful the room looks and the simple effort she made into preparing it. She doesn’t answer me and when I turn to her she is looking at me like I am the only person in the world who will ever have her attention like this. She cups my jaw and kisses me again, with no rush and no clumsiness, but determination and drive when she quickly sneaks her tongue back into my mouth. Before I could think about it, my shirt, or Lauren’s shirt, was being lifted over my head, Lauren’s hands following its path and warming my cool skin. They move around to my back, scratching slightly along my spine before her nimble fingers manipulate the clasp of my bra, the material falling to the floor. The warming air from the candles enflames my skin and sets a newfound urgency. I reach for her shirt to do the same, Lauren complying and lifting her arms to remove her own. I run my hands up and down her bare sides before reaching up to unhook her bra, already seeing more of Lauren than I ever had before. She’s not perfect, but so fucking beautiful.  
Our persistent mouths never falter, even when I hesitantly start massaging her breast and her fingers move down my body to take off my jeans. “I was right earlier, these jeans do look spectacular on you,” Lauren whispers when our mouths come to rest. “But I’d really like for them to come off now.” And that’s what she does. Looking into my eyes she manages to undo my jeans and push them down my thighs before they loosen up and fall to the floor themselves for me to step out of. Once I am down to just my underwear, she attaches her lips to mine again and encourages me backward toward the bed.  
Though we had done this many times before, nothing could prepare for me for how pleasing it feels to be under the attention of Lauren’s tongue. She drops to her knees at the edge of the bed and tugs my legs over her shoulders before attaching her mouth directly onto my centre. Working her tongue over the material before pulling those off too. The dimly lit room providing the perfect exposure for my wet core that sits under her gaze. Her now expert mouth explores the skin at my inner thighs and particularly the skin at the juncture of my thighs and centre, a sensitive spot that haves me panting in anticipation. After minutes of slow torture where she explores and worships with her tongue the skin exposed to her, Lauren parts my lips to her and attaches her lips to my clit, alternating between sucking softly and using her godly tongue to rub over it. My hips involuntary grind up into her face and when those piercing green eyes look up at me, I lose it. I stutter and shake while her unrelenting tongue brings me back to Earth, and the noises that come from her mouth cleaning me up become apparent again.  
“I love tasting you, Camila.” I see Lauren fiddling with the button and zipper on her jeans as her lips move to kissing my mound and hip bones before she stands up and takes them off completely, now only in her tight boxers. In a half-dazed state I reach for her again, tugging her lips back to mine as she scoots me up the bed. She pulls the duvet back and lifts my body over the fold to lay me underneath, Lauren following me after to resume a kiss that consists of nothing but tongue, teeth and the aftertaste my orgasm.  
Lauren settles herself between my legs, putting her hands underneath my knees to tug around her hips so our centres are pressed together; her firm erection rubbing along the underside of my clit to maintain the moisture between my legs. Her lips detach from mine for a few brief moment and attend to my nipples, sucking each nub into her mouth and biting the skin around it. Coming back to my lips and just before she reaches for the waistband at her boxers, she mutters something along the line of ‘forgot condoms’ but I wasn’t really paying attention. I needed her. “Okay,” I whisper anyway between kisses, reaching down to her ass and trying to slide off boxers. It takes a few seconds of fidgeting under the covers and distracted lips for Lauren to finally take off her pair of black Calvin Klein’s before throwing them to floor. “Are you okay?” I ask in concern when her lips are tenser against mine and she has yet to lower her body back on top of me.  
I release a heavy breath of almost disbelief when she doesn’t answer and just lowers herself onto me, her larger breasts pushed tightly against mine and most shockingly, her cock resting directly against my wet folds. “Fuck,” Lauren pants at the unfamiliar sensation. A desperate kiss returns at the moment she thrusts two fingers into me, scissoring and stretching the channel to accommodate for her. I gasp into her mouth at the surprise and accidentally bite her lip, the older woman groaning in slight pain before focusing on stretching me again. Her fingers are removed from inside of me and I moan in anticipation to what’s coming next.  
Lauren leans up onto an elbow, detaching our upper bodies slightly and our lips completely and moves her other hand beneath the covers. She ensures my legs are still tightly around her hips and then I feel the head of her penis rub directly at my swollen clit, rubbing up and down until eventually settling herself at my entrance. My brown eyes meet green when she slowly enters the tip into me, pushing passed the flesh inch by inch, my head tipping back at the unfamiliar intrusion. Lauren’s face had become creased and furrowed in the first moment she entered me, determined not to come right away and the small ‘fucks’ she releases in my ear tell me it might be quite difficult.  
Very slowly, Lauren enters me all the way, her hips pressed snugly to the underside of my thighs. While Lauren’s head drops to my shoulder, I gasp and my face contorts in both ecstasy and pain. The length and the thickness was something I had never experienced before; only fingers have ever been used to please me and her large cock is something I have to adjust to. After a few moments of stillness, Lauren begins to place small kisses to the my collar bone, nipping slightly at the skin before pulling her hips back three quarters of the way, leaving the head inside me before sheathing herself entirely. “Oh fuck.” I look up toward Lauren who has her eyes clenched shut and her face really red and warm.  
Nothing about the pace changes right away, her thrusts slow and deep each time, the nudge against my cervix initially uncomfortable and then entirely pleasurable. The pit in my stomach a brand new feeling but not unwelcome.  
“I don’t think I can last long, Camz,” Lauren mutters against my lips as we resume the kiss, her tone almost agonising and desperate.  
“Please try. Just think about something.”  
“Like what?” Her thrusts become quicker as though she is chasing her orgasm so I speak faster.  
“Anything. What you’re going to do next week, I don’t know. Just don’t come yet.”  
“Okay,” her thrusts slow and there’s a small pause, “so what do you want to do next week?”  
“No, Lauren. You need the distraction. I need to concentrate. Think for yourself.”  
My legs fall to the sides of her hips when her lips attach themselves to my neck, suckling at the sensitive spot and I writhe in her arms. “Can I move behind you? My arms hurt. I don’t know how people do this.” I quickly nod but when she moves to pull out I groan in desperation for her not to. Lauren manoeuvres the both of us so she is spooning me, one arm hooked underneath my neck and the other under my knee to hold up my leg. The duvet encompasses us still when her thrusts become quicker and the position feels excruciatingly good. Her shallow thrusts constantly rubbing to the delicious spot inside of me. “Play with yourself,” her husky voice orders and my head tips back onto her shoulder at the demand and the action when I reach down to rub at my clit. She pulls me slightly so I’m almost on my back, Lauren still fucking me from the side. Her mouth rests against my ear, desperately panting and groaning while my head is seeking the closeness of her chest.  
My vision goes dark and dizzy, everything in my head emptying. The only thing I’m aware of is Lauren holding me, and slow, shallow thrusts as she releases inside of me. My nails rake porcelain shoulders and I convulse in her arms through my own climax, holding the woman impossibly close to me, the two of us becoming weak thrusts and lazy kisses to unresponsive lips. She just holds me for a few moments. Wrapping her arms around my body and pulling me close to her. I wince slightly when she finally pulls out of me but no other sense is regained. I can’t see, nor hear or smell her, my limbs feel fragile.  
Exhausted and weak in the arms of my girlfriend.


	18. The Sperm Donor

Lauren’s POV  
My eyes burn from the strength of the sun, its rays streaming through the gap in the curtain when a clutter from downstairs jerks me awake. I rub at my eyes and turn away from the window, toward an empty space on the bed next to me where I expected Camila to still be. I’m not worried though. As I hear more clutter and banging around from the kitchen downstairs I know the clutz is still here and awake. Nothing could stop the grin that coursed across my face when I thought about that girl and the condition has gotten even worse after last night.  
Last night: the best night of my life, and that’s not because I’ve finally had sex… at the age of 28. Ok, maybe it is. But it was with Camila and that’s why it was the best night of my life. I got to share myself for the first time with the woman I am falling for. The woman who, in the few months I have known her, has changed my life in ways I could never expect. Camila has made me embrace who I am and I had never suspected that to happen. She has made me learn to love myself. Sure, life would be a lot easier if I was born normal and for most of my life I have always hated myself for who I am, but without my condition, I wouldn’t have Emelia. I wouldn’t have Camila. I wouldn’t have my family.  
I am still scared to show myself to Camila because that’s something I’m still not used to myself, and I don’t want the woman to feel disgust toward me in anyway when she can actually see my abnormality. I’m sure one day I can be that open with her and after last night, making the biggest step I could ever take with her, maybe it will happen soon. Maybe if she threatens ‘no sex’ it’ll be very soon because that was incredible and I don’t want to never share that with her again.  
Memories of last night run through my mind and I welcome the warmth to my cheeks and the butterflies in my stomach because I never want to stop thinking about it. Camila is beautiful, and loving, but sexy and exhilarating, and the experience I had with her last night is something I need to happen over and over again. Can you predict a sex addiction after only having sex once?  
Laughter from downstairs tears me away from my flash reel of thrusting inside of her, bringing her to climax and then the overwhelming nature of my own before holding the limp woman securely in my arms. I move up out of bed and search for some clothes, forgetting that I had fallen asleep naked so I was also on the search for some boxers. Considering I had woken up with a hard on most mornings, the fact that it’s awake again this morning isn’t much of a surprise to me, so I put on a pair of sweats to cover it, forgetting the boxers, followed by a shirt of mine that Camila had worn yesterday, and I head downstairs in a rush to see my family.  
The smell of bacon and eggs and… burnt toast, fill my senses when I walk into the kitchen to find Camila as beautiful as ever in a pair of my shorts and a tank top over the stove, and our daughter sitting in the middle of the kitchen counter in a pink onesie.  
“Something smells good in here,” I announce, Camila immediately turning around with a toothy smile, blushing when I wink at her.  
“Mummy!” Emelia greets loudly as she squirms toward the edge of the counter, Camila quickly rushing over to help her get off safely. The little girl runs at me for a cuddle, her head colliding with an all-too-sensitive area below my waist making me groan and curl forward to pick her up. Last night had left me sensitive and almost a little sore having it been so long since I’ve actually released my pent up sexual frustration and it stills feels quite tender. “Happy birthday, mama!” Emelia yells again with a big smile, cuddling into my neck and squeezing me as tight as she could. But it’s not my birthday? In my confusion I look up at Camila who had turned off the stove and is watching the two of us adoringly and I silently ask what she’s talking about with raised eyebrows.  
“Happy birthday, Lauren.” She says amused, walking toward me and leaning in to kiss my cheek. I’m a little disappointed it was only my cheek but with our daughter watching our interaction carefully I knew that it couldn’t be any more. Camila had been slightly mad at me yesterday that I didn’t tell her it was my birthday and so she has no doubt told our daughter it was today so we could celebrate again. “We made you breakfast.”  
Once we had completely devoured the fry-up the Cuban woman had made for us both, and the small portions of each she had given to Emelia for her to try, Camila and I start to clean the table and Emelia runs off into the living room to watch Spongebob. After silently washing and drying the plates between us yet touching each other at every opportunity, I finally dry my hands and use them to pull Camila into me by the waist.  
“Hi,” I whisper.  
“Hey.” We giggle at each other when we see one another’s reddened cheeks because we are both too happy and shy about it. “I had a good time last night,” Camila finally says when she has buried her face into my neck, my hands running up and down her back, scratching slightly at her spine beneath the fabric. When she moans at a particular pleasing scratch I recognise I have to say something to stop the swell in my pants from happening again.  
“I’m glad,” I whisper back, kissing the crown of her head and nuzzling her hair with my nose. “I had an incredible time.” The woman giggles again and I pull away from cradling her face so I can kiss her.  
“Did I pass out last night?” Camila asks even quieter, her eyes shining in amusement but cheeks warming with embarrassment.  
“I think so,” I chuckle in memory, “you were really unresponsive. I was trying to talk to you but you didn’t reply, just shut your eyes and cuddled into my chest, replying with sounds and not words.”  
“What did you say?” And now it’s my turn to blush with embarrassment. I swallow in shyness and tuck my head down to nuzzle against her collar bone.  
“First of all, I asked where I should come,” I mutter honestly and almost inaudibly against her skin.  
“And where did you come?” Camila smiles at me when she lifts my face to meet mine. I divert my eyes to beside her, and behind her, anywhere that’s not to her and I know I have guilt written across my face. “Lauren-”  
“Where else should I put it?” I ask defensively, not wanting to hear Camila have a go at me for coming inside of her. “I couldn’t hold it any longer. It was starting to hurt. I hadn’t come in ages!”  
“Such a rookie,” Camila stops me trying to explain myself with a kiss, catching my top lip between hers and massaging it gently. “That can’t be a recurring though, okay?”  
“Sex?!” She can’t be taking this away from me already. “I thought you said it was good?!”  
“No-” My face must have dropped immediately and so she quickly rebuffs herself, “I mean, yes it was good. It was incredible. I mean, no I’m not talking about sex. That can definitely happen again, I mean forgetting the condoms and not pulling out. That can’t happen again.”  
“But that felt good too,” I whine before the woman’s eyes narrow at me in annoyance and I pretend I hadn’t said anything.  
“Tough. It’s not happening again. But the sex is. The sex is definitely happening again.” She says, lunging for my lips again and slipping her hands under my shirt to encircle my waist. I relish in the feel of her soft lips against mine and her warm hands on my skin when I kiss her back, finding a practised rhythm with my tongue and hers. I can’t help pushing into her harder and kissing her more roughly when my arousal spikes again and all I can think about is the delicious warmth and tightness of being inside her. When she groans loudly into my mouth I know she can feel my semi-erection against her thigh and that’s when she starts to slow the kiss, pushing me off slightly when I squeeze her butt as a way to keep her kissing me. “It’s a good thing I’m on the pill otherwise we could be in trouble.”  
“It wouldn’t be trouble,” I mutter against her lips, desperately trying to get them to kiss me again.  
“Yes, Lauren. It would be. I can’t get pregnant again.”  
“Okay, but the pill isn’t always effective.” I remember, now trying to calm my breath and arousal when I sense nothing is going to happen between us.  
“And that’s why you need to wrap it up next time, babe.” Camila says with a wink, tucking her finger over the waistband of my sweats and flicking it back against my skin.  
–  
After being left sexually frustrated in the middle of the kitchen, I climb the stairs to have a shower, thoughts of last night and what I wanted to replicate this morning invading my thoughts and I touch myself thinking of all the things I want to do her. Hopefully this will help me last longer if something else happens tonight – I read that on the internet too.  
I wrap a towel around my body and open up the ensuite door to the bedroom, shocked to find Camila patiently sitting there waiting for me. “Nice shower?”  
“Mhm,“ I mutter, still recovering from my orgasm in the shower even though it was nothing compared to the climax last night with Camila. “What have you got there?” I gesture toward the bag she is holding. She stands up from the bed and lays out the clothing items from the bag onto the bed and I am surprised to see a black and white pair of swimming shorts and a matching bikini top. I had never seen the two items match before as they are typically designed for opposite genders.  
“I thought I could teach you how to swim this weekend.” Camila states nervously, trying to gauge my reaction but only being met with surprise and teary eyes. “I remember you saying at the beach you didn’t know how to and I thought the privacy of the pool here would be a great opportunity,” Camila explains further. I reach for the woman and pull her into a cuddle, nuzzling her hair again as soft tears fall from my face. I’m still getting used to the fact that somebody other from my family actually cares for me. And someone as incredible as Camila? I am just the luckiest in the world. I cradle the woman’s face and kiss her, repeatedly whispering a ‘thank you’ against her lips. “Emelia said you could borrow her floaties if you wanted?”  
The two of us laugh for a moment before Camila offers to help with my bikini top. I lower the towel so I’m holding it tightly over my waist, exposing my naked breasts to her and after a few seconds of her ogling and me smirking, I put the bikini top on and Camila ties it for me, adjusting the straps and securing it around me. “Turn around,” I amusedly order when I feel her fingers scratch at my hips impatiently, waiting for me to drop the towel. She groans at me but turns around anyway and I quickly drop the towel and put on the swimming shorts. “All set.” I announce before kissing the girl with all of my love and affection poured into it; a way of saying thank you.  
Learning how to swim wasn’t that bad. It was never that I was afraid of the water, that’s the thing that makes learning difficult. I wanted to swim, I wanted to do it and I wasn’t afraid of doing it. I had just never felt comfortable to get into a bathing suit and swim with others in order to learn from them. I watched Camila swim first. She thought it was because I wasn’t too sure on the technique, really it was because I enjoyed watching her lithe body stretch and curve while she swims gracefully; her body as beautiful and magnetising as ever. When I had gotten into the water for the first time I tried to show to her just how appetising she looked in a bikini, something we hadn’t been able to do on the beach that day. Nothing sexual, but appreciating. I couldn’t keep my hands off of her when we stood near each other; the younger woman trying to teach me techniques, my hands trying to hold her and touch her. And when we swam I savoured the touch of her hands on my skin. Her palms on my stomach and my back to hold my position in the water, her fingers stroking along my arms and thighs to form the elongated shape. It always feels nice to be held by her.  
After a couple of hours of swimming and feeling like I was actually getting somewhere, no longer looking like I was recovering from drowning all the time, we all decided to get out and have some lunch. My inexperience with swimming and swimming shorts meant that it took me a little longer to realise what happens when you get out of the pool than most people. As Camila’s eyes kept darting to my lower area, I did the check to realise wet swimming shorts outline a semi-erection perfectly. No wonder I had never gone swimming publicly for. But the way her eyes would often fall on the area made me feel oddly desired.  
“Thank you for lunch, baby,” I say to Camila as I sit on the lounge chair beside the pool. She has her back to me, her glorious butt on display and without too much thought I tug her backward by the waist so she could sit on my thighs.  
“Mama, I waited for my lunch to settle. Can I get in the pool now, please?” Emelia asks us both, smiling out our closeness and already pulling her floaties back onto her arms.  
“Don’t run though, Lia. The tiles will be slippery,” Camila orders as she leans back into my arms, holding onto my hands that are sliding along her tummy and her ribs. “You’re welcome for the lunch, baby. It’s your birthday after all,” she winks at me, laughing as I shake my head. Hearing small slaps of water, we turn our heads toward where Emelia is running toward the pool and before either of us could even tell her off, we hear an even louder slap of water and Emelia is on the floor. When she starts to cry, my heart breaks. It’s such a horrible sound to hear from your child. Camila and I are up fast and I immediately have Emelia in my arms, cradling the crying girl while Camila kisses her head and face.  
“Oh, poor baby. Are you alright?” And then a louder cry. “What did you hurt? Show me,” I encourage my daughter. She picks her head up from my chest and I take register of the cut lip, moving my eyes and hands around her to find that she has also cut a knee and elbow.  
“I did tell you not to run.” The tears stop and an angry glare is sent Camila’s way. That child really does have a temper.  
–  
We had taken Emelia into the bathroom so I could clean up her cuts and fetch some plasters while Camila wraps her up in a towel to dry off the water fully and keep her warm. We had taken turns sitting with her on the lounge chair beside the pool while one of us swam; Camila swimming expert laps and I struggling to keep my head above the water as I attempt it as well. Over dinner, conversation ran nicely until Emelia had mentioned the bullies at school hadn’t stopped; the little girl feeling happier about it when Camila and I make a decision to go to the school and sort it out with their father. It had also ran nicely until Emelia had mentioned my family from yesterday. She had said that Charlotte, Chris’ girlfriend, is beautiful and without looking up I could feel Camila’s eyes penetrating my skin. She couldn’t know, could she?  
Camila hadn’t said much to me since her name was mentioned and I wasn’t sure why, I didn’t want to ask. She had excused herself so she could phone Dinah while Emelia and I were carrying out a blanket and some marshmallows and crackers so we could make smores at the campfire I had just set up on the beach right outside the house. Emelia is sitting between legs while we both hold out the marshmallow over the fire and I look behind me to find Camila on the balcony watching us, still on the phone.  
“Lia, do you like the idea of me and your mummy being close?” I ask curiously, stroking the girl’s hair before sandwiching her roasted marshmallow with the crackers.  
“Yes! I love it. Are you best friends now?”  
“I think we’re a little more than that, sweetheart. Would it be a problem if your mummy and I were dating?”  
“Like Aunt Mani and Aunt Ally?” Emelia asks curiously, turning her head to me while she devours the smore.  
“Exactly like that. Would that be ok?”  
“Mhm,” she mutters between chew. “Do you want to kiss her?”  
“I would love to kiss her.”  
“Because she’s your Jasmine?”  
“Because she’s my Jasmine, exactly.” She smiles up at me and I hold my daughter tightly to me as I sandwich my own marshmallow in the crackers. Well, I thought it was my own. As soon as I make it I feel it being taken from my hands, looking up to find Camila now eating it before moving to sit beside me. “How’s Dinah?”  
“Yeah she’s good. Telling me how she’s just got back from a date actually.”  
“Oh really?” I move my arm behind Camila and tug her closer, the younger woman’s head falling onto my shoulder and her arm around Emelia and I as our daughter watches on with a smile.  
“Yep. A regular at the café apparently. She made a move and they went out tonight. Not their first date, mind you. She’s been out with him a few times yet failed to tell me. Only telling me now because she thinks there might actually be something there.”  
“Good for her,” I say with a kiss to Camila’s head. “As long as he makes her happy.”  
“Yeah exactly. I said that we need to meet him and you need to give him ‘the talk’. I’m not intimidating enough for that,” Camila laughs, Emelia also laughing even though she probably didn’t understand what her mother had said.  
“Of course, baby.” She looks up at me and then toward Emelia, silently asking if I had told her. Over lunch Camila and I had decided that Emelia should know, one so we’re not lying to her, and two so we can kiss and cuddle whenever we wanted. She is after all my girlfriend now. That reminds me, she never actually said ‘yes’. We just… had sex. I’m assuming that was a yes?  
The three of us talk for a few moments where Emelia can’t stop telling us how much she loves the house and the weekend, Camila agreeing and I knowing it won’t be the last time all three of us will be here. Eventually Camila had ended up sitting between my legs, leaning back into my chest while Emelia is sitting beside us roasting more marshmallows. It’s no surprise she is Camila’s daughter with how much she eats. And then she has fallen asleep on the blanket, her head in Camila’s lap and holding her teddy bear; light snores, small waves and the crackling fire the only things to be heard. In that moment, I know having my own little family is the most important thing in my life. I look down at Camila and see her smiling up at me, the woman a lot happier since coming off the phone to Dinah in regards to how she is looking at me. Attaching my lips to hers has become so familiar that I don’t even think about doing it. It’s a habit to touch her and love her. A habit that I never want to break.  
“How about you put our daughter to bed? Take your time and I’ll be ready with your present in the bedroom when you’re done.” My eyes widen and my mouth dries at her suggestive tone and then she speaks again, “as you didn’t tell me it was your birthday this weekend, I couldn’t buy you anything. I’ve had to improvise and I hope you’re not disappointed I didn’t get you anything.”  
“I didn’t tell you it was my birthday because it’s not important. I didn’t want either of you to buy me things because that’s not what I want from you. You gave me my birthday present by agreeing to come here and being your perfect, wonderful self. That’s all I wanted for my birthday: this. Being a family with the only two people who could possibly make me this happy.” I kiss her softly for a few moments before she moves Emelia from her lap and stands up, offering me a small wink before walking off into the house. Her jeans perfectly hugging her butt; an inviting taunt to hurry up so I can meet her in the bedroom. After putting out the fire, I collect the blanket and throw it over my shoulder before holding the food in one arm and a sleeping Emelia in the other. I take Emelia to bed and I come back downstairs to ensure everything is locked, lights are switched off before going into the bedroom and my jaw drops at the stunning art form that is my girlfriend.  
The candles from last night are illuminating the room once more, sending a soft light to cascade onto a glorious Camila in the centre of the room. She stands beside a chair from the kitchen, holding onto the back of it and looking at me, the younger woman clad in a white set of lingerie, from the silk and lace corset, white panties and a garter belt with stockings. Even with nothing on her feet she looked like something out of a dream. And she knows how much I love her in white. I gawp at the woman before slowly striding over to her, never taking my eyes of her body. “Fuck, you look so beautiful,” I whisper, slowly placing my hands on her hips and leaning in to kiss her neck. She doesn’t say anything back, just tilts her head back to show more of her neck to my lips. I nip and I suck, bite and lick at her neck to leave red patches in my path, the woman moaning at my touch before attaching her lips to mine and pushing me onto the chair.  
“I’m your birthday present, so you have to unwrap me,” Camila whispers in my ear and my eyes widen to how sexy everything is. She stands upright in front of me, holding my hands and moving them toward her waist. Without much thought, I unclip the garter and slide my hands under the now loose corset, running my hands along her tummy before doing the same with my lips. I scrunch the silk to just under her breasts and attack the area beneath her ribs with bites and kisses, leaving the same marks as I did to her neck. Her legs shake under my touch so I tug her hips down for her to straddle my lap and move my hands up to the straps over her corset, pulling it down and quickly attaching my lips to her breasts. My hands find her butt and I grind her sex onto mine while I ravish her breasts and nipples, lewd noises surfacing from my hunger.  
I thought I would be nervous if Camila ever did this for me: dressing so confidently and looking like a goddess, but my hands and lips were patient. I want to warm every inch of her skin with my hands and explore her body with my tongue, both ever unrelenting. When her hips start to move of their own accord, rubbing furiously against my erection while I suck at her neck again, I roughly grope at her centre from behind, my thumb pressing against the area between her butt cheeks and she falls apart in my arms. Her hips move languidly against mine and the previous moans into my ear become pants and heavy breaths. “Take these off,” I whisper to my lover, stroking at the fabric that is covering her. Before standing up, she tugs at my shirt to take off first and then pulls at my bottoms to hint she wants those off as well, instead I unclip m bra first. When she finally stands, I take on the beauty of my girlfriend; her corset scrunched to around her waist, red marks made my lips covering her neck, chest and tummy, her brown locks softly falling across her breasts and her eyes dark and wanting.  
Camila slips her hands beneath the corset and pulls it down over her hips, taking the stockings with the pull and stepping out of them. Left just in her panties, she hooks her fingers over the waistline and pretends to pull but doesn’t while my eyes fixate at the area that is covered, desperate for it to be revealed to me. I quickly tug down my sweats, my eyes still hooked on her so I don’t miss anything, and rub over my boxers at my straining erection. My eyes finally search for hers again but they’re watching the way I stroke myself, her mouth agape and her eyes concentrating. “Please take them off,” I beg Camila and that’s when she finally looks at me.  
In a bold move she turns around, showing me her butt that I have yet to appreciate as much as everything else and I reprimand myself for not showing I love that part of her as much as I love everything else. Camila starts to pull her laced panties down and bends over, my breath catches in my throat when I see her in a position I have yet to see her in before. As I start to lean out and touch her, she turns back around and her centre is close to my face. My lips attach to the skin directly in front of them and slowly move down closer to where we both want my lips to be. I give her centre one broad swipe of my tongue, collecting the delicious moisture before turning her around and immediately attacking the cheeks of her butt with my groping hands and nipping teeth. I slip one hand between her thighs and lunge two fingers inside of her, Camila spreading her legs subconsciously and leaning back to find the comfort of my body to hold her up. No skin of her butt is left unexplored my lips and my fingers haven’t slowed their pace yet it isn’t enough for her.  
My girlfriend turns around causing my fingers to slip out of her and straddles my lap again, finding my lips in a searing kiss before tugging at my boxers. With eyes closed and panting mouths joined in a kiss, I push my boxers down to my knees and grab the base of my cock, Camila lifting her hips high enough to meet the tip. We don’t tease one another. In a slow, straining push, Camila’s hips lower onto my cock, the further I’m inside of her, the slower she moves down. The kiss stops and our heads fall to one another’s shoulder and my eyes clench at the overwhelming feeling of being inside her. I hold her thighs and keep the woman pressed snugly against my hips for a moment before lifting them up slightly and bringing them down in a shallow and slow ride of my cock.  
Her walls are ribbed and soft, the warmth squeezing me tighter when I move out of her as though she is trying to keep me in. It’s nothing like I had felt before. My hand is nothing in comparison and the feeling of being inside her I could never have anticipated. While I focus on how it feels to actually be inside her, Camila’s hips speed up and I lift my own to meet her with thrusts. Biting and sucking along her breasts provide a distraction from the time being, knowing that if I continue to focus on her warmth inside, I’d blow before she was ready. But the lewd noises of her wetness and traces of her previous orgasm collecting between us send my mind reeling. I feel the familiar tightening in my groin and I rush to think of something else like Camila had told me to do next week.  
But it feels fucking incredible.  
I don’t know what it is but I know I never want to stop feeling it. The feeling of being inside her and feeling her tightening around me. I can’t describe it.  
Maybe think of an analogy?  
Yeah, analogies are good.  
The skin of her walls feels like the skin inside your cheek, but the ribbed texture of the skin at the roof of your mouth. Just warmer. And softer. And a lot wetter. And then coming feels like extreme sneezing. You know it is coming, you just can’t always predict how long you have to anticipate before it comes out.  
Holy fuck, what if I sneeze on her?  
Camila groaning stops my panic and I realise her hips are slowing, her head had fallen onto my shoulder again and the connection between us is a lot more wet. I reach past her butt and feel the evidence of her orgasm against the base of my cock. I quickly pick Camila up by thighs, my still hard and desperate erection buried inside of her, and carefully move over to the bed as to not trip over my boxers that are pooled around my ankles.  
“You’re still hard,” Camila as much as states, not asks. “What were you thinking about?” She asks lazily, now laying at the foot of the bed, legs wrapped around my waist.  
“You don’t want to know.” I tug her hips further toward me so they’re almost hanging off the bed and she tiredly groans when I start pumping in and out of her again. I hold Camila’s hips and lift them off the bed to give me better access, her legs securely locked around my waist. My hips pick up an unrelenting pace and the noises our connection makes are even more arousing than before. My girlfriend pants and sluggishly rolls her hips against me and almost immediately I feel my groin tighten again, the tingling lasts a fraction of a second before I’m releasing inside of her, her clenching walls and my tightening cock making my light-headedness worse. Camila is unresponsive to me again. She groans loudly when I pull out and mewls over, her heavy breaths heavy and mouth whimpering when she grips onto the bed and then onto her hair.  
I bend down to put back on my boxers and I catch sight of her red centre and I realise just how exhausted she is, probably even before I fucked her hard enough to finish. I run my tongue through her folds out of habit and lazy desire and she jumps at the touch. Not wanting to push her I stand up and move around to the head of the bed where I pull back the duvet and Camila ushers herself backward to get inside. I start to move around the room, blowing out the candles before getting into bed and she starts to speak again. I thought she had passed out again.  
“I told you not to come inside.”  
“I didn’t know what else to do,” I say in quiet defence as I slip into bed beside her, the younger woman resting her head onto my chest and cuddling her naked body into me.  
“Pull out,” she says obviously.  
“And put it where?”  
“In your hand, on me, I don’t know. I have a mouth, Lauren,” I’m shocked at her bluntness and my heart races yet my mind panics at the thought.  
“Yeah that’s never gonna happen.”  
“I’m not allowed to suck you?” Camila asks with an almost innocent tone yet with her hand wandering to sit devilishly on my clothed penis.  
“Nope.”  
“Why?”  
“It doesn’t look nice and I’m certain you won’t enjoy doing it.”  
“Can’t I be the judge of that?” I laugh at her attempt and she joins in with a tired giggle.  
“I don’t think so.” When her fingers start to curl around the thickness in my boxers, I reach for her hands and pull them up to rest on my stomach. “But I’m sorry I couldn’t hold it, babe. I don’t know when it’s actually going to happen. You get the feeling like you’re about to sneeze and it forces its way out, I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry,” I explain, kissing the crown of her while her hands softly move around my stomach and ribs.  
“And that’s why you’re wrapping it up next time.”  
“Next time,” I repeat with a smile on my face, already anticipating the intimacy with my girlfriend and nothing could stop the swarming of butterflies in my stomach remembering that the beautiful woman is actually my girlfriend.


	19. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
For another night spent with Lauren, I am awoken by an irritating buzzing sound, it only lasts for a second unlike my alarm but it still wakes me. It wakes me from a cosy and warm sleep in Lauren’s arms. I open my eyes with a groan and lift my head up from its place on Lauren’s chest, attempting to look around the room but finding just darkness. I strain my neck to lift up further from her warmth and direct my squinted eyes at her alarm clock which reads 1.30 am. Asleep by half 1? Getting old. I hear the vibrating sound again and Lauren’s phone illuminates on the bedside table beside her alarm clock. Glancing at Lauren to find she is still sound asleep, I stretch my still naked body over hers to reach for her phone; a subconscious decision to see what’s happening but concluding I am worried her mother is trying to get hold of her: a rational excuse for my insincerity.  
Charlotte  
Voicemail  
Charlotte (2)  
I first feel anger. Why is she texting my girlfriend so late at night and more importantly, who the fuck is she? I had felt no reason to intrude on Lauren’s life and ask who Charlotte was before this weekend and then I saw how close they were. I couldn’t have asked Lauren though, for one I was too scared to be shut down, and two, she had also kept me a little preoccupied with our activities. But she is Chris’ girlfriend so what is it between she and Lauren?  
I then feel sadness. Sad that there might actually be something there. Neither girl was obvious about how they felt toward each other but I picked up on the details. The texts, the phone calls, the way she would touch Lauren every chance she had and the way Lauren looked so nerving if her name was bought up around me, in fear I would ask questions.  
A pit of jealousy pools in my stomach when I think about how close they could actually be. But it’s mostly sadness. I don’t yet know the truth but I am already hurt that something might have happened between the two beautiful women. Lauren has only been mine for the weekend so I shouldn’t be hurt. But I am. She has only been mine officially for the weekend, but she has been mine since the moment our little family fit so perfectly together.  
I can’t read the beginning of her messages, nor can I access her phone because of the passcode so I just stare at the screen. Glaring back at Charlotte’s name and the information of her contacting my girlfriend that sits above Lauren’s lock-screen of her, Emelia and me. It had been taken on just a regular day in my apartment, there was no occasion, nothing was happening, but it was perfect. The three of us were simply watching a movie on the couch but none of us were quiet nor watching it. Emelia had settled herself on Lauren’s lap, her knees either side of her mother’s thighs, and leaning up and into Lauren, hands resting on the older woman’s face and trying to identify all of their similar features. There were lots of them. In situations like that you realise just how much they look alike. Aside from the skin and the hair, Emelia was Lauren’s double, and it was beautiful.  
It then turned into a bit of a game when I joined in; Emelia and I both pointing and pawing at Lauren’s face to annoy her, laughing at her disgruntled noises and giggling at her defending hands. It was then that I took the picture. A side view of Emelia touching her mother’s face, both of them laughing while I lean into the picture, my head tipping back onto Lauren’s shoulder and my goofy expression coming through from the bottom of the picture. She had asked me to send it to her and right away it became her lock screen. That had happened on the day we met Lauren and it has been her lock screen ever since.  
When the light from Lauren’s phone fades again I leave it, dropping the device onto the bed and sitting up beside Lauren. I just don’t know what to do. I know I have to ask Lauren who Charlotte is but I know I’m not going to like the answer.  
I look down at the beauty beside me and my heart strains at how goddamn difficult this is. My eyes graze over her porcelain skin and through adjustment to the darkness, I manage to make out the soft curves of the top of her breasts while her body is still hidden by the duvet. I don’t know why but I smile. I smile through the doubt and insecurity I suffer from thinking about Lauren and Charlotte, and just focus on thoughts of her and our relationship, how far we have come. I had always wanted Lauren to reach this level of comfort with me and now that she has, it truly is the best feeling. Knowing that she is happy and comfortable, especially with me, is all I could ever ask for. Given that with the fact sex between us is indescribable, I couldn’t ask for much more.  
Could she have been more comfortable with Charlotte?  
My mind starts to race of thoughts about how Lauren is with Charlotte. I’m not even doubting anymore if they had a fling, I’m almost certain of it, but I am questioning what actually happened between the two of them. Charlotte is beautiful and I wouldn’t blame Lauren for feeling something toward her, but a part of me has always felt special that not only am I receiving Lauren’s attention, this incredible woman with a huge heart, but that I am receiving attention from Lauren that she had never allowed herself to express before. Her inexperience and insecurities had always been obvious but she had learned very quickly and very quickly she knew how to approach sexual scenarios without straining her confidence too much. It was almost like she has been in these situations before, just not often. And especially not with a stranger like myself.  
My eyes drift further south to the rest of her body beneath the duvet and land on the area I know her penis to be. I hadn’t taken a peek at her naked form when I woke earlier than she had yesterday morning despite the temptation and I wouldn’t now. I wouldn’t destroy everything I had built with Lauren for my selfish reasons of wanting a visual aid to accompany her touch when she had projected her discomfort of that situation. Could she have been that comfortable with Charlotte? Is that why she assumes I wouldn’t be attracted to that part of her, because Charlotte wasn’t?  
I carefully throw my legs over the side of the bed and stand up, ensuring not to wake Lauren in the process. I needed a distraction. I couldn’t sit there and imagine the two of them together while one sleeps in the bed beside me. I put on the pair of sweats I had officially stolen from her and throw on a t-shirt I find on the floor before making my way downstairs and toward the kitchen. Like every other time I had to distract my train of thought and do something to calm down I resorted to cooking. Nothing extreme, baked goods mostly, I just enjoyed it. I had been considering it for a couple of years now to leave my job at the café and do something like this but I never did. I had to have a stable job to look after Emelia and risking my income for starting a new project was something I could never bring myself to do.  
It worked for a time. Baking as a distraction. I decided on making a big batch of blueberry muffins for when Emelia woke up because she had always loved it when I did this or when Ally would come over and the two of us would bake something for everyone. Creaming the mixture and adding the necessary ingredients to make a thick batter was soothing until I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.  
“What are you doing awake at this time?” I turn away from the mixture and face a tired-looking Lauren, rubbing at her eyes and clad in just boxers and a shirt. She didn’t need to look so damn adorable when I’m mad at her. “Did you have a bad dream?”  
“Not exactly,” I reply bluntly, turning back around to continue with the mixture.  
“What are you baking?” Lauren asks me quietly when she comes up behind me, wrapping her arms around my midsection and kissing the back of my neck a few times.  
“Blueberry muffins.”  
“Sounds delicious,” Lauren says quietly again as she nuzzles into my neck. Her touch had always made me weak and I’m fighting to resist her, reminding myself that I am still mad and I need to talk to her. When the wetness of her tongue meets the area of skin behind my ear and I almost crumble in her arms, I decide that I can’t let her to do this and touch my hand to her chest to push her away.  
“No, Lauren. Stop it,” I plead. This is the first time I have ever rejected her.  
“Am I not allowed to kiss my girlfriend anymore?” She asks cheekily before moving in to hold my again, clearly not gauging my mood so I swat her arms away again.  
“Yeah about that-” I start speaking but turn around to find her worried and nervous eyes, scared that I might revoke the label. “No, Lauren, I am still your girlfriend but we need to talk about something first.” She nods hesitantly and I turn the oven down to a low heat that is baking the first batch of muffins. I stand beside the oven and look at a nervous Lauren in front of me, “who is Charlotte?”  
“Chris’ girlfriend.”  
“Yeah, but who is she to you?” I ask almost impatiently, taking notice of her nervous habit of flexing her fingers.  
“She’s just his girlfriend.”  
“Why are you lying to me?” My volume increases with the question and Lauren strays her eyes away from me.  
“I’m not lying.”  
“She’s the receptionist as well, isn’t she?” Lauren doesn’t answer. “Your therapist’s daughter?” Still no answer from the woman who is avoiding my eyes. “The one who keeps texting and calling you? It doesn’t sound like she’s just Chris’ girlfriend, Lauren. What’s going on?”.  
“Nothing.”  
“Lauren!” I shout, anger bubbling up inside from her lying to obviously to me. Does she not have the decency to even be honest with me? “This is hurting me, you know?” And that’s when she looks at me, similar tears in her eyes to mine. “I am so worried and paranoid that something is happening between the two of you and it’s just making me angry knowing that you’re lying to me.” Lauren wipes at the first few tears that fall from her eyes, looking at me in sympathy and guilt. “Please tell me what’s happening between you and Charlotte?”  
“Nothing,” I groan with impatience and throw my hands up into my hair, tugging at the roots in frustration. “Nothing… anymore.” I release my hair from my grasp and look at her worriedly, Lauren pretty much confirming Charlotte isn’t just Chris’ girlfriend.  
“What do you mean anymore?” Lauren rubs at her face tiredly and leans back onto the counter behind her, still rubbing at her forehead and with upset painted across her features.  
“We knew each other before she was Chris’ girlfriend.”  
“Yes, Lauren, I realised that. Stop being so fucking cryptic and tell me about her!” I demand to a distressed Lauren.  
“We went to the same high school,” Lauren starts and I immediately remember back to her girlfriend from school who told her secret, silently hoping it was Charlotte so I have an excuse to hit her. “She was one of the popular girls but she was very sweet. Never bullied me like all of her friends did and she was one of the very few people I was able to confide with in school. That was such a shit time for me, Camz. I was so scared all the time. Always anticipating the next bad thing that would happen to me. But Charlotte helped. She could never stop people from hurting me but she was there for me, made me feel like I wasn’t as much of a freak as everyone at school liked to call me. I owe a lot to her, Camila. I was so tempted to end it all when people at school found out but Charlotte was good to me and made me realise that I had to be strong and not give up.”  
“Did the two of you date?” I ask nervously, taking in everything Lauren had said to me and immediately feeling guilty for having her relive what she went through at school.  
“Not at school, no. I wanted to because she was the only girl to give me attention but we were just friends. We went to different colleges and just drifted apart.” My nerves calm when she tells me they never dated but then she continues to talk and spoils it again. “But then she started working as the receptionist at Dr Whitley’s office. Things were a little different when we met again.”  
“How different?”  
“We got friendly again but it wasn’t like it was when we were at school. There was an obvious attraction and spark between us that I don’t think was there when we were teenagers. Normally I’m awkward around women because I think that one day I’ll have to open up about my condition but with Charlotte, and with you, you already knew about it and it made it easier to be comfortable around you. So Charlotte and I just got closer and eventually starting dating. It was never official or serious in any way, but it-”  
“Did you have sex?”  
“No.” Lauren answers me quickly. “I didn’t have sex with her. You were my first, I thought you knew that?”  
“I guessed I was but hearing about Charlotte, I wasn’t sure.”  
“You’re the only person I’ve been with, Camila.” My heart should not be racing, and nor should the butterflies in my stomach.  
“You have done other things with her though, haven’t you?” I ask, still unsettled about the intimacy that might have occurred between the two women and when Lauren nods her head, the pit of jealous in my stomach boils again. “Has she done things to you?”  
“No. Not really. It was me pleasing her.”  
“I’m not surprised.” I state immaturely, growing sad again at the thought of Lauren pleasing Charlotte the way she does with me. I wasn’t surprised they had done that though. Lauren was nervous to pleasure me at the beginning but became an expert all too quickly. Sure, I would have been more jealous to hear that Lauren had allowed Charlotte to please her but I was hoping I was the only person to receive such pleasure from the green-eyed woman. She had a way of making me feel so fucking special. With her caresses and tenderness, exploring every inch of my anatomy because she was so different, she had probably done all of that with Charlotte too. “Has she seen your penis?”  
Lauren nods but quickly tries to speak so I can’t interrupt, “I woke up to her jacking me off once. She wanted to use her mouth but I stopped her from touching me completely.”  
“So if I want to see you, it has to be when you’re asleep? Imitate Charlotte in her attempt to seduce you,” I ask in mockery of the other woman.  
“No. If you touch me I want to be awake, obviously. I think about you touching me like that. I’ve only ever thought about you touching my like that, not her, not anybody else.”  
“Why did you end it with her?” I ask Lauren, not wanting to think about her words and how much I hope she is sincere about wanting only me to touch her.  
“I met you.” I look at her incredulously before she explains, “I found out about you and our daughter. I started distancing myself from her because I wanted to focus on Emelia. We argued a lot and I ended it. As a way of getting back at me, she started dating Chris. He took me to sessions sometimes and they always got along well and Chris started to like her straight away, not knowing that she and I were already a thing. He knows now that we have history but neither of us have explained because it’s important. But I think she’s actually into him now. Charlotte and I were never serious but he’s serious about her and like I said, I think she truly does feel the same. I’m happy for them.”  
Lauren might be so sure that Charlotte doesn’t have feelings for her anymore and instead actually likes Chris but I’m not convinced. I saw how she acted toward Lauren this weekend. And I know how oblivious Lauren is to others’ advances, probably not realising that a woman who texts and calls so late at night is probably going to be into her.  
“I don’t trust that, Lauren. I don’t trust her.” Lauren steps forward and puts her hands on my hips, the contact making me flinch but nothing she noticed thankfully.  
“Do you trust me?”  
“I think so. I want to trust you. I’m really fucking mad you didn’t tell me about her before and I’m not happy about the fact I had to force it out of you. And I’m not happy about your past with her because I wish you didn’t have a past with her. But she stills like you, Lauren. I would even go so far as saying she loves you. But I want to trust you don’t feel the same for her anymore.”  
“She’s doesn’t, Camila. I promise.”  
“You don’t see the things I see. You were shocked to find that I like you so much even though it was so fucking obvious. I’ve been suspicious of Charlotte for a while and that’s because it’s so obvious that she’s into you and that worried me. It still worries me. Am I supposed to be ok with the fact you still have to be so close to a woman you dated and who is potentially still into you?”  
“But you’re my woman, Camz. My past with her and things she could feel toward me aren’t important. My feelings toward you and yours toward me is what’s important. Please don’t let this get in the way of us. And I promise I don’t feel the same for her. To me it was something of an immature attraction anyway, I didn’t have deep feelings for her.” I take her hands away from my hips and turn back around to the oven, taking the ready muffins out and continuing with the mixture I have.  
“I just need to think about how I actually feel about this and if I can cope with the hurt and insecurity I’m feeling about you lying to me all this time. I also need to think about Emelia. I don’t want her exposed to a rift between us but I also don’t want her to be in the middle of a crossfire if something were to happen.” Without a word, Lauren sidles up next to me and starts transferring the baked muffins onto a plate, regularly wiping at her cheeks to dry away her tears. I don’t know how long we’re like that. Silent and working together on the muffins. She starts to help with the mixture, pouring it into the cases and loading it into the oven while I start to clean the surfaces and used equipment.  
“I can take you home after breakfast if you want, rather than wait until tonight.”  
“That’s probably a good idea, thank you.”  
–  
I wasn’t angry with Lauren anymore, I was just hurt, and confused as to how I should approach the situation. After completing the second batch of muffins, Lauren and I both went back upstairs to bed. It was almost 4am and we were both too tired to argue any more. She didn’t cuddle me like we had every other night but she did hook an arm around my waist to keep me close to her which I appreciated. I held that hand of hers throughout the night, barely sleeping and just wanting to curl into her warmth again.  
Emelia wasn’t too happy to find out that we were leaving right after breakfast. She didn’t recognise the tension between Lauren and me but she definitely wasn’t happy about leaving. She loved the house, the weekend and she loved spending time with just Lauren and I. When we go home there is school, and jobs, and things that get in the way. That’s something Emelia didn’t want to go back to. She was excited to see the muffins on the side and after eating lots of them and packing the rest up for our drive back and for Dinah and Khiara, but then we told her about driving home early and she had a tantrum again.  
Lauren was able to settle her pretty quickly, claiming that her work had called her in on the bank holiday, but still punished our daughter for causing me to almost break down again. Of course Emelia chose to blame me right away for ruining her weekend and wanting to go home so Lauren put her on the stairs, third step from bottom and telling her to sit there in silence for 5 minutes. She was getting good at this. With Emelia getting older, her tantrums were getting worse and I honestly feel so lucky to have Lauren by my side, she could always be calm and level-headed when handling our daughter’s tantrums and quite frankly, she didn’t put up with any of her shit. Again, Lauren got our daughter to apologise to me and again, Lauren had consoled me with a quick cuddle though we still hadn’t said much to each other.  
After packing away our clothes in silence, Lauren loaded up the car with all of the stuff we had with us and waited downstairs for Emelia and I to be ready. Dealing with a child who was still whining about not wanting to leave, Lauren ushered her out of the door and secured the little girl in her car seat. I look around at the house as though I am saying goodbye, but I don’t want it to be a goodbye. If I were up to me we would come here all the time. Aside from today, being with my family this weekend in this beautiful house has been one of the best times of my life, and I know Lauren felt the same.  
The drive back home was still almost silent. While Emelia was awake, there was singing coming from her, questions about people and things, and comments about absolutely everything. But when she had fallen asleep, there wasn’t many words between Lauren and I. A small ‘thank you’ coming from her lips when she would try to undo the lid on her water bottle with one hand but I would just do it for her and offer her the drink. Or when she asked if I was ok, if I was warm/cool enough, and updates on how far from home we were. Her tone sounded defeated every time. She probably didn’t argue much with people she cared about because there weren’t many people that did, and so it was all quite new to her. Lauren gave me space, but I don’t think I wanted it. I wasn’t used to it.  
I left the situation between Lauren and I quite obscure when I asked for some time to think about things. I’m assuming she knows we’re still together but I didn’t clarify that. Nor did I clarify that I still care so fucking much about her. I heard her sniffle at one point and I turned to look at her to find a cloud of tears in her eyes again, each one threatening to fall but they don’t. I take her free hand in mine, not questioning why she didn’t hold my hand or my thigh like she always did, and I scoot closer to her. I hold her right hand with my left and rest my head on her shoulder, grasping her bicep with my other arm. I feel Lauren place a soft kiss to the crown of my head and my heavy eyes start to droop, not taking too long for me to fall asleep entirely.  
When I wake again, I feel Lauren stroking at my cheek and jawline and I’m in a much more comfortable position than I was when I fell to sleep. I open my eyes slowly and find Lauren’s beautiful gaze looking down at me, her lips telling me that I am home. I realise from this angle that while I was asleep, I must have moved around for comfort and found that comfortable place being in her lap. My body had laid flat between the two front seats and facing away from the front window, my head firmly on her lap and face tucked into her groin. Embarrassment graces my features at the compromising position and Lauren giggles at my obvious shyness.  
“I’m sorry,” I say in reference to how I am laying on her, moving and struggling to sit back up in my seat.  
“Don’t be. It was nice. Distracting, but nice.” We both stare at each other and with much obvious deliberation, Lauren starts to lean in and I meet her in the middle. She kisses me softly with both of her hands cupping my cheeks, stroking with her thumb at the skin she holds. “I am really sorry for lying to you and I hope you can forgive me,” Lauren whispers, looking directly into my eyes. I nod weakly for a moment and after some minutes the older woman gets out of the car and starts unloading the trunk while I get a still sleeping Emelia out of her car-seat. Lauren volunteers to take Emelia and I’s bags while I carry our daughter into the apartment, surprising Dinah who was sitting on the couch watching a film with a sleeping Khiara.  
“What are you doing home so early?” Dinah asks quickly before moving in to hug me, trying not to squash my daughter. I give Dinah the look as a way of telling her not to ask any questions right now when I move around her to lay Emelia next to Khiara on the couch. Dinah gives Lauren a hug also when the emerald-eyed woman informs that she’s going to go home.  
“Thank you for this weekend,” Lauren whispers into my hair when she holds me. “I can’t thank you enough for how incredible you have been this weekend.”  
“You shouldn’t be thanking me. It was special for the both of us. Until this morning, everything was perfect.”  
“Everything with you is always perfect.” After another kiss to my forehead and her thumbs stroking at my jawline, Lauren excuses herself and leave the apartment to go home. As soon as the door shuts, I turn around and slip down the surface to sit on the floor with my head in my hands. I look up at Dinah with a saddened expression when she says the anticipated words with a stern and almost reprimanding look on her face.  
“Tell me everything!”


	20. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
“Dinah,” I poke my head around the wall to the living room, my Polynesian roommate looking away from the TV at the call, “I’m gonna have a bath so if the kids wake up then you handle it!” I smile tiredly when she groans in response.  
“Whatever. Have your bath. You stink anyway!” I ball up my socks that I have been taking off while talking to Dinah and throw them forcefully at her before ducking back down the corridor and into the main bathroom before she can retaliate. Through growing up and having our own children, Dinah and I had always behaved immaturely and carefree with one another and keeping up with our usual antics has provided a reasonably good distraction for the past week.  
My little family’s weekend away at Lauren’s beach house was a week ago. As Emelia’s other mother, of course I had seen her since, I wouldn’t keep Lauren away from our daughter. But that was it all was. Lauren and Emelia. Sometimes the three of us, but Emelia was always there unlikely before. This past week, there wasn’t really a Lauren and I. Yes, we were both busy with work but when we were together, neither of us knew what to say. I could tell Lauren was trying but I didn’t know how to. I wasn’t angry with her anymore. I couldn’t be angry at the fact she has had a fling with somebody before, or even had been sexual with somebody else before, because I had been too. I was however still upset over the fact it took so long for Lauren to tell me about Charlotte. She hadn’t even wanted to, I had to force it out of her. That’s what upset me. I didn’t understand why she had lied to me, nor did I understand if the woman was still important to Lauren and that is what made me upset: uncertainty.  
I wanted to ask her, but I couldn’t. I was afraid she would lie again and I wouldn’t know the truth. She had called and texted, I obviously couldn’t ignore her, I wouldn’t want to, but I was always unnecessarily blunt and narrow with her. I didn’t want to be but I couldn’t control it. I was just feeling hurt and it would be fake of me to behave at my usual. But fuck, I really did miss her.  
My weekend with her was incredible until that moment. When we would spend time with Emelia, it was like everything I had ever wanted. A family, and a happy family at that. The three of us where never neutral or unbothered being around each other, we were always excitable and affectionate. Nothing could stop smiles spreading across all three of our faces.  
But when it was just me and Lauren. That was something I never expected. Everything with her was always so intense, exhilarating, and so fucking good. From the innocent kisses and caresses, Lauren holding me while we slept and kissing my hair, to the intense moments when we had fully given ourselves to each other. Everything with her was incredible.  
Was.  
What the fuck am I doing? Why am I thinking in the past tense?  
I shake my head from the warming, beautiful thoughts I had running through my head and reprimand myself for assuming it to be over between Lauren and I. It’s not over. It can’t be over before it has barely even started. The peaceful silence, only ruined by my loud and irritating thoughts, is interrupted by a timid knocking on the bathroom door.  
“I’m still in the bath, Dinah. What is it?” The younger woman doesn’t reply, just opens the door and lets herself into the bathroom while I look down and ensure the bubbles in the bath are covering my naked body. We should really get that lock fixed.  
“Someone wanted to see you.” My eyebrows crease in confusion until Dinah backs away toward the bathroom door again and the green-eyed woman who had been plaguing my thoughts appears in her place.  
“Lauren!” I release in surprise at seeing the woman. Seeing the woman in the bathroom with me… while I’m in the bath… and Dinah looking between us mischievously is certainly not what I had expected. “I’m kind of busy right now, can we talk later?”  
“Not really. Here you can’t run away from me. I didn’t plan this by the way,” she gestures toward me in the bath and then her standing in the doorway of the bathroom, Dinah still behind her, “I just came to talk to you and was going to wait for you to get out of the bath but Dinah suggested I just come in and talk to you where you can’t really do anything but listen to me.”  
“You’re welcome,” Dinah says charmingly before leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind her. Lauren stands awkwardly in the middle of the bathroom for a moment, dressed in her high-waisted jeans and dark bomber jacket that she always wore if she didn’t have on the leather jacket.  
“Can I sit?” Lauren gestures toward the toilet that sits directly next to the bath, the woman moving to sit there before I can answer. “Camila, I’ve been thinking for a couple of days now that this situation has just been completely ridiculous. I’ve been afraid to talk to you in fear you were still really mad at me or I would fuck things up more but we need to fix this. We just have to talk to one another, like adults, and ensure nothing can be fucked up anymore.  
I still see you most days but I really miss you, Camz. I’ve missed holding you and kissing you, knowing that I can do all of those things without fearing you would turn me away. Have you missed me?” I nod pathetically at Lauren’s question, her sad eyes and tone of voice almost desperate to hear that I’ve felt the same. “I fucked up by not telling you about Charlotte straight away and for that I am truly sorry. I didn’t really think if I’m honest. Are you still upset with me?” Lauren asks, resting one arm on the side of the tub and reaching over with the other to stroke my exposed knee. I look away from her eyes and toward where her hand is place on my knee, also checking to ensure my legs are still closed and the bubbles aren’t exposing too much.  
“I’m upset that it took you so longer to tell me. I’m also quite upset over how close the two of you were but I know that I’m not allowed to be.”  
“You’re allowed to feel whatever you want. But I am really sorry for all of that. I wish I was honest with you sooner, I just didn’t want to ruin us.” Lauren stands and moves to sit on the edge of the tub, moving the hand that was on my knee to hold my face, stroking at my jawline. “I haven’t ruined us have I?”  
“Of course you haven’t, Lauren.” I reach for the woman and pull her into me, Lauren bracing herself at the sides of the tub to prevent from falling in while I take her lips in mine. I run my fingers through her thick dark locks and tug her closer, the older woman groaning into my mouth at the small display of dominance. “I’ve missed you.”  
“I’ve missed you too, baby,” Lauren whispers against my lips, stroking the streaks of my hair through its messy bun. “It’s only been a week since I’ve been able to have you like this and I’ve missed you so fucking much.” After a few moments of enjoying lips and dancing tongues, Lauren reluctantly pulls back and rests both arms on the side of the bathtub, resting her face there and looking up at me.  
“I should probably get out of the bath now,” I suggest with a giggle, hinting for Lauren to turn away her gaze from my body where the bubbles have started to clear.  
“But you look beautiful in bubbles,” she mutters, looking at my face again to witness it turn red at her comment. “Not that you don’t look beautiful all the time, because you do. But this is an exquisite look for you right now,” Lauren compliments again with a wink before giggling at her own suggestiveness.  
Following her repetitive denial to let me get out of the tub, she finally conceded and just as I thought she was about to leave the bathroom to give me some privacy, she grabs the towel from the rail and stands with it, arms stretched wide and the towel waiting for me. I laugh at her big cheeky grin and gesture for her to turn around but the only thing she does do is squeeze her eyes tightly shut, still wearing an exaggerated toothy smile… and that’s when she looks identical to our daughter. Before she could open her eyes again, I quickly stand from the tub and move toward the towel and into her arms, not bothering to reprimand her when she opened an eyelid to observe me getting out after having heard the water drip from my body. Lauren encloses my body with the towel, my head falling into the warmth of her neck while her arms wrap securely around me, stretching the towel around my skin. We don’t say a thing, but enjoy the serenity of being in each other’s arms again.   
“You’re so warm,” I comment, curling further into Lauren’s body and inhaling her delicious scent from her neck.  
“That’s because I’m burning up in this damn bathroom! Do you always have the water so hot?” I pull away from the woman laughing and Lauren’s arms around the towel adjust to my movement, twisting the towel around my body so she can tie it across my chest. Lauren’s gaze quickly falls to the droplets running down my chest and to my cleavage from where the towel had bunched my breasts together, and she visibly gulps at the scene but lifting her shining her eyes back to mine.  
Lauren follows me out of the bathroom and we come to an abrupt stop when we see Dinah walking toward us, rubbing at hers. “I’m off to bed. Early shift tomorrow. I’ll see you people tomorrow.” As we both wish the woman a good night’s sleep, she walks past the bathroom and toward her bedroom. “And don’t be too loud!” Dinah scolds, pointing at the two of us with a scowl before turning back into her room and closing the bedroom door. Lauren buries her even hotter face into my neck and groans with embarrassment.  
“Did you want me to go home tonight?” Lauren asks eventually, removing herself from my neck but not before placing a soft kiss to the skin there.  
“Hmm,” I debate softly. “No. I think I want you here tonight,” I say finally, turning into her body and attending to the older woman’s lips with mine. We walk into my bedroom together and Lauren quickly takes off her jacket and boots before falling onto my bed not-so gracefully.  
“I’ve missed your bed,” Lauren says with finality. I start to move around the room in search for some nightwear for Lauren and me when the woman leans up onto her elbows and watches me with a smile. “I’ve missed you as well.” I grab two shirts and a pair of underwear for myself and walk closer to her, Lauren sitting up to hold onto my hips over the towel. I throw the clothes on the bed beside her and cradle her face in my hands, feeling the way hers move across my body, from my hips, over my butt to rub along my thighs, reaching the areas below towel. “Did you want me to give you some privacy?”  
“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” I tease with a smile, sounding confident enough to mask how nervous I am. Sure, she had seen me naked before. Multiple times actually. But unless I’m overcome with lust and desire for the woman, the nerves surface and I’m far less confident than I’d like to be. But it’s not insecurities. It used to be, until I met Lauren. She had never allowed me to be insecure about my body from how appreciative and loving she is toward every inch of my skin. It’s just nerves for if her reaction was to change. But it doesn’t.  
I step back from her and drop the towel from around my body, Lauren’s eyes immediately falling over my entire body while I tug at my bottom lip with my teeth. “You’re going to kill me one of these days,” Lauren says bluntly, making me chuckle slightly as I reach for the clothes I had put beside her. “Why bother getting out clothes if I never let you keep them on?” My chuckle turns into a laugh when Lauren holds onto my forearm to stop me from reaching my clothes, her other arm moving around my waist to tug me into her lap. “Is this ok?” Lauren asks me, one of her hands moving up and down my thigh while the other is rested underneath one of my breasts.  
“You’re lucky it’s not cold in here otherwise I definitely would not be sitting on your lap naked right now.”  
“Praise the Lord for the temperature in this room then,” Lauren whispers before attaching her lips to my neck, her teeth immediately coming out to nip at the skin. The surprise of her sharp teeth causes my hands to clench around her shoulders and my hips to buck into hers, Lauren groaning in response to the way I rubbed against her. “Did I do these?” Lauren strokes from my neck all the way down to my pelvis, gesturing to the recovering red blotches I have on the trail.  
“They’re finally starting to disappear. They were quite bruised at the beginning of the week.”  
“Well I’m sorry,” Lauren whispers before diverting her lips to mine and away from my neck.  
“I’m not.” I kiss her lips a lot harder and moan directly into the kiss when her hands start to grope at my backside, encouraging my naked centre to rub forcefully against hers. After moments of languidly rubbing against her erection while my nipples and neck are being devoured by her mouth, I have her top half nude and the button of her jeans undone. With strong hands underneath my thighs, Lauren lifts me off her lap and onto the centre of the bed, crawling on top of me while hurriedly removing her jeans. Her fingers fall to the area between my legs and find the copious amount of moisture that had just started to become uncomfortable, and she rubs delicately, changing the mood entirely when she couples that with her dark gaze staring straight into mine.  
Unlike the times we had done this before, the lights aren’t turned off, we aren’t hiding underneath the covers, all of her body is illuminated gracefully by the lighting of the room. My fingers move from their place on her back and toward her hips where I pull gently at her boxers. Without much thought she retracts her own fingers from my centre and helps me tug the final piece of clothing off her body – well, not final piece, she still had on her socks.  
I don’t see much of her body because her lower half immediately meets mine, but she isn’t hiding. She knows I can see her if we just moved slightly. But she isn’t hiding away from me.  
When I feel the tip of her member stroke against my clit, I remember my recent purchase and mentally praise myself for thinking of it now, before it’s too late. “Condoms in the drawer.” Lauren quickly sits between my spread legs, my left calf coincidentally falling over her area before I could see her. Maybe not coincidentally, Lauren no doubt intended to place my leg there. But she leans over and opens the only drawer of my bedside unit, pulling out the two boxes curiously. “I bought normal Trojan ones and Magnum ones because I didn’t know if the original ones would be too small or too tight,” I share in a quiet tone, surprisingly embarrassed to share that information. I had been embarrassed to buy them, especially because I had no clue which ones to buy and the only person to ask was a young man working there who could not stop grinning when he saw me looking at their collection.  
Lauren’s eyebrows were furrowed looking between the two boxes, turning them over to read the information on the back also. At least I’m not the only one inexperienced with condoms. “I don’t know,” Lauren muttered to herself and I couldn’t help but smile at her adorably confused expression. After almost two minutes of contemplation and with the distraction of her beautiful features, I hadn’t seen that she had put one of the boxes back into the drawer and started to open the remaining one on the bed.  
“I think the other box would be better, Lauren.” I’m surprised to see that she had picked the box containing the original condoms, putting the larger ones away. It’s almost laughable at how she did exactly what nobody would ever do, men most likely choosing the larger pack for an ego boost. But in truth, Lauren really did need the larger ones.  
“Really?” She reaches for the other pack again, even more confused than she had been before. When she turns the box over to read it again, I almost groan in frustration. It’s cute when she’s confused. But it’s not cute when I’m horny and begging for her to hurry up and put one on. “I’ve not measured myself before so I don’t know. But you think these ones?” Lauren asks, holding the pack up with ‘larger fit’ written across the front of them. I nod at her impatiently and tug at her forearm to come back to me. She takes one from the pack and puts the rest in the drawer, crawling back up to me with the wrapped in condom in hand. When her lips meet mine again, I know that she is distracted. She has managed to remove it from the wrapper and is blindly leaning down to put it on, something that clearly is not working.  
“Fuck,” Lauren mutters against my lips, looking down to see that it still isn’t on. When she lifts it up between her fingers, all unrolled and wrinkled, and looks at it disappointedly before putting it on the side and finding another one, I forget my impatience and just laugh at her. I laugh at her disgusted expression toward the lubricated texture when she rubs her fingertips against the duvet once disposing of the ruined rubber.  
“This is so hot,” I say jokingly after another failed attempt and Lauren getting angry with herself.  
“Shut up,” Lauren scolds with an embarrassed laugh. While the heat between my legs is still prominent, ignited most recently by her harsh lips, I take the reins and reach for the box, tearing one open with my teeth and absentmindedly reach down to roll it onto her. Lauren stops kissing me and I realise why. My arm is trapped between our bodies and my hand is still holding onto her member. She looks down to confirm what she’s feeling and I gulp with nerves as to how she will react. Lauren’s eyes widen slightly at the unusual feeling but quickly attaches our lips with a newfound passion, rocking her hips into my hand when I experimentally run my hand along her length to rub my thumb over the tip.  
Lauren moaning into my mouth was also something I missed, husky yet so feminine. Something that becomes only the more beautiful when she moves my hand from her and thrusts her member into me with no warning, Lauren groaning instantly against my lips as I swallow it with my own. With my thighs hooked around her hips and her hands in mine, pinning me to the bed, only minutes went by before we fell apart together, bringing one another to the greatest of highs.  
–  
I stretch and I groan, and I finally succumb to opening my eyes when I realise it’s morning, the brightness of the sun from outside boring into my closed lids. My eyes shoot open when I remember it’s Monday morning and I need to wake Emelia up for school. Glancing at my clock and I should have woken her up almost 40 minutes. Standing up and realising I’m completely naked, a little sore, everything that took place last night rushes through my mind. From the bath and talking with Lauren, to the fumbling with condoms which makes me crack a smile in memory, and the sex. The incredible sex, unsurprisingly. But Lauren isn’t in bed with me now. Thinking that she had gone to work without saying goodbye forces the smile on my lips to fall and I look around the room to find her clothes gone too, the ruined condoms from last night nowhere to be seen and the ones remaining tucked back into my bedside drawer.  
Quickly putting on a t-shirt and shorts, I rush out of the room and toward Emelia’s to find it already opened, both she and Khiara not in their beds. Before I could start to worry, Emelia’s unmistakeable giggle sounds from the kitchen and I rush to find Lauren sitting at the table with both of the small girls, all three eating cereal from their bowls and loudly laughing at whatever it is that happened.  
“Good morning, sleepy head,” Lauren greets with a warm smile, wrapping an arm around my waist when I stand beside her, pulling me into her lap shortly after.  
“I thought I would be late waking Emelia up,” I announce, almost sounding out of breath.  
“Nope, I woke up on time and went to wake the little munchkins.”  
“Aunt Lolo woked us like a puppy!” What? I look at Khiara and then back at Lauren for an explanation.  
“Lies!” Lauren defends, slapping her spoon onto the table, making the small girls laugh.  
“No, mummy, she did. She took my cover off and kept on knocking my head with hers and growling and annoying us!” Emelia recounts, both girls giggling again at the reminder. I look on with a smile which only widens when I turn to look at Lauren who just shrugs in response while her face heats up with embarrassment.  
“They wouldn’t wake up. I did what I had to do!” Lauren protests smugly, clearing away their bowls and starting to prepare mine, incidentally tipping Cheerios all over the counter and one-by-one picking each of them up to feed herself.  
There is nobody else I would have wanted to have children with.


	21. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
Lauren can only be described as endearing when she sleeps.  
Usually, she would be warm and cuddly, holding me close to her body even in her unconscious state but even now when it’s a little different, she just looked adorable. In our nudity, Lauren must have felt too warm throughout the night and had drifted away from me, onto her side of the bed. She is laying on her front with hair spread out across the pillow and her exposed porcelain shoulders, her defined back muscles clenched as her hands grip onto her pillow in a dream. But what’s cute is the small sounds of mumbling falling from her lips and the way her eyes would flicker through her sleep. Lauren has her face turned away from me but can’t help but lean onto my elbows and watch her as she sleeps. Maybe creepy, but it’s hard not to.  
I reach my hand over and stroke at Lauren’s hair, running my fingers through her thick locks and massaging the top of her head while she sleeps, smiling to myself as I do so. The night we had made up after our fight because of Charlotte was a couple of days ago now and this was the first time she had stayed over since then. I could do nothing but smile at how perfect things are between us right now. Last night was just as incredible as every other night we had spent together, if not more so with her newfound confidence.  
Yesterday morning we had a meeting at Emelia’s school, Lauren and I finally getting a chance to speak with her teacher and the parents of her bullies. The emerald-eyed woman was supposed to have been working but was quick to call in faking an illness if it meant she had a chance to say a few words to the boys’ parents – and a few words she did. We had both been civil to begin with, discussing with the teacher what had been happening to our daughter, the boys’ parents looking on and hearing about their sons’ behaviour. That was until the Mahones defended their sons’ behaviour and Lauren rose to her feet and squared up to the man. I followed in suit and stood up after her, holding onto her hips to pull her back and away from the man but failed when he too was riled up and wanted to match her stance. His wife and I tried to settle the two, Emelia’s teacher standing back with panic, but nothing worked. Lauren was very passionate about defending our daughter and our lifestyle and the simple-minded misogynist of Austin Mahone felt the full wrath of that passion… and her fist, which collided with his jaw, knocking the man back into his seat before he and his wife quickly left the school.  
Lauren didn’t care that she had hurt the man, nor that she might be reported, she only cared that I had to witness her violence which she profusely apologised for in the hours following, finally relenting when I broke the news it was hot and so goddamn sexy to see her so mad and protective. It meant that she continued to be controlling and passionate through the night, lifting me up and taking me against the wall of my bedroom before throwing me onto the bed and pinning me there while she takes me again.  
I hadn’t gotten to touch her like I did during our time together a few nights before, but it felt incredible to experience her confidence and dominating attitude, knowing it was me that has made her feel so comfortable. When I had taken her length into my hand to roll on the condom that night we resolved our fight, Lauren froze. Her body tightened and her eyes were ablaze yet she quickly squished all panic with a kiss, taking my hand away from her to enter me again. I didn’t see her, nor did I please her in the way I wanted to but it was progress that she gave me that opportunity to touch her and to see her. She had given me that opportunity again yesterday, allowing my hands to explore her body and keeping the lights on, but I didn’t take it, wanting Lauren to want me to touch her, to be confident in controlling when I get to touch her. That’s when I’ll please her in the way I hope to; when Lauren decides she wants me, needs me to.  
I don’t realise I had become too distracted with my thoughts that I stopped stroking at her hair until Lauren’s hand blindly reaches over for mine, bringing it toward her head again so I can resume the strokes and light massage. I giggle at the thought of her pretending to be asleep so she can enjoy my touch and moving then so I can continue until she giggles as well and it just becomes an infectious laugh between us both.  
Lauren finally turns over onto her side to face me, a smile lighting up a face when she does so. “Good morning, beautiful,” she greets sweetly. I lower myself from my elbows so I can lay next to her, immediately cupping her jaw and pressing my lips against hers. When I slip comfortably beneath the sheets again, Lauren shifts closer to me and holds my naked body in hers again, her hands quickly finding my waist and caressing the skin there before moving lower to my ass.  
“Good morning to you too,” I say breathlessly as she takes her kiss away from me and starts sucking at the spot on my neck where she feels my pulse beneath her lips, her hands now starting to squeeze at the globes beneath her hands. Lauren’s erection against my thigh does nothing to lessen my arousal and soon I start to wrap my thighs her hips to pull the woman on top of me. “You’re in a good mood this morning.”  
“Hm,” Lauren mutters before lowering her lips to my breasts, her tongue sliding across every inch of my skin there and wrapping around each of my nipples, “I dreamt about you. It made me wish I was tasting you for real.” My body jumps at her words combined with her teeth now at my stomach, biting at my sides and her fingers pinching at my ass. “And I love tasting you.” And so she does… Lauren doesn’t bother to tease either of us, instead her mouth latches onto my centre, her tongue stroking laps at my folds before taking my clit between she lips and sucking at the bud.  
“You’ve gotten so fucking good at this,” I compliment in between moaning as my body writhes beneath hers. Lauren’s attention to my most sensitive part has me rolling my hips into her face and silently shrieking when she enters me with her tongue. Her hands move away from my thighs and lift my butt closer to her face. Her fingers dig into a spot on my ass that makes my body jump and I hadn’t realised how much I enjoyed being touched there until now. The tips of her fingers touch the part of me that nobody has ever before and I wonder if I would enjoy her attention there too.  
Attending to me with an unrelenting tongue had never failed to bring me to the greatest of highs and now is much of the same. My thighs tighten and quiver over her shoulders and a final flick of her tongue to my clit and the squeezing of my ass sends my body arching, Lauren finally releasing the hold on my ass and her tongue cleaning up the evidence of my orgasm. “You really have gotten so good at that,” I praise with bated breath, chuckling at her proud expression when she kisses up the length of my body with a smug smile.  
“It’s all the practise you’ve allowed me to have,” Lauren suggests, winking at me before taking my lips in hers, her tongue pushing through my lips and sharing my taste. I spread my thighs further to accommodate her shifting body as she reaches between us and strokes at me with her erection… until a familiar distraction sounds through my closer bedroom door.  
“Mummy!”   
–  
“So, I’ll pick you up at seven?” Lauren asks me, leaning over the café counter to kiss me. After getting Emelia ready for school and ourselves ready for work, Lauren, with our daughter, had walked to me work for my shift before getting to the school for Emelia’s day.  
“Mhm,” I mutter against her lips, a smile still stretched across my features when I cup her jaw and receive small pecks from her plump lips, “I’ll see you tonight.”  
“Good, and yes, I will see you tonight,” Lauren finalises with another kiss, the smacking together of our lips resonating to my fellow staff members. “Are you still good about spending the night?” Nothing could stop the nod I gave in answer to her question. “Come on then, princess,” she turns away from the counter, holding out her hand for our daughter to take. “Say goodbye to mummy.”  
“Goodbye mummy!” Emelia enthusiastically waves as she walks out of the café holding onto her mother’s hand, the woman who is simply laughing at our daughter’s eagerness and looking beautiful doing so. I wave at my daughter as she leaves, my face then warming with a smile and a blush when Lauren winks at me before leaving herself.  
“She is so cute.”  
“Lauren or Emelia?” I hear the two women I work with discuss from behind me, laughing to themselves. I’m surprisingly not jealous to hear their interest in Lauren, instead I’m happy when people recognise just how beautiful my family is. “But really, Mila, Lauren is so good with her.”  
“I know. She’s a natural. And she makes her so happy,” I compliment, finding myself still blushing and smiling as I watch them walk down the street, Lauren still holding our daughter’s hand and carrying her backpack across a shoulder.  
Thankfully time flies by during my shift at work and before I knew it I was heading home for my pre-date ritual. Lauren had offered to pick Emelia up from pre-school during her lunch break and taking our daughter back to work with her, she would be bringing her home when she arrived to pick me up later this evening; Emelia wanting to spend time with Lauren and visiting her home to be a little bit nosey. Changing out of my work uniform, I move into the bathroom to take a warm shower, washing my hair with the strawberry-scented shampoo that Lauren loves to smell on me, and with a towel wrapped around my body I go into the kitchen looking for a snack, despite having (no doubt) a big dinner in a couple of hours with Lauren.  
“A banana, really? Is that practise for later on?” I look up to find Dinah watching at me from the doorway, smirking at the comment before making a suggestive gesture with her hand and mouth.  
“Oh shut up. You know it’s not like that,” I remind her with a laugh, taking another bite out of the fruit.  
“Oh, it’s not like that, but I bet you’ve shaved. Everywhere I presume,” her eyes cast down to my covered area and then back up to my eyes with a smug grin.  
“Just in case, yeah. Well, most of it. Lauren likes a little something still there.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, she doesn’t have any body hair herself,” I inform the woman, remembering what Lauren had told me before and using that as an explanation. Well, I think that’s why she likes something there. That’s why she is so attentive to everything else down there, she doesn’t have the same features to explore on herself.  
“Lucky bitch,” Dinah groans, not saying anything else about the details of Lauren’s condition.  
“I know.” With a mouth full, I silently gesture for Dinah to follow me into my bedroom, walking past a sleeping Khiara who is sprawled out on the floor in the living room having drifted off while doing her colouring book.  
“Ooh, nice underwear,” Dinah compliments when she sees the black lace set I had laid out on the bed.  
“Thank you. She seems to always see me in white and though she says she really likes me in that colour, I thought I’d mix it up a little.”  
“And black’s more slutty.”  
“Yeah, thanks Dinah,” I grab the set out of her hands and put on the panties while in my towel, then I turn around to drop the material and put on my bra too, Dinah already nodding in approval when I turn back to face her.  
“Speaking of slutty, remember these.” Dinah stretches across the bed and into my bedside drawer to grab the boxes of condoms she knows I keep there now. And then she registers which pack is actually open. “Large ones? Damn girl, how big is she?!” I take a second to cool the warmth that had coursed my body and take note of her smug grin again.  
“You know I haven’t seen it yet,” I answer her with a smile, still blushing at the blunt nature of her question.  
“You’ve had inside you so y’know.” Why do I even bother to calm the blush on my cheeks when she continuously makes me flustered?  
“I don’t know exactly. She says she’s never measured so I’m not sure she knows either.” I look at the next banana I have just unpeeled for an indication and comparison of size, feeling embarrassed with myself for doing so. “A little bit bigger than this so, eight inches perhaps?” I don’t notice how Dinah’s eyes had widened and instead I continue, “but I don’t know. It’d help if I actually see it but that’s just a guess.” She clears her throat and that’s when I notice the look on her face; I knew Lauren was big but why was her size so shocking?  
“Would she let you see it?”  
“Maybe someday. I don’t know when she’ll be ready but I’m not going to push her. Lauren’s comfort is what’s important to me, not whether I’ve seen her penis or not. She almost freaked out when I touched her but distracted herself by kissing me, then fucking me, I don’t know how she’ll react with me seeing her.”  
“Did it feel weird to touch her?” Dinah asks curiously, probably reminding me that I am a lesbian and have never touched a penis before in my life.  
“I didn’t even know I was doing it. I just wanted her to hurry up with the damn condom,” Dinah laughs at me then flinches when I take a big bite out of the banana, frowning at the fact I had just used the fruit as a comparison to Lauren’s penis. “But it only lasted a couple of seconds so I didn’t really think about what I was feeling.” Apart from the scar. In the brief moment I had touched her, I had felt the scar. One of a few so it seems. My finger had grazed across what felt to be a reasonably thick, slightly long scar at the base of her member. I couldn’t know if Lauren flinched at me touching her generally, or knowing I had felt the scar, but it is something I would rather discuss with her at some point, not Dinah.  
Over an hour later, I had finally decided upon what I was wearing. Or, Dinah had decided what I was wearing tonight. I knew Lauren would have made reservations for us at quite a fancy restaurant so Dinah and I had settled for a white laced couture dress I had bought a couple of years back and had not gotten the chance to wear it until now. The dress is double-fabricated making it thick enough as to not reveal my dark underwear, something I would like to surprise Lauren with later on in the evening. It’s long-sleeved and combined with a simple pair of nude heels, I felt I looked somewhat sophisticated to attend a classy restaurant with Lauren.  
Right on time, Lauren knocked on the door with our daughter who had barrelled me with kisses as soon as she saw me while I silently hoped Lauren would be just as eager. I did get a kiss, however. One just to the side of my lips to avoid smudging my freshly-put on lipstick and then another to the back of my hand when she walked me to her car. Like most occasions I had seen Lauren out, she hadn’t decided on a dress, instead she still looked strikingly beautiful arriving in black flared trousers and a laced bralet, the blazer on top emblemising her sophistication.  
With a hand to the small of my back, Lauren guides me into the restaurant and to a table in the corner as directed by the host. The place was heaving with customers yet the table Lauren had apparently pre-chosen for the both of us was perfectly secluded, our seating a leather bench that stretched around the corner and candles providing that dim lighting in an otherwise dark room. We both slide onto the bench from opposite ends and I move across so I can sit in the centre in order to be nearer to her while she unknowingly does the same and we bump thighs in the middle of the bench.  
“Sorry about that,” Lauren mutters with a laugh, inching onto her side a little more to give me some space, I doing the same but not enough that we are still sitting really close. Soon after Lauren orders the special while I order what I know I’m going to enjoy – a lasagne, much to her humour. From all the grand options I could have chosen, I pick the meal I eat at every restaurant I go to. “Call me out if I’m being intrusive or boring or whatever but, how’s everything with money now? I know you had some problems before. Is the situation getting better?”  
“Things are a little better. It just got really hard at one point and everything had been building up,” I take a sip from the champagne Lauren had ordered for us, “but then you helped with that.” It didn’t take a genius to find out where the extra cash had come from to helped pay the rent. Dinah had tried telling me it was Jonathon but with an unconvincing story I knew it had to be Lauren. At first I was a little angry because she and Dinah had gone behind my back but then I reminded myself that she had only helped with good intentions. “You didn’t have to do that by the way. We could have handled it.”  
“No, I know. I know you can look after yourself but I can help too. I can help look after our daughter and though I don’t need to look after you as you do a good enough job yourself, I’d like to help out as much as I can.”  
“Well, thank you, Lauren. It did really help. All of the rent for the next couple of months is sorted so money I’m earning is just going toward bills and looking after Emelia. But I’m doing less hours now to look after her because I don’t think she was too happy with how much I was working before.”  
“No she wasn’t because she loves you. But she understood.” Lauren giggles at the large smile that spreads across my face hearing that my daughter loves me. Of course I knew that, but it’s always nice to hear it again.  
“I was thinking about looking for another job actually,” I announce to Lauren, “hopefully something with better pay so I don’t need to work as much hours and I can spend more time with you and Lia.”  
“What do you have mind?” Lauren asks with genuine interest.  
“I’m not entirely sure but I have always thought about opening up a bakery. Ally and I had discussed the possibility before but of course that’d be really hard because there would be no income until it’s up and running.”  
“You would open it with Ally?”  
“It’s something we both have wanted to do for a while. We both love to bake and it’d be something we’d both enjoy. I doubt anything will happen anytime soon but it’s something I’ve been thinking about. I’m already saving up some money for it, a long way to go yet.”  
“That sounds like a really great idea though. If it’s something you would enjoy I’m definitely there to support you in any way that I can. I’m not trying to interfere or anything, it’s your life, but think about it and if it’s something you both want to do, I can help with funding its start-up.”  
“No, Lauren. I couldn’t ask you to do that. Helping with Emelia is good enough for me. Helping with the rent was really appreciated but shouldn’t be a regular thing. This would be too much. After all-”  
“Hey guys!” Lauren and I both look up at the interruption and see her brother, Chris, standing beside our table, suited and booted and holding the hand of Charlotte. Both of whom just smile at us until Lauren finally greets them.  
“Hey!” Lauren stands up to hug her brother before quickly sitting down next to me, Charlotte’s face dropping when she didn’t get a hug as well. I don’t recognise if Lauren ignores her intentionally for me or if she wouldn’t hug her anyway but it doesn’t stop the smug grin I wear when Lauren would much rather sit beside me again then properly greet her. “What are you guys doing here?”  
“We just had dinner with my boss and a few of the other guys we work with. There’s a big promotion coming up so he wanted to get us all together to be friendly, before splitting us up by giving one man a promotion. It was free though so I can’t complain,” Chris winks and then grins at Lauren who just laughs at him. “It’s nice to see you again, Camila.”  
“It’s good to see you again. It’s good to see you both again,” I add, offering a tight-lipped smile to Charlotte who returns a similar fake one.  
“And you. How has everything been, Lauren?”  
“Incredible, actually,” the green-eyed woman gushes, looking to me and holding my face to kiss the corner of my lips. “It’s been really great.”  
“That sounds great, dude. I’m happy for you,” Chris says, leaning over to give Lauren a hug again, his face with genuine delight to see his older sister happy herself. “We best get off now but have a good meal you two. I’ll see you again soon, Camila.” We say goodbye to the both of them and Lauren turns to me with apprehension.  
“I am so sorry. I didn’t know they were going to be here,” Lauren takes my hands and puts them in her lap, still holding them securely in her own as she searches for my eyes.  
“I know you didn’t. It’s not your fault,” I observe her worried her eyes and softly kiss her lips, hoping to eradicate her nerves and doubts. “She kept looking at you though. After hearing about your past, it made me quite uncomfortable if I’m being honest.”  
“I’m sorry. I don’t what it is but I’ll talk to her. I’ll tell her to back off because we’re official now and I don’t want her to upset you or make you feel that way.”  
“Does she still text you, or call you?”  
“She hasn’t done since the fight we had. I really thought I had ruined things between you and me and I got angry and took it out on her. I called her up and fought with her. She hasn’t tried to call me or text me since. I promise.”  
“I believe you,” I say just as the food arrives and each meal is placed in front of us.  
“Thank you for trusting me,” Lauren says again, leaning over to kiss me softly, her thumb stroking about my jawline before stroking at my lips when she pulls away. I do trust her, but I can’t stop thinking about what she means to Charlotte and who the woman might have meant to her.  
“Can I ask you something?”  
“Of course, Camz. Anything.” Lauren takes another bites out of her food and waits for my question.  
“That day you finally ended it with her. It was the morning you found her touching you, right?” When she nods in answer my question and takes another bite from her meal, I continue. “Her touching you, without your consent, isn’t that assault?” I ask with hesitation, not wanting to anger the woman or to assume anything of their situation.  
“I guess in some situations. But we were kind of together and stuff like that happens. She was touching me but didn’t start to do anything else, she wouldn’t have done anything while I was asleep. She wanted me to comfortable and she thought I had been, meaning that she probably thought it was ok.”  
“And was it ok?”  
“No because I wasn’t ready. And that’s why I ended it because I wasn’t comfortable. But she thought I was. I had never discussed with her my insecurities so you can’t blame her for thinking I would be ok with it. She just thought I wasn’t ready for sex and so wanted to ease me into it, she didn’t know I had a problem with being touched or people seeing me. I got angry for sure, but she wasn’t to know.”  
“Had a problem.”  
“What?” Lauren asks me with adorably furrowed eyebrows and mouth still full of food.  
“You said had a problem. Are you more comfortable now or do you still have a problem with being touched?”  
“I’m definitely more comfortable with you than I ever have been. Even with myself, I’m not disgusted with myself anymore because I know that you accept me. But I’ve made steps with you that I never thought I would and that means everything to me. You mean everything to me. So I would say there are still some hurdles left but you’ve already helped me conquer some of the biggest ones.” Lauren finishes her food and pushes the plate away from her so both of our plates can be collected before shifting closer to me. “I don’t have a problem with being touched anymore, I guess I’m just nervous.”  
“Would you ever let me touch you like that?” I ask her quietly, trying to find her gaze with mine to look for answer there also. “I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel,” I whisper again, this time close enough to Lauren’s ear that I can hear the way her breath catches in her throat and her body hitches. Maybe she reacted that way because along with the whisper, my voice dropped several octaves and it was laced with seduction right at her skin. Or maybe it was because my hand fell to her thigh. High up on her thigh.  
“I would really like that,” Lauren says back, quietly but not a whisper, her voice somehow laced with sincerity yet nerves. She reaches across with a hand of her own and places it on my wrist that is across her lap, stroking at my pulse point while I contemplate whether or not she wants me to move my hand. She looks away from me and down at her lap, observing just how close my hand is to her package while she too decides where she wants to move it. Eventually she nudges my hand with her pinkie, pushing my hand to on top of her clothed member where she immediately sucks in a breath and looks away from the scene, gazing out toward everyone else at the restaurant, reminding herself and me that we still are at the restaurant and not in the privacy of her home.  
I watch her face as my hand moves across her lap softly. I trace the outline of her semi-erection through her pants and watch how she struggles to remain still, her body trying to distract itself with her eyes hovering over our surroundings and not toward my hand in her lap. With the confidence of her approval, I palm her firmly, hearing how she groans in response and that’s when I realise this shouldn’t be done here, “why don’t we go back to your place, Lauren?” I ask softly, removing my hand from her package and placing it on her stomach as I lean up to kiss her lips tenderly.  
It doesn’t take long after my suggestion for Lauren to put a few hundred dollar bills on the table, take my hand and lead me out of the restaurant and into her car where she immediately starts the ignition. I notice her flustered state and the now larger bulge in her trousers, and I’m reminded of our first night together. How nervous we both were. Now, however, it’s more so anticipation. Sure, Lauren is testing new limits for herself and is most likely very nervous but that isn’t because of us being together unlike how it was that night. Now, we just anxiously anticipate every little thing that could make what we have better.  
And unlike our first time together, we’re laughing, and we’re teasing. In the car ride, I tease her about being impatient and she teases me about being demanding. Sure, we’re both horny, that much is obvious. But that’s not what Lauren and I are about. Every moment we spend together is fun and exciting, and in times like this, that is still the same. When we finally make it back to her place, Lauren hurriedly gets out of the car and tugs me toward her front door, the two of us giggling and laughing at one another despite only sharing one bottle of a champagne so we know it’s not the drink.  
With a hard kiss, Lauren pushes me back against the wall of her hallway, catching me off guard with her roughness yet I kiss her back with just as much fervour. The kiss is messy but Lauren controls it well with her demanding and impatient tongue. That’s another thing she had gotten really good at. Our first kiss felt relaxed yet shy on her behalf but with practise, she had become an incredible kisser, her taste and her control making me weak every time. Her hands lift the bottom of my dress to around my waist before attaching themselves to my butt, groping and massaging the cheeks to pull my hips flush against hers.  
“I don’t think I’ve told you how much I love this ass,” a yelp turning into a giggle when she surprisingly brings her hand down on the skin, heating up my flesh yet sending shivers to my centre.  
“You haven’t. But I’m glad you approve,” I mutter against her lips before taking her hand and leading her upstairs, not bothering to roll down my dress so it stays bunched at my hips, my panty-clad ass in line of her face when we walk upstairs.  
“You’re doing this intentionally.” I turn my head to look at the woman who is just staring at my butt, watching the way it moves as I walk up the steps. “And these are gorgeous if I must say so,” before I could get too confused at what she meant, her finger slips beneath the black fabric of my thong, pulling it away from my butt before flicking it back.  
We reach the top of the stairs and I pull Lauren into her bedroom, “I was hoping you would like them.” Lauren tugs at the zipper on my dress and pulls it off my arms and down my body.  
“I definitely like them,” Lauren compliments again, pulling me by the hips toward her body again and attaching her lips to my neck, nibbling at the tan column of skin. My hands skim over her shoulders to drop the blazer and I quickly work to get rid of her bralet, exposing her creamy skin and breasts to me.  
“And I definitely like these,” I say cheekily, roughly attaching my lips to hers as my hands grope at her breasts. Among laughter and frenzied kisses, Lauren finally getting me out of my underwear, we find ourselves strewn across her bed, pushing ourselves up to reach pillows. I undo the button to her trousers and tug them down her legs, switching my gaze between the prominent bulge in her boxers and her red tinted cheeks. “I also really like this,” I whisper against her lips when I start to confidently palm her through the thin fabric.  
“I like you touching me,” she whispers breathlessly, her eyes locked on mine and not squeezed tight like the other times I had briefly touched her. After some seconds I feel Lauren begin to tug down her own boxers, still keeping her eyes locked to mine and I watch them dilate and darken at the moment my hand touches her bare cock, holding it in palm and fingers as I start to stroke her. I try to overlook any anxiety I have at doing this badly and remind myself that it is she that has every right to be anxious, not me.  
My lips plant to the side of her neck when her head falls back and she whimpers to the ceiling. While one hand combs through my hair, her other hand has joined me, guiding me with the technique and rhythm that she likes. While I nibble at her neck, I feel her thigh that’s beneath my other hand quiver and shake. With that and her heavy whimpers and tightening cock, I know that she’s near and my hand quickens in response, using her natural lubrication as an aid for my movements. Lauren manipulates my hand once more so its slows and my index finger rubs at the ridge just beneath the tip of her cock, “just here,” she instructs, and with a loud, feminine groan, she releases and soils my hand in the process.  
“Your legs are still shaking,” I whisper against her lips after a few moments, neither of us having moved just yet. Her softened cock had fallen out of my hands yet I keep my hand in her lap, softly stroking at the base, once again feeling the skin beneath my fingertips. She doesn’t say anything, just nods her head like she knows the effect an orgasm has had on her. Lauren sits up slowly and leans over to grab her boxers, bringing them back to us and cleaning up my hand and then her member. “Do you think maybe you can go again?” I ask, hinting at her recovery time. Lauren throws her boxers back on the floor and attacks my lips again, gripping my hips and pulling me lay down on the bed.  
“I think you can get me going every time,” she says with a giggle, moving her lips down my body and attaching themselves onto one of my breasts. “You have no idea how beautiful you are.” And so she shows me how beautiful I am. Her lips and hands exploring every inch of my body as she ventures south to where she is already familiar, discovering a new territory as she does so.


	22. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
Almost 2 months later and I’m lying awake in bed watching Lauren as she rushes around my bedroom, toothbrush in her mouth and its paste smeared across her lips while she leans down and ties her boots. I laugh at her when she stands up too quickly and almost trips on one of the many toys our daughter has strewn across all rooms in the apartment.  
“In a rush are we?” I tease when she paces into the room again, toothbrush now rid from her mouth and only a spec of toothpaste at its corner.  
“And it’s all your fault,” Lauren says with finality before throwing on her bomber jacket that lay on my messy floor, the two of us too impatient last night to take our time in placing it on the coat rack, wanting to be connected again quickly.  
“I didn’t hear you complaining,” I tease again, watching as my girlfriend’s face flushes with warmth, prompting memories of this morning and just why she was running late for work.  
“I could never complain.” Lauren finally has her boots and jacket on to complete her outfit, now hovering her face over mine.  
“I sure hope not,” I hold her face in my hands and offer another passionate kiss of this morning… well, maybe not quite as passionate as the ones we had shared earlier. After a few moments of my arousal spiking and more insistent lips, Lauren eases herself away from me, her lips however refusing to do so in their attempt to stay attached to mine.  
“I really have to go, baby,” Lauren finally says when she has pulled away from me completely, grabbing her car keys off the side, her eyes sympathetic at my pout.  
“Fine.”  
“Baby, don’t do this.”  
“Hm, fine,” I mutter, still pouting at the fact my girlfriend is no longer keeping me warm in bed.  
“I’ll see you soon, ok?”  
“Ok, babe. Have a good day at work and call me if you get the chance,” I relent, poking my lips out for her to kiss them again which she does.  
“I always do.” With one final kiss, Lauren ducks out of my bedroom and I hear her quietly unlock my front door with my keys before letting herself out. And then I pout some more. Laying back onto the bed I groan at the lack of warmth coming from where Lauren’s body should be and I groan at how much I already miss her.  
Smiling to myself I think about just how domestic that felt. My girlfriend leaving me in bed so she could get to work; in about an hour or so having to take our daughter to school, and for the remainder of the day awaiting Lauren’s call just to hear her voice and to find out what she’s up to. Just like a married couple. Thinking like this would almost explain the ‘I love you’ that nearly fell from my lips a few nights ago and again this morning. Sure, both times it had been during sex but I can’t help feel that maybe thoughts during those times are the most genuine: when the moment is intense, raw and almost pure with passion.  
I know that it’s too soon to think about love and to think about how right it feels to be in the situation we had a few moments ago, feeling so domestic. But when one of those thoughts arise, it feels impossible to delay its resurface.  
“Mila?” I turn my head up at my bedroom door, slightly ajar with Dinah’s face peering through it. With little thought I move away from the centre of the bed and lift up the side of the duvet for the younger woman to crawl into Lauren’s side. “So green eyes just left?”  
“Yep. She had to go to work.”  
“Aww!”  
“What?” I ask in confusion, narrowing my eyes at the girl.  
“You frowned as soon as you said that,” Dinah laughs when I frown even more, not realising I had been doing it in the first place. “So how are the two of you? Good?”  
“Really good.” I turn onto my side while Dinah does the same to face me, the two of us wearing matching smiles. “How’s it going with Leon? You’ve been out with him a couple of times now, right?” I ask suggestively, smirking at the blush that rises to her cheeks.  
“Pretty good.”  
“Mhm. Pretty good,” I repeat mockingly, winking at the woman. It’s been a while since we’ve done this: chilled and gossiped about our love lives, blushing like middle-schoolers and laughing at the other’s embarrassment. “How’s Lauren handling the no-sex thing?” What no sex thing? My confusion is apparent when she speaks up again, “you know, considering she’s like, addicted now to whatever’s going on there,” she gestures up and down toward my body, and I’m silently thankful I persuaded Lauren to release her hold on me this morning so I could redress, the chill in the room making nudity difficult for the both of us.  
“She’s not addicted.”  
“You guys are at it like rabbits all the time. Of course she’s addicted. I don’t blame her though I mean she’s what, 28? She’s got a lot of years of sex to catch up on!” I shiver at the memories of her enthusiasm, smiling and warming at how incredible she is.  
“I wouldn’t say she’s addicted, just… enthusiastic.”  
“Yeah, ‘enthusiastic’,” Dinah teases, “but didn’t you say you were going to give her that sex ban? After that little argument you had when she made out with you right in front of Abbey when she showed up at your work. You said you didn’t like it when she tries to ‘claim’ you like that, or some bullshit?”  
“Oh yeah. No I did say that. Then we talked it through and I realised yeah, I don’t like to be claimed as someone’s property, but fuck, I love it when she does. So I let her ‘claim’ me again. And again, and again, and ag-”  
“Yeah, Mila! I got it!” Dinah and I laugh at my enthusiasm before she speaks up again, “so you two still in that Honeymoon-phase? You know, doing the nasty all the time?”  
“It’s gotten even worse if I’m honest. I just can’t leave her alone. I just want her touching me all the goddamn time. It’s so weird. It’s like I’m the one obsessed with her now.”  
“I bet that does good things for her confidence?” I smile to myself at the thought of Lauren’s development and her newly-found confidence in her body and expressing it with someone. I still hadn’t pleasured her in the way that I’m surprisingly eager for but she’s more open now about me touching her so intimately. In fact, it has happened a few times now where she would guide my hand into her pants or strip out of her clothes before I can encourage her to do so. I have yet to explore her anatomy like how she explores mine but I’m impatiently waiting for that moment she does finally reveal herself fully to me and let me please her in ways I have never before.  
I don’t realise that Dinah is actually still talking and I’m once again thinking about sex with Lauren until I hear tiny feet run through the corridor beyond my bedroom door. Dinah must have woken the children before she came in here and the little ones are now awake and ready for breakfast. It doesn’t take too long for us all to finish our breakfast and Emelia and I to get dressed for the day; my daughter in her school uniform and I in some casual clothes only to throw an apron on top when I get to work.  
“I really liked the story Mama read to us last night,” Emelia insights as we’re walking to her school, her small hand encased in mine.  
“Oh yeah? Which one was it?”  
“It was about a girl who was upset and then found out she was going to be a mummy and then she got really happy and then she became a mummy and then she really liked it.” I had only heard a little bit of the bedtime story Lauren was telling to Emelia and Khiara last night and didn’t recognise it one bit, but hearing Emelia’s recall of it and with a few additions, it almost sounds like Lauren’s story?  
“That sounds really nice. Did anything else happen in the story? How did it finish?”  
“The woman also found her princess and Mama said she wants them to live happily ever after but it’s not finished yet Mama said so I don’t know.” Happily ever after with her princess? Maybe it isn’t too soon for an ‘I love you’. I look down at my daughter who is smiling up at me and bending down to kiss her, I can’t help but think just how much she looks like Lauren. I used to think she was an exact replica of me but that’s just because of the tanned skin; other than that, she’s all Lauren. “Mummy, I’m not feeling well,” Emelia finally says after a couple minutes of silence. I look back down at her and see that she’s clutching her tummy while looking off ahead.  
“What is it, baby? You were alright earlier?”  
“I know, but,” she looks up ahead again, toward the school gates that are now in our sight, “I have a tummy ache.” When tears start to pool in her eyes, the eyes that oscillate between the school gates and the pavement, I know I’m not going to drag her into school when something is obviously wrong. “I feel sick.”  
“Ok, baby. How about we get you home then?” Emelia slowly nods at my question, looking back up at me and my heart wrenches at how sad, and almost apologetic, she looks. We turn back around and I drop a quick text to Dinah explaining the situation, and offering to look after Khiara today as well so she doesn’t have to stay with a sitter. I ignored her reply saying that I’m becoming like Lauren, a big softie, and I would never normally give in to my daughter that easy, and instead turn my attention to back to my daughter. She seems slightly perkier now that we can no longer see her school and is heading home but it’s obvious those gears are turning in her little brain and something is still bothering her. Lauren had also noticed Emelia be a little bit more apprehensive and less enthusiastic about school than she normally was but it’s something neither one of us thought was too important, until now perhaps.  
As soon as we make it home, I call into work explaining that I won’t be coming in today and change out of my clothes, into Lauren’s joggers, the same pair that I had worn after our first night together and had never given back to her, and one of the many t-shirts she has in my wardrobe. “Can Mama look after me too?”  
“She’s working, Lia. She’ll probably come over tonight though, is that ok?” Emelia nods excitedly before joining me on the couch and directing her attention to the paperwork I had already strewn across the coffee table. I laugh at her reaction to Lauren coming over and I warm at thought of my perfect little family. “What are you doing?”  
“Well, mummy has a new project and I want to work on it now that I have a day off with you.”  
“Can I help?”  
“Maybe not with all of this paper stuff because this is boring, but how about you draw something for Mama’s office? She’s had the one that you painted of our family for months now, why don’t you paint her something new?” Her excitement makes me laugh again when she jumps off the couch and wanders off into her room to find her paints and art supplies. So much for having a tummy ache…  
I look down at the mess of the paperwork in front of me but still grin at its significance. Since the talk I had with Lauren about opening up my own bakery, I had felt even more driven and even more encouraged to actually get started on it. Having Lauren’s support and optimism was something that I really needed to kick-start this project and it Ally took no convincing to be on board with this either which was surprising. She has been telling me about the problems in her marriage, how neither of them have been happy for months now and though it broke my heart to hear about my two best friends contemplating divorce, Ally’s strength to pursue a career during a difficult time was admirable.  
“Hey, Mila. So I’m gonna head off now to work. Still alright about looking after Khiara too?”  
“It’s no problem, Cheech. Have a good day,” Dinah leans over the couch and kisses the top of my head, doing the same after with our two little girls who are sitting on the floor drawing. “Love you.”  
“Love you too.” When Dinah leaves, I turn my attention back to my work, catching sight of the contracts that have already been drawn up, lease forms, promotion ideas and a pile of CVs from potential employees. With Lauren’s help and contacts that I never would have guessed she would have, we found a place pretty quickly. Lauren had come with me to viewings of establishments and sorted out most of the legal duties for starting up a business and it felt incredible to have someone like her support me in my dream.  
For the following couple of hours I continue reading through some of the paperwork while trying to entertain the girls, singing with them, baking with them, even pushing the couch to the edge of the room to create a mini ballroom for the three of us. When my phone rings and Lauren’s caller-ID appears, a picture of the three of us from our earlier days with the tiger cubs, I quickly stand up from dancing around the living room on my knees and answer her call.  
“Hey you!” I greet breathlessly over the phone.  
“Hey, baby. I said I’d call when I go on my break! So how are you? How’s Emelia? Is she feeling better? You’re not sick as well are you?”  
“Lauren… Breath. I’m great. Emelia’s great. I don’t really believe she was sick this morning but something was wrong for sure.”  
“Huh, have you spoken to her about it?”  
“Not just yet, she’s been happy and playing with Khi and I. I’ll talk to her about it tonight. You’re still coming over, right?” I ask hopefully, looking down to see both of the small girls equally anticipating her answer. They really do love Lauren.  
“I’m not sure yet, babe. I have a meeting after work because there’s some promotion thing that’s happening. It’s actually for another company but I’ve been invited to go along and finding out about a potential promotion couldn’t hurt, right?” Lauren explains excitedly before continuing, “and then I have another therapy session right after. I can probably come over but I’ll doubt it’ll be early enough to have dinner with you all as a family.”  
“You have a therapy session?”  
“Yeah, babe. Also the opportunity for a promotion. Did you not hear me? I’m really excited.”  
“I heard, I’m happy for you. But you didn’t tell me you had therapy today?” I ask again, anxious to know why I haven’t been told.  
“It must have slipped my mind, nothing important.”  
“Nothing important? You see Charlotte every time you go though. How is that not important?”  
“I told you, I’ve spoken to her. She’s not into my like that anymore,” before I could argue back Lauren rushes in to prevent me from doing so, “it’s strictly professional when I see her. She’s only the receptionist, it’s fine!”  
“It’s not fine, Lauren. You lied to me about seeing her.”  
“I didn’t lie. It slipped my mind to tell you that I’m going to a session. Sure they haven’t been as regular but I’ve had a couple sessions since you found out about Charlotte so I didn’t think it’s a requirement to tell you every time I’m visiting my therapist,” Lauren attempts to explain, sounding almost frustrated that I’m insecure about this when I have every reason to be.  
“Yeah, whatever, Lauren. Don’t come over tonight if you’re struggling with time to juggle your work, seeing Charlotte and spending time with your family.”  
“Camila. You’re being ridiculous. Just hear me out and don’t-” I cut the older woman off by ending the call, throwing my phone onto the couch beside me. Ridiculous? I’m allowed to be slightly paranoid that she is seeing an ex-girlfriend and failing to tell me about it. Probably because Lauren knows that the times she had told me about going to therapy, I had gone with her just so I can make out with her in front of Charlotte and wipe that smug fucking grin off her face. If Lauren can claim me in front of my ex, surely I’m allowed to do the same thing.  
“Is Mama coming over tonight?” Emelia asks hopefully, clearly not understanding the tone of my conversation with her mother.  
“No. She has things to do.”  
“But you said that she was!”  
“Emelia!” I raise my voice at the small girl when she starts to get tearful, “I never promised that you were going to see her tonight so don’t get into a strop and blame me because she’s not. Ok?” She solemnly nods her head and sits back on the floor to continue her drawings while Khiara looks between us with wide-eyes and confusion before joining her. I sit back on the couch and rub at my temples, attempting to calm myself and soothe the growing ache there. Why am I getting frustrated so easily at the moment? The amount of time I have switched at people in the last month or so is stupid, and unfortunately for Lauren, she receives most of my anger which I know isn’t fair to her, but she does keeping doing stupid shit. I reach for my phone and call the one person who, besides Dinah, I always turn to when I need to vent.  
“Hi, Mom,” I greet pathetically when she answers after only three rings.  
The phone call with my mother went as expected: she was supportive yet still reprimanded me for getting so angry at Lauren constantly. Sure, they’d spoken a couple of times over the phone but the two hadn’t even met yet and my mother already loves her. In a week’s time she’ll finally be meeting Lauren, my whole family will scarily. In a week’s time it will be my baby sister’s 16th birthday and the whole family are coming together. Beyond my parents and Sofi, my family don’t know about Lauren’s condition, and therefore the fact she was the donor for Emelia, instead they just think she’s a serious girlfriend, which she is. My extended family were never too accepting when I came out as a teenager so I didn’t want to inform them of something they would never understand and something that I fear they would never accept.  
Soon after the phone call, Dinah returns home from work, throwing herself tiredly over my lap on the couch and asking why I’ve been moping around all day like my sadness was contagious. And so I explain to her everything that has happened. Picking up on my mood swings as of late and now this, she didn’t defend me whatsoever. Instead she told me to get my head out my ass and stop treating Lauren like shit because she doesn’t deserve it. She’s right, Lauren doesn’t deserve it. She hasn’t deserved any of the hurt she’s experienced in life yet she’s always victim to it and for the life of me I hope I’m not becoming one of those negative parts in her life also. I don’t want her to give up on me.  
–  
“She’s through there,” I hear Dinah say to whoever it is at the door, either talking about me or either of the girls.  
“Mama!” My head quickly turns to the entrance of the living room where I see Lauren standing there, our daughter already in her arms with her legs wrapped around the waist of her mother. She hasn’t even looked at me yet, instead she’s kissing every inch of our daughter’s face, laughing and tickling her as she does so.  
“Hi, Lauren,” Khiara greets timidly, sitting on the other smaller couch and looking up the older woman with a blush to her face – she has always been pretty obsessed with Lauren, always blushing when Lauren gives her attention.  
“Hey, lovely,” Lauren says back, stepping toward the girl and kissing her head. She moves away and toward the couch that I’m on, still not paying me any attention. Emelia sits securely in her lap, legs either side of Lauren’s thighs and cuddled into her chest, until the even smaller Khiara joins in, sitting between Lauren and I to cuddle up to the human teddy bear as well. Lauren’s giggling at their behaviour causes Dinah to come into the living room also, laughing herself at how obsessed the two are with Lauren.  
“Is there not enough room for me then?” Dinah asks with fake annoyance, making the girls (Lauren included) laugh even more when she throws herself on the other couch, “I’ll have this baby all to myself then!” Neither girl moves, they’d still much rather snuggle up to Lauren and I really don’t blame them.  
“So,” Lauren breaks the small amount of silence that only lasted a few seconds and turns her head toward me, already finding my gaze from my intense warming to the image of her with the two small girls, “what’s got you so P-I-S-S-Y today? Did I do something wrong again?” The emphasis on ‘again’ almost has me fuming until I realise she is in the right.  
“Look, Lauren, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way,” I plead quietly, not making any move to snuggle her like the kids because of her pissed off tone to the question.  
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have reacted that way and I still find it ridiculous that you did.”  
“Can you not just say you accept my apology and we move on like we normally do?” I plead even more. I never normally have to plead when I fuck up because Lauren accepts any apology from me. By now she would already have me in her arms and kissing me to prove that she did forgive me, but today, today I can tell she’s going to give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the night which is pretty shit but, Lauren really is sexy when she takes control and isn’t submissive to me.  
“No. You’ve got a lot of making up to do. You made me feel awful earlier.”  
“I’ll make it up to you. In any way that you want,” I whisper in an attempt to sound seductive; angry Lauren already having an effect on me.  
“There are children in close proximity to the both of you. Stop it and wait for later,” Dinah reprimands giving me a pointed look, Lauren too focused on calming the redness in her face to defend us both.  
“What’s happening later?” Emelia chirps, looking up to Lauren in question, her red cheeks still ablaze and even stronger when Dinah and I laugh at the situation, not making any attempt to help Lauren out.  
“Nothing, princess. Nothing at all.” I hope it’s not nothing. “Anyway, you,” Lauren pokes our daughter’s side who almost rolls off her lap in a squirm, “your mummy tells me that you weren’t feeling well this morning. Is everything better now?” Emelia doesn’t answer her mother with words, just a small nod before tucking her face into Lauren’s neck again. “We’re talking about this tomorrow but now, missy, it’s your bedtime.”  
“Best time of the day!” Dinah says excitedly, knowing that as soon as those words fell from her mouth the two little girls would groan into Lauren’s neck again, cuddling up even tighter so they wouldn’t have to move. “Come on girlies, time for bed! Say goodnight.”  
“G’night Lauren,” Khiara says quietly, leaning up to kiss the older woman on the cheek before giving me a quick hug and running to her room.  
“Night, Mama,” Emelia finally says, cuddling her mother tighter and receiving dozens of kisses to her face. “Goodnight, mummy,” she then says to me, crawling over and onto my lap to kiss me. After a prolonged goodnight from Emelia and a sweet ‘I love you’ for finality, Lauren and I both watch her walk toward her bedroom, Dinah walking after to put the two small girls to sleep, Lauren having done it last night and I the night before.  
“Do you forgive me?” I ask Lauren after a few moments of silence between us. “I’m sorry I lashed out at you, I just got upset that you didn’t tell me.”  
“And I understand that, Camila, but it’s not like I lied to you. My appointment just didn’t come up in conversation. Am I supposed to ask for permission to go because I know Charlotte will be there?”  
“No, Lauren, don’t be like that. I said I was sorry.”  
“I know. And I do forgive you but I just want you to see it from my side. You’ve been on my case about so many things this past month, has something happened? Am I doing something wrong?” Lauren asks worriedly, moving the conversation from almost a mini argument, to her surfacing insecurities that despite how much I like to think we have gotten over, they’re still there.  
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” I reassure her, holding onto her strong shoulders before massaging the back of her neck as I bring my forehead closer to hers. “I’ve just been, I don’t know, hormonal I guess. I don’t know why but I’m just getting angry or frustrated so quickly and always finding something to bitch at you about. I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry, just think about it thoroughly before you start arguing me because I’m not your little bitch, I’m not gonna sit back and take it anymore.”  
“You’re not?” I tease, tilting her face so our lips are touching. “So you’re in control now, right?”  
“Yes.”  
“Hm, that could be interesting,” I mutter against her mouth just as I take her lips between mine, attempting to introduce my tongue to the mix immediately, instead Lauren keeps her lips tight and pushes me away.  
“Camila.”  
“Yes, baby?” I attend my lips to her neck instead, sucking and nibbling at the pale skin as her breathing gets heavier yet her hands are still pushing me back.  
“You treated me like shit today, you’re not getting away with it that easily.”  
“What, are you gonna punish me?” I attempt to whisper seductively in her ear, only to be pushed back some more. “Baby, please.”  
“No, Camila. You’ve got some more grovelling to do first.” Controlling Lauren is hot but not when I can’t get what I want and right now, I want her. “Just watch the film.”  
And so we do. We start to watch the film that’s playing on the TV, neither of us know what it is, it’s just the programme that came on after the previous film. Dinah had joined us watching the film for about an hour before excusing herself to have a bath, shortly after to go to sleep. But Lauren and I just sit there. For the whole two hours, just watching the film. Well, she watched them film. For those two hours I was switching my attention between the shitty film and Lauren, while clenching my thighs together to ease some of the heat of wanting Lauren at every moment. I watched her plump lips occasionally be lathered by her tongue; her thumbs that strokes circles into my hand where she is loosely holding it, and I can’t stop myself from dropping my gaze to her thighs in search for any sign that she’s even a little bit turned on by the mature-rated teasing between both characters in the film. I hadn’t realised I’d become fixated on her area until I hear a small cough and look up to see Lauren staring at me pointedly.  
“Did you discuss it at therapy?” I ask, breaking out prolonged silence. “How well you’re doing? And how proud I am of you coming so far with me?” Her genuine smile makes me feel somewhat guilty about how desperate I am for her, knowing that everything we do truly is a massive step in her life.  
“We did,” Lauren continues to smile at herself with pride, I imitating the same smile with the same feeling toward her, “I also told her about that last step we have still yet to face and she told me that it’ll take time but that she believes in me to be completely comfortable.”  
“Good,” I say encouragingly, seeing how she has moved her arm out for me to finally cuddle into her chest, something I do instantly. She had every reason to be cold with me throughout the evening but taking interest in her therapy and her development made the woman warm for me again. Of course Lauren is seductive and beautiful and I’d always love the prospect of having sex with her, but there’s a part to Lauren that’s so genuine and almost innocent. Whether that be her child-like giggle, or the way she plays with our daughter, or the way she always wants us both to express our feelings in words as well as physically. Just cuddling and talking makes her happy. It makes me happy too but now we’ve discovered parts about ourselves sexually, sometimes it hard not to always act upon our desires. For me, anyway, especially with the way I’m always so crazy for her most recently.  
“Camila, I do want to take that step with you, it’s just a bit scary. Every hurdle we’ve come to has been scary and you’ve helped me so much. The fact you actually enjoy doing things like that with me and touching me there, is something that I had never really thought about.”  
“Do you think you would enjoy that too?” I ask quietly, still keeping my head against her chest, my hand unmoving over the waistband of her trousers, and not wanting to discuss a potential blowjob while my face is like a tomato.  
“Is that a trick question?” The rumble beneath my ear from her bubbling giggle is enough to loosen the blush and make me smile. “You know how sensitive I am.”  
“Because of the scars?” Lauren clears her throat and I almost apologise for bringing it up but it’s something we have yet to discuss and if this honesty thing is something I’m pushing for, I can’t hold back on my questions.  
“Do you feel them? When you like, touch me like that? Or when I’m inside you?” And my face heats up again. I need to stop imagining sex with Lauren in the middle of such serious conversations.  
“When I touch you I do. I know there’s a pretty big one, and I’ve felt them kind of, around the area, but nothing else. Is there more?” I ask hesitantly, not wanting Lauren to relive any hurtful memories but still wanting her to understand that it’s just curiosity, it’s not going to change anything.  
“There’s a couple of smaller ones but nothing too noticeable. A few kind of, underneath as well from where the doctors wanted to, and partially, operated on. The big one at the base of it is the thing I hate the most. The smaller ones look pretty cool though.” I laugh along with Lauren, chuckling at how, despite her insecurities, she can still understand that scars are badass.  
“It doesn’t matter how many you have or how big they are, you’re still beautiful,” I whisper, lifting my head to meet hers and immediately finding her beautiful gaze. After a few moments, Lauren stands up and pulls me to my feet also and with more of an unwavering look instead of a hesitant one, she switches of the TV and leads me into my bedroom, her confidence wearing thin but a determination still present.


	23. The Sperm Donor

Lauren’s POV!  
I have Camila pinned underneath me quickly after entering and subsequently locking her bedroom door, my sweats and shirt already stripped from her body. I straddle her hips and bring her body to an upright position to kiss her comfortably. A tugging at my shirt from the woman beneath me reminds to lift my arms for her to pull the garment off my body and I moan in delight when her mouth foregoes any teasing and attaches itself to my breast, lowering the fabric of my bra to reach my nipple.  
“Take these off,” Camila whispers against my chest as her fingers hook around my trousers and tugging them slightly. I slowly stand up to the side of bed and unbutton my trousers, letting them fall and pool at the bottom of my feet before stepping out them. Clad in a black Calvin Klein set, I stand beside the bed and just watch her. The way her eyes roam my skin and settle on the bulge between my legs. Her gaze never tearing even when she starts to remove her own underwear, the bra first and then her panties; not giving me enough to appreciate from afar as she crawls closer to me.  
Her predatory gaze is something I will never get over but it isn’t enough to make the nerves go away. I turn my head to the side in a close watch of her movements as her eyes still haven’t moved from my clothed package and she crawls in the nude closer. Camila reaches my body and she rests on her shins, kneeling on the bed and gazing up at me, her eyes now reaching mine. I don’t say anything to her when I move my hands to her face and I hold her jaw to keep her beautiful features trained on mine. A face dips a little lower so my fingers catch on her lips. Without word, she takes my thumb between her teeth, a wet tongue poking out to caress the skin.  
Chocolate eyes set to their darkest, messy brown hair caressing her shoulders and naked breasts, and beautiful plump lips enslaving my thumb. Camila sucks more of my thumb into her mouth and slathers it with the warmth and wetness of her mouth and I can do nothing but groan and harden at the eroticism of her display. Keeping her eyes on mine, her lips and tongue continue to caress my thumb, letting it slide easily between her lips. With a quiet pop, she releases it from the cavern of her mouth and continues to stare innocently up at me. My cock strains at the image and in the moment, all I want to do is bury myself inside the woman.  
A smaller hand than my own starts to massage my erection through the fabric of my boxer briefs, another slipping between my legs to rub the inside of my thigh. When my eyes tighten and I attempt to swallow the nerves, I feel the start of soft lips kissing my tummy as though it were my lips, a talented tongue and the tender sucking of my skin. We moan together when the hand that wasn’t on my thigh sneakily slips past the waistband of my boxers and stretches itself around the thickness of my bare cock.  
All too soon I recognise Camila is starting to lower the boxers with her mouth while her hand continues to stroke me and I push her back. With a firm hand on the woman’s shoulder, I push her back on the bed, on her back and her hands nowhere near me. I almost apologise at the harshness of my actions but it did nothing but fuel her fire even more. The woman moaned. Camila moaned at my pushing and tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes back to gazing at clear arousal.  
“What do you want, Camila?” I ask quietly, noticing that she hadn’t made any move to approach me, yet her eyes remain on fixed on my cock.  
“I want you.” She says just as quietly, her hand now slipping between her own legs and groaning at the touch. I’m overcome with jealousy at the hand that gets to touch her and I sound the same groan. With a harsh grip on her ankles, I pull the smaller woman closer to me and I’m not quick enough to do what I intended. My tongue carries one swipe to her centre before she pushes me off and her sweet taste lights the buds on my tongue and I’m desperate for more of it. In a small rush, Camila gets to her knees again and takes a confident lick at my clothed member before teasingly moving away again. “You first.”  
I’m still petrified of her seeing me, though I know I shouldn’t be. I want to push her away but I know I can’t. I need her attention. I need her hands and her mouth on me like I give to her. I need her tongue touching me where I’m most sensitive and I need the warmth of her mouth.  
But I walk away from her.  
I walk toward the edge of her bedroom where I see some of her winter scarves hanging up and I wrap a deep red one around one of my hands. A faint calling of my name forces me to turn back around to the bed and a beautiful naked Camila is still kneeling on her shins there; confused yet desperate deep brown eyes watching me yet not seeing what I intended to retrieve.  
I play with the scarf between my hands as I walk back over to the woman, noticing her swallow hard from the motions of her throat and her eyes widen in surprise. When I get to the side of the bed, she looks at my eyes and then to the scarf. Soundless and with a small nod, I approach the woman with a searing kiss, giving her my tongue with no defence. Pulling back and folding the width of the scarf so it will only cover her eyes before placing it over her closed lids, leaning into Camila and feeling her hands hold onto my thighs for support, I loosely but securely tie it around the back of her head. “Are you okay?” I whisper against her lips, the woman nodding now enthusiastically in reply. I almost smile at her excitement but move to focus on the task at hand.  
Slowly removing my boxer shorts, I watch how her hands hesitantly move across my thighs and pelvis, but wrapping her small palm around my length, knowing that the clothing has been removed. I drop my face again to kiss her passionately, my hands entangling themselves in her hair that isn’t trapped beneath the blindfold and my tongue plays smoothly and teasingly with hers. I carefully move a hand out of her hair and I hold onto her slim waist, tugging slightly to encourage the Cuban beauty to drop to her knees. I replace her position on the bed and sit on its edge, my legs over the side and helping Camila blindly move to kneel in between them.  
Almost nervously, Camila pants in anticipation as her face hovers over my cock, a fact that she’s probably not even aware of. I encourage her hands to sit on the tops of my thighs before threading a hand through her hair again, stroking the soft locks and massaging her scalp. I aid her head to come closer while my other hand wraps around the base of my cock and I guide it toward her approaching lips. I shiver at the moment my length strokes between her soft, wet lips and at the touch, her hand quickly replaces mine as the base and I move to grip on the duvet.  
Camila starts to kiss the tip like she would my mouth. With just her lips at first. And then her tongue. Fuck, that tongue. I jump slightly when the wet muscle meets my length for the first time, curling around the tip before more open mouthed kisses. Her hand starts to stroke upward, grazing over the sensitive scar at the base of my cock and toward the tip that meets her mouth. In a slow, twisting motion, Camila works her hand continuously up the length of my penis like the way I had told her I liked it and fuck, did I like it. Her strokes with patient but firm, handling my cock with expert skill.  
I watch as she wraps her mouth around the head before lowering her hand to just the grip the base and her mouth lowering to take more of my inches. Her tongue, wide and wet against the underside of my cock and I groan at the feeling. Being inside her had always felt incredible but this was something else. Not as tight but the same warmth and wetness encasing my cock, and the pure eroticism of watching my girlfriend ease my length slowly into her mouth.  
I say slowly, but her tongue continues to slather the skin even in the moments when she takes a breath and withdraws my cock from her mouth. My arms weaken and I fall back onto the bed with closed eyes at the feeling of her mouth on me again. The lewd sounds from her excited, sucking mouth causes my legs to shake and a heaviness to form in the pit of my stomach. Her firm grip loosens and she reaches up onto the duvet, finding my hand in an instant and I squeeze it almost painfully. I can hear her heavy breaths when she pulls away panting but that the woman doesn’t let up. Instead my cock sinks into her mouth again and a little further this time. She doesn’t stop half-way like she had, I feel a warmth spreading closer to its base before those lewd noises become a heaving gag and she pulls away.  
On trembling thighs I sit up and cup her face, “are you okay?” She doesn’t answer again, instead Camila impatiently nods and pushes me back to continue her ministrations. She suckles on the tip, her tongue attending to the sensitive ridge below the head and her hand resumes the same motion as before, reaching both the ridge and then the scar in each stroke, my two most sensitive areas that she is obviously now aware of.  
The pit in my stomach is stronger and my legs continue to tremble, I look down at the woman again and tears pool in my eyes at the same time I release into her mouth. My hips weakly thrust into her mouth while my head spins and my vision is blurry. At the small sound of her choking again, I lift her face, gently wipe my come away from her lips and pull the woman into my lap. Carrying her slowly, I lay her down on the bed so her head is now on the pillows.  
“Thank you, Camila,” I whisper into her ear, laying my body but not my weight onto her. The woman trembles at the surprise of my husky voice so close to her ear seeing as she is still blinded.  
I look down at the woman beneath me and I think how I could never thank her enough for all that she has done for me. I’ve overcome insecurities, demons almost, with her. I have done things that I never thought I would be able to do but so thankful that I could. I’m not just talking about the blowjob which I still can’t get out of my bed, but the comfort, the warmth… the love.  
Leaving the scarf covering her eyes, I admire her body like I always had. Why does a woman as perfect as she want me?  
Before I could realise, tears are softly cascading my cheeks and I quickly swipe them away before any could land on Camila and she notices I’m crying. How could I explain that? The orgasm was so good I got teary? Or the equally truthful statement, I could never be good enough for her…  
“Lauren, please.” I wipe the tears away once more and focus on my beautiful girlfriend. I trail a lone finger from her lips down to her naval, watching how she jumps at the surprise touch. Her breasts heave at the anticipation for another touch and I’m left in awe once again by her beauty. Camila’s smaller but wonderfully perky breasts to hold contently in my palm; stiff, dusky nipples begging to be sucked, and that’s what I do. I quickly palm both of her breasts, enough for her nipples to poke through a gaps in my fingers and I suck hard at them, switching between the two.  
Red fingers marks print into the skin of her breasts when I move away, telling me just how rough I had been with her. Like before, I almost apologise until she moans teasingly and I could tell she liked it. I lean into her chest and softly caress each of her nipples with my tongue and my lover writhes beneath me, arching into me and hissing in small doses of pain when I start to nibble. Her breasts are different today; more sensitive and somehow, more inviting.  
It doesn’t take me long to move further South and worship her centre greedily, drawing her folds into my mouth and sucking at her clit with three fingers buried inside. It also doesn’t take long for Camila’s legs to tighten and her body to curl into itself when she releases over my tongue and just as hungrily, I ensure I have tasted every bit.  
I tuck the sleepy woman under the duvet and join her, immediately unwrapping the scarf from around her eyes and throwing it to the floor. She blinks tiredly for a few moments, adjusting to the dim light in the room before staring back at me with her brown orbs and grinning with pride.  
“Are you okay?” Grinning with pride… until she notices the tears. I nod my head with a clearly unconvincing smile as she takes my lips in hers and tucks herself tight into my body, entangling her legs quickly with mine. “Did you not like it?” The fear in her voice almost breaks me.  
“I promise I did. It was incredible. You, are incredible,” I reassure her, wrapping my arms around her body yet giving me enough room to kiss her some more. “I just can’t believe how far we’ve come. I thought the most we could ever do was make out. Then we went a step further and I thought it’d stop there as well; make out sessions and pleasing you – which I still love doing by the way,” I reveal, subconsciously moving my hand away from her spine and to between her legs, cupping her still sensitive centre but with no intentions to tire either of us out anymore. I really do love tasting her.  
“But what we do now is good too?”  
“Oh, you have no idea. The sex is always… whoa. And today… whoa.”  
“I thought you went to college?” Camila teases when I struggle to find words. “I do have an idea though. We experience something different, it’s incredible for me too.”  
“Fuck, it’s so incredible. So much better than my hand!” I say without the hint of embarrassment, Camila and I never giving each other the option to ever be embarrassed with how open we are with each other.  
“I thought you didn’t do that often?”  
“I don’t. But you’re insatiable. Before we started sleeping together, I would have to do it because I’d think about you and just get all worked up,” I say with a small laugh, Camila mirroring the giggle, “but before you it rarely happened. I hated doing it.”  
“You did it for the donation.”  
“That was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever done for sure,” I laugh a little louder, still cautious as to not wanting to wake anyone else in the house. “I had to explain my situation to a nurse and asked her to be discreet. She of course was confused but nonetheless helped out anyway. When other nurses saw me around the building, she would lie and say that I’m helping out my ‘boyfriend’ because he couldn’t do it himself.” Camila’s infectious giggle resonates through my ears and she chuckles and tucks herself closer to my body. “And then I had to sit in the room for almost half an hour trying to find the courage to do it.”  
“What made you do it?”  
“I remembered why I was there. I wanted to have a family. Whether the child knew me or not, I wanted to know that someone out there is alive because me. And fuck, was it the best decision I have ever made. I don’t know what I’d do without you or Emelia. You make me happy.”  
“I only ever want you to be happy. I’m sorry I was angry with you early. I didn’t mean to react like that.”  
“That’s okay,” I kiss her forehead gently and my thumb gently strokes at her skin from the hand that is cupping between her legs. She moans tiredly at the touch and hooks a leg over my thigh to grant me better access where I continue to gently stroke her. “Just speak to me about things first, don’t just get angry at me. You’ve been doing that a lot lately but it’s okay, we’ve over it. Let’s just enjoy this and go to sleep?”  
I keep my hand in its place between her legs and with the other I pull her securely into my body, kissing her lips softly before she tucks into my neck. “Goodnight, beautiful.”  
“Goodnight, baby.”  
–  
When Camila finally stirs in the morning, I quickly have Emelia in my arms and leaning her over her mother to pepper her kisses. I had gotten up later than anticipated but early enough to wake Emelia in time for school. Before walking out of the door to take my daughter to school, I give Emelia instructions to start waking up her mother and greet her properly with hundreds of kisses and that’s what she kisses.  
Both of my girls giggle and laugh at the gesture until Emelia finally steps away from exhaustion of too many kisses. “Why didn’t you wake me?” Camila asks in a panic when she sees our daughter and I already dressed to leave.  
“Because you looked so beautiful and peaceful.”  
“You did, mummy.”  
“And you deserved to sleep in once a while considering I’m always waking you up early. You do, however, have work in a couple of works so don’t sleep in for much longer,” I say giving a kiss to my girlfriend. “Lia, put on some shoes and grab your bag, I’ll be there soon.” We watch as our daughter gives Camila one last kiss before leaving slowly to fetch her shoes and bag. “I don’t think she wants to go in again so I’m going to take her and if she decides to play up again, should I leave her at school or bring her back?”  
“I don’t know really. She seemed really upset to go into school yesterday so I’m assuming something’s still wrong. Perhaps she’s being bullied again? I don’t know. Ask her about it on the way and if you decide that she should come home then call me and I’ll arrange my mother to pick her up while we’re at work.”  
“Okay, baby. I’ll see you later probably?” Camila nods enthusiastically and I chuckle at her resemblance to Emelia when I mentioned to the little girl earlier about maybe seeing her again tonight. “Thank you again for last. I-” I stop myself from saying those three words that have been threatening to come out since our first time together. “I’ll see you soon,” I say finally, trying to cover up the almost slip of an ‘I love you’ – I don’t think Camila’s ready for that just yet, and I don’t think I’m ready to say it and not hear it back in return.  
I drive to Emelia’s school with the little girl silent in the car seat behind me. She doesn’t say much when I ask her about school, she just says that she doesn’t like it or it’s boring which is very strange because she used to love it. From the sadness in her voice I know it’s something more and I fear that she’s being bullied again. When we finally pull up in the small car park and I move around to get her out of the car seat, I notice the tears puddling in her eyes.  
“Emelia, look at me,” I request of the small girl who looks up me and wipes at her eyes, “tell me why you don’t want to go to school.” She shakes her head forcefully and I lean against the frame of the car so nobody else can see my daughter crying. “Emelia, tell me. You told me last time that you were being bullied and your mummy and I tried to fix it. You said it worked. Did you lie to us?” She slowly nods her head and my eyes form the similar the tears when guilt soars me and I realise I couldn’t help her.  
Before I could march toward the parents outside the school and fuck over that Mahone guy, my daughter leans forward and clutches at the collar at my shirt, burying her face in my neck and her tears dampening my skin. I drop Camila a quick text explaining that our daughter isn’t going into school again today and that I’m taking her to an ice-cream place on Emelia’s request before heading to work.  
I attempt to talk to my daughter about the bullying but she doesn’t like to talk about. There’s a lot of nods, shrugging of the shoulders and avoiding eye contact and I can’t help but feel hopeless that I can’t fix my daughter’s problems. Little boys are bullying her and I haven’t done fuck all about it. Maybe punching the Father wasn’t a good idea. Maybe he told his children to do it some more because he’s an asshole with assholes of children.  
I couldn’t take Emelia into work with me today because of the copious amount of visitors to the office we’ll be having and all that did was make the little girl upset even more because I had taken her with me before. After dropping the little girl off back at home, finally meeting Leon, Dinah’s new man who secretly stayed the night also, and kissing my girlfriend a couple more times, I make it to work. Being late and not giving a fuck about it meant I had my boss bitching at me for a good 20 minutes before letting me start work, right on time for the new interns. We had been told a couple of weeks that high-school students will be visiting us, interning at the company and earning their work experience.  
“Miss Jauregui?” I quickly look up from my desk and I almost curl into a ball of shame at their amused faces. I recognise them immediately. Alyson Garner and Derek Hamilton: two seniors from Cardinal High, my old students. Alyson being the one that found out about the appendage between my legs, Derek being the one who told the entire school and lead the ring of abuse.  
“Hello, can I help you?” I ask with faux-confidence, swallowing my nerves and trying to bite back my surfacing fears.  
“Apparently you’re the best in the company and we’re your new interns.”


	24. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
Lauren had been nervous the entire time to my parents’ house, driving in almost silence and tapping her fingers continuously at the steering wheel. Emelia was content sitting in her car seat, again singing along to another concoction of Disney songs that Lauren had burned onto another CD to listen to during drives like this. The drive to my parents’ house wasn’t long, a little over half an hour which seemed to make Lauren more nervous once she input their address onto her car’s navigation system. Instead of tapping on the steering wheel, her thumb stroked almost nervously across the back of my hand when I took hers in mine and cuddled up to her bicep.  
It’s my little sister’s 16th birthday and my parents were holding a party at their house; inviting the entire family and lots of Sofi’s friends from school. It was clear most of the invites were met with willingness to come after Lauren found difficulty parking along our street, my family’s cars dotted everywhere. It was also clear that my parents’ house was very busy when we finally walked up to the door and I rang the doorbell, now close enough to hear laughter, music and chatter from behind the door and beyond that, into the garden.  
It’s the first time meeting my family for Lauren and her nerves only intensified when I rang that doorbell, the green-eyed woman biting her lip, her legs shaking slightly as she looked around the front lawn. “They’re going to love you, babe,” I whisper to my girlfriend, my parents opening the door at the particular moment to hear my term of endearment toward the woman. Lauren and I both look up at the front door to see my parents standing in the doorway, my mother grinning from ear to ear and my father holding a more conservative smile toward the two of us. “Mom!” I greet enthusiastically, reaching for her and kissing her cheek. I do the same with my father once I see that he has finally let go of my daughter, the little girl running to her grandparents as soon as the door had opened.  
“Come in, come in!” My mother ushers the three of us inside, stepping back into the house to allow us to enter my childhood home. Once the door has been closed behind us, a similar large smile to my mother’s is now etched onto my father’s face as he looks at looks at Lauren encouragingly.  
“Guys, this is my girlfriend Lauren,” I say to my parents, moving to hold the nervous woman’s hand, my other hand moving to its place on her bicep. “And these are my parents, Sinu and Alejandro.”  
“It’s lovely to meet you both,” Lauren greets shyly, shaking hands with both of my parents. “Camila’s told me lots of great things about her family.”  
“The pleasure is ours,” my father comments back, speaking through his accent and wearing a more tame grin than previously. “We’ve also heard some great things about you,” he goes on to tease and I bury my face in Lauren’s neck to hide my blush at being outed that I speak so much about her.  
My father pulls me away from Lauren, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and walking me further into the house, greeting some guests along the way. I sneak a glance over my shoulder to see Lauren laughing freely with my mother who’s clutching her arm as she walks – probably commenting on the fact she is terrible at walking in heels and using Lauren for balance like she would my father.  
“You seem very happy, mija,” my father comments quietly while we walk, my eyes now trained on my sister with her friends.  
“I am, papi,” I say with a smile, watching how my daughter runs toward her Aunt and is immediately cradled into a cuddle. “We’re going to see Sofi but we’ll catch up soon,” I lean up to kiss my father’s cheek and turn in search for Lauren who is already standing idle at my side.  
With a hand to the small of my back, Lauren walks close to me in direction of my sister who is looking back at us, Emelia with her and pointing at Lauren and I, talking excitedly to the now the 16 year old. I can feel the older woman’s thumb lightly stroke across the fabric of my dress and I would assume it to be an act of nerves until it dawns to me that her thumb is always stroking at my skin when she holds me; my hand, my face, my legs when they’re stretched over her lap on the couch as we watch a film together. I turn into her body and place a small kiss by her collarbone when our pace slows reaching my sister.  
The young woman lunges at me with a hug, squealing in excitement to see us attend her birthday party. Her friends gather behind her and I offer them all a smile in greeting having known most of them since they were small. “Happy birthday, Sof!” I say finally, my baby sitter chuckling and a replying with a happy thank you. We pull apart and she immediately pulls a surprised Lauren into a similar grasp, burying her face in the green-eyed woman’s beautiful head of hair and wrapping her arms tightly around her waist.  
“Happy birthday!” Lauren says sweetly to my sister, receiving only a squeal in response making her laugh.  
“I’m so happy to meet you!” Sofi finally says, pulling away from Lauren and flashing her smile toward the woman.  
“It’s lovely to meet you, Sofi. Camila talks about you all the time,” Lauren says, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me close to her body. I blush at the gesture knowing my little sister, and probably my entire family, are watching us and Sofi smiles sweetly when she sees my face light up at the kiss Lauren delivers to the crown of my head.  
We leave my sister for her to spend time with her friends and we go back to my parents who are talking between themselves, smiling at whatever it is they’re talking about – most likely being Lauren and I considering their conversation dropped as soon as we approached. At least they were smiling. We spend a few moments with them, both of my parents asking Lauren questions that they already knew the answers to because they had also given me this questionnaire about her life. I could tell that both of my parents loved her. My mother had always encouraged our relationship before she even met Lauren, before we were even official. My father had been a bit apprehensive as he of course didn’t know her, he still doesn’t properly, but his interest in the woman’s life and his smile every time she speaks tells me he also approves; he knows I’m happy.  
“Mama, can we get some food?” Emelia asks when Lauren finishes her answer to my father’s question about her career ambitions: hopefully branching out her writing to something more important to her, perhaps joining an even larger company to do so, consequently making my father even happier with her. Lauren looks around the large garden and toward the long tables of party food under the canopy and nods her head promptly to our daughter.  
“Would anyone like anything?” Lauren asks politely, taking our daughter’s hand in hers. We all shake our heads in reply and she kisses me lips gently, blushing immediately when she recognises we’re still in front of my parents. “We’ll be back soon,” she says, her entire face still a dark shade of red before she turns with our daughter and heads toward the table of food. I watch the woman walking away in her tight maroon pants, sheer black shirt and her high-heeled black boots; worn to keep the small height difference between us after my persistence to wear my own heels which would level us both. Emelia skips beside her in a dress similar to my own, loose around the thighs yet hers with a floral pink design and mine a simple white.  
“She sure is a catch, mija,” my father compliments and I turn to find my parents smiling at my own evidence happiness.  
“I know,” I say with a small laugh. The three of us watch as Lauren lifts the short girl onto her hip so she could reach over the table, her other hand holding a plate for Emelia to settle the food onto. I leave my parents and join my own little family over by the food, Lauren already organising a plate of food for the both of us knowing even before I did that I would want food also. We speak to my sister for a moment when she too sits down to eat and like with my parents, Lauren wins her over easily with her charisma and charm; my sister incidentally swooning and hanging off every word she would say. I chuckle to myself at her liking to my girlfriend knowing it’s near impossible to dislike the woman.  
It doesn’t take long for us all to finish our food and for Emelia to run off, greeting family members she probably doesn’t remember and playing with a dog I didn’t know my parents had.  
“Am I being paranoid or is everyone staring at me?” Lauren asks me as we move back outside after fetching some drinks from the kitchen. Just to get some drinks yet we were held inside by some of my Aunts, all desperate to meet Lauren and ask her every possibly question like my parents hadn’t already done the same. She’s not being paranoid though, people are staring.  
“A few people are looking but that’s because they haven’t seen me with a woman before even though they’ve known about my sexuality since I was a teenager. I never introduced my extended family to Abbey.”  
“No, Camz, they’re not looking out of interest, they’re looking at me all weird,” Lauren says nervously, scanning her eyes around the guests who are in fact watching her and talking to one another, probably about her. “People are honestly staring at me right now like they’re disgusted that I’m here,” Lauren says almost breathlessly, anxious that people are judging her and our relationship. Sure, people are looking at us a little strange but it can’t be disgust, it would be the obvious reaction of theirs if they knew her condition, but they don’t.  
“Lauren, stop it,” I order firmly, stopping our tracks and tugging at her arm to stand in front of me. “They’re not looking at you in anyway other than curiosity about us being together. They don’t know about you being Emelia’s mother, they don’t know about your condition so it’s not what you think.”  
“So you didn’t tell them about my condition, presumably because you’re embarrassed by me.” She couldn’t possibly think like that could she? I try to interrupt her but she only continues, “but what do you think our daughter’s been saying? She told your mother before you could, what about the rest of your family? They probably already know and they’re as disgusted by me as everyone else who has known.”  
My mother noticed the confrontation between Lauren and I despite the hushed tone to our conversation and she sidles up to me, rubbing at my arm as we watch Lauren storm away and into the house. “What was that about?” She asks calmly and I wipe at the stray tears trickling down my cheeks and on the verge of ruining my make-up.  
“Lauren thinks everyone knows about her. She first was angry that I wasn’t honest about her to people, then she got upset that people might have found out anyway and they’re judging her.”  
“You didn’t tell the family because you know what they’re like. She’s knows you’re not embarrassed by her otherwise you wouldn’t have bought her to the party and showed her off to everyone. She’s just said that because she’s angry,” my mother explains and I nod at how reasonable it sounds. “But I’m afraid Emelia has told pretty much everyone here that Lauren is her mother. She, herself, doesn’t know about the donation but she knows when she asked to meet her real parent, she met Lauren. People have been asking me questions since then which I of course didn’t answer. That’s why I came to speak to you both so you’re not surprised if you get a few weird questions.”  
My mother looks almost guilty when I look at her carefully, sadness also in her eyes at the situation Lauren has to face. Emelia has always been so proud to show off Lauren because she loves her so much. To her friends, to her teachers, to random people we meet on our day trips. She loves to talk about her family and so I’m not surprised to hear that Emelia had been boasting about Lauren being her mother to everyone she has spoken to already today. It’s endearing and Lauren almost whelms up in affection every time she hears Emelia or I talk about her or how happy she makes us, but I think maybe this time, Emelia has said too much. After all, my family knew about the donation and hearing from my daughter how I found Lauren in my search for her ‘father’, it’s clear they would have questions.  
“Go and talk to her, mija.” My mother leaves at this, just nudges my back so I walk toward the house again to find my girlfriend. Stumbling back inside my childhood home from where my heel got caught on the patio door frame, I hear the familiar husky voice coming from the kitchen. Teary emerald eyes meet mine for a moment before dropping to her feet and my attention turns toward my stunning brunette cousin who is a little too close to my girlfriend for my liking.  
“Hey, babe,” I greet despite the awkwardness between Lauren and I, stepping into her space and kissing her lips firmly because I know my cousin is watching. Lauren lets me, looking as though she also wants the woman gone.  
“Oh, she’s with you,” Chrissy concludes disappointedly, “are you the reason she’s all upset?”  
“I’m not upset,” Lauren interrupts, pointing her eyes at the woman who addressed me with rudeness. Lauren really doesn’t like it when people disrespect me or upset me in anyway. She punched this drunk guy once when we were at a club who ‘requested’ me for night, claiming the way I looked in a short blue dress would make him pay anything. Lauren didn’t give him time to defend himself, just punched him hard in the nose and escorted me and our friends out of the door and into a more ‘classy’ place.  
Chrissy continued talking to my girlfriend while I stopped to think about her protecting me at the club and I refocus just in time to hear to Lauren tiredly asks my cousin to leave to her alone so she could to her girlfriend. I watch as she leaves before turning to Lauren again, immediately walking into her body in a silent plead for her cuddle me.  
“I’m sorry if I upset you because I didn’t tell my family. I didn’t think you’d want me to because of everything you’ve been through when people found out.”  
“I know, baby, I’m sorry for snapping at you. It’s just really not a nice feeling knowing you’re under scrutiny and for it to happen most of your life? Yeah, that hurts a bit,” Lauren reveals with a helpless chuckle, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me tighter. I proceed to tell her everything my mother told me: what Emelia has been saying to which most likely lead to my family looking at Lauren in the way that they did. Lauren simply nods along to what I’m saying, understanding the situation but not knowing how to approach it. “I didn’t tell you earlier but you look absolutely beautiful in this dress.” Tucking myself further into her chest, I rest my entire body against hers and smile at my girlfriend’s comment.  
“You look beautiful too, baby.” I pull back and cradle her face in my one of my hands while the other moves down the front of her body and scrapes its fingertips across her abdomen. We kiss for a few moments, not caring that someone could walk becoming even more apparent when I attempt to deepen the kiss, pushing my tongue more forcefully into her mouth and my hand to drop down and graze her semi arousal. Lauren doesn’t reciprocate and instead calms my lips’ temperament with her patience, reaching between us and bringing my hand to behind my back. “We can go upstairs?” I whisper breathlessly, my tone laced with seduction in hope to get the woman to comply with my needs. I always need her.  
“Camila, no. Not here.” But she doesn’t always need me. “I’m going to find Emelia and your parents to see what’s been said. Maybe we can try to rectify the situation and come up with some explanation that won’t make them hate me.” Lauren leaves the kitchen at this, leaving me in the usual horny state that I’m normally in when we’re close like this.  
We had only been intimate once in the week that has gone by since Lauren overcame the latest hurdle in a struggle of sexual confidence, and that had only been because I begged her for it. She had reverted back to only wanting to please me, not letting me touch that part of her body even after my expressed desire to pleasure her with my mouth again.  
The thrill when she blindfolded me was nothing I had ever felt before. The first time Lauren and I were intimate, the nerves and the excitement were incredibly high but the control and the power she expressed through silently blindfolding me was something else. Touching her like that was something I was trying to imagine for a long time leading up to the moment, knowing that when I get that chance, I was going to make it an experience she would never forget. I thought I had achieved that. During some of the times she has rejected my advances this week, I had asked her about that moment. Whether she enjoyed it, if I did something she didn’t like or something she would have preferred. Lauren insisted how incredible it felt but then what’s the reason for her rejecting me most recently?  
I thought maybe it was nerves. Knowing that we’ve conquered that step together, the next would be for me to actually see her body and pleasure her in the way I would love to. But I know that’s something she’s not ready for so maybe she’s just nervous, knowing that is the next step we have to face together.  
Maybe I’m demanding too much sex from her because how horny I always am lately. A bit of a long shot and from the advice of Dinah, incredibly unlikely but still a possibility. She always enjoyed when I took control but now the advances are constant, there may be a chance she’s just not as enthusiastic to make love to me, knowing that moments of my craving for her would consistently arise.  
Lauren has even been under stress trying to arrange a new school for Emelia. Even though the one we had been looking at was a little bit further away, closer to Lauren’s house than my own, and so was a little inconvenient, Lauren was adamant about moving her child away from the bullying. Once again we had gone in to see her teacher. This time we find out that the bullying had gotten worse and this time much of the insults were directed more toward Emelia about Lauren. It quickly got to all of the other parents about Lauren’s violence toward Austin, only to be spread to their children in warning of Emelia being like her, ‘a parental figure’ as of course they didn’t know Lauren is her biological mother also. She had apparently lost a lot of friends and though I sat there sulking at the prospect of my daughter being bullied any further, Lauren raved with anger; cursing the teacher and the school for not informing us sooner, and threatening the Mahones at the school gates even more. We had to take Emelia out of the school and for a brief moment I couldn’t help but be angry with Lauren for intensifying the problem. She slept on the couch on that. But she wouldn’t have known the consequences to her actions, she just wanted to protect her family.  
I look out of the kitchen window to catch a glimpse of Lauren picking up our daughter and spinning her around, kissing the little girl’s laughing face as she does so. My family around her look on with similar adoration, the polar opposite of their early reactions. My mother must have said something but I couldn’t tell what. A few of members of my family even approach the two girls and despite Lauren’s quick apprehension, she quickly cools and converses with each of them wearing a smile.  
Something salty falls to my bottom lips and I reach up to conclude that I’m crying; soft, slow tears cascading my cheeks, not many of them but enough to know my brown orbs are most likely drowning in the same liquid. Lauren loves family and she loves our family most importantly. I had been to her house recently to find picture frames of the three of us now scattered around the rooms. She even had one on her desk at work and would sit there happily talking about our little family.  
Lauren has even spoken about us to her interns. The interns that if I ever meet, I would hit real fucking hard. She was quiet the first couple of days after they started work. And that’s the time she wouldn’t touch me at all. She didn’t want to spend time with me privately, she just wanted to be a regular person with a regular family. Not a wonderful girlfriend in an always passionate relationship. She had gone to see her therapist just some days ago and came home to cry in my arms.  
Lauren told me about her ex-students coming to work for her. She had told me how when they first got there, their abuse continued. She told me that she couldn’t handle it anymore and didn’t know what to do, that’s why she was pushing me back because they had awoken old fears. That night I reminded her how perfect she is and how much Emelia and I love her. We had reminded her how strong we know she is. She had gone into work the following day and threatened them both with police reports and a reminder that she has more love in her life than they ever would with her own family. She has yet to tell me how they found out about her condition anyway but events of her past is still something we hadn’t discussed properly.  
I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder and I turn to find my father, the man also watching Lauren, and now my mother, play with Emelia in the garden. “Did the two of you sort it out?”  
“I think so,” I mumble, dropping my head back to rest against his shoulder, still watching Lauren and Emelia with a smile on my face yet tears falling from my eyes.  
“You love her don’t you?” His question doesn’t surprise me.  
My answer doesn’t surprise him. “So much.”  
–  
Lauren tries to talk to me in the car on our way home but I don’t say too much in reply. I sit there and think about the conversation my father and I had about her, about our family. I said aloud for the first time that I love her, I love Lauren. I also said aloud that I don’t think I should be. She still has so many issues that she needs to work through. We still have so many issues we need to work through. It wouldn’t be the right moment to take our relationship any further because we need to sort out what’s happening now. I can’t rush Lauren and proclaim my love for her because she isn’t in the right mind frame to be in such a serious relationship.  
I told my father about all of this. He even warned me that rushing the relationship might be detrimental to us both. I couldn’t exactly explain to him all the things we have done to make this relationship so serious already but I knew I could explain my worries for saying ‘I love you’ too soon, and to a woman who might not reciprocate because she knows that helping herself should be the number one priority, not focusing on our relationship.  
For the remainder of the afternoon at my parents’ house, I mingled with family and friends, introduced them all formally to Lauren yet tried to be as distant as I could from her.  
My emotions have always been intense. Finally realising that I love her one minute, and the next confessing everything to the woman herself. That’s what I wanted to do, yet knew I couldn’t. I never knew how to put a cap on my emotions. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but it wouldn’t wise; in this moment, in this time, in the particular situation we’re in, it just wouldn’t be right.  
So I distanced myself. Lauren was no longer mad about my attempt to seduce her in the kitchen when she realised I might be equally mad for her rejecting her. She wanted to hold me, kiss me, parade me around to my family but I couldn’t. I couldn’t be there with her, receive the affection I crave consistently, and pretend I wasn’t hiding something from her, because I was.  
It was silent in the car ride home. It took Lauren a while to understand that I wasn’t up for talking but when she realised, she didn’t dwell it. Probably thought I was just tired like our snoring daughter in the seats behind.  
Lauren drove me straight to work knowing I had the late shift and I was shutting the place myself tonight. I made sure to pack my uniform in a little duffel bag Lauren had provided me with and confidently changed into them while we were driving. I know her eyes tried really hard to focus on the road but I also know they strayed often. I could feel her piercing gaze watching me as I undressed in the seat beside her. She licked her lips when she saw my breasts held up by the bra she loves so much, knowing I had worn it to please her specifically. I didn’t catch her out on her gaze like I normally would to embarrass her, I just pretended not to notice.  
With Emelia sleeping in the backseat, Lauren got out of the car also when we parked and walked around to open the passenger side door for me. She too had become quiet when she finally picked up on my mood and wasn’t wearing her dopey grin like she normally would. “I’ll pick you up tonight?” Lauren asks softly, moving into me slowly and placing her hands on my hips.  
“Thank you,” I say glumly but still moving in to kiss her. Her lips meet mine almost hesitantly and neither of us make any attempt to deepen the tender moment. I had thought our lips fit perfectly since our first kiss. Whether our kisses me soft and tender like this one, or wild and passionate like they sometimes get, the connection of our lips will always be beautiful.  
“I’ll see you tonight,” Lauren finally says after a debate within herself to ask if something is wrong. She places a small, lingering kiss on my forehead as though she is engraining the touch into her mind. We step away from each other and I walk slowly into the café, looking back to find her still leaning against the car but this time, that dopey grin spread across her lips again. In my solemn mood, I still chuckle at how fucking adorable that woman is.  
I process a run-down of today continuously through my mind at work. From Lauren’s nerves, my family’s love for her, my bitching cousin and everything else. Everything else involving Lauren surprisingly.  
My co-workers leave and I’m left to sweep and clean the shop alone like I had done many times before. Halfway through my tidying of the shop floor, the café door chimes.  
“We’re not open!” I say exasperatedly, already tired from the cleaning and thinking about Lauren and my family all day.  
“Good because I was hoping we’d finally get to speak.” I look up quickly at the familiar voice and find ex-girlfriend shaking off her wet umbrella, standing it upright in the doorway.  
“What are you talking about, Abbey?” I ask, confused as to why she’s standing here and why she wants to speak to me. That day with Lauren and Emelia where Abbey and I had saw each other for the first time in so long, she had teased to come and visit me more at work, and that she did. This is now the sixth time I have seen her since then. Typically she would just order, sit, then leave, making mindless chit-chat but no real attempt to have a proper conversation. Apparently she had even come in a few times asking for my assistance when I wasn’t working and Dinah was, the Polynesian coming straight home to tell me about her – she never did like Abbey. But now she had come for a real conversation, what’s that supposed to mean?  
“Every time I come here you’re so busy. Now, we get to talk properly. Just like old times.”  
“You’ve come here, so late at night, just to talk?” I ask confusedly yet with a small laugh, not quite believing the girl. She only looks older, slightly more mature since our relationship and the subsequent stint at rekindling it after Emelia was born, failing hopelessly at that. Abbey still looked beautiful. Not quite Lauren, but still beautiful. “What did you want to talk about then?” I ask finally, laughing again at the entire situation and even I’m surprised that the laughter has come so easily when I couldn’t even smile at Lauren’s attempts to make me happy in the car ride back from my parents’ place. She normally could, but not today.  
“Anything you’d like, Miss Cabello,” Abbey says charmingly, taking a seat at one of the tables. “What’s going on that pretty little head of yours?”  
It started out okay. We just talked. Mostly about Emelia, she was surprisingly interested to learn about my daughter even though she paid no interest at all when we dated, a key factor as to why rekindling the relationship never worked. We spoke about work, our families, not once mentioning our relationship through school, and we spoke about Lauren. Abbey wasn’t surprised to find out that she’s my girlfriend, she apparently knew since the moment she met the green-eyed woman even though we weren’t together at that time.  
Just like with my parents, speaking about Lauren sends me on a whirlwind of emotions. I’m sure my eyes filled with nothing by love and adoration speaking about our relationship and how she is with Emelia, but the tears finally started spilling when I spoke about our current situation. I was lying to Lauren. I love her, but I’m lying to her.  
Abbey’s arms wrap around me and I subconsciously curl into her body. She doesn’t smell of vanilla or radiate warmth like Lauren does. Nor does she feel like a big cuddly teddy bear like my girlfriend. But she feels familiar.  
I cry into the taller women’s neck and a lithe arm holds me tighter, rubbing at my back to calm the tears. She kisses the crown of my head also, a habit she shares with Lauren and I relish in that familiarity also.  
After a few moments I pull back from the woman, sitting up straight in my own chair, wiping at the tears and then my nose with my wrist. Abbey’s face contorts in disgust at the action but she laughs anyway and I love along with her, my nose still stuffy and my eyes still sore from where I’ve rubbed at them. Her fingers move to hold my jaw, angling my face toward hers where she wipes again at my eyes for me.  
She leans in, her eyes still fixed with me and I recognise just how different her blue eyes are from Lauren’s green. I prefer looking at Lauren’s. Lids close and I realise just how close she is to me. Looking down and I see her lips, glossy and shapely, not soft and plump like Lauren’s.  
I prefer kissing Lauren’s.  
The lips I used to love move away from me when she realises I don’t reciprocate in the gesture and her eyes widen, knowing she’s made a mistake.  
“Camila, I-”  
“I’m pregnant, Abbey.”


	25. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV   
“You’re what?” When I realise I closed my eyes at the confession, subconsciously providing a poor barrier for the tears, I reopen them to find confused, shocked blue eyes staring back at me. But when I raise the barrier of my lids, like I expected, the tears fall recklessly.  
I cower into my own body, bringing my arms up to my face, my tears already starting to soak through my sleeves. Familiar lithe arms wrap themselves around my body and I’m pulled into Abbey’s body. I embrace the warmth and curl myself awkwardly into her, the position proving difficult from sitting on adjacent stools. She slowly starts to stroke at my hair, not like Lauren does. Abbey likes its length, she always has done, and likes to comb her fingers through the locks. Lauren likes it softness and would always use her fingers to comb the top strands, giving enough pressure to provide a massage with her fingertips.  
Her body is nothing like Lauren’s either. Abbey’s tall and thin, her figure had always screamed model. Lauren’s imperfectly perfect. I would change nothing about her body though I assume she’d change many.  
Lauren.  
My heart jumps almost at the realisation.  
My mind always goes back to Lauren – my amazing girlfriend. My amazing girlfriend who knows nothing of what I’m currently telling an ex-girlfriend. How fucked up is that?  
I pull away from Abbey when the tears subside. Thinking about Lauren and the current situation made me more startled than sad. I wipe carefully at my skin beneath my eyes, remembering the amount of make-up I had applied this morning for my sister’s birthday party. The make-up that is no doubt smudged and smeared across my face from the fucking tears. Lauren was almost successful in convincing me not to wear any make-up. I would never be able to do that, especially at a social gathering where I was also dressing up, it wouldn’t seem right. But with little kisses and words of pure adoration, she almost convinced me that I would look beautiful without any. But then I saw how beautifully she applied her make-up and I could only call her a hypocrite, hit her softly in the chest and march toward my bedroom to apply my own, leaving the woman and her adorable giggle sounding from the kitchen.  
“You were crying one minute and now you’re smiling. What’s gotten into you?”  
“Abbey, I’m so fucked.” I’ve told her now. I’ve told her something I’ve only been able to tell Dinah. I chuckle slightly at my own fucked up situation and stand from the stool, walking across toward the counter and collapsing my arms onto its surface, my head following in suit. As does she. Abbey follows me toward the counter and rests her hand on my lower back, stroking slightly in encouragement for me to stand up.  
“Not that I’m also shocked and a little upset if I’m honest but why are you so distraught over this? Is it because you’ve cheated on Lauren?”  
“What? I didn’t cheat on Lauren!”  
Maybe I didn’t think about the outburst much. I hear the accusation that I’ve cheated and I immediately jump to defend myself. I would never cheat on Lauren. But of course it looks that way and telling her about Lauren’s condition just isn’t an option. “No, I didn’t cheat on Lauren. A couple of months back we had a little break and I got drunk and slept with some random guy,” I try to explain, palms already sweating through the blatant lie – she’s my ex-girlfriend for God’s sake, she knows I’m gay.  
“You must have been really drunk!”  
“Yeah, thanks,” I say irritably, still gently wiping at my eyes, identifying the black marks on my hand from the ruined mascara.  
“So what, Lauren’s not cool with the pregnant thing? Or is she most pissed off that slept with some dude?”  
“Lauren doesn’t know.”  
Surprisingly, Abbey doesn’t have a go at me about that – unlike Dinah. The blonde just nods her head in understanding, like she already knew and understands why I wouldn’t tell her. Dinah, on the other hand, was livid. She consoled me when I couldn’t stop crying after telling her. I hadn’t cried when I took the test, I just froze. I wanted it to be a lie. Dinah didn’t. She understood why I would be upset but ultimately she was happy – I didn’t understand why. And when I said Lauren still didn’t know and if it were up to me, wouldn’t know for as long as I can hide it, I felt the full wrath of her temper.  
“Why are you so sad about it then? Is it because you think Lauren wouldn’t like it?” For a woman who didn’t like the idea of Lauren and I being together, in this moment, it does truly feel that Abbey cares about my situation; enquiring about Lauren to ensure I’ll be okay. She never used to be that considerate.  
“I don’t know what Lauren would think.” I do know what Lauren would think, she’d love the idea, and that’s exactly why I can’t tell her. I wouldn’t be able to hide my upset in front of her enjoyment and I’d ultimately do whatever she wanted. But I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to pretend to be happy about something I’m not. “I don’t know about Lauren, I just know that I’m not ready.”  
“You were ready to have Emelia when you had no money, standard education and you were single having broken up with me. You’re in a better situation now, right?”  
“Financially? Eh, a little bit better. But everything else? Not so much. I’m saving up to open my own business, to leave this shithole and do what I actually love. The pregnancy and caring for a new child would just get in the way of that. As for the relationship? Yeah, I’m with Lauren and yeah, I’m happy with Lauren. But there’s still so much shit we’re working through. We’re only honest with each other when sit down and actually ask questions we can’t lie to. It’s happened so often already where we’re keeping things from one another. We’re not secure enough for something like a newborn to mess with it even more. Hell, I’m not even sure Lauren would be ready for another kid. She’s only just started parenting Emelia.”  
“Yeah, but Emelia’s not even hers.”  
“Right.”  
“Mila, I understand it’s a big deal. And to be honest, all those concerns, they sound convincing enough to me that you aren’t ready for another kid. I’m not you, nor am I Lauren. This is your baby, your decision. If you’re not ready then don’t have it. Don’t force yourself to do something for the sake of your girlfriend. It’s not her baby, she doesn’t really have a say in it.”  
Lauren does have a say in it. This is her child too. And that’s exactly why I would struggle to tell her. She would say the things I wouldn’t want to hear.  
“Would Lauren agree that it’s not the right time for you both? With your new job, money and that your relationship isn’t quite strong enough yet?”  
“Probably not. In another scenario, yeah, she’d understand all of that. But I know if it’s deciding whether to keep the baby or not, she’d make out like everything is perfect.”  
“She’d want a kid that much? That she’d lie to herself and pretend everything is fine when it’s not?”  
“Probably. Family’s important to her. I doubt she’d even take into consideration my concerns if she knew there was a baby at stake. She would love the idea of another baby.”  
“Sounds selfish of her if I’m being honest.” I whip my head around to Abbey, already shaking my head and feeling a heavy weight in my eyes from the still present tears.  
“She’s not selfish. She just knows what she wants.” Abbey doesn’t comment back, just ushers me toward her again, putting her arms around me. She holds me for a few moments and it almost feels nice. Almost. She smells nice and it’s comforting, but it’s not warm and cuddly like Lauren’s hold always is. It’s silent, even inside my head, until she speaks again.  
“I suggest you wipe those tears. A car’s just pulled up and though I’ve only met her once, I can tell that’s Lauren.” I quickly pull away from her hold, almost too quickly, like I don’t want her catching me in an embrace. It was innocent. Abbey’s eyes remain on the window behind me and with my dark sleeves of the work uniform, I clean the area around my eyes to ensure there’s no evidence of my tearful episode. “Definitely Lauren.”  
The café bell chimes after this and I turn slowly to find an equally disheartened Lauren, looking between Abbey and I before reverting her gaze to the floor, waiting a few moments, then looking up at me. “Are you ready to go?” She offers me a smile. It’s not one her warm, toothy smile, like the one that resembles our daughter’s, or the tender tight-lipped one when she’s being more reserved, she just looks glum.  
“Of course. I’m just going to grab my stuff from the back,” I answer with a slightly cheery, evident to Abbey, fake tone of voice and walk toward Lauren. With little thought I lean into her and offer a small kiss to her lips, turning back around and past Abbey to fetch my belongings from the backroom.  
Moments later I’m back out onto the main floor of the café, Abbey standing now with her coat and bag over her shoulder, Lauren fidgeting nervously with the hem of her stained shirt. She had clearly gone back to my house and changed her clothes, out of her party gear from my parents’, and into lounge sweatpants and a t-shirt from some band that no matter how many times she cleans, will always have a Bolognese sauce stain on its front. Next to Abbey who though is only wearing jeans looks like she’s just come from a fashion show, I know Lauren is feeling like a slob right now.  
But she’s my slob so it’s okay.  
“Ready?” I ask my girlfriend who is still picking at another stain she found on her shirt – probably ketchup. She looks up at me and nods carefully, wearing a similar solemn smile. My eyes almost well up at the evident sadness in her features so I turn my gaze to Abbey who looks just as awkward as my girlfriend. “It was good to see you again,” I say to the woman, already moving in to give her a hug goodbye. I don’t see how Lauren’s face drops again at the gesture.  
Abbey leaves while I lock up, Lauren waiting for me beside the car that she’s parked only inches away from the door. Knowing her she parked so close because of the heavy rain that I didn’t know was falling, not wanting me to get cold and wet outside for too long. Despite the weather, Lauren still waits with me while I lock up before running to the passenger door side and holding it open for me. Seconds later and she jumps in to the seat next to me, bringing her hands to her mouth and blowing hot air into them, drying and warming them. She does the same to my hands when she sees me rubbing them together, offering another sweet, yet timid smile at her own gesture. Lauren turns on the ignition, puts the car into drive and drive and starts making the short journey to my apartment.  
“So, what was Abbey doing there?” Lauren asks, finally breaking the reasonably awkward silence.  
“She just wanted to talk,” I shrug off, speaking simply as to not say too many things I don’t have follow-up answers to.  
“Odd time to talk.”  
“Yeah, I guess.” I’m not as callous with the answer surprisingly. I know she’s upset and I know she wants to ask me questions and despite the obvious secret I know I have to hide from her, I find that I can’t lie about many other things. Lauren is still in obvious conflict about whatever it is going through her mind and doesn’t say much for the rest of the journey. I look out the window and I recognise where we are, just a couple of minutes from home. I shouldn’t lie to her about anything else. She deserves the truth but, maybe not that one just yet.  
“Abbey kissed me.”  
Maybe I shouldn’t have been that honest.  
The woman beside me tenses. It’s not visible until I see her physically deflate.  
Her hands loosen on the steering wheel and she eases pressure on the gas causing us to slow quite considerably. Her gaze remains fixed on the road in front of us and doesn’t take note of the queue of cars behind us until one beeps their car horn. She flinches at the noise before resuming her normally careful drive. She stretches her shoulder muscles as though despite the emotional deflation, her body is tense.  
I start to hate myself long before a stray tear falls past her perfect jaw bone. Letting Lauren found out on her own was never going to be option, I was going to be honest about this immediately. But maybe it wasn’t fair. She looks so defeated.  
“It didn’t mean anything, Lauren. I didn’t reciprocate and it stopped as soon as it started. I would never do that to you.”  
As we pull into my road, she nods sadly in reply, gnawing now on her lip.  
My chest is impossibly tight and I’m almost frozen to the seat when we finally put into the driveway. Does she believe me? I understand she’s upset but at least I didn’t lie to her about it, and at least I didn’t return the kiss. I did everything she would have wanted me to do in the situation.  
Out of everything she wanted however, I don’t think someone kissing her girlfriend was one of them.  
The apartment was quiet when we finally got home. Dinah and the girls already asleep, only the TV was switched on and set to a low volume; Lauren know doubt leaving it on before she had come to get me because of the familiar crime-drama show appearing on the screen, the one I know Lauren loves.  
A dim light shines from further down the corridor and I head toward it in curiosity, recognising its location in the main bathroom but not its source. I open the bathroom door quietly, Lauren following slowly behind.  
“I thought I’d apologise for snapping at you today at your parents’,” Lauren explains when my eyes look around the beautifully simple, decorated room. The main light is off but a drawn bath is illuminated by the many candles around the room, lining the counters, the sink, and dozens on the floor. “I asked Dinah to keep adding warm water while I came to get you. It should be a good temperature.”  
“It looks beautiful, Lauren.” I turn to face the woman behind me and take notice of how her eyes aren’t even bothered to take notice of my reaction, instead they’re aimed absentmindedly at the floor, her gaze mirroring the solemn tone in her voice.  
“Enjoy your bath,” Lauren says with more purpose, striding quickly toward me yet combining her pace with a tender, soft kiss to my forehead, before stepping away again and heading for the bathroom door.  
“Lauren, where are you going?”  
“I’m just gonna go home, Camila. My head hurts a bit and I just wanna go back and chill.”  
“Chill here,” I encourage, taking her hand and leading her further into the bathroom with me. “You said that you would stay tonight. Relax here. Share this bath with me?”  
“Chill here,” I encourage, taking her hand and leading her further into the bathroom with me. “You said that you would stay tonight. Relax here. Share this bath with me?”  
“I don’t know, Camila. I think we both just need a little breather at the moment, today’s messing with my head a little bit.” Lauren squeezes her eyes together and rubs at her forehead, a subconscious attempt to soothe a headache that isn’t there.  
“We can chill and have a breather here.” I can’t have Lauren leaving, not now. Not while she looks so disorientated and upset. Not even when she’s happy. I hate it when she leaves me. I lean up slowly and press my lips against hers. Her soft, plump lips, not glossy and shapely like Abbey’s.  
I prefer kissing Lauren’s.  
We undress ourselves, not each other like we normally would and Lauren still doesn’t say anything. I sneakily admire her body still, admire her confidence at each time she undresses in front of me. When I bend over to take off my socks, I watch as she shimmies out of her underwear, a hand still covering herself as she walks toward the tub. Lauren finally settles into the bathtub when she turns her gaze to me expectantly, wondering why I’m not yet naked and not yet joining her. Despite her obvious sadness, Lauren’s eyes still widen, biting her lip more emphatically when I hook my fingers over the lining of my underwear and pull them down, standing completely naked before her and heading in her direction.  
Lauren holds out a hand for me to take, and I hold onto her as I step in the tub. Her legs widen beneath the bubbles and I ease myself into the water and between her legs, relaxing into her body as her arms come around my tummy in a secure hold. We had never done this before, Lauren always afraid that I would feel her penis against me and in moments like this this when we’re not fuelled on lust, I would feel disgusted by it. But I don’t. I never could.  
The water temperature is perfect, the atmosphere is tender and soothing from the candles and the woman I love is holding me with so much love and warmth. But then why am I still so sad?  
I know Lauren’s sad, maybe that’s it. I saw how unhappy she was when she saw me at the café with Abbey, when I gave her a hug goodbye. And I definitely saw that turn into wretchedness when I told her about the kiss. She fell apart. Only small tears, but her entire body grew numb, I saw that.  
Our lips touched for a second. It wasn’t a real kiss. Once they touched and I didn’t push back into the kiss Abbey pulled away. She pulled away because she knew I was going to. Of course I wanted to ruin the moment, I didn’t want her to try and kiss me anymore but I don’t know why I told her about the pregnancy. She doesn’t deserve to know about it. Lauren does. Lauren deserves to know and I know that. I’m just not ready for her to know.  
The thought of raising a second child terrifies me but the thought of upsetting Lauren and feeling forced to have this baby because that’s what she wants terrifies me even more.  
Lauren didn’t experience the hard part of raising a child. She wasn’t there for the up-all-nights or the early mornings; the screaming and crying; the constant worrying that something is wrong with your baby but they can’t communicate to tell you what it is. Lauren’s a worrier, and she’s also a protector. It would tear her apart thinking something is wrong with her child and she can’t help. She cried in my arms the day she found out the bullying Emelia endured had gotten worse, and her actions didn’t help. It broke her. But Emelia starts her new school on Monday, and Lauren was proud to have pushed the transfer through so quickly.  
What if Lauren couldn’t handle all the drama and difficulties coming from having a newborn? What if she couldn’t even handle the pregnancy stage? The complications with pregnancy, the symptoms, the precautions. What if she’s just not ready?  
She had only gotten to experience the fun part of being a parent. Sure, Emelia has a temper on her and Lauren can quickly soothe and calm her down, but our little girl has a personality. She’s fun, she talks, she wants to play, and she loves Lauren. Having a newborn can be fun too but quite frankly, it’s really fucking difficult.  
I know it’s wrong for me to assume she can’t handle it. And it’s wrong for me to keep such a big secret from her. But she wouldn’t listen, I know she wouldn’t. She will be adamant that together we can handle it. She will be adamant that it won’t ruin relationship. When she wants something, Lauren makes it clear. If she finds out about the pregnancy, she wouldn’t let me question whether or not the baby would be good for us, she’d tell me it is. And like Abbey said, it’s my decision as well as hers. I just want to make mine before she can make hers.  
Subconsciously I roll onto my side, keeping between Lauren’s legs but so I can cuddle into her chest. The entire time she hasn’t spoken to me. But nor have I to her. I can’t talk about the kiss anymore, she wouldn’t like that. I can’t talk about the pregnancy, I’m not ready for that. But quite frankly, those are the only two things I could possibly think about in this moment.  
I place a small kiss on her chest before cuddling further into her body; wrapping an arm around her waist and burying my face my face in her neck. I could almost fall asleep, and I do fall asleep, my breathing already more shallow. But not before she breaks the silence and whispers to me something that changes everything.  
“I love you, baby.”


	26. The Sperm Donor

LAUREN’S POV!  
“I love you, baby.”  
I thought the woman in my arms had fallen asleep in my arms, hence my uttering of the words I wasn’t yet ready to say to her when awake. The shallowing of her breaths and her tightening arms around my body, she does that when she’s asleep, subconsciously pulling me closer to her. I don’t know when I started to love her but I know I was definitely falling for her even before my birthday weekend, before our first time together. I thought it was safe to say that I loved her. I knew then she wouldn’t have any objections; telling me it’s too early to say things like that, telling me she doesn’t feel the same way. But then she speaks and I know my assumptions about her being asleep were wrong. I know my assumptions about her rejecting me could possibly be true when her answer is something anticipated, and not hoped for.  
“Lauren, we need to talk.”  
And then my arms tighten around her. Why did I have to say I love her? I couldn’t have waited until the time was more appropriate? When I knew where I stood in terms of her emotion? When she didn’t just reveal to me she kissed her fucking ex-girlfriend? What if she just thinks I’m saying that so I don’t lose her to Abbey? I mean, I don’t want to lose her at all, but there are more reasons for my love besides feeling threatened she’d leave me for someone as perfect as the blonde.  
“Lauren?” The young woman lifts her face from my chest to look up at me, her dough brown eyes swimming with her own nerves. I clear my throat to hide the pre-emptive choke in my voice and I blink faster than usual to bat the threatening tears away.  
“Of course we can. Maybe we should get out first?” I suggest, referring to the lukewarm bathtub we’ve been sitting in for what must be almost an hour. Camila nods hastily and unwraps herself from my arms, carefully standing up and stepping out of the tub. I can do nothing but admire her body as she does so. Particularly in a situation like this where the possibility of losing her looms. I envy the water droplets that caress her skin.  
Camila wanders over to the towel rack, wrapping herself in the warmest one she could find and carries another in her arms for me. She’s turned facing me, still securing the towel around her body and I know she’s waiting for me to follow my request and step out of the tub. The clear moment of hesitation washes my faces and she attempts to hide her huff, but I still hear it, and she reluctantly turns away from me and toward the door, allowing me the privacy I have always required.  
“Camila.” I call her name and she turns back around, confusion apparent across her face. It takes seconds. You only need five seconds of bravery, of confidence, and you can achieve so much. In a brief five seconds, I decide to finally give her what she has been secretly hoping I would do for a long time. In a brief five seconds, I choose to stand up from the bathtub while she watches.  
Brown eyes lock on mine during the movement of me standing up, and then stepping out of the tub. She watches me the entire time, but doesn’t switch her gaze to the area I so desperately want to cover up, but I don’t – for her. Everything in my mind is telling me to cover myself with my hands, cover the area she isn’t even looking at but can.  
Her face is no longer washed with confused, but pride.  
I nod softly and after her own brief five seconds, she decides to act on my allowance. Her gaze drops slowly down my body and settles on the area she still had never seen. My body tenses and my eyes move away from her, not wanting to see her honest reaction. I look back at her the same moment she looks back at me, not a second passes until she smiles at me. A smile so soft, so genuine. There’s that look of pride again. She’s proud of me.  
My heart warms at the beautiful woman in front of me who still hasn’t stopped smiling by the time I take the towel from her arms and wrap around my body in a similar fashion to hers. Between the two of us, we manage to quickly blow out all of the candles and drain the tub of water, patches of bubbles still clinging to its sides but neither of us bothering to clean that right now. I follow the woman into her bedroom, turning off the lights and the television as we do so. My heart starts to thump, worries and doubts that arose from Camila wanting this talk resurfacing.  
It doesn’t take long for the woman to drop her towel and cover again her body with her silk, sheer robe. You would think she remembers what that robe does to me and would think it wouldn’t be suitable for the serious conversation we’re bound to have. Her small, almost smirking, smile appears on her lips again as she moves around the bedroom, clearing the bed of most of the cushions, no doubt aware of my gaze following her and her body around the room. I similarly drop my towel and dig around one of her drawers for a pair of my boxers that I know she keeps and I know she also wears, grabbing a t-shirt also and throwing them both on to cover my now slightly chilled body.  
“So…” I mutter once we settle on her bed, the pillows and remaining cushions keeping us upright. Though we sit closely, she doesn’t move to cuddle me like she normally would. We each pull our knees up and turn to face one another, our knees proving the only connection until I can’t prevent myself from reaching out and touching her, bringing my hand up to stroke on her arm and down to her hand which I hold in mine.  
“I think we need to talk about something, Lauren,” she finally says, her eyes not yet wanting to meet mine, instead focusing solely on the way my thumb strokes across the back of her hand. “First, I want to say I’m very sorry for how acted at my parents’ house. I know I shouldn’t have tried anything with you, it wasn’t appropriate and I knew you weren’t in the right frame of mine. I’m aware of that and I’m very sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” I try to interrupt, tell her that I’m over it, but she continues anyway.  
“I’m also very sorry about what happened tonight with Abbey,” my chest tightens at the name and i really don’t want her to continue, but I know she will. “I can promise you, I didn’t kiss her. I don’t think I gave her any signs to make that move either but that’s not the point. The point is I didn’t move away quick enough and though the kiss was only brief, it shouldn’t have happened at all.” Camila keeps her voice quiet the whole time, like she too doesn’t want to discuss her and Abbey right now. She wants to keep it quiet. She wants to keep it hidden, but knows she can’t. “I also told her something I shouldn’t have. Something I wanted to talk to you about first.”  
Her voice stretches at that, almost like she’s about to cry. Her head shakes subtly from side to side as though she’s trying to rid herself of the guilt. Still, her eyes are fixed at our joined hands, fixed at how her thumb is also struggling to stay still, now playing with and stroking mine. Despite her inner conflict, she still looks beautiful. I gaze travels around her body, from the soft brunette locks that cascade her shoulders and chest, to her figure, the beautiful curve of her body and the even more beautiful canvas of skin beneath her robe. Still naked, but modestly so.  
“Lauren?” I divert my attention back to her face when I see her eyes are now focused on mine. “Did you mean what you said in the bath?” Curiosity. That’s the only thing in her eyes, not anything else. I nod in silent answer; wanting to be honest but not wanting to say the words again. Green eyes widen almost comically when she replies.  
“I love you too, Lauren.” My shock is nothing but obvious and she chuckles slightly at my reaction. “I think I’ve loved you for a little while now.” She couldn’t possibly love me. Why would she love me? “Though I’ve only admitted it to myself quite recently. I didn’t think you’d love me back.”  
“Of course I would love you back!” Neither of us expected such outburst, but I doubt she minded too much judging by the small giggle from her lips. “Of course I would love you back, Camz,” I repeat again, removing my hand from hers to cup her jaw, pulling her beautifully sculpted face toward mine. “I’ve loved you for so long.” I thought I wouldn’t get to taste these lips again, but I am so fucking thankful I can. She denies my tongue access into her mouth and moves away from my advance slightly, holding a hand to my chest as I ease away from her.  
“I don’t want anything to ruin us,” Camila whispers, her voice almost shaky.  
“Nothing will ruin us,” I say sternly, holding the woman’s face in my hands. “Nothing will ruin us because nothing’s changing. I don’t want anything to change. I want exactly what we have.” Her face is unreadable at that moment: eyes wide, perhaps teary.  
“Promise me that whatever happens, nothing will change between us?” She asks with an obvious desperation.  
“I promise, Camila Cabello.”  
Within seconds she transitions from someone so small, so vulnerable, to someone with fire.  
The smaller woman smoothly climbs into my lap, attacking my lips with such practised ease but clear impatience. Maybe my promise for always loving her changed something. Maybe it was something else. But I wasn’t to deny the beautiful woman, if it’s talking she wants, or something more. Making this woman happy is everything to me.  
My hands travel across the smooth landscape of her back having found their way beneath her robe like normal, delicately stroking at her spine before gripping roughly at her hips. She keens and she groans, rolling her hips into mine almost harshly, chasing something she was so quickly ready to chase. Camila doesn’t allow for my lips to move to her neck, instead she’s persistent, battling her tongue with mine and it’s my turn to groan. If not for her glorious tongue, but for her increasingly wet centre grinding against me also. Still in my boxers, but I can feel her perfectly.  
With a harsh, sustained bite to my lip, the woman fidgets in my lap, lifting her hips momentarily and beginning to tug my boxers down. I help her the rest away and lift my butt, using a hand that isn’t now groping her butt, to tug at my boxers from the other side. I wriggle out of them before finally kicking them off at the feet. Camila quickly strips me of my t-shirt also, pulling it off my body before I could even settle back down on the bed with her in my lap. Her tongue resumes and I groan only louder when she rubs herself against my erection.  
“Should we get a condom?” Camila only hums at my lips then removes the friction between us both by climbing onto her knees.  
“Don’t bother.” I barely hear the answer. Once it leaves her lips, her hand is already on my cock, guiding me into her as she sinks down. I don’t hear anything in that moment – I never do. My breath catches and my entire body tightens at the feeling of being with her so intimately. Camila takes a moment, allowing the both of us to enjoy the delicious change in sensation.  
Our clumsy lips stay with each other despite the slower pace from Camila. Her hips raise until only an inch inside, and slowly drop again to take my entirety. Her hips roll and I know she’s impatient for more. Rarely do we make love in this position, Camila enjoying it most when I’m on top of her, but fuck, I love seeing her like this. I shift the both of us down the bed so I’m no longer sitting upright against the headboard, the smaller woman groaning at the movement because I shift inside her. I had never seen something so beautiful. With my knees raised behind her for which she uses for balance, her hips move at a quicker pace and I rub at her deepest areas in the moments she stills and moves her hips in languid shapes against my hips. With a bite to her lip, she keeps her moans and profanities to the area between us, my own groans penetrating the room.  
Camila’s silk robe still hangs from her shoulders though nothing is hidden.  
Though familiar, the sensation of being connected to her is nothing short of incredible. Blood rushes from my head and I know I’m tightening inside of her. One hand moves from its place on her hip to her butt, groping harshly and allowing the tips of my fingers to slip between the cheeks and caress the skin there. My other moves to her sensitive clit while my eyes trace the emotions on her face. Camila’s body propels forward at the rigorous rubbing between her legs, her hands falling to my chest and she tightens with me, comes with me, entrapping my length inside and my arm between our bodies as I continue the onslaught to her clit. Moments pass until we stop the kissing that couldn’t wait to be resumed and she lifts herself from my member. We bury ourselves into the warm duvet of her bed and I fold my arms around the other woman to hold her body close to mine.  
“That was perfect,” Camila whispers. My heart flames with both love and pride as I hold her tighter, kissing the crown of her head and agreeing with the statement. It really was perfect.  
“It always is with you,” I whisper back, searching for her lips with mine again. For a few minutes, we enjoy the taste of one another, and we enjoy the manipulation of the other’s tongue with our own. “Was there anything else you wanted to talk about? Before we you know, got distracted,” I ask with a smirk, squeezing gently at her thigh and watching the woman keen with a giggle into my arms, “you seemed a little bit sad.”  
“Nothing that can’t wait. I just want to enjoy this moment with you.”  
“We always have moments like this, baby. Post-sex affection,” I label it with a wink, loving how the woman giggles again and kisses my chest. “We can enjoy it any time.”  
“Normally we sleep right after sex,” Camila teases, poking me in the stomach.  
“I’m not that bad!” I defend jokingly.  
“You really are. But I am too. We don’t get the chance to talk much after sex.”  
“Well that’s because you cuddle me like this and you’re so goddamn comfortable that it makes me sleepy,” I compliment with a grin.  
“No it’s because your stamina’s weak.”  
“Excuse me!” I detach myself from her cuddle and quickly start attacking her sides with my fingers. She quickly becomes inaudible from breathlessness of laughter and energy to fight me off, which is probably a good thing – wouldn’t want to wake up the Polynesian beast. I balance on my elbows about the woman and admire the beauty below me. Camila’s tousled locks spread over her pillow, her geeky yet very charming smile spread across her soft lips. A laughing Camila is quite frankly the most beautiful.  
“Lauren?”  
“Yes, baby?”  
“If you could, would you go back to how we first met and maybe, push for it to happen sooner than it did? Or are you happy things came about the way they did?” I narrow my eyes at her for a moment, observing how curious yet sensitive she is to ask the question. I kiss the lips of my girlfriend before rolling to the side again, Camila following in suit so we can keep facing each other. My hand drops to her naked hip and I tug her body closer to me.  
“I definitely would. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved every minute since coming into your life and it was perfect but I often wish it happened a lot sooner. Mainly for Emelia and I’s sake. You said she was unhappy for a little while, wanting to meet me so it would have been great to make her happy sooner. But also, I missed so much of her life. The walking, the talking, all the big milestones as a kid. She’s almost five and I’ve only known her a couple of months.”  
Camila’s hand that was previously cupping my jaw, stroking at my skin moves up to the area beneath my ears, wiping obviously at the tears I didn’t even know had developed. “Don’t be sad, Lauren. You’re in her life now and that’s all that matters.”  
“And I’m very happy to be in her life. You both are the best things to ever happen in my life. I just wish I could have started the process and look for her right away. I just didn’t think you would ever accept me.”  
“We can’t go back in time but I wish we could have found each other sooner. More time with you sounds perfect,” Camila says with a loving smile. I had every right before to think that she wouldn’t accept me. Most people in my life haven’t. But knowing that she does accept me, truly makes her the most incredible person I know. How did I ever get so lucky to have someone like her appreciate me in the way that she does?  
“You can have me for as much time as you want,” I whisper sweetly, already moving closer to capture her lips in mine again. Before I could encourage my tongue into her mouth and test her theory on my acute stamina, my phone buzzes and notifies me with a text message on the bedside table. “Sorry, baby. I might need to check that.” Camila nods, but not happily.  
“Is that Charlotte?” She asks when I finally sit on the edge of her bed, phone in hand.  
“What? No. I told you, she doesn’t text me anymore. I told her not to.” I see the message from my sister and my mood deflates from elation just moments ago. Fuck, this isn’t good. I type out a reply and put the phone back before swinging my legs onto the bed again and sliding closer to my girlfriend. “That was Taylor actually. We’re having some problems with our mother at the moment. The doctors don’t think they can keep treating her as constant as they have been.”  
“She’s not getting the blood transfusions anymore?”  
“She still is, just not as regularly so her condition isn’t being helped much. She’s a rare blood type and none of my family are the same so we can’t help her, we just have to rely on blood donations.” I told Camila about my mother’s condition quite recently and she has been nothing but supportive for me and my family since. She had asked why Taylor was now running the Big Cats Rescue Centre and not my mother after I told her months ago that it was my mother who founded the place. I explained how she has sickle cell anaemia and unfortunately can’t adopt a hands-on approach to the centre anymore, her lack of energy and breathlessness only becoming more prominent since her treatment had become less frequent almost a year ago. And it’s becoming even worse. My mother does however still run the business from behind-the-scenes with my father’s help but we all know how much happier she used to be running the centre, welcoming guests and caring for the animals. She just can’t do that anymore.  
“I could speak to my doctor and get tested if you want. You know, see if I’m the same blood type as she is. I’m visiting the doctor soon anyway.” I get over my sudden shock at her request and focus on the last part of what she has just said. Camila has said before how we don’t speak as much as we should; complaining to me why it is that I didn’t speak about my mother’s disease, or why it is that I didn’t tell her about my birthday. But she hasn’t told me about a doctor’s appointment.  
“Why are you going to the doctor? Are you okay?” Camila looks nervous for a minute until she clears her throat and replies with faux-confidence; my worry quickly becoming confusion.  
“Just routine. Nothing’s wrong with me. But seriously, I’ll ask about it and if I am the same blood type then of course I’ll donate to her.”  
“Are you sure about that?” I’m not sure what part of her response that was aimed at. Is she sure about donating? Or is she sure that nothing’s wrong?  
“Absolutely.” And there are those heavenly lips again. “I’ll do anything to help your family. They’re wonderful.” My concerns for her dissipate for a moment and I giggle at her enthusiasm.  
“Wonderful?” I repeat in question, a similar giggle coming now from my lips, “hm, they are pretty awesome to be honest with you. I owe them so much.”  
“You don’t owe them anything. They’re your family. They would have done everything for you.”  
“They did a lot for me as a kid. They helped me through so much,” I say with a smile, remembering no matter what awful things happened to me, my family were incredible.  
“You know, now that we’re discussing some things. Can I ask you about something?” I take note of her apprehension and I’m back to worrying about her fluctuating emotions.  
“Anything.”  
“When you were working at that school, how did the students find out about your condition?” I release a sigh and squeeze my eyes slightly to barricade the onslaught of memories that surface.  
“It was during summer last year, the last-weekend or so of the summer break before going back to school. I had already been working at the school for a few years and people quite liked me, the students especially. But the school had organised this ‘welcome back’ celebration or whatever, it was basically a camping trip in New Jersey with some fun stuff to do and I was asked to go as one of the teachers. Well, on the last night we had a bonfire and some of the kids got very drunk. We obviously didn’t give them any alcohol, they had bought it and was drinking in secret. It only became obvious when they had actually drank too much and we had to look after them though of course, the adults were drinking as well. In moderation but still, my friend from the Maths department supplied some bottles for us.  
But I had a bit of a reputation within the school. I was that teacher. You know, one of the cool, young ones which people had a crush on. It’s weird to think about it and I never knew why but I had a few admirers in that school. They also found out I was gay because some had seen me out with Charlotte but that wasn’t much of a problem. It made people like me even more actually.” At Charlotte’s name, Camila didn’t hide the way her face scowled with distaste. “So anyway, one of the girls, Alyson Garner, the one I’ve told you about, she was very drunk at the bonfire. Or so I thought. She’s very stunning, she always had been but of course I would never have gone there what with her age and the fact I was her teacher. But anyway, she was getting a bit flirty and I also had Charlotte sending me all kinds of message, combine that with the alcohol and yeah, I was a bit ‘on edge’.”  
“You don’t need to say anymore, Lauren,” Camila interrupts when she sees I’m getting to the crux of the story and my eyes blink at a quicker rate to barricade any tears.  
“But I don’t want you to think I got with a student. I didn’t, I would never had done that. But Alyson didn’t really understand that. At one point during the night when nobody was around, I was trying to help her because of how drunk I thought she was but she ended up kissing me. Turns out she wasn’t that drunk after all, she just wanted to get me alone but she kissed me. Her hand was on my thigh and she could feel me. And like I said, I was a bit horny anyway because of the alcohol and Charlotte texting me so it was easy for her to figure out that I had something underneath my jeans.  
She thought it was a strap-on initially,” I continue with a small, pathetic laugh, “but that would have been the situation a whole lot worse if I agreed to that. Wearing a strap-on to a party with students? Yeah, I would have ended up in prison I’m sure. I tried pushing her away but not enough so I could hurt her and she groped me again to figure out what it was, and she did. It then became her duty to tell everyone, after the floods of abuse she gave me of course.”  
“Oh, Lauren. I am sorry,” my girlfriend pulls me into her chest and I find the softness of her skin as something to curl into.  
“By the time we started school the following week, everyone knew. Derek Hamilton, school jock, he managed to get it around to everyone, teachers included. Verbal abuse, even physical sometimes from the students. The teachers weren’t any better, they were awful to me.”  
“Derek?” Camila says randomly.  
“Huh?”  
“Did you say Derek Hamilton?” I nod confusingly at the woman, my head still on her chest but looking up at her. “And you worked at County High School, right?”  
“Yeah. What, do you know him?”  
“He’s Normani’s brother.”


	27. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
It’s always interesting to look around at a crowded room and just take note of the people in it. From just looking at someone’s face, potentially you could identify their age, ethnicity, socioeconomic background if you’re really analytical, but more than likely, their emotion.  
Everyone’s face at the doctor’s waiting room reads a different emotion. Some nervous. Others excited. Couples hopelessly smiling at each other, others completely ignoring one another. Everyone here knew, or thought, they were expecting a baby and I could tell who was happy and who wasn’t. I wonder what emotion my face reads.  
Probably sadness, seeing that I’m here alone. Dinah didn’t want to come with me; telling me that somebody had to look after our daughters but I knew it was because she’s still disappointed. Still disappointed that I haven’t told Lauren, that I’ve kept such a big secret from her for almost three weeks. It took me just hours of knowing before I could tell Dinah. Then one week of knowing before I told Abbey. Three weeks after taking a test and finding out I’m pregnant with my second child, my best friend and my ex knows, but my girlfriend and the woman I love the most still doesn’t.  
She said she didn’t want anything to change between us. I thought I was going to tell Lauren, that same night I let it slip to Abbey. But I couldn’t. Not after she said she doesn’t want anything to change between us. That would have settled it for me. Postpone telling her for as long as possible until I’ve made my decision about the pregnancy, but I couldn’t. She loves me. Lauren loves me.  
Of course I wanted to find out the pregnancy was a certainty before telling my girlfriend. I couldn’t reveal something as big as that only to find out the four tests I had taken were wrong. But that’s unlikely. Four tests? Four positive tests. I’m undoubtedly pregnant but I still need that clarification, or that reality-check.  
I guess if someone were to be looking at me, analysing my emotion like I analyse theirs, they would see nerves. But they would see that I’m okay. Every pregnancy would always be nerve-wracking and so despite it being the second time I have gone through this process of meeting with my obstetrician, of course I would be nervous. For the baby’s health, for Lauren, for my body’s reaction to pregnancy again, for Emelia. Alone in the doctor’s office and that’s everything I could think about.   
“Miss Cabello?” I switch my gaze from an obviously-nervous young woman sitting next to her enthusiastic boyfriend and toward a still-familiar face. Her warming smile appears next to one of the large doors and I return a similar happiness before standing up and walking with the obstetrician. I wonder if Lauren will share a similar enthusiasm to the young man outside. “It’s lovely to see you again. How is everything?” Dr Matthews starts.  
“Really good, thank you. What about you? It’s been almost five years since we’ve last seen each other.”  
“I’m still in a profession that I love so I can’t complain,” she answers with a small laugh – she had always loved this job. “So, let’s get to it. This is your second pregnancy, 5 years on from your last. Is there anything you already feel is different from your last?”  
“No morning sickness this time, thankfully. But I’m moody all the time and I’m a lot more sensitive, like all over, compared to my first pregnancy. I’m also still having my period, so I was hoping you could find out about that and tell me there’s nothing to worry about.”  
“Still having a period throughout pregnancy is rare but not impossible. It might not last for long either, maybe the first couple of months until it sorts itself out. Why don’t you lay on here and we’ll find out for you,” Dr Matthews instructs, gesturing toward the exam table.  
After performing various, very uncomfortable, examinations to ensure the bleeding wasn’t anything to worry about, I am instructed to lower my jeans to my hips and raise my shirt over my chest, tightening my abdomen already at the pre-empted cold gel. I know it’s coming, but I still flinch at the coldness.  
“Congratulations,” my head quickly turns to face my doctor who once again, is smiling happily, “you are definitely pregnant.” Either her smile is contagious or hearing the confirmation that I’m carrying Lauren’s child again is more overwhelming than I thought. My cheeks dampen and my vision blurs, my tears an obvious sign of happiness to prove to myself. “From this, I would say you’re almost 12 weeks.”  
“12 weeks? Are you sure?” I ask frantically. There is no way I am 3 months pregnant already.  
Our first time was almost 3 months ago. Lauren had gotten me pregnant from our first time together. My insemination for Emelia was also successful first time. Maybe Lauren and I really are compatible. Or her sperm is just really fucking effective.  
“I’m sure. Congratulations again.”  
My doctor goes on to talk about my baby’s measurements, assessing the images further to reveal that he or she seems perfectly healthy and has developed normally. I know she would be writing all of this down. She knows that like most mothers, I’m too consumed by the image on the screen. I take in everything, from the shape of the body to a small button nose. Unlike witnessing this same scan for Emelia, tears don’t just pool in my eyes, they delicately fall when I think about Lauren. She should be here, but I never gave her the chance. And then the heartbeat sounds through the system and I cry even harder, thinking about how I am such a heartless bitch for not experiencing this with Lauren.  
Thirty minutes from entering the doctor’s office, I leave with tear-stained cheeks and the first picture of my baby.  
I get a call from Dinah on the way home, the younger woman apologising for not coming with me today. She knows from her pregnancy with Khiara that scans, especially the first ones, were always scary because there’s always a possibly of not receiving good news. But I accepted her apologies immediately, saying that I agreed with everything she said. I know I should have told Lauren and I will tell Lauren. But I know that if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have changed anything because in spite of my guilt, I’m still so scared to tell my girlfriend the news. I answer all of her questions about the scan and I overlook the guilt for a moment, focusing on Dinah’s happiness for Lauren and I and reminding myself that I also am very excited. Despite feeling guilty, nothing could stop me from smiling, not even the ridiculously long line at my favourite takeaway pizza place.  
Deciding to take a detour from going home, I stay in line and order a large pizza in hope to surprise Lauren at work on her lunch break. It’s not the right time to tell her about the baby. I don’t know when will be the right time, but I know I’m doing it soon. Just not over lunch. It’s a short journey from the pizza restaurant to her workplace, even though I had never been to visit her, she had told me exactly where she would be if Emelia or I needed her. I speak to the young man at the front desk who chuckles when he sees the still warm pizza and directs me to Lauren’s office. An elevator to only the second floor and walking past what felt like dozens of rooms, I finally get to the one with ‘Lauren Jauregui’ printed on the door. Even from the outside, her office looks larger than the ones I had just walked past and I’m proud at her rank in the business despite the fact she doesn’t even enjoy what she does, her perseverance almost admirable.  
“Come in,” the familiar husky voice sounds from inside the room after my knocking. With the pizza in hand, I slowly open to the door and smile immediately at the sight of Lauren behind her desk, typing away at her computer and a biscuit between her teeth. Her face lights up at my entrance and she’s out of her chair in little time, already circling the desk to greet me properly. With a hand to the back of my neck, she draws my face into hers and hurriedly kisses me with such tenderness. “This is a beautiful surprise, baby, what are you doing here?”  
“I just thought I would bring you some lunch,” I say sweetly, holding the pizza out to her and chuckling at how her genuine smile becomes that of a cheeky grin like an excitable child. She continues to grin and hums in satisfaction when she opens the pizza box on her coffee table, sitting on the couch behind it and giving me room to join her.  
“Well thank you, babe. This is perfect.” She gives me another kiss, this one slightly deeper and my body aches at her passion. Lauren, not knowing that she can make me horny with just a kiss, breaks the touch and turns her attention to the pizza, grabbing two slices and handing me one. I shift in my seat on the couch to compose myself, silently reprimanding Lauren for being such a good kisser, and myself for being so receptive. That’s the first symptom I noticed when I thought myself to be pregnant: how sensitive I am. I always had been but this is just ridiculous. One passionate kiss from Lauren Jauregui and I’m a crumbling, horny mess.  
She distracted me a little with conversation, talking about her work, my work, our ambitions for new work and finally Emelia. She always wants to talk about Emelia when she’s not actually with her and the prospect of her being this excited for our new baby does nothing but set a furnace in my heart. Lauren with children is always a beautiful thing but seeing her love a child as much as she loves Emelia? That’s something I can never get over.  
“Excuse me, Miss Jauregui.” Continuing to eat our final slices of pizza, we both turn our heads at the intrusion to find a young, well-kept man standing halfway between the door and the office. It takes me a while but eventually I recognise the man – Derek Hamilton. He informs Lauren of emails that have recently been sent to her regarding her colleagues’ work for the newspaper and sees himself out soon after, recognising me also and politely saying goodbye.  
“You’re right, he is being cordial with you now,” I say when the door closes completely, carefully soothing my anger toward him with more pizza knowing that Lauren wouldn’t want me to make a scene.  
“I told you. They’ve changed. Sure, they gave me some grief when they first started working here but when I sat them down and told them both to grow the fuck up, they actually started treating me with more respect.”  
“They probably realised that nothing they could say will ruin you. You’re beautiful, successful and happy. Idiotic words from people who mean nothing to you should never bring you down.” Lauren smiles again but with a blush, looking down at the napkin in her hands once having rid of the pizza grease.  
“You’re perfect, I love you so much.” Lauren throws her napkin onto the table and with a smile still stretched across her lips, she moves in to kiss me again. I lean back into the couch and take Lauren with me, the older woman moving one hand to my thigh for my balance and the other still holding my face and manipulating the way my lips rub against hers. I encourage the kiss with my tongue, erotically playing with hers and exploring her mouth. I groan into her mouth when the pale hand squeezes my thigh. Knowing that we’re in her office during work hours and probably shouldn’t be doing this, Lauren’s logical mind overpowers her lustful one and advises her to start pull away.  
But I’m never logical when it comes to Lauren. Especially when I’m pregnant with her child and I could not give a fuck where we are.  
I pull Lauren back onto my body and she groans at my force, her lips following my orders and allowing me to deepen our kiss. With an impatience I didn’t know I had reached the brink of, I take my hands away from her face and reach for hers, quickly bringing them up to the button of my jeans. “Fuck,” she mutters breathlessly against my lips when she realises what I’m telling her to do. Without too much thought, Lauren does her best to quickly unbutton my jeans and tug at the zipper.  
One of my hands move to Lauren’s face again, pulling her away from my lips but keeping her close. Our eyes darken and our lips part when she slips a hand beneath the fabric of my thong and she immediately finds my clit to rub, aided by the undoubtedly copious amount of moisture between my legs. A simple touch would have me moaning but the rough palming of her fingers sends my body to tighten and with my other hand, I grip harshly on her bicep. I attempt to keep my eyes fixed on hers during but come to no success when her middle and ring finger finds their smooth entrance into me, and my head falls onto the back of the couch, eye lids squeezed tight and legs helplessly spreading to give her more room, but not spreading so much that it tightens the space between her hand and my jeans. I should have just taken them off and lay naked across her desk.  
From the tight angle however, her fingers don’t find depth, but they find a quick curling against the slightly rougher part of skin and my thighs tremble around her hand. I come gloriously in the palm of her hands as her fingers still work against me. Tiredly, I bring my head up to face her again, only to find her eyes still watching me intently; watching the way I writhed under her touch and came under her skill. I groan again when she removes her fingers and closes the button on my jeans, being sure to dirtily wipe her fingers against the exposed skin on my waist and hips before taking them in her mouth and licking them clean.  
“I can’t believe we just did that in my fucking office,” Lauren finally says with a throaty chuckle, reclining back onto the couch, only for me to follow this time and tiredly fall onto her body.  
“Do you need some help with that, baby?” I whisper into her ear when my hand finds its way onto her lap and I palm the tent in her trousers. Lauren’s head tilts back at the grope and her hips buck further into my touch, wordlessly encouraging my ministrations. “Is the door locked?” Lauren shakes her head and groans when I remove my hand from her package and I walk over to lock the door, knowing there will more consequences if someone found Lauren with her pants down than someone catching me with mine down. Though that would be pretty shit too. “Now where were we?”  
I lunge for Lauren’s lips again when I kneel on the couch beside her, my hand quickly encasing her erection again. Nothing could beat the sound of Lauren groaning into my mouth when I palm her confidently, rubbing and handling the length through her trousers. Her body trembles when I undo the button to her trousers and tug them down to her knees, pulling her boxers down with them. Lauren’s lips are messy against mine when my hand starts to work firm strokes on her appendage so I abandon them and attach my lips to her neck, licking against its column and biting where it meets her collarbone.  
Lauren lasts longer than I did but that still isn’t very long. Just minutes later and her panting becomes whines and groans of pleasure as she peaks, the fast-paced motion of my hand not allowing her to just release into my palm, but some even onto the coffee table.  
“Fuck, baby. That was good,” Lauren appreciates, pulling my lips back to hers and lazily mixing her tongue with mine again. I break the kiss and reach for another napkin, cleaning up our fingers and then the spots on the coffee table. The green-eyed woman shifts to tuck herself back into her jeans and she refastens the button with a dopey smile on her face. Lauren probably never imagined someone other than herself would jerk her off in the office.  
“Are you satisfied now, Laur?” I ask cheekily, knowing what her answer would be.  
“Pizza, you and an orgasm. I’m more than satisfied.” We don’t stop smiling through a kiss. “And now, I’m going to make the day even better. I am going to take the afternoon off work and spend some time watching a movie with you, or sorting out some stuff for this bakery of yours,” she kisses me again when my face lights up her suggestions, “we can have family time with our daughter, sort out the final arrangements for her first day at the new school on Monday and maybe tonight, you and I can have a repeat of events from this lunchtime?” The wink she gives me makes me laugh into the kiss and I will always be overwhelmed with love for this woman: the mother of my children.  
Many kisses and playful gropes later, Lauren and I finally leave her office, hand-in-hand and heading toward our own cars. The ride home alone is surprisingly comfortable. Soft music from a playlist Lauren had made for me and knowing I would be spending time with her again very soon managed to calm whatever feelings I felt toward the pregnancy and the fact I still I hadn’t told Lauren. The woman managed to follow me the entire way home, not being caught behind other cars cutting in front of her or having to stop at the lights I had passed through – she stayed with me the entire time. I would stop at the traffic lights, look in my rear-view mirror and find the same smug-looking smirk from the woman in the car behind me, Lauren always raising her hand from the place against her mouth in greeting when she saw my gaze.  
A familiar car in the parking lot outside my apartment isn’t lost on me and despite wanting to spend time with just my family, I couldn’t stop smiling at the prospect of seeing two woman I hadn’t in a while. I inform Lauren and making our way into the apartment, we immediately spot Normani and Ally on the couch beside Dinah, the three of them already enjoying a bottle of wine.  
“Mama!” A small voice shouts and Emelia quickly jumps into Lauren’s arms, the older woman already swaying with our daughter and kissing all over her face. Khiara and Sasha look up from their drawings on the floor and laugh at the way their friend tries to squirm away from Lauren, though everyone in the room knows that she loves it.  
“Ladies, to what do we owe this pleasure?” I tease, already walking around the back of the couch and wrapping my arms around both of our guests, kissing each of them on the head.  
“Just thought we’d give our favourite girls a visit,” Normani speaks up with a grin. “And then this one bought out the wine so we decided to stay a little while longer,” she says with reference to Dinah who just sits there smugly, taking another sip of her wine.  
“Drinking while you’re supposed to be looking after the kids? How irresponsible,” Lauren teases, winking at us all before sitting on the floor with the three children, already reaching for a pencil and the sketchpad. “This is awesome! Who drew this?” Lauren says enthusiastically, showing everyone in the room and a picture of God knows what, coloured in with a fucked up array of paints.  
“I did,” Khiara says sweetly, already blushing under Lauren’s gaze – the little girl still hadn’t gotten over her crush.  
“Sick!” Lauren appreciates again, nodding at the artwork before turning over to a blank page. The three mothers and I all watch on in amusement, shaking our heads at the way she smoothly interacts with all three children.  
“Would anyone like a glass?” Ally offers, lifting the wine bottle and ready to pour into the two empty glasses they already set out for us.  
“Not for me, thank you,” Lauren declines with a smile, turning back to the sketchpad. Normally I would and all four women know that… but I can’t, and only Dinah knows why.  
“Erm, no. Not for me either. I think I’ll just get juice or something.” They all look at me in surprise and I know I have to come up with some sort of explanation. “You know Lauren doesn’t drink casually anymore, it wouldn’t be fair.” It had come up to the girls before that after Lauren’s history with alcohol abuse, hence seeing her therapist again, she only drinks now on special occasions so I thought it’d be a viable excuse. Until I remember how selfless the green-eyed woman is.  
“Just because I’m not drinking, doesn’t mean you have to, Camz. Enjoy yourself.”  
“No, no. That’s okay, really. Juice is good for me. Lauren, do you want me to get you some while I’m in the kitchen?” She doesn’t look very convinced, her eyebrows are tight but she doesn’t pry.  
“Yeah, sure. Thank you!”  
It wasn’t necessarily a lie that I didn’t want to drink because of Lauren. Sure, I didn’t accept the wine mainly because it’s not good for the baby but I had, on quite a few occasions now, chosen not to drink in front of Lauren. She never said that I shouldn’t, she always said that she was fine with it but sometimes it’s just not fair. Seeing her old students at work bought back some of her insecurities and she wanted to drink more freely again. It only lasted about a week and then she picked herself up but alcohol has always been her way to surpass anxiety and insecurity. Since finding Emelia and I, she hasn’t felt like she needed to drink. Instead she just asks for a cuddle when things get difficult.  
Some hours later and since having finished the dinner that Ally and I had made for them, the little girls continue to enjoy their play date. Leon had bought over a Chinese takeaway for us all to eat since I pretty much hassled Dinah to ask for it – it’s what the baby wants after all! Only the second time meeting Lauren and they get on wonderfully. She had given him ‘the talk’ on their first meeting, threatening him if he were to ever hurt Dinah or cause any disturbance to the people in the house. When he stood up to her and said the same thing about me, they settled it with a laugh and have been acting like good friends ever since.  
Dinah, Leon and Lauren talk by the children, laughing and joking about whatever nonsense has come from their mouths. I watch on in amusement and then happiness when Lauren slides down from her seat on the couch to a space on the floor by Emelia, pulling our daughter into her lap and just giving her a cuddle.  
“I really think we can get this place set up within a year. What do you think, Mila?” I quickly turn to the two other woman who I’m sitting with on the couch, Ally’s question disturbing me from once again, a little daydream about Lauren with children.  
“Sorry, what was that?”  
“The bakery. I think we could do this and get it running within a year!” Ally says excitedly, flicking through the stacks of paper in front of her listing lease forms, stock lists, and potential names for the place. “Do you have the sheets about marketing and the suppliers?”  
“Ah, yes, I do! They’re in my bag,” I say to Ally as I also start picking through the paperwork. She goes to stand up and fetch them before Normani stops her with a kiss, already standing up to start walking over to my purse. Seconds later and I’m looking up to find why she hasn’t returned. The dark-skinned woman stands there, holding my purse in one hand, and a photograph in the other. I’m confused for a moment until I remember what I hadn’t put away – the ultrasound scan. I desperately shake my head when her eyes fix on mine confusedly.  
Moments pass and I know she’s watching me. Normani, asking me silent questions about what she found in my purse. She bought over the supplier forms for Ally and I looked toward the other adults in the room, noticing how nobody else had seen Normani even go into my purse, let alone what she found there. “Camila, is there any more wine?” She asks, subtly eyeing the kitchen as she does so.  
“I don’t know. Let’s check,” we stand from the kitchen and walk toward the kitchen, moving passed Lauren as I do so who reaches out and simply strokes my hand before kissing it gently. Her beautiful eyes watch as I move into the kitchen and I miss the sight immediately when I turn away from her.  
“Does she know?” It doesn’t take a genius to work out what she’s asking. Guiltily, I shake my head. “Mila, she deserves to know.”  
“I know. I know that now. I was scared before but I only had the scan today and I’m going to tell her soon.” She nods her head with a knowing look as though she wants to scream at me and say that I should have told her when I found out.  
“Are you happy? Is the baby healthy?” I smile again at the thought of my very healthy, and already beautiful, baby.   
“Yes, just perfect. And I am happy. I was really scared before and I guess I still am now, but I think I’m happy. I think I’ll be happier when I tell Lauren and she’s also happy.”  
“She will be happy. She absolutely adores you. And Emelia for that matter.” At that moment, Emelia walks into the kitchen to join us, a big smile planted across her face. “Hello, little one. What are you doing in here?” Normani asks while I just look at my daughter curiously. Why the hell is she smiling so much?  
“I have a secret to tell you,” my little girl says excitedly. I bend down and she moves toward my ear, too excited to the point she almost head-butts me. Despite the attempt at whispering, Normani hears her perfectly.  
“Mama said that you’re beautiful.”  
And then she runs off again. I hear laughter coming from the living room and I know my daughter is just as please with herself as my girlfriend is. Nothing could stop a similar excitable grin to appear on both mine and Normani’s face.  
We walk into the living room and I see that Lauren is sitting on the couch again, leaving the children to play among themselves. I put my arms over her shoulders and despite a small jump in surprise, she leans back into my embrace and tilts her head upward. I don’t stay away from her inviting lips and instead I take them in mine, relishing in their softness as we keep it tender.  
“You’re beautiful too, you know?”  
Her soft eyes twinkle and I know that calling her beautiful is one of the most rewarding experiences, she just looks so incredulously happy each time. I move around the side of the couch and sit myself over her lap, wrapping my arms around her neck and not allowing much time until I kiss her the way she deserves to be kissed. Lauren’s lips and tongue had been so shy on our first kiss, on this very couch. And now, despite the fact I instigated the kiss, she controls everything. The rhythm and pace of our lips to the pressure of our tongues; every kiss with her is a product of her own desire.  
At the sound of loud whistling from the adults in the room. Dinah and Ally cheer us on enthusiastically while the others keep it simple. We pull apart and I quickly see the sight of Leon smiling at my girlfriend, cooing when she starts to the blush. While Lauren’s face reddens quickly, nothing could stop me smiling from how happy I am with this woman.  
–  
Later in the evening, Lauren follows through with her ideas from this lunchtime. The Hamiltons leave and after putting the girls to bed, Lauren and I organise how we’re going to approach Monday – me taking Emelia to her new school, and Lauren picking her up and taking our daughter back to her place. We cuddle up with a movie while Dinah and Leon do much of the same on the other couch. I hadn’t seen my best friend this happy with a man in a long time, her daughter and friends being the only ones that could make her genuinely smile.  
After the movie, Lauren and I parted from the couple and found ourselves wrapped up in each other in the bedroom again. Her talented tongue takes me to spectacular highs twice in quick succession, licking and sucking in ways I always dream about as her fingers find solace inside of me. She had kissed along the inside of my legs, from my ankle to my thigh before delving into the area I needed her most. I took hold of her and tried to make her feel at least a fraction of how she makes me feel. She groans when I rub against the underside, my fingers moving to softly massage her tip and then the scar at her base. Through the rush of moans and profanities, Lauren repeatedly whispers that she loves me after slow, agonising minutes of the woman inside of me until we release together.  
I love her too, and I tell her that, over and over again. Much in response to her declaration that happens over and over again. She pulls out and cuddles me into her chest, still whispering those words to me. Lauren quickly falls asleep and after moments of knowing she’s now in a deep slumber, I untangle myself from her arms, grab my robe and walk into the living to find my pregnancy scan where I left it. I hold the picture in my hands for a minute, unknowingly smiling to myself at the image. I was scared before, really scared. But now I’m just happy. I haven’t even told Lauren yet, but I’m happy.  
I wake the next morning, cuddled back into the surprisingly still-sleeping woman’s arms again. She always wakes up before I do, but not today. It’s a Saturday morning and though I haven’t explicitly made plans with Lauren, I know we’ll be spending every moment together… with our daughter, as a family. I get out of bed and dress myself in her sweatpants and a t-shirt, knowing that from the trainers that were by the door last night, Leon also stayed the night. Hoping to make it a weekend she’ll never forget, I smile through the nerves and settle the pregnancy scan on the pillow beside her. In moments, Lauren will wake up – she never sleeps in, even at weekends – and in moments, my girlfriend will know that our little family isn’t going to be so little anymore.


	28. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
With a mug of coffee in hand, I hear a phone alarm go off in my bedroom. I knew Lauren would set that damn thing on a weekend, she always does. Today, I’m kind of glad she did. Though it’s been only ten minutes since waking up, the time has dragged and it’s been horrible waiting for the woman to wake up. The alarm turns off and I know she’s finally come around from her deep sleep, probably stretched over grumpily to turn it off and falling onto her back, lazily rubbing at her eyes and kicking her legs out to stretch them.  
I don’t hear anything as I make my way down the corridor of my apartment, toward my bedroom. The door’s still closed, and I know Lauren’s awake. But I don’t hear anything. My heart thumps as I near the bedroom door.  
I hear crying; soft whimpers.  
Opening the door slowly, my head and my heart are erratic. Lauren sits up in bed, duvet bunched around her waist, holding the first picture of our baby in her hand. Her body shakes as she weeps into her other hand, still keeping her eyes on the ultrasound. She hears the door creak as I close it behind me and finally her eyes steer away from the image and toward me. The tears come harder.  
With blotchy cheeks, a red face and still streaming tears, the corners of her mouth finally twitch and set her lips into a smile. The whimpers now come between small laughs, smiling and giggling as the tears continue to flow. Lauren holds out arms and without hesitation I walk round to her side of the bed. She throws her legs over the side of the bed and I stop walking when I’m standing between them.  
Lauren’s hold maintains on the picture as she moves to clutch onto my t-shirt; her head dropping to my stomach as she cries harder. My arms fold over the back of her neck and I attempt to lean over and cuddle into the thick main of hair, my own tears now trickling into the sea of black. Moments of silence later, and Lauren’s sobs subside just enough for her to speak.  
“Is this for real?” She asks into my stomach, carefully placing the picture onto the bed before tightening her hold back onto the sides of my t-shirt. Lauren moves away just enough for me to loosen my own hold on her and I look down to finally see those damp, emerald eyes staring into mine.  
“It’s for real.” A smile makes its way onto my face and my hands slide around to the back of her neck, fingers moving into her hair and massaging gently. Closing her eyes again, she takes a deep breath against my stomach, resting her forehead against me again. She’s not sobbing anymore, she’s laughing softly to herself. “Are you happy?” She nods emphatically against the t-shirt before her hands slide beneath the material, lifting it with her thumbs and connecting her lips directly to my skin.  
“Wow.” My tummy is smeared with dampness and I know she’s started to cry again. Her lips press against my skin for the second time and they stay there for a while, Lauren closing her eyes in disbelief while mine glow with love. She continues to kiss my tummy, quickly moving around the area as her hands keep my shirt raised and I giggle when she tickles my sides with her lips, provoking the similar sound from her mouth.  
“Baby, that tickles,” I whine, the both of us starting to laugh as I gently push her off by pulling at her messy hair.  
“Oh my God,” Lauren breathes out. Her hands leave my stomach to move around to the back of my thighs, tugging at my body so I sit on her lap, legs either side of her body in a straddle. “I can’t believe this.” Her eyes look up at me, wide and teary, and she shakes her head gently to the side. She looks so innocent, too vulnerable to have such a crazy life. But she’s never known simple, and that’s exactly the problem.  
“I can’t believe it either. I’m still processing.” My hands slide from her biceps to her shoulders where I massage gently, my thumbs rubbing circles into her soft skin. Lauren continues to look at me, and then ahead to the wall behind me, still in disbelief. I kiss her lips and then cradle her head between my arms, tucking my face into her neck and relishing in the moment of tenderness with my girlfriend.  
“When did you find out?”  
Oh fuck.  
“Baby, I don’t want you to be mad with me,” I say with a small whimper, not changing my hold on her. Her hands stop rubbing at my thighs and they move up to my hips, tugging me back slightly to move me away but I don’t let her. “I’ve known for three weeks.”  
“Three weeks?”  
Oh fuck.  
“Why would I be mad about that?” Lauren chuckles slightly at my pout and own teary eyes when I finally pull back and look at her, this time my face revealing disbelief. How is she so understanding? “Sweetheart, you were probably incredibly shocked when you found out. I know we weren’t always safe in terms of me wearing protection but you are on the pill. I doubt you ever expected this to happen, especially so soon in our relationship.”  
“Do you think it’s too soon?” I quickly ask, searching Lauren’s face for hesitation, and internally shuddering in case she says yes.  
“Nothing is too soon with you. I want everything with you. Sure, something like this is totally ahead of schedule but it’s not ‘too soon’. That makes it sound like it’s a bad thing and this isn’t a bad thing,” Lauren says with a smile, the twinkle and depth to her eyes reassuring me she means every word.  
“It isn’t a bad thing,” I repeat, watching her face light up a little bit more. “And yes, I was really shocked. I didn’t really know how to handle it and my mind went crazy with all sorts of shit. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I feel like such a bitch.”  
“Don’t apologise. It would have been nice to find out when you found out but I understand that couldn’t happen. Can I ask though, why didn’t you tell me before you had your first scan? I would have liked to have been there with you.”  
“I was scared, Lauren. Honestly, I’ve been petrified this entire time. I went to the scan to confirm the pregnancy, to settle any doubts I had because I thought, what if I’m reacting so terribly and I’m not even pregnant? But not only did I find out we actually are having our second baby,” Lauren smiles goofily at that, her happiness only radiating more when I call the baby ours, “but I also found out just how much I want this baby. I’m so happy with you, Lauren.”  
“And I’m happy with you. I always have been. And you don’t understand how fucking ecstatic I am about having this baby with you. Our little family is getting bigger, baby.” Spontaneously, she takes my lips passionately in hers and I can only reciprocate for a moment until she pulls back. And there are those baby hormones again. “All we need now is a puppy and a house.”  
“Lauren!” I chastise when she wiggles her eyebrows and squeezes my thighs. “Don’t you think that’s a little-”  
“Too soon? Nu-uh. Maybe the puppy. I’m new to the whole new-born business, I don’t think I could handle a puppy and a baby at the same time. Not to mention Emelia. She’ll be chasing the dog all day and it’ll be terrifying looking after the four of you.”  
“The four of us? Why am I so bad to be looking after?” I tease, poking her in the tummy like she, annoyingly, always does to me. Maybe not now with the baby mind you.  
“It’s not bad but you’re insatiable. You occupy my attention all the time. That shit is dangerous when we’ve got two kiddies and a puppy.”  
“You’re really set on this puppy aren’t you?”  
“Of course. We’re not getting a cat so it’s either a puppy or a parrot.” Her eyes drift off to the wall again and I hear her whisper to herself, “I’ve always wanted a parrot.”  
“Babe, you’re getting distracted. Forget about the puppy, the parrot and our future home. Think about the fact I just told you I’m pregnant.” Her attention turns back to me and a wide grin sets across her face. “I thought you’d like to know, I did the math and it turns out, our mini Jauregui, was conceived that first weekend together. On your birthday weekend at the beach house.”  
“Best birthday present ever.” Her charming smile is wiped away with a kiss. I encompass her bottom lip with mine and I explore her mouth gently. Lauren’s slightly cold fingertips wander up my shirt again, and I flinch when they settle at the bottom of my tummy. “It’s all so surreal,” she mutters against my lips, her fingertips now stroking lengths over the still-flat stomach. “What made you take a test? You were still having periods and like we said, you’re still on the pill. What made you think that this is a possibility?”  
I lean back away from her body and cradle her face in my hands again while my mind takes a return journey, retracing its development to this stage. “Dinah suggested it.” Lauren’s eyebrows raise and her mouths open to speak but I continue before she can. “She noticed the mood swings. The fact I kept having a go at you and Emelia. Remember that day Lia didn’t want to go school, we stayed at home and I got all bitchy with you down the phone? Well, Dinah pointed it out and said I should take a test. I didn’t want to because I thought it’d never be the case but she was right. The test was positive… obviously. Well, tests. I took lots!”  
I laugh in memory of the moment I found out I was expecting Lauren’s child. I’m laughing now, I wasn’t laughing then. Dinah had addressed my bitchy attitude, my appetite – sexual and otherwise – and she remembered I reacted the same in the early stages of my pregnancy with Emelia. She was concerned for me but ultimately, she wanted me to get my shit together. She knew how much I was hurting Lauren, and confusing my daughter. Dinah went to the store shortly after confronting me, buying multiple pregnancy tests because she knew I would just be in denial. And I was after the first positive test, but not after the fourth consecutive result.  
I didn’t cry, nor did I smile. I wrapped all the tests in tissue and threw them in the trash can, thankful for its lid so nobody could openly see them. I curled into a ball on my bed shortly, just staring at the pictures of Lauren and our daughter on my phone. I knew we’d all be happy as a family, the four of us. But the timing was shit. Lauren and I’s relationship wasn’t, and still isn’t, where it should be to extend our family. I wasn’t upset or angry about the pregnancy, more so uncomfortable with the idea. Carrying our second child wasn’t what I wanted.  
But actually seeing our baby, I knew that’s what I wanted. I wanted something that Lauren has always needed: a family.  
“Did you tell Dinah before you told me?” Lauren’s question interrupts, and I frown at her teary eyes and pout. “Does Dinah know about this baby?”  
“Baby, don’t be sad,” I plead. Her face drops and tucks itself into my neck. Well at least she’s not pushing me away – I would. “Lauren, I had to. She asked about the results and I had to talk to someone about it. I wasn’t ready to tell you.” She meets my gaze for a moment and I decide that we won’t need to buy a puppy if we have her.  
“Who else knows?” Fuck.  
“Well, Normani knows. She found the scan picture in my purse yesterday,” I explain to her. “She’s probably told Ally.”  
“This is my baby, Camila!” Lauren whines and settles her hands around my waist, tugging me closer again and dropping her forehead to my breasts. “Why did everyone else find out before I did? This is my baby. My family.”  
“I know, Lauren. But I haven’t told anyone else,” I say when I realise she’s started to cry again. I don’t want to lie, but I don’t want to upset her. I can’t tell her about Abbey knowing, she wouldn’t forgive me. “This is between us now. Me and you. We can tell whoever we want, whenever we want.”  
Lauren’s sobs continue but she looks up at me and her lips stretch into a grin. “My parents will be really happy.” Her smile spreads and her cries become a laugh. Lauren falls back onto the bed and I quickly hold my arms out to stop from falling directly on her body. “I can’t wait to tell my parents. They haven’t known about Emelia for very long, they’re gonna be ecstatic with this!” She laughs to herself for a moment and I slowly ease myself onto her body, shifting my butt so it sits on her lower tummy and stretching over to kiss her lips.  
“We can tell them as soon as you want to.”  
“Can we tell your parents at the same time? Maybe get them all together for dinner or something? We can do it at my place.” Lauren’s excitement and happiness for this baby is radiating. Though there have been cries, my heart is still sore of adoration for my girlfriend and that hasn’t stopped. I knew not to ever doubt Lauren’s overwhelming support for this baby. I knew my only worry was me not feeling the same way.  
I wonder how Lauren would have reacted if I wasn’t happy.  
Before I could question for too long, Lauren rolls the both of us over on the bed so she’s leaning above me. “Is there a way we could arrange another scan soon? I don’t want to wait so long for the next scheduled one, I just want to see my baby. Can we do that?”  
“I’ll call up today and ask. I’m sure we can, and I’d love for you too. I can’t believe I was so selfish by doing that without you.”  
“What’s done is done. I wish I could have been there with you but there’s always more to come and I will be there with you at every single one.”  
“How are you so understanding?” I ask quietly, caressing the woman’s perfect jaw. “You’re incredible and I’m so lucky to have you. I’m so lucky to have my children with you.” Lauren’s face softens and her eyes well with tears again. “And for that I’m going to be completely honest with you. I did something, so, so stupid.” Her eyebrows arch adorably and it’s almost distracting. “I told Abbey.”  
“Abbey? You told your ex-girlfriend!”  
“That night she came to my work-”  
“That night she kissed you?!” Lauren’s face contorts in anger and she moves to lift herself off the bed but I quickly grab at her t-shirt, keeping the woman on top of me despite her wishes. “Why would you tell her before me?”  
“I was scared. I was scared because I didn’t know how I felt about the baby but I knew how I felt about you. I knew I loved you and I was afraid my indecision would ruin us. She was there when I thought you wasn’t. I could tell her; I couldn’t tell you. I’m so sorry, Lauren.” I hold her gaze firmly and watch as she processes my words. “Please forgive me for lying to you?”  
After a few moments, she finally nods and I release a breath I didn’t know how I was holding. “Of course I’ll forgive you. Thank you for telling me the truth now. I’m very sorry you felt I couldn’t be there for you. I don’t want you to go through things like that alone ever again, right? Never again. I’m always gonna be here.”  
She cuddles me into her arms and I had never felt so grateful. I definitely do not deserve her. “Nobody else knows?”  
“No, I promise.”  
“Ok, baby.” Lauren moves from on top of me to my side, pulling my body with hers and cradling me in her arms again. She guides my face toward hers and I could do nothing but kiss her. It’s like that for a while. Just kissing the mother of my children while a hand of hers trails down my arm and rests on my tummy. Her fingertips delicately trace my faint abs and she pulls away from the kiss to watch her touch with a smile on her face. “Did you tell Abbey about me? You know, how the baby can be mine?”  
“Of course not. It’s not my story to tell.” Lauren nods slowly to herself for a moment and takes a deep breath. Her five second burst of confidence.  
“I think we should tell people.”  
Despite the seriousness in her voice, she giggles at my wide eyes and mouth. Lauren’s fingers continue their journey over my tummy, still smiling to herself as she watches the movements. “Lauren, are you serious?”  
“Of course I am. I don’t want your friends and family to think you’ve been unfaithful because you haven’t. I don’t want my work friends to think that either - I talk about you a lot, you know, and I won’t stop until everyone in the building knows about the new addition to our family. You haven’t been unfaithful and you don’t deserve to be treated like you have. But not only that, I want to show the world how proud I am of having you and my two children. I want everyone to know. I don’t care if people want to call me names, because I have you to look after me and I know I have to be strong to look after you.  
We’re not lying to each other and we’re not lying to other people. If they ask, I’m going to tell them. But only if you don’t mind, of course. I know if people find out the truth, some might look at you differently as well for you know, being with me.” The smile has disappeared but she’s still strong. Strong and stupid.  
“I couldn’t care less what people think. I’m not ashamed of you. If you want to be honest with people about your condition, I’m going to be there with you every step of the way.” And there’s that smile again. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”  
“And I fucking love you.” Lauren announces, capturing my lips in hers and rolling on top of me again. Her tongue battles with mine passionately and I can’t stop the moan that my lips release and my legs widening to accommodate her body perfectly. I lift and grind my centre into hers to spark something other than love in Lauren’s body and I groan when she holds my hips away from hers and pins them to the bed.  
“Mama! That’s a bad word!” Lauren quickly jumps away from me at either the surprise of a small voice interrupting, or because she doesn’t want Emelia to see us in such an intimate position.  
“I’m sorry, baby,” Lauren quickly says, “I was just excited.” The woman sits up and holds her arms out for our daughter who happily jumps into them, falling onto her mother.  
“What are you talking about?” The little girl asks sweetly, wiping the sleep from her eyes and yawning after the question. Lauren looks at me with her own question, whether we should tell Emelia now or another time.  
Our daughter has always craved attention. Not in a self-centred, diva-ish kind of way, but in a way that she just wants to be showered with love. Probably why she fell in love with Lauren so easily. Not only is the woman absolutely incredible, but she gave our daughter all the love she deserved. All the love she had always wanted from two parents. I’m not sure how she’d react when that love has to be shared.  
When Lauren and I cuddle on the couch, Emelia would always have to sit herself in between us. Like this morning, she comes into the bedroom and wants both Lauren and I’s attention, jumping in between the both of us and demanding the consideration. She does this most mornings. She doesn’t like feeling left out. Lauren and I would never intentionally leave her out but that wouldn’t stop her feeling like it when a baby arrives. She wouldn’t like having to share the attention. She especially wouldn’t like having to share Lauren’s attention with anotherperson as well as me.  
But ultimately, she going to have to get over it.  
“Lia, me and your mother want to tell you something. Something that we’re really excited about and we hope you will be too.” The small girl sharply sits up on Lauren’s lap and looks excitedly between us both; eyes wide, hands twitching at her sides.  
“Please tell me!” Lauren and I chuckle at her enthusiasm and I give my girlfriend the nod as indication for her to say it.  
“Well, your mummy has a little baby in her tummy.”  
Emelia’s eyes quickly move to my stomach and before we could gauge her expression, she holds out a hand and pokes my stomach. Lauren looks almost shocked at her reaction and I hold back a laugh knowing the woman probably wasn’t making any sense to the girl.  
“I don’t get it.”  
“What your Mama is trying to say is that, you’re going to be a big sister,” I try to explain. “We’re having a baby and he or she is going to love you so much.” Emelia looks between us both, confusion still written across her face.  
“And it’s in there?” This time pointing to my tummy instead of poking at it. “I don’t see it?”  
“That’s because he’s still small. When he grows, you’ll see mummy’s tummy grow as well. And before you know it, he’ll be here with us.” She nods as though she’s trying to understand but her features don’t reveal anything else.  
“Is it a boy? Mama said ‘he’.”  
“We don’t know yet, baby”.  
“Will you have a girl so she can play with me and Khi?” Emelia asks excitedly, not quite understanding that we still don’t know the child’s gender. She took our silence for an agreement, “yay! I’m gonna have a sister!” Lauren shakes her head in amusement but just cuddled up to our daughter anyway, kissing her forehead as she does so. “Can I say ‘fucking’ too because I’m excited? Or only Mama?”  
“Emelia!”  
–  
LAUREN’S POV  
“So she told you, huh?” I turn from watching Camila and our daughter walking into her bedroom to get dressed for the day, with the biggest smile on my face. Dinah sits on the couch next to me, wearing a very similar grin.  
“She did. I woke up to the ultrasound picture this morning.” I take the picture out of the back pocket to my jeans and stare down at it, still grinning from ear to ear.  
“I take it your happy?”  
“Of course I am. It’s incredible news!” Dinah smiles back at me and asks about this morning and I explain to her everything, the conversation with Camila herself, and then talking to Emelia. After telling our daughter this morning, we moved into the kitchen and started making a late breakfast for everyone in the house. I had never been so happy. I am still so happy.  
“I know you’re probably pissed at Mila for not telling you right away. I understand that and I did push her the day she found out but she said you both got a little distracted,” Dinah says with a smirk, wiggling her eyebrows with it.  
“Err, I mean I would have liked to find out straight away but I understand she was scared. Hey, what do you mean by that? What exact day did she find out?”  
“I don’t remember the date exactly but the night you came over and things happened. Something about a blindfold?” The smile disappears and my eyes widen, warmth already bursting around my face. The blindfold. The day she found out was the day she sucked my-  
Fuck.  
That was an incredible day for everyone.  
Well, maybe not Camila. She was scared finding out about the baby. And then she had to… Yeah.  
“I thought you’d be smiling like a satisfied teenager going down memory lane of that night, why do you look in pain? Oh god she didn’t bite it did she?!”  
Oh my God.  
“I tried to give her some tips but she wasn’t sure when it was going to happen and she probably just got nervous! She-”  
“Dinah, please stop talking.” My whole face might as well be in flames while the rest of me sweats. Camila had spoken to her about that? I shouldn’t be surprised but fuck, that’s embarrassing.  
“She didn’t bite it though did she?”  
I leave the living room without answering the woman, hearing her laugh and banging the couch with her fist as I walk through the corridor. And then, of course, I’m just smiling again.  
I near Camila’s bedroom and through the door, I listen to my daughter’s voice in there with her.  
“So you have a baby in there?”  
“Yep. And she’s really excited to meet you.”  
“Is she really?” I rest my back against the door of Camila’s bedroom, sliding down it into a seated position and listen to their excited tones with a smile on my face.  
“Of course she’s excited. She has a wonderful sister in you, who will take care of her and protect her through everything. She has mummy and I who will love her just as much as we love you. She’s very excited.”  
“Will she take you and Mama away from me?” My face follows the same scowl no doubt shown on both of my girls’ faces.  
“Of course she won’t, baby. But you will have to share. She’ll need extra looking after and we’re going to need you to help take care of her.”  
“Okay, mummy.”  
The sound of Camila kissing our daughter’s cheek followed by small footsteps and I’m falling into my girlfriend’s bedroom, my arms stretching backward to keep myself upright.  
“Lauren, what are you doing?” Camila asks with a laugh and our daughter just side-eyes me like I’m a nutter as she slips past me out of the door. Before she could get away too quickly, I lunge at her with my arms stretched to tickle her, the small girl laughing loudly before she wriggles away and waddles down the corridor and back to her room to actually get dressed this time.  
“I was just eavesdropping.”  
“Hmm, I thought so.” Camila holds out her hand for me to take hold of and I’m not so graciously pulled to my feet. “Lia just wanted to ask more about the baby. Apparently it must be a girl and be delivered by next weekend so we can all go to the park.”  
“Oh is that right?” Camila and I giggle at the little one’s request as I wrap my arms around my girlfriend’s small waist and pull her into me. “And what do you say about that? Must be a girl and must be delivered by next weekend?” I ask with crossed eyebrows and a fake British accent.  
“I say, next weekend is impossible - unfortunately.” Camila of course catches my timid smile. Next weekend. I could only wish we welcome our second child so soon. “About the gender? I don’t really care if we have a girl or a boy. As long as they’re healthy and have your stunning green eyes again, I’ll be happy.” I hold my adorable girlfriend closely through a kiss, alternating between her top and her bottom lip to hold between mine. My hands slip under her robe to find bare skin and I hold her even closer. “What about you?”  
“If only it could be next weekend.” Camila smiles when she notes how genuine my answer is, maybe now with us, nothing is too soon. Nothing was ever too soon. “But you don’t want to come out that quickly do you, nugget? You wanna stay in the warm where mummy can look after you all time?” I ask the… not bump… I ask Camila’s tummy, rubbing my thumb against the skin as we both look down at our child’s home for the next couple of months. “About having a girl or a boy. Either would be perfect. Or both.”  
“No, Lauren. We’re just having the one.”  
“Shame,” I whisper against her lips, lightly pecking them again. Camila doesn’t understand the concept of lightly and so when I move back in for another small kiss, she’s immediately trying to find entrance into her my mouth with her delicious tongue. Fuck, she did always taste so good. For a couple of moments, I enjoy it. I enjoy holding my girlfriend in my arms, stroking at her bare waist and her shapely hips, suckling on her talented tongue. She moans into my mouth and her hands drop to the belt of my jeans. At that very moment, I realise something I wanted to ask before. “Wait, wait, wait.” Camila pulls back and gazes back at me with her doey-brown eyes. “Hold on, is this why you’ve been so horny for the past few weeks?”  
“Lauren, is that what you wanted to stop me for? Even before the baby I was always horny but yes, it’s made me wanting you a whole lot worse and that’s why I’m trying to hide it but I’m really fucking pissed you’ve stopped kissing me.”  
“Ohh, and there’s the temper too.” I point out. “How did I miss the signs?” After a small chuckle to myself, recognising how hopeless I was to not identify all the symptoms Camila has shown for the past couple of weeks, I look back at Camila to find she is not laughing with me. “Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to ask you. Oh yeah,” and then I remind myself of something else, “Dinah told me the day you found out about the baby was the day you… you know… to me.”  
“The day you blindfolded me and I have gave you a blowjob? Yes, Lauren. Can we just keep kissing please?” I overcome my vulnerability to her confidence and I shake my head of the flashback. Camila and I can’t both get horny; we’ll get nothing done.  
“But no, that’s not what I wanted to ask either. Sorry, I keep getting side-tracked.” Camila shakes her head, either with amusement or frustration, I’m clearly terrible at picking up signals so I make no attempt to guess which one. “It’s probably way too early to think about names or whatever but can I make a suggestion?” Her eyebrows shape with confusion and she shakes her head out of her horny state and smiles at me with sincerity. “You can veto it completely if you want, like I said it’s just a suggestion, but, if this baby’s a boy, how about Michael?” I finally ask, with slight confidence but more hesitation.  
“Of course I’m not going to veto it. Maybe if you said something utterly ridiculous I might have but that’s not ridiculous. I really like it. Michael, after your father?” I adjust my body side to side as though I’m weighing up how heavily influenced my father’s name is on the suggestion.  
“I guess, kinda. But, that was my name.” Camila’s eyes widen yet soften and I hesitate whether I’m making the right decision by saying these things. “My birth name was Michael. After my Dad probably, yeah. And so when I changed it to become Lauren, I used the Michael and turned it into Michelle for my middle name. Michael would have only dreamt of this happening to him and I thought it’d be nice to have something, or someone, that always reminded me of him. Beside the penis, of course.”  
“Michael.”  
“Yeah, do you like it?” I ask after Camila doesn’t say anything else. She eventually smiles and arouses one to my lips, wrapping her arms around my waist to cuddle into my chest. I kiss the top of her head and find us swaying from side to side.  
“I love it. And I love you.”  
“I love you too, Camila.” I whisper into the mane of brunette locks. “You make me the happiest woman in the world.”


	29. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
Lauren and I had kept the pregnancy news to ourselves for a little while. There’s always a danger of telling people too early because if something were to happen to the baby, more people are affected. But now at 4 months pregnant, Lauren and I couldn’t wait to tell people. That’s not to say we didn’t enjoy our little bubble of uninterrupted happiness because we did. The last month or so since having told Lauren about our second child has been incredible.  
The woman has been more attentive and caring than she used to be and that’s saying something because she’s a puppy at heart, always loving, always wanting to protect and care for me. She has been very wary about my stress levels, encouraging me not to take on any more shifts at work and to not bother with the finances, she and Dinah could do that. Lauren soon learned that being pregnant doesn’t make me unable to do things and I never like to be bossed around. She relented eventually but that’s not to say she stopped her efforts in looking after me.  
We had been staying at her place more frequently than we had before. Lauren had decorated one of the bedrooms, officially making it Emelia’s and we even bought some extra clothes together so I could have some at her place, and some of hers at mine. It was almost unspoken how the arrangement had worked. We were a family before knowing that our small family was growing, pushed the woman to start considering out future a lot more. I think we’re moving into Lauren’s place. But that is what’s unspoken. I’m not sure, but I am waiting for her to ask. Then we could continue our lives as a real, domestic little family.  
No matter how much I thought about it before, nothing could prepare me for how Lauren would react to this pregnancy. It’s overwhelming, really.  
Literally. The amount of times I’ve balled my eyes out recently simply for Lauren cuddling up to me and stroking my tummy. I’ve had to blame it on the baby hormones because really, I was getting quite pathetic.  
We had each made calls to our parents last week, inviting them over for dinner at Lauren’s place this weekend so we could tell them the news. It’s something that never would been said over the phone, primarily being that Lauren is such a sap and wants to break the news to her family properly. They had cried a lot when she informed them about Emelia apparently. They had cried a lot when they met Emelia. Apparently they cried a lot when Lauren told them we were officially together and that I loved her back. I don’t know if it’s cute or almost sadistic that she wants to watch them cry again.  
Lauren stands beside me at the hospital, watching wide-eyed at the screen opposite her, waiting to finally see the live image of our baby as the transducer moves around my tummy. I can only watch her. Her eyes search quickly around the screen and finally fixate, her eyebrows crease and her mouth widens to which she holds a hand over it. I know Dr Matthews is talking her through the image, explaining what it is she can see in the image, what she will be able to see soon.  
“Are you sure there’s only one?” Lauren asks after a few minutes, a clear cast of hopefulness in her voice.  
“I’m sure.” Dr Matthews laughs off the disappointed look to her face before pushing buttons on the machine beside her.  
“Let’s just focus on this one for now, shall we?” Lauren laughs at nods at the question though clearly suggesting she wants to expand our family even more. Though having three kids isn’t on the agenda right, knowing how much Lauren would love the idea of more babies is rather satisfying. The doctor calls for our attention again and Lauren is back to staring wide-eyed at the screen, waiting for something to happen.  
“Oh wow.” The heartbeat sounds and like my reaction a little over a month ago, Lauren cries, hard. She folds her body at the waist and curls into my neck, her hands move up to the side of my face before entangling her fingers in my hair. “That’s our baby.” I cry with her, circling my arms around her neck and holding her close to me, Lauren’s body shifting more comfortably as she seats herself on the bed beside me. I faintly hear the doctor excuse herself but I focus instead on the mother to my children, stroking her hair and rubbing at her shoulders to calm the tears.  
“Are you okay?” I ask into her head of hair as the tears start to subside. Lauren looks up at me with an adorable smile, blotchy cheeks and shining eyes and I simply smile back at her, tucking strands of her back behind her ears. She nods her head quickly and raises it gently to press her lips against me. Her lips are slippery from the tears but still perfect and plump like always.  
“Thank you for giving me the life I’ve always wanted.”  
–  
“Lauren, she’s not a nugget.”  
“Well, he looks like a nugget. Just a huge one with a nose. And a chin. Kinda. I think that’s his chin.” Lauren inspects the ultrasound closely. It’s a few days after the second ultrasound, where Lauren finally got to hear her heartbeat and live images of our child, and I’ve caught her looking at it a few times now. This time we find ourselves laying on top of the bed, my breath still hazy from our make out session only minutes ago. It didn’t take me long to get riled up for her, it never does, but she pulled away before too long and reminded herself to fetch the picture from the drawer to show our parents this weekend. It wouldn’t have taken me long to come undone but no, she couldn’t let me have it.  
“She doesn’t look like a nugget”.  
“Yes, he does. He’s all bean-shaped.”  
“Oh, and nuggets look like beans do they?” I scoff, folding my arms across my chest, still antsy from the fact I’m ridiculously turned on and she’s not doing anything about it. God, that’s going to be uncomfortable to endure over dinner.  
“Don’t be mean. What else am I supposed to call him considering you didn’t want to discuss baby names yet?”  
“Not ‘him’ for starters. We’re having a girl, Lauren. I carried exactly the same with Emelia. I know what I’m talking about.” I’m adamant about it.  
“But you’re not all big and tubby yet.” I point my eyes at her in a frown, quickly angry at her for joking about my foreshadowed weight gain. “You said that your pregnancy symptoms were different and you don’t know how you’re carrying yet, in the front or the back in regards to the weight, so you don’t really know anything I don’t.” Lauren says smugly. I point my eyes at her again in silent question as to how she’s knows this stuff. I know she’s bought pregnancy books but she hasn’t gotten that far into them.  
“Where did you learn that?”  
“Normani. She’s been guiding me a lot with ways to help you, after all she had to help Ally when she was carrying.” Lauren and the dark-skinned woman had been very close recently and it was lovely to see. Normani had lots of advice to give Lauren, ways to deal with my mood swings, cravings, general ways to help me be more comfortable, and she’s done a great job.  
Apart from eating my mangoes. I’d crave for them in the evenings and Lauren had made sure we were stocked up, but she would just always eat them. I’d go to sleep and find her eating them in the morning. Emelia was no better. Though, my daughter was help in getting rid of all the bananas I had initially bought, thinking I’d want them like I did when I was carrying her. But baby number two really doesn’t like the fruit.  
Lauren didn’t care too much either when I revealed to her that her intern, and former student, Derek is Normani’s brother. She figured as much. The physical similarities, the family name, the same closed-mindedness (initially). Normani was very apologetic for both of their behaviours but Lauren had gotten over it. Neither people caused her any dissatisfaction anymore and according to Lauren, even if the discrimination continued, she had no reason to care: she was happy.  
–  
“Oh my God.”  
“What’s up, Camz?” Lauren strides into the bedroom, already dressed in her typical dark jeans, topped with a white blouse. She checks the time on her watch and frowns a little before looking at me again. “Our parents are gonna be here soon. How come you’re still not dressed?” She closes the bedroom door behind and reclines onto the bed, ankles crossed and resting against the pillows to watch me.  
“My jeans aren’t going on!” I almost growl, gripping the waistband and tugging harder. “Only four months fucking pregnant and already, my favourite pair of jeans aren’t going passed my thighs!”  
“Because you’ve got a big butt, baby.” I glare at her find a boyish grin that I usually find a adorable. Now it’s just irritating.  
“You’re not helping.”  
“You didn’t ask for my help. Would you like some?” She’s trying to mock me.  
“Shut up, Lauren.” She holds her hands up in defeat and reclines into the bed again, eyes travelling my semi-exposed body. I tug harder at the waistband of my jeans before hastily taking them off and throwing them to the floor, being sure to grunt and huff so Lauren can hear just how pissed I am.  
“Why is my ass getting bigger? It’s ridiculous. My boobs are still tiny but my fucking ass, the one thing that didn’t need to get any bigger, is the only thing following the rules for this pregnancy!”  
After a few moments of smiling adoringly yet never taking her eyes off my body, Lauren finally addresses me; holding out her arms and waiting for me to walk into them, which I do. She may be an asshole. But she’s mine.  
“Your ass has gotten a little bigger.” I almost walk away from her. Bravo for pointing out the fucking obvious. “But that just gives me more of you to love.” Lauren’s hands move from the back of my thighs to my ass, her lips joining my tummy as she does so. “And this is getting a little bigger too,” Lauren says, offering her tongue into the kiss with the skin on my tummy, her hands starting to knead at the cheeks in each palm, “and I love it.” My knees buckle when she kisses my tummy like she would my mouth, lips latching onto the skin and her tongue darting out to massage me. “And trust me,” one her hands move to the front of my body, stroking upward before fingering a cup of my bra and tugging it down, “these have also gotten bigger,” and her mouth moves again, encasing my breast into the warmth.  
“You think?” I purr, pushing my chest further into her face and pushing the hand that has my ass to hold me tighter which she complies, her fingertips grazing my centre from behind. I mewl when she pulls back and stares at my wet breast. She swiftly unclips my bra and attaches her lips to the centre of my chest, her lips and tongue worshiping every inch of my breasts and nodding to my question emphatically.  
Lauren had given my breasts the same treatment last week, after pointing out the fact my nipples had gotten slightly darker. It was novel to her and she was strangely excited. She even went to Google to find out why. I didn’t really care, I just wanted her to continue. And she did, after I begged.  
That was the only time we have had sex since I told her about the baby. Not for a lack of trying on my part. I would stay in bed with her all day if I could. My body craves her. It wasn’t the most enjoyable experience because she was too paranoid about hurting the baby, which I told her was ridiculous. She couldn’t finish because she was distracted, and so I could only finish under the attention from her mouth. I knew she wanted it though. In some ways it’s like she’s more turned on, knowing that I am. Hence why she asked the doctor last week during the ultrasound: boldly asking how sex can affect the baby and grinning like an excited adolescent when she was told it was cause the baby no harm.  
I gasp when her hand sneakily slides into my panties and rubs at my always-sensitive clit. “You’re always so ready for me,” Lauren mumbles, lips still attached to my breast. She watches me as she sucks and rubs harder, and I sink down into her lap to heighten the pressure of her touch to my core. Her mouth moves to mine and I welcome her tongue instantly, completely forgetting my frustration for my jeans no longer fitting and succumbing to her touch rather than the strained time frame we have.  
“Ladies! Oh fuck!”  
I quickly turn my head to find Dinah standing in the doorway, hands over her eyes. “Cheech, what the fuck? You could at least knock!”  
“What if the kids had seen this?” She says amused. Without asking if it was safe to look, which of course it wasn’t, she takes her hand away from her eyes and folds her arms in faux-disappointment.  
“Well they wouldn’t have understood what was happening. Mummies cuddling.”  
“Mila, don’t be stupid. I came to tell you anyway, your parents have arrived,” she says, pointing to Lauren, “so I’m going to head out. The food is still heating up but should be good to go. Khi and I will probably back tomorrow night because Leon has plans for us all day tomorrow.” While she talks, I stand up from Lauren’s lap and quickly rush in search for clothes knowing that the woman’s parents are already here, frustrated again that I’m going to have to endure dinner a hot, wet mess.  
After saying goodbye, Dinah leaves the bedroom with Lauren on her trail, the green-eyed woman stopping in front of the full length mirror to rearrange her blouse and jeans. I giggle when she whispers all profanities to herself in the discomfort of leaving her hard on unattended and tucked away in tight jeans. It might be uncomfortable as fuck but at least hiding my arousal wasn’t a painful process.  
It may have been a little over the top but after I gave up entirely of finding jeans that would go past my butt, I settle for a short summer dress and walk toward the living room to greet Lauren’s parents. Their laughter from the walls makes me smile, especially hearing the noise from Lauren and our daughter, and it squashes any ounce of nerves I had about telling our parents – I know they’re going to be happy. As I near the living room, a knock at the front door sounds and I reach to open it just as Lauren does, who confidently checks me out and winks at me before opening the door.  
“Mija!” My mother calls as soon as we open as the door, embracing Lauren first and then me, my father doing the same when she had finished.  
“Lauren’s parents are already here so why don’t we get seated in the kitchen so we can have some food?” I propose. My parents follow me without question. Not really follow considering my mother steams ahead of me and toward the kitchen in excitement to meet the Jauregui’s, leaving Lauren, my father and I to pick up our step. Our mothers hug immediately, introducing themselves so Lauren and I don’t have to. Our fathers are subtler with a handshake and a grin. Lauren and I smile at how welcoming and lovely they are toward each other, my girlfriend’s grin only widening when we hear Emelia run toward the kitchen.  
“Grandpa!” She calls out and the two men turn, only for the little girl to run straight toward Mike who expectantly picks up. He apologises with a courteous nod toward my father who laughs in response, our mothers already seated at the table engaging in some conversation or another. They broke away briefly at the sound of Emelia, leaving Clara both listening intently to my mother and smiling to herself as her gaze switches from the conversation to her granddaughter in Mike’s arms.  
“How are you, little one?” Emelia nods profusely and looks to Lauren who holds a finger to her lips. We’ve had to tell our daughter not to say too much at the dinner right away, not trusting her to mention the fact she’s going to have a sibling before we would have the chance to. She holds out her arms to my father who takes her now, Mike still watching her with a smile and teary eyes. The Jauregui’s had met Emelia a couple of times now, speaks to her on Facetime constantly, but their happiness still radiates at the sight of their first granddaughter. And when she’s with Lauren? I could swear that they cry every time.  
Lauren moves around the kitchen to settle the food we strived for hours to make onto each of the plates, dishing the right portions of Bistec Empanizado for me to serve to each of our parents who are now seated at the table – Emelia obviously taking the seat at the head of the table and receiving a much lighter dish. “This looks lovely, darling,” my mother says, aiming the compliment at Lauren who shrugs and smiles in response.  
“So Camila, how’s everything with the bakery?” Clara asks.  
“Everything seems to be moving along well. If it continues like this, we’re looking to open in about 4 months I’d say. Ally and I are very excited.” Everyone gives their appraisal and Lauren’s is silent, smiling adoringly across the table from. I sit opposite from my girlfriend, our daughter in the head seat between us with our respective parents alongside us.  
“And what about you, Lauren? How’s business?”  
“It’s going well. Really well actually. I have some decisions to make actually,” and now it’s my turn to smile at the success of my girlfriend, “I was offered a job at another company called VICE which definitely appealed to me. But then Fox has offered me a raise as a bribe for me to stay. So I’m just weighing up my options for now.”  
“Which would make you happiest?”  
“Obviously VICE. I have to write stupid things for Fox and I don’t enjoy it. There’s more money there however. I might look around and see what’s happening in other companies but I don’t really know.”  
I know Lauren has been debating her next career move for a long time now, right back when we met she told me how unhappy she was with where she is now. She kept with it though, primarily so she could have a steady income to help provide for Emelia despite my wihs for her to find something that makes happy. For the past month however, since I told her we’re expecting another child, she’s working really hard to weigh up her options and go, not where the money lies, but where her heart would. I get to live out my dream of owning a bakery and so should she. Sure it isn’t ideal opening it while pregnant but Lauren insisted I do whatever would make me happy, if only she’s selfish for one moment and decides what would make her happy.  
Lauren nudges my ankle with her foot a few moments later and I look up to find her subtly nodding toward our parents as to suggest this is the time we need to tell them. Breathe, Camila. They’re going to be happy about it, just breathe. Lauren leans over to our daughter and whispers something to her, the little girl lighting up with excitement and clapping her hands to prove so, drawing the attention of her amused grandparents who stop their previous conversation with each other.  
“So guys, Emelia has something she’d like to tell you all,” Lauren says sweetly, nodding to our daughter for her announcement.  
“I’m having a baby sister!”  
She’s not having a baby sister.  
We’ve told her this.  
Our parents audibly gasp as my head falls to my hands and Lauren tries to tell Emelia again, that we still don’t know the child’s gender.  
“We don’t know if she’s having a baby sister per se, but we are having another baby!” I reveal excitedly, quickly getting over the poor but slightly adorable announcement from my daughter. Mike quickly stands up from his side and rushes round to my side, engulfing my head and shoulders into his big cuddle. I hear him sniffle and though being so close to me, it isn’t loud enough to mask the fact both my mother and Clara are bawling their eyes out.  
“How many months?” My mother asks between sobs.  
“4. I’ve only known a little over a month though.”  
“A month? How could you not tell me sooner?” She shrieks, and Emelia sits there giggling at the weird pitch she managed to reach.  
“Lauren and I wanted this to be our little secret for a while. We had to get passed that critical stage and we just wanted to enjoy the moment for ourselves.”  
“Are you going to find out the gender at your next scan?” Clara asks with a beaming smile, now standing up next to Lauren, arm around her waist after their squeezing hug.  
“Lauren doesn’t want to,” I say quickly and with faux-menace, looking at my girlfriend daringly, having already had this discussion multiple times and disagreeing at every point.  
“It ruins the surprise!”  
“It won’t change how we both feel on the day when she actually comes. We’re going to be excited regardless. Knowing the sex just helps with the planning, buying all the stuff and names.”  
“See, mommy, you said ‘she’ again!”  
“We’re not having a girl.”  
“We might have a girl.”  
“Yes, Camz, but I know we’re having a boy.”  
“You couldn’t possibly know that. If you know that then why don’t we just find out to make sure?”  
“Because I want it to be a surprise!”  
“But I want to find out!”  
Our parents watch on, laughing at Lauren and I bicker over the only two disagreements we seem to be having – Lauren adamant we’re having a boy, I believing otherwise, and whether we want to find out for sure. I exchange hugs and smiles with each of our parents while Lauren rushes off to find the pregnancy scan, excitedly showing it around when she gets back to us. My mother whispers in my ear how lucky I am to have someone like Lauren, and the woman in question receiving much of the same from her parents who, as expected, are still crying over the news.  
I serve up dessert and stop round to Lauren’s side of the table to give her the last piece, the older woman’s arm curling around the backs of my thighs and delicately resting her head to my stomach. Looking up at me to mouth ‘I love you’ and I’m a pool of emotion again, if not frustration or arousal, it’s tears. For the remainder of dinner, I sit on Lauren’s lap and she feeds me my dessert… and her dessert. The baby was hungry. Our parents prolong their goodbyes, not really wanting to leave but knowing they have to make their way home. Lauren has a long talk with her father and I know they have both started to cry again when he tugs his daughter into his arms and whispers how much he loves her.  
An hour or so later, walking back into the living room from having a warm bath, the kitchen is cleaned from Lauren’s persistence to do and she’s curled up on the couch with our daughter, both intently watching ‘Lilo and Stitch’ which plays out on the TV. I scoot onto the couch beside my girlfriend, laying my head on the part of her chest which my daughter hasn’t occupied and I wrap my arm around her waist, cuddling into her warmth.  
“So today went well,” I say quietly to Lauren, still keeping my eyes on the film.  
“Mommy, be quiet.” I reach my hand up to place over my daughter’s face and gently pushing her away. Emelia quickly grabs my arm to stop from falling and laughs into Lauren’s chest, the older woman smiling down with amusement.  
“It did go well. My parents are so excited. I think I’ve overwhelmed them.”  
“Probably. Two grand-babies in the space of a year. Must be a shock from them.”  
“A shock for them?! I’m the parent here!” Lauren laughs again, her fingers now starting to dance along my tummy. “Are your parents excited?”  
“Ridiculously so. They’re excited for me to tell Sofi too. I’m calling her in the morning. Maybe we can call Taylor and Chris at the same time?”  
“Sounds like a plan, baby.”  
“Mommy’s not a baby,” Emelia chimes in.  
“She’s not?” Our daughter shakes her head gently, still not tearing her eyes away from the film. “Then why is she so cute?”  
“Because she’s mommy.”  
“Well that’s true.”  
Well that’s adorable.  
–  
“Today was surprisingly tiring.” Lauren had just taken our daughter to bed and now we’re both preparing our own, moving the cushions to the floor and closing the curtains.  
“I know. Who knew parents could be so exhausting?” Lauren laughs, tugging off her shirt and quickly replacing it with a fresh vest top. I crawl into bed just as she strips off her pants, changing into looser boxer shorts and giving me an eye full in the process. She’s not even trying to and she looks gorgeous.  
“I know right,” I say with a sigh, already imagining Lauren crawling into the bed without any underwear and taking off my own. I look down at my oversized t-shirt and decide that I’m definitely not looking sexy enough if I wanted Lauren to continue what happened earlier. While the woman walks between the ensuite bathroom and the bed a few times in search for her hairbrush, which has always been strange because she never brushes her hair and only does it right before bed, and I slide my fingers beneath the waistband of my panties and tug them off, quickly throwing them to the floor before she realises I’ve moved.  
My eyes roam her body again when she ruffles her hair after finally brushing it, the curves of her body still enticing as ever. I really am one lucky woman. She gets under the cover ad slides into the middle of the bed where I am, relaxing onto her back and smiling at me. I immediately rest half of my body over hers, my leg falling into between hers and resting my arms on her chest to watch her face, smiling innocently as I do so.  
“You look beautiful,” I whisper, lunging for her lips and engaging in what really needed to be a much longer mix of tongue and breath.  
“So do you,” she replies with shock, not quite expecting the passion to my kiss. But I do it again anyway, her lips are just… ugh. “I thought you were tired, Camz?” She asks between kisses and pants, my body now having found its way onto hers entirely as I ground my hips into hers firmly.  
“Just shut up,” I plead.  
Out clothes come off in a haste. My haste, rather. I’m naked and stripping her in seconds, quickly taking her hand that was around my waist to between my legs and I almost collapse into her body at the first touch. I’ve been ready for her since before dinner and that was hours ago, she didn’t need to waste much time in working me up. I slide onto her member easily, my hands dropping to her tummy for leverage as I work my hips slowly against her. It doesn’t feel like enough for either us after some minutes.  
In frustration, I moved quickly off her lap, surprising the woman beneath me and kneeling on my hands and knees beside her. “Take me from behind.” Neither of us liked this position too much but in the next few minutes, it became one of my favourites. The depth of her touch wasn’t unbearable in this position, just so fucking good. Lauren did well to keep up with my own moving hips and she got a handful of my butt the entire time so she wasn’t complaining.  
Only that she wanted to see my face and breasts.  
And for me to slow down so she can enjoy it more.  
And telling me her constant fear that she’s hitting our child; trying to start a conversation about how much the child can see and feel.  
She never had been one for dirty talk.   
Lauren pushed me to the bed and rolled me onto my side shortly after my climax, still penetrating me quickly to chase her own as her hips collide with my behind. Her hands take a handful of my breasts and her tongue roams my neck and jaw with her erratic movements. “Am I hurting you?” She asks through a pant and I quickly shake my head because she was doing anything but. Minutes later and we’re coming together, Lauren moaning in my ear, I into the pillow, as her member and her fingers finish slowly at my aching centre.  
The woman collapses on the bed beside me, muttering ‘wow’ after every breath. I lay in my own daze for a moment before turning toward her and attempting to kiss her still panting mouth. I use my fingers to guide her chin toward me, her tiredness both annoying and cute, as I encourage a kiss.  
“You’re incredible,” she whispers, still in her post-coital moment of weakness.  
“You were so good, baby.” I kiss her for a few minutes, Lauren finally getting her breath back to kiss me properly. I never was one to ignore her glorious tongue. It makes the moisture and ache between my legs too prominent to overlook and I pull away from the kiss and offer a playful look. “Think you can go again?”  
“Not a chance.”  
“Lauren, please. Just once more and then we can sleep,” I pout.  
“You’re insatiable you know that, right?” She actually laughs at me. “No, Camz, I’m exhausted. Cuddle me and sleep,” she suggests, guiding my face so it’s on her chest and fidgeting her body so she’s comfortable. I kiss and suck on her neck softly, only receiving giggles from the woman and despite how cute her laugh is, it’s not quite the sound I wanted to hear from her.  
“Please, Lauren.” My hand moves from its place against her neck, down her body and toward the part I really craved. “This says you can go again,” I tease, biting deliciously onto the skin of her neck as my hand moves across her already-hardening member. Any bit of attention and it’s always ready for me. Lauren tries to inflate my ego and infers her constant arousal is because of me, but we both know it was her years of celibacy and she’s still a pubescent teenager at ‘heart’.  
“Well it’s lying. It’s sleepy too.”  
Lauren continues to be difficult. She takes my hand off her and holds it in hers against her chest, eyes closed and ready to sleep. “Laur, your defiance is making me horny again.”  
“Camila, go to sleep.”  
“But this is your fault!”  
“It’s not my fault. This is yours. You should have just gone to sleep when we finished then we wouldn’t be in this situation.”  
More moments pass and Lauren doesn’t say anything else.  
“You’re hot when you’re angry.”  
“I’m not angry. I’m tired. Please sleep.”  
“You need to help me out with my situation first. And trust me, this is going to be a lot worse as we get further into the pregnancy. You’re lucky I’m turned on all the time, some expectant mothers lose all sexual arousal.”  
“Good for me then. And I don’t need to help you out with anything. Just go to sleep.”  
“But I’m your girlfriend. Mother of your children. Future wife probably. You’re really going to let me sleep when I’m turned on?” Her eyes flicker open. I’ve got her now.  
“You’d want to marry me?” She asks sweetly. No, she’s not being sweet. She’s just trying to distract you.  
“Not while you’re being an ass.”  
“Fine.” YES! “Come up here,” Laure ushers, scooting down the bed and holding onto my thighs as she moves. Not the length I wanted but her tongue is more than good enough.  
“Do not fall asleep!” I order as I take position over her face, dropping my hips slightly to greet her mouth. She mumbles a reply, her mouth too busy to sound actual words.  
Lauren Jauregui has beautiful eyes but having them look up at you as her mouth works wonders makes them look all the more magical.   
Her mouth teased until I tugged at her hair and told her to stop fucking around. As expected, it didn’t take long for me to fall apart for the third time, gripping tightly on the bed frame and my thighs shaking either side of her head. With no grace whatsoever, I fall to the bed beside her, utterly spent much to her relief. We lazily kiss until reaching for a sip of her water, thankful for Lauren bringing it to bed. I turn off the lamp on the bedside table and cling onto her body, tucking my face into her neck and whispering ‘I love you’ and ‘thank you’ half a dozen times each. It’s silent and I thought her to be sleeping until she speaks up and makes one last dig.  
“You taste different.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. Of insistence and hormones.”


	30. The Sperm Donor

Camila’s POV  
“Lia! Could you and the girls go and get some of the lighter stuff for your room and bring it into the house? Your Aunts will grab the things from the van for you,” I shout to my daughter who continues to run through the house and attempting to hurdle over the boxes. At the idea of helping, the three little girls, including Khiara and Sasha, quickly nod their heads and move toward the van parked outside where Dinah and Normani are unloading everything.  
Lauren said I shouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting and should just boss people around all day and though it was fun for a moment, giving Dinah and everyone else orders, it quickly got boring. From the boxes that the women unloaded from the van, Ally and I decided to bring the lighter ones into the house, placing them in their respective rooms. I walk through the corridor of my new home with a box of heavy books and head toward the living room, passing Leon and Jonathon on the way who, between them, are carrying a large dining room table to deposit in the kitchen.  
Six months pregnant and Lauren tells me over a fancy dinner in a fancy restaurant that Emelia and I are moving into her house so she could be close to us all, and she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer. Not even two weeks later and Leon had managed to loan a van from his work to transfer all of Emelia and I’s things from our home with Dinah to our new home with Lauren. Our things including that of the furniture we had also bought after an expensive trip to IKEA.  
I hadn’t realised the first times I visited Lauren’s house but after a while, I realised just how bare it was. She clearly hadn’t spent too much time and effort into turning her house into a cosy family home. Primarily because she thought she would never live here with her own family. Lauren had already converted one of the spare bedrooms into Emelia’s room for nights she would stay over, and that was the only room really decorated and furnished properly.  
After accepting her offer for Emelia and I to live with her, we quickly decided to try our best at making this a family home that we would appreciate. We have replaced her white couch with something more practical now that we’re going to have messy children running around. We have had to buy an entertainment unit so all of the wires from her television and gaming system aren’t a hazard to anyone. We’re in the process of turning her chic, bachelor-pad looking house into the family home she has always wanted. She was never a bachelor anyway.  
“Ah, I’ll take this!” Lauren’s voice interrupts, meeting me at the entrance of the living room and taking the box from my hands, depositing a kiss on my lips as she does so. “Relax, baby. Don’t strain your body with heavy boxes.”  
“Lauren, they’re books.”  
“They’re heavy books. Carry the cushions,” she says with a wink, holding my hands in hers after she puts the box on top of the others in the living room. “How are you feeling?” I probably get this question ten times a day. It’s endearing and equally annoying. But she’s loving and protective – she can’t help it.  
“I’m good. The baby’s kicking a lot today. Maybe she’s just as excited as I am about moving in with you.” I wrap my arms around the back of Lauren’s neck and steer her lips in toward mine.  
“Well that makes three of us.” Lauren smiles softly and holds her hand to my tummy, giggling against my lips when she quickly feels the little one kick against her hand. With the sound of small feet running down the stairs and our daughter laughing excitedly, Lauren adds, “let’s make that four of us.”  
“Did you want us to start moving this old one out, Lo?” I stop kissing her for a moment so we can both pull back and guide our attention toward the two men standing beside the white couch about to be replaced. Leon and Dinah have gotten even stronger over the past few months, to the point now that he’s actually moving into my old place so they can live together. Lauren and I’s interrogation of the man clearly wasn’t enough when he was later forced to endure another one from Jonathon. There was no way he would let his daughter Khiara live with a man he didn’t get to know first.  
The two men became fast friends and along with Lauren, the three of them would often hang out together with takeout food and watching games from whatever sport it is they all bonded over. Apparently the guys have been encouraging her to take up golf with them. God forbid she says yes.  
“That’ll be great, guys. I’ll help with you it.” They nod and turn back to the couch, trying to find a good grip on the bottom. “I’ll see you soon, baby. Don’t lift anything too heavy! I’ll do that.” With a kiss to the forehead and her thumb rubbing over my tummy, Lauren smiles softly and ducks away from me, over to the two men.  
Emelia, Khiara and Sasha seem to have abandoned their duties of taking her things from the van and up to her room when I look outside the window to find them running around in our new back garden. My daughter had never had a garden before and now because of Lauren, she gets one.  
After moving everything from the van and into the house, we all settle down with the large pizzas Lauren had got delivered, a way of saying thank you to our helpers, and a way to satisfy my cravings. If I couldn’t have her then a pizza is a distant second. Not a close one. Nothing could come close to Lauren Jauregui’s love.  
The women help us to start unpacking the boxes, leaving things dotted around the room for Lauren and I to put into place. With all of their help, the move was a lot swifter than I had imagined much to Lauren’s relief. She wanted Emelia and I to live with her but she did everything she could to avoid causing any stress for me and the baby. Boxes still scatter around the house at 10 pm, all necessary items put into their places while tonnes more are still left to be unpacked. Our helpers leave with sleeping children in their arms, and while Lauren carries our daughter up to bed, I settle myself into Lauren’s bed that I can now call ours.  
“She’s out like a light. I think she was exhausted from running around all day,” Lauren says, moving into the bedroom and into the ensuite to brush her teeth.  
“I know. I can tell already just how excited she is to live here. She loves that garden.”  
“Well I’m glad. It’s not huge but it’s big enough for maybe a swing-set. What do you think?”  
“She would love that. I mean, a pool would be nice too but I’ll settle for the swing-set,” I say with a wink.  
“Maybe one day, Camz.” Lauren climbs into bed shortly after, kicking off her jeans and tugging her shirt off. She never did wear a bra anymore and I loved it. “Are you tired?” Her eyebrows raise and she smirks at me, rolling onto her side so she is half on my body, one hand finding its place on the lower end of my tummy.  
“A bit. Why do you ask?” I knew why she was asking. Normally it’s me asking.  
“I just thought I’d make love to my beautiful girl, and mother of my children, in our new home. A celebration of sorts.” Lauren’s lips find the edge of my neck, her tongue and teeth coming out to playfully bite and suck on the skin.  
“I’m not sure I’m in the mood,” I say teasingly, tilting my head back and opening up the canvas for her lips. I’m always in the mood.  
“Are you sure, baby?” Her hand dips down to between my legs, rubbing with ease and purpose, my legs falling open in response. “I think you’re in the mood.”  
“Nope.”  
“You will be soon,” she says with determination, squeezing my thighs yet pushing them to the bed when I jump in surprise. I giggle when her lips attach themselves to my breasts, and she giggles as I squirm in response, tugging at her hair to pull her mouth away from my sensitive skin. Lauren’s adorable laugh sounds against the rest of body as she peppers delicious kisses to every inch available to her, not resisting when I try to wriggle away from her, my own laughs also sounding the room. Her lips find my pelvis and that’s when the baby decides to wake up and order womb service.  
“Ooh, baby. Before you do that, could you fetch me some mangoes?”  
–  
“Lo! What do you think of this one? Lauren?” I quickly turn around with a scowl on my face to find out why she’s ignoring me, and I see her cheeks puffed out, eyes wide yet still managing to wiggle her eyebrows as she stares at our daughter. The little girl laughs from her seat attached to the shopping cart, staring back at her mother and trying to imitate. Emelia’s having one of her Diva days again yet her mother can always find ways to make her laugh. Even if that means completely ignoring me. “Lauren, please start paying attention. This stuff is important!”  
“I am paying attention!” Lauren deflates her cheeks, relaxes her eyes and folds her bottom lip over in self-pity.  
“Lia, is your Mama paying attention to me?” The little girl switches her gaze between the both of us, my pointed look and Lauren’s puppy frown, eyes furrowed in concentration. A cheeky grin appears on Emelia’s face.  
“No.”  
“Snitch!”  
“Now, now, children.” Emelia and I both laugh at the puppy frown that remains on the older woman’s face, whimpering lightly to gauge the sympathy from our daughter. “Don’t be sad. It’s not your fault Lia knows I’m always right.”  
I curl my arms around Lauren’s neck and on my tippy toes I reach up to attach our lips. The frown remains for a few moments, only making our daughter giggle some more, before finding the sound too endearing to not laugh herself. I break away to plant another kiss to her cheek, my baby bump pressed gently against her tummy. With a written checklist of all things needed for our new baby, we continue to make our way through the store; Lauren taking the time to touch, press and play with every children’s toy she can find much to Emelia’s amusement.  
“Oh, Lauren! We should get that one!” I say excitedly, pointing to a padded out stroller up high on one of the units. Lauren walks a few yards behind, still pulling funny faces at our daughter and pushing the already full shopping cart. At least she’s actually listening this time.  
“What, the grey and black one?”  
“Mhm. I’ll go and fetch a guy to get it down for us so we can see it properly.” Lauren offers me her lips to kiss as I walk past her and toward the end of the store in search for an employee. We had been here for a few hours now and hopefully were finishing up. Lauren has been worried about keeping me on my feet all day, suggesting that at 7 months pregnant I should stay at home and put my feet up. I couldn’t let her buy everything though, she’d come home with only things black.  
I quickly find an employee and together, we walk back toward Lauren and Emelia. They’re not alone, however, and as I near closer I can make out a slim, beautiful blonde woman, her hand resting on Lauren’s bicep. My pace quickens and I’m already angry she hadn’t told this stranger to leave, though I quickly see that the woman isn’t a stranger at all. It’s Charlotte.  
“He’s not the Jauregui I wanted and I think we both know that.”  
Lauren’s eyes quickly dart from the woman to me – an angry pregnant woman – and they widen in alarm, moving Charlotte’s hands from touching her and stepping between the two of us. Her hands find my waist and she holds me back as my hands clench, my teeth grit and my face lights with rage. The green-eyed woman looks at me pleadingly, silently begging for me not to angry with either of them. Seconds pass and the one I didn’t want to hear speak does so anyway.  
“Congratulations with the baby, Camila.” She offers a tight smile and leaves with a haste, not bothering to look at Lauren again and wiping at her eyes. Lauren doesn’t watch her leave but I do. When Charlotte is out of sight, I turn back at Lauren and completely ignore the man I invited over to help us.  
“What the fuck was that, Lauren?”  
“It was nothing, babe, I promise. She was just in the store for her sister, saw me and decided to come over.” Her hands remain on my waist and she tugs me closer, eyes widening when I resist and push her hands away. Just when everything is going perfect, and some bitch comes along to put me in a shit mood.  
“The last time I asked you about her, you said it was ‘nothing’, and now we both know that was a lie.”  
“Camila, honestly. What could possibly happen in the seconds you were gone? She came over and said Hi, that’s all,” Lauren attempts to explain, eyes still wide and pleading.  
“I heard her say that she didn’t want Chris, she wanted you. What the fuck is all that about? That’s not just saying Hi to me, and I thought you hadn’t spoken to her in months anyway? You randomly bump into her and she says something like that.”  
“It’s not like that, Camila. Yes, she said that, but that’s only because she said that she and Chris broke up. My family haven’t told me that. Chris hasn’t told me that. But she didn’t know that we were having a baby, Camz, and she didn’t know because she’s no longer with Chris to find out. She just got a bit jealous.”  
“So she breaks up with your brother and her reason is that she’s wanted you all along? Lauren, that’s fucked up.” I move around Lauren and take hold of the shopping cart, kissing the top of Emelia’s head who sits there silent and sad having witnessed Lauren and I argue, and I walk toward the checkout. “That’s really fucked up,” I mutter as I have to walk past Lauren, the woman stationary and holding her head in her hands.  
The cashier is still scanning our items when Lauren finally reaches us at the checkout, bringing the stroller that I liked with her. I keep my arms crossed and a scowl on my face, even when she leans forward and plants a kiss on my cheek before moving around me to pay for everything on her card. Or rather, our card, after Lauren set us up a joint bank account.  
“You can ignore me all you want, Camila, but I’m not going to say sorry. I didn’t do anything wrong.”  
I hadn’t said anything to her since we loaded the car in silence and requested a delivery on the larger items that won’t squeeze in. Her hand rests on my thigh and for the entire journey I have to pretend that I can’t feel her warm skin on me. Lauren chooses not to say anything else for most of the ride and I don’t like the fact she’s playing me at my own game. I’d rather get answers from her than achieve nothing from offering silence.  
“So why didn’t Chris tell you they broke up?” I ask softly yet pointedly, deciding that I want those answers but I’m still pretty pissed.  
“Charlotte told him. About she and I. He probably just didn’t want to talk to me about her.”  
“But wouldn’t he be angry or something? You spoke to him the other week and he seemed ok.”  
“I thought he would be. I mean, it’s not like she ever cheated on him with me. I did date her first. But yeah, I thought he would be mad that we didn’t say anything. I’ll call him later and apologise, ask why he never told me about the two of them.”  
“It’s probably like you said, he just didn’t want to talk about her with you. Your family love you to pieces and he wouldn’t start a fight with you over somebody like her. If he mentioned the break up then he would have to explain why, and to do that he would have to explain how he knows about the two of you. I don’t think either of you wanted that conversation to happen.”  
“You’re probably right,” Lauren says with a sigh.  
“I’m always right.” Lauren mutters something under her breath, smiling to herself after. I’m still a little bit mad, but I smile anyway, biting my lip to hide it.  
–  
“Happy birthday, princess.”  
Emelia had just finished blowing out her candles when Lauren says those words that just make her smile a little more. We both loved it when the older woman called us ‘princess’. Our daughter claps excitedly when I start to cut the cake, giving her the first piece and put other slices on plates for our guests. The children gather around the table quickly to get theirs – Lauren and Dinah included.  
Though nearing my due date, Lauren and I still wanted to throw a birthday party for our daughter, the older woman being excited for weeks to do so. She had hired out a bouncy castle for Emelia and her friends, though it was Lauren and Dinah who spent most of their time on it. While Ally and I made the cake for her birthday, the green eyed woman spent the prior weeks online trying to find the perfect gifts for our daughter. Lauren hadn’t stopped smiling since this morning when our gifts were unwrapped and Emelia was the happiest child. As a mother, it was the first time she had experienced her child’s birthday and if she wasn’t smiling, then she would be crying.  
Toward the end of her party with some guests already starting to leave, I look outside the kitchen window to find Lauren and our daughter jumping on the bouncy castle together, both giggling and laughing loudly to the point I can also hear them. I hold a hand to my stomach at the moment I wince in slight pain.  
“Are you alright?” I turn to find Dinah with dirty plates and glasses in her hand, bending over to load the dishwasher.  
“Yeah I’m okay. The baby’s just kicking a lot today. Doesn’t help that my back is killing me.”  
“Maybe you should sit down,” Dinah says, pulling up a kitchen chair and helping me to ease onto it, “you don’t want Lauren to find you in pain yet still walking around and doing nothing about it.” I smile at the notion that all of our friends know how protective Lauren is, they all know how brilliant she has been in.  
“Yeah that’s probably best. Though, if she sees I’m in discomfort, then she might give me another massage,” I say, winking at Dinah who laughs in response. Massages had become our new favourite thing, from my feet to my thighs, my back and my neck. Lauren loved doing it and it was almost, almost as good as sex.  
“That woman dotes on you.”  
“I know. I’m so lucky. She’s incredible.” I extend my neck to try and get a better view of her through the window and I see that she is now laying on the castle, Emelia across her torso and they’re both talking about something or another, both smiling and still giggling. Wishing I was out there with them, I start to complain some more about my feet and my back, in hope the guests, including Dinah, gets the idea I want to be left alone with my family. I love them all to pieces but the house is tidy, the kids are cranky, and I just want to be with my family.  
They leave soon after and I walk out into the garden to find Lauren and Emelia where I saw them last, regaining that position after saying goodbye to our friends and family. Our daughter sits on top of the older woman’s stretched out stomach, hands in Lauren’s to hold herself up, and giggling close to her face. I wince at another sharp pain in my tummy but I am composed almost by their laughter as I ease onto the bouncy castle next to them.  
“What’s got you two all giggly?” I ask, struggling initially but eventually laying down beside Lauren, wrapping one arm around the back of my daughter so she doesn’t slip away from the both of us.  
“I said to mummy that my little sister is going to have that mark right there,” she points to the adorable freckle by Lauren’s eyebrow, “because I don’t have it so she must have it! And it’s weird!” Emelia giggles again.  
“Hey! It’s not weird. You have this one,” Lauren touches the mole at Emelia’s hairline that resembles mine. “And you don’t normally inherit specific moles from your parents so it’s unlikely going to happen! You just got lucky!” She explains, turning to me and smiling, scrunching up her nose as she subtly compliments the mark she has already told me she loves so much.  
“What’s in-ferret?”  
“Inherit, princess. It means something you can get from your parents.”  
“Like this,” Emelia leans forward and strokes the widow-peak in her mother’s hair, only the second time commenting on it since they met for the first time. “I have that too.”  
“Exactly. You got that from me!” Lauren says excitedly and I just lean onto my elbow to watch the two communicate. They’re always so happy when they’re around each other. Other than when Lauren has to give her a time-out for misbehaving, then Emelia avoids her like a plague with folded arms and crossed eyes for a good couple of hours. “But the reason why you’re so beautiful is because you’re identical to your mother over here,” she says, nudging at me playfully with her elbow.  
“You’re so sweet.” Emelia giggles excitedly as I lean over to kiss her mother softly on the lips, staying close to her to deliver some more little ones.  
“I want to kiss Mama.” Our daughter squeezes her face between us she can also get to Lauren, between the both of us, peppering her lips and cheeks with wet kisses. The woman laughs that cute-baby laugh that I never tire from hearing, the sound only stopping when I pull away with a sharp intake of breath, clutching at my stomach.  
“Are you okay, baby?” Lauren asks quickly, sitting up with Emelia still in her lap and watching me fearfully.  
“Mhm. My stomach and my back just hurts a bit.”  
“A bit or a lot?” Lauren asks in a rush, quickly holding out her arms to hold one of my hands and the other to stroke my tummy. Emelia rolls off Lauren’s lap for her mother to get closer to me, wrapping my arm across my lower back and continuing to cradle the baby. The tightening persists around and no position is comfortable when I lean on Lauren for support. I haven’t felt these in a while. “How long have you been in pain for?”  
“Just a few minutes.”  
“Were you in pain earlier?”  
“About 20 minutes ago with Dinah in the kitchen. Then about an hour before that. I’ve being having mild period pains all day though. It doesn’t hurt that much, I don’t think it’s contractions because they were worse than this when I had Emelia.”  
“Just because it isn’t as painful, it doesn’t mean it’s not contractions! I’m gonna call my Dad, see if he can come back and take Emelia for a few hours while we go to the hospital!” Lauren runs off into the house and I keel some more, the cramp intensifying before dropping off at its peak. My daughter fusses adorably, kissing my head before letting me rest on her shoulder. The older woman comes back to me with a phone held to ear and notices teary eyes and wet cheeks quickly. Her eyes widen in alarm and she runs a hand through her hair before sitting at my feet, rubbing at my thighs then stopping at my lower belly.  
“Okay, Dad, please be quick.” Lauren also fusses over me, realising the pain had subsided but still looking at me worriedly, stroking my tummy, then my cheek and my hand. “Lia, could you run upstairs and get the bag that’s at the end of mummy’s bed. It’s a bit heavy so just drag it okay?” Our daughter nods and quickly runs upstairs, Lauren taking her place for me to lean on, allowing me to tuck my head in the comfort of her neck.  
“I don’t think we need to go to the hospital, baby. It’s probably nothing.”  
“I don’t give a shit. You’re in pain and you might be having contractions. We’re going.”  
“Are you sure your parents don’t mind looking after Lia? I would call mine but they don’t get home from Sofi’s recital until this evening.”  
“Of course they don’t. They shouldn’t be too long really; they didn’t get very far. My Dad said they’ll stay here with her so they don’t take her all the way to my parents’ place then have to drive back. We live closer to the hospital.”  
“I don’t want to be a hassle to them, Lauren, really.” She shuts me up with a kiss. I don’t let her pull away when she tries – it’s a really fucking good kiss. I coax her tongue gently and massage it with mine, breaking away only when the tightening and painful ache to my tummy returns. I flinch away from Lauren and my face creases in pain. She holds me closer to her, encouraging me to kiss her again to focus on something else. Lauren worships my tongue with hers as her hands move around to cradle my stomach, rubbing her thumbs over the fabric of my shirt and distracting me perfectly.  
Emelia meets us outside shortly after, having left the bag that Lauren asked her to bring by the front door. With her presence to now distract me, Lauren walks off to the side and calls the midwife and attempts to explain the pain I’m feeling. “Oh shit!”  
“Mommy peed!”  
Well, my waters have broken but all the same.  
Lauren quickly puts the phone down and more alarmed than earlier, she rushes toward us. “Emelia, could you run to the kitchen and get my car keys. Then open the front door for Grandpa and Grandma, they should be arriving about now.” The little girl does so, sprinting faster than last time. The sensation is still unfamiliar though having experienced it before and I cringe at the wetness. “Are you okay, baby?” Lauren asks nervously.  
With an arm across my back and her hand holding tightly onto mine, Lauren lifts me to my feet and we walk steadily to her front door, just in time to see Mike and Clara rushing in. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” Clara asks while Mike scoops up his granddaughter into his arms. I quickly nod and offer a smile. Sometimes it hurts, most of the time it’s uncomfortable, but still a smile appears on my face and I don’t see it disappearing for a long time. “Do you need some help with anything?”  
“If you could just look after Lia that would be great,” Lauren answers, throwing the hospital bag over her shoulder and catching my hands again, “I’ve got this.” We both give Emelia and her grandparents a kiss goodbye before Lauren walks me cautiously toward her car, opening up the door and helping me into it, before running around the other side and settling herself quickly.  
Lauren holds my hand nervously on the way to the hospital, the 40-minute drive going quickly for me but probably very slow for her nerves. The pains come every so often, lasting longer and growing quicker from one to the onset of another. Lauren had already started timing them. During the drive, she calls Dinah, putting the woman on loud speaker who does the same to us so Normani and Ally could also listen in. While the youngest and the oldest of the three assure that I’m okay, panicking themselves and telling us how we must inform them of any updates, Normani focuses on Lauren, offering the best advice for her to help me.  
Lauren probably doesn’t hear anything, she just sits there – a nervous, sweaty mess.  
–  
“Lauren, I’m fine!” I can’t count the amount of times I’ve had to say that since we arrived at the hospital. It’s been four hours now and despite the contractions every half an hour or so, nothing is happening. Nothing is moving along. Apparently I’m in labour. Just real fucking slow labour.  
“Well at least one of us is!” Lauren has called everyone she knows. Family, our friends, her co-workers. She has spoken to have everyone. My parents are on their way here but won’t be for another few hours, something which I am quite glad for. With Emelia, Dinah was my birthing partner despite being pregnant herself, and my mother was there at every stage which I loved. This time it’s just Lauren and I. Sure, she’s more anxious and sweaty than I am, but I still wouldn’t ask for anyone else.  
I sit there with my ice chips and play Candy Crush on Lauren’s phone while she sits on the bed beside me, twiddling her thumbs, checking her watch and asking for updates every time the midwife walked in. It’s not like it’s my body and I’m the one fully aware of what’s happening. No, the midwife had all the answers according to Lauren.  
“We’re gonna have to clean that bouncy castle before we take it back.” She says randomly, and though it was quite funny, my face reddens in response. I really hope her parents don’t decide to go out there with Emelia, that’d be disgusting.  
Some more hours later and my parents arrive; rushing in because they had only spoken to Lauren and according the green-eyed woman, everything was more serious and exciting that it actually was. I’m just sitting around waiting the inevitable; Lauren is just about to go crazy and so sounded to my parents as though things were actually happening. They also fuss over me for a bit until they realise that yes I’m in labour, but Lauren was being dramatic again.  
They’re there for some more contractions, including the one I push Lauren off the bed because she was invading my space. And they’re there when they find out I shouldn’t have to wait for too much longer. They give Lauren and I privacy and decide to get a late dinner from the canteen and then wait outside of the room. Without saying anything to them, they were aware that Lauren and I both wanted this to just be Lauren and I.  
That ‘not too much longer’ turned into a few more hours. My father was asleep in the waiting room with my annoyed mother, and Lauren was back on the bed beside me, her nerves dissipating but her impatience intensifying.  
“I’m getting sick of this waiting game, Laur. I think we should do something to hurry the process along.”  
“Well we’ve done the exercises Dr Matthews have told us about. I’ve fed you the things that help too. There’s not too much else we can do.” Lauren shrugs and turns back to her Sudoku. Who the fuck brings a puzzle book when their partner goes into labour? And who doesn’t bring two for said partner? I look at her for a moment and though she pisses me, she’s quite beautiful.  
“I would like you to fuck me but I think we’ll get into trouble.”  
“Yeah probably.”  
She didn’t even look up from the Sudoku, just giggles for a second. What happened to the always horny and very inexperienced Lauren who would blush and get hard at the mention of sex?  
“Maybe we should just make out instead. It worked for Ross and Rachel.” She leans over to kiss me but removes her lips before I could properly enjoy it. I pull her in for another few kisses, sucking on her tongue to encourage more aggression but she doesn’t take it. “No, baby, I need a little more.”  
“I don’t want to get arrested.”  
“How about we go into the bathroom?” I ask with excitement, already reaching for the top of her jeans.  
“Camila, you’re like 8 centimetres dilated. I think you need to stay put and not have anything put up there. Might scare the baby and keep him in there for a lot longer.”  
“You won’t scare her. You have a beautiful penis.”  
She has a beautiful laugh too.  
Lauren laughs uncontrollably beside me, her giggles radiating and the prominent blush on her cheeks now spreading to her neck. She used to be disgusted when I would mention her package, and now she just embraces it. Still not as confident as we would both like her to be. But she’s still working on it and that’s all that matters.  
Her laugh stops completely when she sees me wince again, clutching at the bedding between us in agonising pain. I start to scream and she’s off her feet quickly, calling in Dr Matthews. But she’s at my side again before I can even process what’s happening. Holding her hand in a death-grip, I scream again, this time into her chest as she curls around and holds me for a few moments. It’s hot and I’m immediately sweating, my legs tremble uncontrollably and the strong pressure around my entire lower body hurts more than it ever has done.  
There’s not enough time to relax after the pain has subsided for it to happen again. I briefly look into Lauren’s eyes to find them tear stained and soiling her blotchy cheeks. I hear people moving aside and adjusting the bottom of the bed and lifting the stirrups for my legs in case I needed them. “Camila, you’re at 10 centimetres and you’re going to need to start pushing at your next contraction.”  
“Holy shit.” Lauren looks as though she’s about to pass out, pushing aside her own hair before moving to mine, stroking at my face and watching me as I breathe deeply and fight any tears.  
When I am asked to push, I struggle some more and I stop the fight. Tears flow recklessly, from both Lauren and I, and I sweat profusely. My legs continue to shake and no position is comfortable. Though the past few hours have been good, I don’t recall this stage hurting as much when I had Emelia.  
I move myself toward the edge of the bed, nurses adjusting the bottom half so my feet have something to press against. Dr Matthews gestures toward Lauren but my heart is thumping too loudly to listen. I feel her though. She slides herself into the birthing bed behind me, legs bent next to mine and I lean against her warmth despite the excruciating heat I’m already suffering.  
She reminds to breath and practises the learned breathing techniques with me. One of her hands adjusts to massage my lower back, the other moving up to hold my inner thigh when I’m encouraged to push. The rest passes by in painful blur. I cry, I scream. Lauren cries, but I don’t think she screams.  
The baby does all of the screaming for her; coming into the cold world exercising his lungs.  
Lauren’s arms wrap around the front of my body, pulling me close to her. I’m a hot, sweaty mess but I don’t have the energy to push her off. I don’t want to push her off.  
“Congratulations, you have a son.”  
Her face tucks into my neck and she cries harder. The older woman kisses me messily when I turn my face toward her and we cry together. At some movement, we both look up to see our son finally revealing himself to us. I didn’t think Lauren could cry any harder, but she does. She also smiles harder, ultimately making me cry some more.  
“Would you like to cut the cord?” Lauren hastily nods with wide eyes and quickly dried tears, and stretches out from behind me, not wanting to move away from me just yet. I watch as she does so, her tenderness and excitement in obvious contest.   
“He’s so beautiful,” Lauren whispers. Before she could question why he was being taken away, our son is quickly bought back to us, checked and wrapped in blanket. Lauren stays in the bed behind me, moving back slightly so I can relax onto her body. I cradle him for the first time and Lauren’s arms move around my body to hold him too, immediately stroking his cheek and then his hand as he opens his eyes for the first time. Her tears dampen my neck but I don’t mind. I turn my head toward Lauren and I watch her loving smile, her already-doting smile, as he holds onto her finger.  
“Okay, so are you ready to start pushing again?”  
What the fuck?!  
It’s silent.  
And then Dr Matthews and her colleagues chuckle slightly, before swallowing in fear.  
What the fuck?!  
“I’m sorry. Lauren asked if we could do that.”  
That bitch.  
“I’m so sorry, baby! I asked them a few hours ago because I thought it would be funny.”  
Fucking hilarious.  
“Yeah, you better be sorry.” I turn back toward my baby boy and the anger fades, and I’m just smiling at him again.  
“It would have been funny a few hours ago. I didn’t realise this labour-thing got so intense!” I laugh softly at her attempts to explain herself, the older woman joining in soon after when she sees that I’m not actually angry with her. She deserves a slap for scaring me like that though. Holding my son to my chest, I use one hand and slap Lauren, not harshly, on her arm, the woman reacting in faux-pain before smiling at me, and then smiling at him.  
“Now, I understand you wanted to use the umbilical cord in blood transplantation for a Mrs Clara Morgado-Jauregui, am I right?” Dr Matthews asks after everything is cleaned up and I’m no longer sitting in a disgusting mess.  
“Yes, that’s right,” I answer the woman, knowing Lauren wouldn’t because she’s once again just stroking and smiling at our little boy. With research we found that blood transplantation from an umbilical cord have effectively helped those with sickle cell anaemia once other treatments have failed. Considering Clara is not highly prioritised in the register for receiving blood transplants anymore, Lauren proposed we try this. Stems cells from the umbilical cord can replace the abnormal ones of the disease, and hopefully allow for her to receive stem cells that’ll work efficiently.  
Clara cried again when Lauren and I told her of our plans. I really do think Lauren just likes to see her parents cry.  
“Ok, great. We’ll store that for you and ensure they receive it over at the right department. I’ll leave you guys to it.” We both give Dr Matthews and her colleagues a thank you and a smile before we’re left on our room.  
Lauren’s crying again.  
I move my body around a little so I’m not directly in Lauren’s arms, the older woman groaning because she thought I would move away completely. With struggle and a dull ache, my body twist so I can settle our now-sleeping son in Lauren’s arms. She holds him with inexperience but with a little extra support she does wonderfully.  
Lauren and I keep him to ourselves for a little while until my parents ask to come in, Clara, Michael and a very sleepy Emelia following in. My parents must have called them. Emelia goes to stand beside Lauren. My father lifts her up onto his hip so she can see him closer, the little girl too short to see anything from standing on the floor, and watches her baby brother carefully. They all fuss around us and the baby, Emelia still not saying much. Lauren encourages our daughter to hold onto his hand and when she does, she smiles just like her mother.  
Dinah, Leon and Sofi also visit. Everyone chooses to hold the little boy, to which I’m too tired to do anything but watch with a dopey smile as everyone I love already adores him, and Lauren struggles to let him go each time he’s passed back to her.  
Our visitors don’t stay too long, giving Lauren and I the privacy we need. After a hesitant start, Emelia opened up. Smiling more and holding the hand of her little brother, following him around to every person he was passed to just so she could look at him some more. I’m sure Lauren would do the same if I didn’t keep her on the bed beside me. She was my comfort blanket, my love, and I never want her to leave.  
It’s almost 1 am when everyone leaves. Emelia had wanted to stay but our parents promised to bring her back after everyone has slept. Having delivered just past midnight, Emelia was happy to find that she and her little brother won’t be sharing the same birthday. Though apparently he was the best birthday present she had gotten.  
It had been discussed for a few months now between Lauren and I that I was going to try breastfeeding. I did it with Emelia and I loved it. I was a bit hesitant this time because I wanted Lauren to feel completely involved in every aspect of her son’s life, including his feeding, but she encouraged it. A nurse helps us initially but my son and I quickly get the hang of it with the support and help of Lauren, who actually blushes when the nurse encourages her to massage my breast.  
Lauren still sits behind me in the bed, the both of us just moving to pee, only to come back again and resume the position with our son in either of our arms. I lean against her soft, warm body as we both watch our son suckle on my breast. The both of still offering a tender smile to each other and the little boy.  
“He’s so perfect, Camz. Thank you.” Tears persist in her eyes; they haven’t dried up for hours. We kiss gently before resuming attention back to our son.  
“I think we should go with Michael. Micah or Cale for short. What do you think?”  
The tears don’t dry but they fall again. Lauren looks at me with love but, almost disbelief, as though she is asking me if I’m sure. All three names work. I love them all for our little boy. She quickly nods her head and whispers to me how much she loves me. With an arm underneath mine to give Micah the support, her other arm comes round to hold onto him as we stroke his chest and his hands.  
Lauren’s thumb plays with the silver band on my finger and dopey smiles surface again.


	31. The Sperm Donor - Final Chapter

My heart thumps; looking on at the beautiful woman in front of me, her dazzling smile and bright eyes welcoming my own. She’s glowing – made up perfectly. White was always my favourite colour on her. Maybe it’s the way it contrasts her complexion. Or maybe it’s the façade of innocence when I know she is anything but. Predominantly due to the pleasant thoughts of Camila in that white set of lingerie that I love so much and she knows it. But today, in that stunning white laced dress, collared and tight with the canvas of her back on display to our guests, she has never looked so beautiful.  
“I vow to continue and be your strongest supporter, Lauren. Your biggest fan. I will protect you, warm you, challenge you and encourage you. But most of all, I vow to love you openly, fiercely, and forever.”   
I almost didn’t hear the end of my fiancée’s vows with the blood rushing to my ears; the thumping in my chest. My excitement is unquestionable and relaxing appeared too far for my body’s capabilities. Her lips stop moving and instead stretch to a beautiful smile. A smile that quickly becomes a gasp and then a chuckle when our son starts to cry from the first row of seats at the church.  
My gaze moves from Camila to our son, a 6-month old Micah wailing from his place on my father’s lap, arms outstretched toward his mothers. Emelia, our flower girl for the ceremony, attempts to soothe her brother, hushing him and kissing his face, but the little boy continues to whimper. Our guests chuckle to themselves at the disruption. Without much of a second thought, I release my hands from Camila’s grasp and walk swiftly toward the boy who immediately stops crying at my approach. My fiancée giggles to herself as I walk back to her, our son sitting on my hip.  
The ceremony continues while my son sits quietly on my hip, eyes wandering around the room, smiling to himself. Micah squeals excitedly at Camila’s ‘I do’ following mine, every guest in the room laughing along with us. Before too soon, Camila is standing aside to retrieve her ring from Dinah, I receiving mine from Chris who then stands back alongside Sofi, opposite from Leon.  
I smile throughout the exchange, still not quite believing my luck that the beautiful woman in front of me is agreeing to be my wife. She smiles back at me.  
“You may kiss the bride.” Micah claps when he sees our guests are, his smile shining toward my wife and I, and then to Sofi as he is passed to her. Wrapping my arms around her waist, hers around my neck, my wife meets me in a soft kiss, encasing my bottom lip between hers. Or trying to through the smile that has yet to move from either of our faces. Our guests’ happiness sound through the church and mine evident with the way I giggle against her mouth and stop her from pulling away.  
“I love you,” Camila whispers against my lips. Soft brown eyes lock with mine, shining perfectly. “I am so lucky to have you.”  
–  
Our first dance as a married couple reminds me of our first night together; dancing at the club and Camila choosing to come home with me that night. Yet the home is now our home, and she’s no longer a woman I wanted, but a woman I now have.  
Her wedding dress is dipped at the back, canvasing her skin until the top of her butt, just how it was that night. My hand rests at the small of her back all night, lightly stroking her spine with my fingers every chance I get. Her hands rest on my shoulders and then onto my neck, guiding my lips to hers at every chance she can get. The night Camila decided to come home with me, I knew I was falling for the woman. I knew I was falling for a woman who was giving me a chance – a life. A woman who would shower me with love. And I married her.  
I was incredibly nervous that first night together. But not having a panic attack in the middle of the club and agreeing to take Camila back with me was easily one of the best decisions I had ever made.  
“I wish I could just swoop you away after this. Just you and I on an island somewhere,” Camila says to me, pulling back after a kiss and stroking my jaw as we continue dance together. We had danced with our fathers and each other’s. We had danced with family and our daughter. But I got her back in my arms eventually.  
“If only we didn’t have a baby to look after who still needs feeding.” Camila and I decided that a honeymoon probably wasn’t a good idea while we have a 6 month old. He has only just started sleeping through the night and still needs his mother for feeding throughout the day. It was clear how much we would both love to have a honeymoon; our hands haven’t left each other’s body all night. But we needed to be with our babies. We could have a holiday together another time.  
“At least we have tonight, just you and me. A fancy honeymoon suite overlooking New York,” Camila reminds, her lips meeting mine again and her fingers finding their way into my hair. Sex was something we slowly eased into after the birth of Micah, Camila taking some months to build her sexual confidence, the both of us moving slowly just like she had done for me. But since then, we have been taking the chance to have each other every moment we got. We found the opportunities but never the time, Camila and I not having the time to worship and make love to each other like we always had before.  
Tonight we are going to bring that back. I will make love to my wife like we have all the time in the world.  
The remaining hours at our wedding reception feel like an eternity. During every dance I shared with Camila after our talk about tonight, she would touch me some more. Her lips and tongue would be more dominating and her hands would linger on my silk-clad hips and sides, her fingers stroking the tops of my breasts and scratching gently at my shoulders. She’s teasing me, I know it. She’s fucking teasing me at my own wedding.  
Camila wasn’t apologetic at all; leaving me fighting an erection all night because of her. This continued even when her cousin Chrissy got me to dance with her, the woman who had flirted with me at Sofi’s birthday. I was pulled onto the dance floor by the drunk woman who kept it innocent at first as she loses herself in the music. When the song changed however, the attractive young woman thought it would be ok to lean into my chest and move my hands to her hips. Camila, the feisty woman she is, would have caused a scene if I hadn’t stopped her. Restraint wasn’t her strong suit.  
My wife doesn’t leave me alone after this. She keeps me on the dancefloor all night, or when I move to sit down and eat, Camila puts herself in my lap. She makes the ‘fighting an erection’ situation a whole lot worse. One of the only women I am allowed to dance with is my daughter. I spin the small girl in her pink and cream dress, dipping her to give Camila and Micah a kiss who sit at one of the tables talking with some co-workers.  
I spend time with the rest of our guests, dancing with Normani, Ally and Dinah, before going back to my wife. She smirks at me when I take her hand in mine and lead her back onto the dancefloor, spinning the woman into my hold, my hand finding its place on her lower back.  
“I want to get you back to the hotel.” Camila shivers at my warm breath against her skin where I nuzzle against her neck. She nods softly and before we could finish the dance, Camila is tugging me back to our families. We announce that we’re going to leave considering some of our guests have already left so it wasn’t rude to leave ourselves. Chris smirks when he sees me fidget with excitement, my hands gripping Camila’s hips tightly and having no intention of leaving her body. I throw him my middle finger when he winks at me, chuckling under his breath when I gulp at my wife’s hand now stroking at my lower abdomen.  
“No, Mama! I want you to come home and watch ‘Finding Nemo’ with me!” Emelia whines, starting to pull at my arm to stop us from leaving. Our children knew we were staying away tonight but it doesn’t stop Emelia getting angry and Micah from crying, even though he definitely doesn’t understand what’s happening, and gripping onto Camila’s shoulders to avoid being passed onto his grandparents.  
“The world doesn’t want me to make love to my wife tonight,” I whisper into Camila’s ear, still trying to shrug off my whining daughter.  
“No. That’s just your children,” she says back to me giggling. Children. I still can’t believe I have children. Beautiful children with a beautiful woman.  
Eventually, the remaining guests see us off, cheering for us both in our wedding dresses, carrying our flowers, and into the fancy car Chris organised to transfer us to the hotel. Micah sits fast asleep in my father’s arms while Emelia stands beside Ally, arms and eyebrows crossed, not bothering to wave us off. She really does have her mother’s temper.  
We can’t keep our hands off each other in the ride back, my lips not moving from hers and holding onto her butt, groping at the delicious curve as I suck on her tongue. Camila rests one hand against my neck to hold me close, and the other over my lap, rubbing at my thighs and attempting to seek my member through the clothed silk barrier.  
Lips are locked as we stumble into the honeymoon suite, both fortunate for having removed our heels and changing into flats. Camila is already tugging at the strap of my dress when I reach to turn on the lights, the both of us pulling away and looking around in awe of our environment. The lights are dim around the room, the switch having turned on only the lamps and small lights. Petals form the shape of a heart in the centre of the giant bed, red and cream cushions decorating it. In the corner is an oval shaped bathtub, already filled with water and some rose petals spread across the surface, lit candles on its edge.  
“Normani did well,” my wife compliments in awe, walking over to the bathtub and dipping her fingers in to note that it’s still warm having only been filled. I had given the woman an idea of how I wanted to decorate the suite but I had no idea it would look this beautiful.  
I move my eyes away from Camila and toward a table in the opposite corner of the room. Normani had filled the table with chocolates, strawberries and sparkling water in the bucket of ice where champagne would have been if Camila wasn’t still breastfeeding.  
We’re both still in white when we strip each other of our wedding dresses with Camila proposing we make use of the warm bath, the woman showing off to me another white lingerie set that she knew I would love. After she helps remove my boxer briefs, I move into the tub while she moves around the room to get some water, her hips and naked ass swaying with her walk.  
“You’re doing that on purpose,” I comment, my eyes not shifting from her backside.  
“Problem?” She turns around and I struggle to move my gaze away from her bare centre. I’m met with her breasts when I do and there’s no reason to think about complaining, even mentally.  
“Not at all.” Camila giggles at my grin that resembles a cheshire cat and walks back toward me, climbing into the tub and intentionally taking her time to lower into the water.  
I lay between her legs in the tub, my wife taking her time in washing my chest, her soapy hands spending time on my breasts and across my tummy. We talk about Emelia’s tantrum at the wedding reception, the little girl not wanting us to spend a night away from her, and how Micah is already showing signs that he’s going to crawl soon. I feel Camila’s chest rumble from beneath me as she recounts what happened earlier this week, Emelia crawling around the room to get her brother to imitate, then getting annoyed when he just lays on his tummy and giggles.  
“Oh, no! We’re going to be one of those married couples that only talks about their kids,” I laugh, encouraging the same sound from Camila.  
“Probably. As long as it doesn’t interfere with our sex life,” she comments huskily, nuzzling into my neck from behind and then nibbling onto my ear. Camila’s still soapy hands move across my breasts again and sneakily move lower, rubbing my thighs to then hold onto my length. I groan and I laugh at the touch, my hands squeezing tighter at her thighs on either side of me. “How about we get out of this tub and I give you my wedding present”  
“And what about your present?” I ask, gulping at Camila’s firmer hold that quickly makes me harden.  
“I can’t wait.” My eyes squeeze close and I tilt my head back into her body in attempt to find her lips.  
“Who said you had to wait?” Camila whispers against my lips, her hand releasing me and sliding back up to my chest. “Stand up for me, Lauren.”  
On weak legs, I turn and I stand up in front of my wife, watching in awe as she doesn’t hesitate to hold me firmly and lick from the base to the tip, her eyes locked on mine the whole time.  
We still hadn’t done this without the blindfold. After the first time it had only happened twice more, one of which was when I proposed. Just before coming in my girlfriend’s mouth and I chose that moment to ask Camila to marry me.  
I probably should have waited until after I came because she stopped to tear off the blindfold.  
It was a painful ache for about five minutes while she processed the question. The woman was six months pregnant at this point, quickly getting angry that I had asked during sex and then crying when she realised I had asked at all. Her baby hormones were a rollercoaster.  
I tried again, asking her to marry me, but I was still struggling to contain myself from how good her mouth felt. It was during our first night living together. I had gone to the kitchen for her mangoes, while she found in one of the boxes the blindfold that we had bought. Emotions were crazy and it’s understandable for me to propose when my life was going so perfectly: I was finally living with the woman I loved, and she had her warm mouth sucking me.  
I was surprised she said ‘yes’ at all, but she did. She said ‘yes’ again when I finally presented her with an engagement ring, one that I had bought a few months before, just days before she had announced to me she was pregnant with Micah. It had been when she opened her bakery. Normani and I worked to move forward our wives’ dream and we arranged for an opening with all of our close friends and family. After giving her speech about the bakery, I had given my own; getting down on one knee and presenting her with a round-cut diamond ring.  
It’s safe to say that she cried again. We both cried. The initial proposal could have been more romantic but now I am married to the woman of my dreams and already she’s an incredible wife.  
Camila’s kissing my hips when I reopen my eyes to look at her, her tongue and lips drifting down to find my thighs. My knees almost buckle but there’s no way I am going to ruin this moment. I attempt to compose myself but she takes me into her mouth, eyes still locked on mine, and suckles on the tip. I groan at the touch of her wet muscle caressing my sensitive skin, my mouth agape and eyes rolling behind my lids. I hold onto the wall behind Camila with one hand, the other moving into her hair and holding onto her locks, opening up her face for me to see.  
My wife loses herself in the moment and tears her eyes away from mine, her touch becoming more determined as her hand and her mouth work together at my length. In the moments that her eyes reopen and find mine, the feeling of her mouth just becomes overwhelming. It’s the love and excitement in her eyes as she pleases me. Every corner of my body tingles, sending its whispers to meet at my centre and I chase it to both slow down and come to an end.  
With my hand still holding onto her hair, I encourage faster movements, my hips now moving to dip in and out of her mouth. Camila’s eyes gaze back at me as my hips thrust with purpose, seeking greater warmth and wetness inside of her mouth. Brown eyes water and she moves her hand from my length to my groin, pushing me back slightly to avoid gagging. Her other hand has been moving between my thighs and hips, but I watch her move it across her breasts and down between her own legs. She touches herself and moans around my cock.  
“Fuck, baby. I’m gonna come.” Camila pulls back and I whimper at the loss. She opens her mouth and reveals the expanse of her tongue to me. The vision was beautifully erotic and it takes only seconds of stroking myself to release onto her tongue, falling onto my forearm against the wall to support my heavy body. Camila moans as she swallows, smiling afterward when she sees me peering down at her in lustful admiration. “I love you so much.”  
With no grace whatsoever, I slip back into the water between her legs, not wasting a minute to fiercely kiss my wife. I cradle her body in my arms as I pull her hips gently down the tub, relaxing her body to quickly slip two fingers into her centre. Roughly stroking at her sensitive spot with every thrust and flicking over her sweet bud with my thumb. She crumbles in my arms after some minutes.  
“Come on, baby,” I whisper, standing up from the tub and getting both of us out of it. I can’t stop kissing the spent woman, commenting how much I love her at every breath and quickly drying her with a towel as I walk her toward the bed. “You’re so perfect.” My lips find her sides, nipping at the skin protecting her ribs as I ease onto my knees. Camila’s legs hit the edge of the bed and I push her onto it, the woman giggling at my enthusiasm.  
I bring her to another crumbling edge as my tongue strokes at her clit and my mouth sucks it into warmth. I watch as she pinches her sensitive nipples and attempts to push her thighs together, lifting her hips to seek closer contact. Her nectar is sweet on my tongue and moaning against her skin heightens her release. “You taste incredible, Camz.”  
Moving up from my knees, I stand at the foot of the bed, watching as an exhausted Camila pushes her fingers through her folds and opening her legs wide for me to watch. I pull her hips closer to the edge of the bed and sheath my member inside of her, thrusting at a punishing pace. My thumb bullies her clit and I lean onto her body, the both of us panting through messy kisses and clattering teeth. “You’re so good at this,” Camila compliments, running her hands through my hair and tugging at the locks. She moves to claw at my back, leaving pink angry marks in their wake. I leave demanding licks over her chest, devouring her breasts and not slowing my hips.  
Tonight has already given me the best sex I have ever had and I still have every intention to continue with my wife. Maybe just stay with my face buried between her tan thighs for the remainder of the night, knowing that giving her an ounce of the pleasure she had given me with her mouth would make Camila purr for me. My wife is exceptional. That mouth is exceptional. Pleasing me like that with my skin tender from the warm bath was a great decision.  
Not using the blindfold was an even better one.  
Maybe we should install a bath into our bedroom. Though we couldn’t have sex in the bath because the water would splash everywhere, soaking our carpet. Not that we can have sex in the shower or bath anyway because one of us always has to be around to look after our children. Not that we ever had much sex in the shower. Camila’s too clumsy and I get hot too quickly. I’d probably pass out if she asked me lift to her up while the steam of the shower weakens me.  
“What are you thinking about?” I move my face from Camila’s neck and face hers, noticing how her eyes can barely keep open and sweat drips from her brow. “You slowed down, what are you thinking about?” She asks again, reaching up the bed for a cushion and letting me help her with it as I place it beneath her butt.  
“You always told me to think about what I want to do next week so I don’t come too fast,” I say obviously. “I wanted to install a bath into a bedroom but now I’m thinking it won’t be a good idea,” I explain as I push the woman up the bed, lifting her hips with the cushion and picking up the pace of my thrusts again now the bed can support my knees.  
“You’re right. It’s not a good idea,” Camila says bluntly. “Just fuck me, Lauren.”  
“Yes, Ma’am.” She glares at me but giggles soon after. I attach my lips back to hers, my thrusts becoming slow and deep, the woman wriggling slightly when I stroke the mouth of her cervix. Toying her clit, she comes quickly, smiling tiredly to herself as she feels me chasing my own and grunting against her mouth as I explode my own release. Camila’s muscles flex and massage my length, and I laugh again when I realise she’s trying to keep me inside her.  
“Get into bed, you. I think your butt’s cramping.” Camila giggles and does as I suggest, shifting away and face-planting into the pillow, her beautiful ass out for me to admire. I’m almost in a trance staring at her perfectly shaped rear, noticing her pink, waxed lips on display beneath it and her red thighs with imprints of my hands from where I held them apart to accommodate my body.  
“Stop staring at my ass, you pervert.” She’s looking over her shoulder at me, a twinkle in her eyes as she wiggles her butt.  
“I married you. That ass is mine and I can stare at it all I want.”  
“Possessive. I like it.” My wife giggles again and pats the bed beside her. “Come to bed. I want to suck your cock again, you taste good.”  
Holy fuck.  
That’s a request I could get used to.  
I clean myself with a washcloth by the bath and move back toward my wife, wiping the space between her legs and giggling when she flinches, lifting her hips away and laughing harder when I push her hips back into the bed and rub between her legs with the cloth. “Can’t have you dripping over the sheets now. This is a nice hotel!”  
“It’s also the honeymoon suite.” I throw the washcloth to the floor beside the bed and lie down next to my wife, resting on my elbow to keep me elevated and stroking her backside with my other hand. “We have to leave our fluids everywhere. It’s the rule.”  
“You’re disgusting.”  
I lean across and deliver a soft kiss to behind her ear, moving her hair from her neck and peppering the kisses south, moving across her neck and shoulders. “Your skin is always so soft.” My hand slithers across her hips and down to her thighs where she parts them subtly. As I cup her wet centre, my wife continues to smile softly, her own hand reaching over and curling itself around my cock. I encourage her hand to hold me tighter as I move toward her and pepper kisses down her spine, nipping at her butt and spreading my tongue over her skin.  
Before I could spread her cheeks and devour her like she deserved to be eaten, my wife holds a hand to my chest and pushes me back onto the bed. My arms give out for me to collapse how she wanted me to. She stands to retrieve the bucket of ice and places it on the floor beside the bed.  
“I’m gonna have some fun with this, baby,” Camila announces. The woman takes an ice cube in her mouth and sucks on it, holding another between her fingers and running it across my breasts and tummy. She mouths it to me, pushing the ice cube into my mouth with her tongue and climbs quickly onto my shoulders. With ice cold breath, she takes my cock into her mouth again, sucking on it slow and taking me deep. I spit the ice cube out with a groan and forcefully pull her hips onto my face; my own cold breath starting its worship on her sex.  
Camila rubs at my thighs and cradles my sac as her cold tongue and lips work against my length, pulling my inches into the warmth of her mouth, the contrast in temperature sending me wild. She suckles and nibbles at the skin. I’m at her mercy. Massaging Camila’s ass and allowing her to grind on my cold tongue has the same effect on her. Pleasing my wife, and having her please me, is exceptional, something I will never get over. Making love to her epitomises it all.  
I tug Camila’s body around so my wife can face me again, bringing her lips to mine and exploring the familiarity of mouth. With bent knees I bring our lower halves together and ease myself into her, joining our bodies perfectly. We weren’t fucking like before; I was making love to my wife. She grinds her hips into me as I torment her clit again, the woman eventually stretching over, torso to torso, to kiss me and moan against my mouth. Her forearms rest above my shoulders, fingers tangling themselves in my hair and mine rounding her hips to get to her backside.  
We move in union, meeting each other’s strokes, and we pant with each other. Our sweat and natural heat creates a moist layer between us but everything is still perfect. I slap her ass gently when her hips quicken and she shrieks beside my ear, that shriek becoming a cute laugh.  
“Do it again.” I shake my head at the cheeky grin across her face, and comply with her request. I slap the same space on her ass, harder this time, and she grunts loudly. With a deeper thrust and a harder slap, two feminine groans sound loudly through the honeymoon suite, her walls convulsing and me surrendering to the tightness of her body. Our orgasms barrel down and explode together, my hips becoming weak thrusts into her.  
“My wife likes to be spanked. Interesting.”  
“And my wife likes to spank me. Lucky us.” Camila’s eyes shine through their tiredness and I kiss her passionately, licking at her tongue, jaw and neck. “I love you.”  
“I love you too, beautiful. I can’t believe I’ve married somebody so perfect.” I never thought I would get this lucky.  
We held each other closer than we ever had before throughout the night, the woman locked into my arms, face buried into my neck and mine into her hair, our legs holding the other’s tightly. Room service is delivered in the morning and we stay in bed for as long as we can. We feed each other all morning and my lips don’t last a minute alone until I want them to caress hers again.  
Before too soon we decide we have to make our way back home, both excited to see our children but disappointed that finding this time alone together will be difficult. I carry her over the threshold to our home, Camila trying to lift me initially but failing like we both knew she would. Emelia had gotten over her tantrum from yesterday and rushes to greet her mothers, jumping into Camila’s arms when I finally let my wife to the floor, not before spinning her happily and kissing her in front of our giggling daughter.  
I peer into the living room to find Micah wriggling about on the floor, looking up and attending to his mother and I, a wide smile spread across his face also. We’re also welcomed by Dexter who wags his tail excitedly, our son reaching out to catch the puppy and laughing even more when he misses. We had bought the chocolate lab-husky mix a few months ago and the children loved him. Maybe not more than Camila did, however. Dexter had replaced me as her cuddle buddy on the couch during movie nights. Though it turns out I can handle a puppy and a baby unlike what I thought initially. Kind of.  
The puppy is a little shit most of the time.  
Camila’s parents had stayed here overnight to look after our children and Dexter, leaving quickly after asking if we enjoyed ourselves, clearly not wanting to know of anything else from the night before which I couldn’t be more thankful of.  
“What did you do last night, mommy?” Emelia asks innocently as she perches on Camila’s knee, my two girls watching as I move toys around my son, getting him to roll toward them. I smirk and leave my wife to answer her question.  
“We spent some time together.” We sure did.  
“Doing what? Why didn’t you do it here?”  
“Because your Mama and I wanted to be alone without any distractions, and you and your brother are the biggest distractions there is.”  
“Why?”  
“Because you need looking after and that means, sometimes, your Mama and I can’t look after each other.” My wife definitely catered to my needs last night. And this morning. Her mouth only left my cock when she wanted strawberries. Apparently Camila wants to catch up on all the blowjobs she hasn’t been giving me in our relationship and I definitely wasn’t complaining.  
“But I missed you.” Oh, they’re still talking.  
“How about we watch a movie tonight, princess?” I ask my daughter, giggling at my son who has now wriggled himself into my lap.  
“Will Micah be there?” Emelia had been very bipolar with her attitude toward Michael. She thinks he’s adorable and likes to be around him when we have company, but she’s very jealous of the little boy. She likes playing with him, laughing when he babbles and rolls over, taking pictures of him on our phones constantly. But sharing her parents is something she doesn’t like. Having to pause a movie when he demands our attention and knowing we can’t buy her gifts all the time when we have a second child to care for.  
But Micah’s a happy baby. He just laughs when his big sister has a tantrum. Almost like he knows how much he is pissing her off.  
“Yes, Micah will be with us but when he sleeps, we’ll continue.” She pouts but she doesn’t argue. Primarily because Camila is giving her the eye, a subtle way of saying ‘don’t answer back’ and both Emelia and I know not to argue with the Cuban.  
Later that evening after everyone is fed and bathed, the three of us settle in Camila and I’s bed while Emelia finishes getting dressed. My wife is finishing up with feeding our son, holding the boy to her chest. She made a comment about how beautiful his green eyes were. I made a comment that it must look familiar to her, green eyes locking with hers while her breast is suckled upon. She didn’t laugh, just gave me those eyes telling me I should probably be quiet.  
I was going to say that I’ll start working on her other breast but I no doubt would have been elbowed in the cock if I had done.  
Emelia joins us before I can say anything else, climbing in between us and resting her head on my shoulder as I press play on the movie ‘Finding Nemo’ considering we couldn’t watch it last night with her. She had bought Dexter with her, asking me to lift him up so he could sleep at the foot of the bed. My wife cleans up and as usual, Michael isn’t ready to sleep, instead he squirms around the bed, babbling and laughing to himself.  
“Mommy, get Micah to be quiet. I want to watch the film,” my daughter whines. I look away from the screen to find Camila watching me, a smile on her face threatening to become a laugh.  
“Lauren, get Lia to be quiet. I’m trying to watch the film.” The little girl glares at her mother and it makes me both intrigued and terrified to have such powerful women in my family. She pulls our daughter into her lap anyway, Emelia pawing her away until eventually resisting and cuddling into Camila’s chest. I reach for Micah who is one roll away from falling off the bottom of the bed and trap him between my legs. He spits his pacifier out and uses my hand to suck on instead, slobbering over them and using my thigh as a pillow, hopefully deciding to rest now. I comb my fingers through his already wavy dark-brown hair, smiling at any little noise he makes, no longer paying attention to the movie.  
In the morning I wake up to find my children still in bed with Camila and I, Micah on my chest and Lia curled up with her mother beside me. Dexter still lays at the foot of the bed, the tip of his tongue sticking out through his lips. The menu screen on our ‘Finding Nemo’ DVD is still on the television, everyone having fallen asleep before we could turn it off. I rub at my eyes and sit up on the bed, keeping Micah at my chest and watching my girls sleep.  
I never could have imagined this life for me. This happiness; surrounded by people who love me. Tell my younger self this and I would have been accused of being a dreamer.  
Camila’s phone-call changed everything for me. I decided quickly after meeting the woman and then meeting my daughter that I would do anything to keep them in my life. It was my only shot of happiness and I grasped it with two hands; holding tight.  
Then I had a girlfriend. Now a second child and a wife. I have a family. I’ve gotten to experience that family grow. After missing about on the pregnancy with Emelia, I am very grateful to have experienced everything with her for Micah.  
He had kicked for the first time while his mother and I were out grocery shopping, the both of us with a hand to her tummy, tears leaking from our eyes, and onlookers smiling happily at us. They didn’t know our story, only that we were expecting a baby, and never have I ever wanted strangers to know our story more than in that moment. I wanted everyone to know what I had overcome to be this happy and how wonderful my wife is. And that’s when I realised that I couldn’t give a shit about my condition anymore, or the things I have experienced. I just wanted everyone to know that I’m happy with who I am.  
Michael had only been a month old when we all celebrated Christmas together. We had spent the entire day with our friends and family. Camila and I never stopped smiling. She had bought Dexter as a Christmas present for me mainly. It was either a puppy or a parrot. Getting a parrot would apparently be too risky in a house of foul-mouthed individuals like Camila and I. We were careful around the children but the parrot wouldn’t be. It was an incredible day and we finished the evening just the four of us and Dexter; a baby Micah sleeping in his mother’s arms while the rest of us drink hot chocolate and play board games. It was the simple things that made me really appreciate life. The life Camila and I had created for ourselves.  
–  
At ten months old, Micah said “mama.”  
We had all been in the garden one afternoon, Camila and I were both on the grass with our son and playing with Dexter’s toys (he didn’t like his own) when he said it. We had a few false alarms before this, mainly from me saying that Micah had spoken but Camila wasn’t convinced, it was still just babble. But we both heard “mama.” We don’t know which of us he was talking to but that didn’t matter.  
Experiencing these milestones in your child’s life is overwhelming and I cried at every one.  
–  
Just after his first birthday, Micah was walking. His mother and I were laying on the couch talking about the holiday we were planning when Emelia walked in, holding her little brother’s hands and helping him walk in after her. I gasped and shot off the couch, holding my arms out for my son who was released from his sister’s grasp. He fell into my arms when he reached me, eyes wide in shock of his own before giggling to himself and clinging onto my neck. Camila had recorded the whole thing.  
A few months later, my family and I are enjoying a family-deal holiday in the Bahamas. I had taken the position at VICE news and with hard work, I quickly became the director. I didn’t get much time off but I was offered two weeks away from work and spending that time with my family was an opportunity not to pass up.  
I take Emelia swimming sometimes while my wife looks after Micah. I wear shorts by the pool and on the beach, something Camila pointed out was very different from the first time we went. I wouldn’t wear shorts when I swam unless in a private pool, fearing that my condition would be exposed. But Camila had bought me compression shorts to wear beneath my swimwear so all I needed was a little body confidence and I would be okay.  
And I had that. Camila had given me that body confidence. She has made me love myself.  
I run my hands down the spine of my wife, circling her body to massage her breasts. She pushes her ass further into my face, her body dipping and arms stretching to accommodate. I make Camila love herself too. She widens her legs some more and bites into the pillow when I suckle on her sensitive bud from behind. The woman had never felt comfortable in this position before me. She had never been comfortable with the idea of getting on her knees for someone either but that’s a common occurrence now in our relationship. Why I waited so long to introduce my cock to her delicious mouth I will never know.  
With two fingers now buried inside my wife and my tongue stroking at still-virgin territory, she wails into the pillow and I smirk at her struggle to keep quiet. With her torso lowering first, Camila collapses onto the bed, utterly spent for the afternoon. “You really struggle to keep quiet, don’t you? We have two children next door trying to sleep. How careless of you.”  
“Shut up, Lauren.” Camila snuggles into the pillow at the head of the bed, a satisfied smile across her face. Fuck, she’s cute. I smile though I can see her eyes are closed. We had just put Michael down for his afternoon nap at the hotel, Emelia joining him after the sun and the exercise from Camila chasing her on the beach tiring the small girl out. When they both had finally closed their eyes, I had jumped my wife’s bones.  
Her figure had been teasing me all day, Camila dressed in her black swimsuit with the lacy fabric over her legs, her ass looking incredible.  
“No! Have some mouthwash first.” I had just moved to kiss my wife and was met with a hand to the face instead of her lips.  
“Just give me a kiss,” I tease, threatening to lean forward again. I receive a familiar glare from the woman and I know I better get my ass to the bathroom otherwise I won’t be getting any more kisses for the remainder of the night. “You asked me to do it.”  
“Not on this occasion.” Her grin is still evident from my place in the bathroom as I swirl some of the mouthwash.   
“Are you complaining?” I throw myself on the bed beside Camila, twisting her body so we can face each other.  
“Never.” My wife winks at me and then moves for a kiss, running her tongue over mine and pulling away again, still grinning from ear to ear. Having Michael had only made our relationship stronger. We loved each other fiercely. Our sex life was threatened but we always found time for each other. Intimacy had always been important in our relationship. It was being intimate with her that made me grow. It made me accept myself, for her and for me.  
“Aren’t you worried about him?” Now in t-shirts and shorts just in case we’re interrupted by our daughter, my wife rests on my chest, face tucked into my neck.  
“Micah? Why would I be?”  
“I don’t think it’s hereditary but there’s still a chance he might end up like me.”  
“And you think I’m worried he’ll become an incredible person?” Camila hand strokes my abdomen as she places a kiss between my breasts.  
“Camz, he’ll go through a lot, I don’t want him to suffer.”  
“Then we’ll protect him. We’ll love him. You’re scared but you have no reason to be. Micah is going to be very happy. We’ll help him in any way we can and we’ll be there every step of the way. After everything you’ve been through, you got there. You’re happy.”  
“I’m happy after years of misery.” I kiss the side of her head and run a hand down the length of her body. “You’re the first person outside of my family who ever accepted me for me. We can’t guarantee our children we’ll meet someone as incredible as you.”  
“Lauren, that doesn’t matter. We’ll raise him right and he is going to be perfect. Everyone will love him like everyone loves you. You said your condition isn’t hereditary so I don’t think you should be worrying so much. But I promise you, regardless of how he develops, he’s going to have us, our family, Emelia. He’ll be loved by everyone important to him.”  
“It’s not hereditary but it’s simply a malfunction to your genetic make-up. It can happen to anyone but he might be more susceptible and-”  
“Yes, he might be. But everything’s going to be okay, baby. I promise.” Camila moves her head to kiss me just as a salty tear falls from my eye. She dries it away with her thumb and her soft lips press against my slightly chapped ones. “I’m really proud of you. You’ve come so far and witnessing your growth has been incredible. Seeing you this happy and being so happy myself? Now that’s just a dream come true.”  
My wife’s eyes are filled with nothing but love. Her words echo my own vows from our wedding:  
Happiness was a distant dream. I was a raging pessimist. I would doubt myself and I would doubt others. I would segregate myself from an already isolated life. But that all changed when I met you; when I met our daughter. I knew you were the one to change my life. With your dazzling smile and your happiness. Your excitement and your love. But I never thought I would be this happy. I have the life I thought I would only dream about.   
But I have grown with you. For once in my life I actually love myself, and I love you. I’ve let myself love. I have explored the strength of my love and yours. I have explored what it’s like to be happy and that’s because of you. Consider me an explorer, Camila, and you’re my favourite discovery.  
“I love you, Lauren.” I kiss my wife’s lips, cradling her face in my hands. At another kiss, the bedroom door opens and in walks our daughter, yawning and rubbing at her eyes. The green-eyed girl offers us both a smile as she climbs into bed with us, cuddling up to her mother.  
“I love you too, Camz. You’ve given me the life I’ve always dreamed about. The life I never thought I would deserve… until now.”


	32. The Sperm Donor - Epilogue

Camila’s POV  
“So, Mama has a penis?” Emelia asks curiously, her head tilted to one side.  
Lauren sits on the couch next to her, bent over at the waist and holding a pack of peas to the offended area. I sit opposite my daughter on the coffee table, struggling to hold in a giggle at my wife’s agony. My eyes switch between the two as I watch Emelia search for an explanation in her head, and Lauren trying to settle the dull ache between her legs.  
She had been practising her pitching for softball when she launched it against her mother’s groin. It could hurt anyone but when Lauren lowered herself to the floor, holding herself and her stomach, Emelia had some questions.  
“I’ve told you before that your mother is different. Her body is different to ours. She wasn’t born like you and I, Lia. She’s very special.” Lauren grunts at my answer as she falls back against the couch, holding the bag of peas more securely at her groin and taking a sip of water. Her eyes dart at mine when I release a squeak of a laugh.  
“Was she born like Micah?” The pitch in her voice raises at her brother’s name as she attempts to explore the possibilities of what could be so special about her mother.  
We had been sure to teach about anatomy and differences in the body but we were careful about associating features to gender specifically. We knew she wouldn’t understand her mother’s condition at a young age and so kept it transparent enough that this conversation wouldn’t revoke anything she had previously learned. It’s a sensitive topic still for Lauren and we didn’t want our daughter telling everyone she meets about her mother’s condition, hence why the talk was postponed beyond general conversation.  
“Kind of. Mom was born differently from you and differently from Micah. No two bodies are the same, remember?”  
“Okay. So Mom has a penis and not a vagina?” I blush at the terms my daughter uses but I know correct terminology is better than terrible euphemisms. I was certain to use ‘wee-wee’ and ‘hoo-ha’ but Lauren didn’t approve.  
Micah runs into the room giggling as Dexter chases him closely. They’ve been chasing each around the house all day. Lauren perks up at his entrance but mewls over again when the little boy throws his arms into her lap and looks around in search for the panting dog beside him.  
“Do you mind, little man?” My wife grunts at the force and moves our son’s arms to her thigh, breathing heavily as she turns the cold bag over and holds it back to her groin.  
“Is the ice even doing anything?” I ask between laughs.  
“Not at all. It’s just made me a bit numb which is better than being in pain.” I shake my head and turn back to my children: Emelia has crouched down now to play with the dog while Micah chuckles and casually puts his hands down his pants.  
Boys are disgusting.  
“So do you understand now Emelia?”  
“Yeah I think so. Everyone has different bodies. Some have penises, some have vaginas,” she answers with a nod as though she is accurately reciting a list.  
“Some have both and some have none. I think. Wait, can some people have none?” I ask Lauren who looks at me pointedly. I think she’s mad I haven’t help her. What a shame.  
“I have a penis!” Micah says with a smile, his hands now on Lauren’s thigh for balance and swaying his hips. He looks proud of himself weirdly enough.  
“High-five.” The little boy slaps his mother’s outstretched hand, laughing victoriously.  
“People with penises are weird,” Emelia says quietly.  
“Tell me about it.”  
–  
“How’s your little friend doing?” I ask later in the evening, although having just learned that there is definitely nothing wrong with her equipment. Lauren shifts her pillow closer to mine and pulls my naked body onto her own, my face resting on her breasts and my hand against her abdomen.  
“Little friend? Not what you were saying earlier.”  
“Cocky bitch.”  
“Ugh, Lauren. You’re so big. You feel so good-” I slap her tummy for the imitation and bury my face between her breasts some more.  
“Don’t take the piss out of me.”  
“I’m not taking the piss.” Her laughs calm and she drags her fingertips along my spine. “But yeah, it’s better. It’s not in pain anymore.” Before I could settle in order to sleep, Lauren approaches a topic we have spoken about a few times. “Hey, Camz. Can we talk about something?”  
“Of course.” I shift away from her body and turn on my side to face her, Lauren doing the same.  
“I’m seriously considering donating my eggs. I can’t make any use of them but a couple who can’t conceive might. I’m gonna get too old to donate soon and I think I want to do this.” Lauren recently had her thirtieth birthday and the idea of donating has been persistent and something we have spoken about often.  
“Taylor’s having more tests done but if they come back that she can’t have a child, I think I want to help her.”  
“You’d still want to donate even after your concerns about Micah?”  
“We both know nothing’s wrong with him. I’m just paranoid I think.” Since knowing Emelia, Lauren had kept a close eye on her development and concluded that nothing seems to be wrong. She has done the same with Micah.  
He had suffered from stomach pains like Lauren had as a child. In Lauren’s case, it had something to do with a hormone imbalance and a struggle for the developing reproductive systems, mainly when she was becoming a teenager. With this in mind, she identified more things in Micah that could be symptoms. They were things every parent would overlook because they aren’t important but to Lauren they became something she needed answers to.  
Lauren became quite the little doctor. Micah’s short for his age and a little bit feminine. I said that’s because we’re all short and he lives in a house of women. But she didn’t listen.  
We went to the doctor and explained Lauren’s condition and her fears for our son. I had never seen my wife so confident talking about her condition but I knew that was because it had something to do with our family. She wasn’t embarrassed until a supporting nurse had her gaze fixated at Lauren’s groin upon learning her condition. She covered herself shyly and only moved away to prevent me from beating the woman perving on my wife.  
After an ultrasound it was found that, as expected, Micah doesn’t have the presence of a female reproductive system and appears to be growing as a typical male. Just short and a bit camp like I said.  
I laughed when I discovered one of the reasons Lauren was examined as a child because she had an abnormally small penis.  
Talk about puberty hitting somebody well. You wouldn’t think having a small penis was a concern looking at her now.  
I shake my head lightly to clear images of Lauren’s penis and focus on the matter in hand. Now isn’t the time to get distracted.  
“Have you looked at the procedure? Like will it affect your body in any way?”  
“Not significantly or permanently. I’ll just need to take medication that stimulate sex hormones so I’ll have enough eggs available to be retrieved.”  
“And it won’t do anything to other hormones?”  
“Apparently not. They’re just designed to boost production in sex hormones. Men and women take them for different reasons.”  
“You’ve clearly done a lot of research.”  
“Egg donation has always been on my mind. I mentioned it to you not long after we first met.” She did. “But talking to Taylor and hearing about her and Daniel’s problems conceiving just made me think a bit harder about it.”  
“Well it’s your body, baby.” I have never been overjoyed about the prospect of Lauren donating her eggs. It’s quite terrifying to think that’s how we met and it could potentially happen again. If not Taylor, then what if somebody else gets to have Lauren’s child and decide they want her in the child’s life. It’s incredibly selfish of me but I want her, I need her, in my family – our family. I can’t share with anyone else.  
I know Lauren has good intentions, however. She has ovaries and due to her external body’s development, they aren’t being used. With medication, she can stimulate those to produce eggs, enough for a donation. I needed her to make my dream of having a family come true and I understand other people might also need her, like her sister for example.  
“I’m not saying it’s definitely happening but would it upset you?” Lauren’s thumb runs across my cheek to catch a tear I didn’t know was falling. “Why are you crying?” I sniffle and wipe my eyes unattractively.  
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m proud. You’re such an incredible person, doing all of these things to better others’ lives.”  
“Maybe?” Lauren asks tentatively.  
“I also don’t want to share you.”  
“If I help Taylor out, the child will be her and Daniel’s. I’ll just be cool Aunt Lauren. If the donation goes to someone else, I will keep it anonymous. They’ll only have my picture and nothing else.”  
“You really want to do this, don’t you?”  
“Only if you’ll support me.” I curl myself back into the woman’s body, seeking her warmth and tenderness.  
“What kind of wife would I be if I didn’t support you?” She kisses me as her own tears trickle softly. “I love you.”  
–  
“I want a boyfriend.”  
“Tough. You’re not having one.”  
“But I want a boyfriend!”  
“I don’t think you do.”  
I look up from my place at the counter toward the familiar voices. Lauren and our children have just entered the bakery, Michael quickly running and jumping into Ally’s arms who squeals at his entrance.  
“Mama, please let me have a boyfriend!”  
“Nuh-uh.”  
Emelia storms off toward a table in the corner of the shop, seating herself into the round couch with her arms crossed and a pout dramatically clear on her lips.  
“You’ve pissed off our daughter haven’t you?” I ask as my wife rounds the counter to greet me with a kiss.  
“Apparently so.” Lauren’s thumb swipes at some icing left on my cheek and brings it to her lips to lick off. “Some cute boy at the school apparently. Emelia wants to ask him out. I told her she’s far too young and it’s not happening.”  
“Lauren, she’s eight!”  
“And crazy! Thinking I’ll let that shit happen.”  
“Don’t be ridiculous. A child’s idea of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is very different from ours. We don’t encourage it, nor do we get angry. Think about it, she wants to ask him out. We have a confident, self-assured daughter. Be happy.”  
“That just makes me nervous,” Lauren says with a frown. “She’s not allowed a boyfriend until she’s eighteen at least.” I shake my head with a chuckle at my wife. She’s fucking crazy.  
“You being all strict and protective like this is really hot,” I whisper into her ear, leaning gently into her body. My wife swallows and her abdomen tenses under my touch. “But you need to get out my kitchen!” I push her away from me and to the other side of the counter – the customer side. She may have funded this place but she doesn’t work here. “Now go and say sorry for being so bossy. It was uncalled for, Laur.”  
“Yes, Ma’am.” Lauren mutters under her breath and walks toward our still grumpy daughter. The argument persists but it seems just less vigorous than before. After an hour or so, Ally makes her way home and I finish closing the bakery. Like most nights the four of us walk home together. Lauren finishes work in time to pick up Micah from day-care and Emelia from school, and will often stay behind at the shop and wait for me to finish too.  
“Micah, do you think your sister should be allowed a boyfriend?”  
“Nope!” He replies cheerfully and Emelia only grunts in response.  
“That’s my boy!”  
–  
Taylor receives the news that her body can only house a child and not be the one to move them in (Lauren’s analogy). She adores her older sister with a newfound love when she announces she had already started looking into preparing her body for a donation. She starts taking synthetic hormones to stimulate her ovaries for egg donation.  
The medication is designed to boost sex hormones and so her sperm production is also affected. Naturally, I give her a sex ban. Having three children just isn’t on the cards right now.  
“Come on, Camz?” Lauren nudges my leg with hers. My wife’s lips land on the column of my neck and her pale hands squeeze at my hips.  
“No, Lauren. My body couldn’t even fight off your sperm before the medication, now they’re like racers on speed. It’s not happening.”  
“We’ll use a condom.” Lauren manoeuvres herself between my legs as her lips drift down to my t-shirt clad chest. I have to cover up now that I’m denying her sex. If I slept in the nude like I normally would, it would be a lot harder to resist her wandering hands and persistent lips.  
“I wouldn’t put that past your little swimmers.” From hiking up my legs over her hips and knocking her centre against mine, she keeps them raised to slip under the covers and settle her face between my thighs.  
“You’re not gonna reject me after this.” I roll my eyes at my horny wife and lift the bed cover slightly to watch as she drags her tongue and teeth across my underwear.  
“Oh I will. I’ll be satisfied after one orgasm. I can happily fall asleep after you’ve been down there.”  
“That’s bullshit! You can never sleep after just one orgasm!” Lauren looks at me with an expression of bemusement, she knows that she’s right - I can’t.  
“I’m not going to have sex with you, Lauren. Not even if you’re wrapping it up.”  
“But you love me. Especially after I do this.” Lauren peels my underwear over to one side and quickly attaches her mouth to my hot centre. I groan at the connection and push my hips further into her face. Holding my thighs, she pulls away to taunt me again. “See, you’re not going to want to stop after this.”  
“Don’t doubt me.” With a hand to the back of her head, I push her face firmly between my legs. A lone finger rubs at that delicious spot inside of me while her tongue roams at my skin. My wife’s enthusiastic tongue works for some minutes until I fall, crumbling into her arms as my centre pulses.  
Her lips take their time to ascend my body again, continuing to worship its path with little licks and nibbles. My wife’s hands roam my sides, massaging and rubbing at my hips and ass.  
“That was good, baby. Now sleep time.” I roll over with a smile on my face, knowing how pissed my wife must be right now.  
“Erm, I don’t think so.” Her front moulds to my back as her fingers dig into my sides, tickling mercilessly as her other hand holds my body hostage.  
“I’m not having sex with you, Lauren.” The green-eyed woman grunts against my ear and rolls me onto my back, holding herself up with strong arms.  
“Can you suck me off then?” Ah, my confident, always horny, wife.  
“No.” I smile at her pout and despite the request, I can’t help but find her adorable.  
“Camz, please. You know how hard I get when I go down on you.” In persuasion, Lauren sucks at my neck again, pressing her lips and tongue roughly to the tan skin. “Vagina or mouth. It’s your decision.”  
“You’re unreal!” With a hand to her chest, I push my wife onto her back; laughing against her lips when she lets me. Her persistence and smug grin makes me love her even more in spite of her vulgar statement.  
Thirty minutes later and Lauren is rubbing at the marks on her wrists, the leather straps now tucked away in the bedside drawer. I watch her from the bathroom where I rid the taste of my wife’s climax from my mouth with a toothbrush and toothpaste.  
“Babe! You really did a number on me. I’m exhausted.” I laugh at her still smug, satisfied expression. I finish brushing my teeth and greet my wife with a kiss, falling into her open arms and tucking my face into her neck.  
“Don’t sleep yet. Stay up and talk to me,” I whisper.  
“How are you not tired?”  
“You’re right, I can’t sleep after just one orgasm. But I’m still not having sex with you so I’m hoping that if we stay up and talk, I won’t be horny anymore.”  
“Are you saying my voice is a mood killer?”  
“Of course not. You have a sexy voice. It’s the shit that comes out of your mouth that dampens my mood.” My wife tries to push me away with a huff but with a koala grip to her torso I never leave her side. “I love you though.”  
“Sure you do. You’re using me to rid you of your arousal and it’s not even with sex! How rude.”  
“Oh shut up. We’re not having sex and cold showers are horrible.” I move away from my wife’s sweaty skin because it’s not helping the matter at all, and turn onto my side, encouraging Lauren to do the same. Grins match on our faces and the one on mine only stretches when I think about how I’m never not smiling when I’m with her. It’s always fun. “I haven’t touched myself in so long either.”  
It’s always fun to tease her as well.  
“No?” Lauren just giggles at me and it’s still an adorable sound.  
“I haven’t need to! I have you.”  
“Cute. I touched myself yesterday.”  
“You did?!” I ask excitedly, only encouraging that giggle from her again. Just because she’s now comfortable with me touching her body, it doesn’t mean she enjoys touching herself as much as most would.  
“You’re not supposed to get excited about your wife touching herself.”  
“But you’ve got years of masturbating to make up for! As long as I’m still invited to the fun and I’m not left out then I’m good with it. Just video it next time, yeah?” I tease, laughing loudly when she rolls over and hides her face in the pillow. “Oh come on, babe. You could probably make a calendar for next five years with the amount of pictures I’ve sent you! I need something to show the girls I’m getting better sex than they are.”  
–  
I’m there for Lauren when she has abdominal surgery some months later for egg retrieval.  
Only a month later and Taylor’s pregnancy test is positive. Any selfish thoughts I had previously are quickly eradicated when I see how happy Taylor and the Jauregui family are. After many thanks given to my wife, it’s almost like everyone had moved past the fact the unborn child is technically Lauren’s as well. Taylor was finally having her own family and Lauren was finally going to be an Aunt. That’s it. The family was just somehow closer than they were before.  
Lauren is happy for her sister but she’s even happier when Emelia’s first baby tooth falls out. The little girl comes running down the stairs one night, into the living room where Lauren and I are cuddled up watching a movie, with a tooth in one hand and bloody tissue in another. Apparently instead of sleeping she had just laid in bed trying to get the thing out. Lauren picks our daughter up and spins her, knowing just how annoyed Emelia was after dealing with a wobbly tooth for some weeks. It was sweet but I just couldn’t stop staring in disgust at the bloody tissue that has landed on a sleeping Dexter’s face.  
Despite everything happening, Lauren’s focus was still our little family. Even the small things like getting baby teeth to fall out or getting Micah to build sentences of multiple words. Our children and our marriage was always the priority.  
Arguing isn’t something either of us enjoy. Lauren will keep something from me to spare my upset while, as usual, I’ll take my stress out on the person who’s always there and she lets me. As soon as I have the first sight of tears however, I know I can’t argue with her. My baby’s too precious to argue with. But when they happen, not all arguments can be smoothed over with a cuddle and good sex no matter how much we wish they could be.  
Moving house again was a solution to one of those arguments.  
My selfless wife failed to share with me her unhappiness for some time. It wasn’t the kids and I that made her unhappy. It was the job she worked so hard to get to find it was nothing she expected. Her directory position at VICE hadn’t been as stimulating or enjoyable as she wanted and the money wasn’t a good enough reason to pretend to be happy. These were details she kept from me for well into a year. Lauren feared telling me because of my own business and the children. She would endure unhappiness in her own life if it meant mine would be smooth sailing.  
But I wouldn’t be another person in her life that ignores her feelings and ignores her motivations. I wouldn’t be the person standing in her way of achieving complete happiness. My wife would grumpily go to work each morning and return home with an attitude each day for a few months. It wasn’t until the night she cried in front of me that I understood why.  
~~  
Finding Micah napping on the floor cuddling Dexter isn’t unusual when I return home from work but it still makes me coo every time. It is however surprising to see Emelia sitting on the couch behind my wife and attempting to massage her shoulders. The little girl’s nimble fingers pinch and poke at her mother’s skin to prompt a giggle I hadn’t heard in a while.   
Lauren’s still-sad gaze meets mine when I take my daughter’s place, the little girl throwing herself on her mother’s lap while my own hands start working against my wife’s skin. Dark locks of hair move in front of my wife’s face as she dips her head onto Emelia’s shoulder and holds her tightly. I attempt to cradle them both and press a kiss to Lauren’s head.   
“We need to talk about this tonight, Laur.” She gently nods her head, still hiding away in our daughter’s neck. “I’m here, baby,” I whisper next to her ear, “always here.”  
Later that night after I had massaged Lauren properly, working out the kinks in her back and shoulders, I encourage the woman to roll onto her back. I help tug a vest back onto her body and play nervously with the fabric like she does with mine.   
“What would make you happy, Laur?”  
“I’m happy when you’re happy. If you still want this,” my wife gestures around the bedroom, “then we’ll stay here and I’ll keep my job. I want what you want.” My wife’s fingers continue to fiddle with the hem of my t-shirt, distracting herself to keep the tears from her eyes. I keep my frustrations toward my wife at bay and move into her, cradling her porcelain skin and encouraging the woman to look at me rather than the ceiling.   
“Talk to me. What do you want? We’ll make anything work if you just tell me what you need to be happy. I’m here, with you, through everything.”   
Kissing Lauren has always been one of my favourite things, even when her lips taste salty from the tears. As always, Lauren tugs me securely into her body, chest to chest and lips to lips. Our kiss is slow but wet and sloppy from the fact she is still softly crying. I laugh into the connection when she doesn’t hide her sniffling and leans away from me to unattractively wipe her nose with her sleeve.   
“We’re grown-ups, Lauren. We have to talk about this shit and you’ve been hiding from me that you’ve been unhappy for a long time with this job. Something has to change and you just need to tell me what.” My wife’s face had previously been tucked in the crook of my neck but with a slight massage to her temples she looks up at me, with teary eyes and a pout to her lips. The question is whether she resembles our children or Dexter.   
She shakes her head in deliberation and you could almost see the wheels turning in her head. She wants to say something but doesn’t know if she should. I narrow my eyes at her until she gulps nervously and starts to speak.  
“I think I want to work at the sanctuary with Taylor and my mother.”  
~~  
We move into what was previously our holiday home in Cape May some months later. Since spending that first weekend together in that house – her birthday weekend – it has been a special place to us, hosting many family getaways and even Christmas one year. But now it’s our home. Lauren’s dream home for us since the beginning.  
While Lauren quickly got to work with the sanctuary, I had opened a second bakery. The first in New York had been so successful that Ally and I had been able to pay back Lauren within a year with the woman however not wanting to take the money and instead encouraging me to add it to the children’s college funds. Normani and Ally had joined forces now with the two women running our first establishment in New York and I opening our second in New Jersey with Chris’ girlfriend, soon to be fiancée, Anna, as an associate.  
A seven-month pregnant Taylor still helps at big animal sanctuary with Lauren while their mother is also heavily involved like she used to be. Clara has been healthy since the treatment where we had used the stem cells from Micah to cure her sickness and only uses that to her advantage to tease Lauren and I along with her husband.  
Since his retirement, Mike is always on hand for babysitting whenever Emelia or Micah are sick from school or their mother and I decide to go out for the evening. But that means he is also more persuasive about the two of us giving him more grandchildren, something both Clara and Lauren seem to really agree with. Apparently it’s so we can fill up all of those rooms at the house, something apparently Lauren also thought about during her birthday weekend. She recognised that so many of the small rooms won’t ever be used, thus providing the perfect excuse to have more children. Though I don’t think it works like that.  
“But you’re not the one sacrificing your vagina!” I tell my wife as she attempts to slow dance with me in our pool. As soon as we had put the children to bed, she stripped us both and threw me into the pool. Dancing in our soaked underwear was my idea.  
“But if I had a vagina then we would definitely take turns! You carry the first two then I’ll do the next two.”  
“Oh really?” I shiver when her fingertips trace patterns along my spine and her following smirk tells me she notices her effect on me.  
“Mhm. Though, thinking about it, I’ve always wanted a vagina and now I’m sacrificing a metaphorical one to childbirth… I don’t think I would be good with one.”  
“Considering how generous you are with giving your genetic material and reproductive resources to help others, I think it would be a disaster – just popping out babies for everyone else! But seriously, at least you understand that is a sacrifice. Men don’t understand that. They only realise the damage of childbirth to vaginas when either he or the baby-momma doesn’t want to fuck anymore because of its state.”  
“I think you’re exaggerating a bit, babe,” Lauren laughs off. “After two babies yours is still perfect and our sex life couldn’t be better.”  
“You didn’t see what it was like before I had Emelia. Maybe it was even better.” I wink teasingly at my wife, pinching her side when she giggles in response.  
“Not possible.” Lauren introduces her tongue to what were previously the softest kisses you could receive and I moan at the action, holding onto my wife’s shoulders tightly. “So how about another one?” The older woman teases again, winking at me when her fingers drag across my abdomen.  
“Unless you’re going to pop one out of your magic vagina and ‘take turns’, it’s not happening.” I return the wink and move away from my wife to get out of the pool. I almost agree to the request when I watch her eyes devour me but instead sway my hips and without words, encourage my wife to join me in the bedroom.  
–  
‘Taking turns’ for having babies was something Normani and Ally initially planned for during Ally’s pregnancy with Sasha but that definitely wasn’t on the cards for either woman now, especially Normani who knew that it was her ‘go’. Instead, they bought a puppy.  
We visited our friends back in New York for Halloween and that puppy was definitely their replacement for a new child. Since Micah doesn’t like anything scary and will scream down the house at the sight of blood, we all decided to dress up more comically with Lauren and I trick-or-treating in our unicorn and cow onesies. Ally, dressed as her crazy alter-ego in a leopard print onesie and a blonde wig, carried around the dog in her purse the entire evening. Like every evening.  
Lauren, the children and I stayed the night at Dinah’s new place which was interesting to say the least. Of course, Khiara was still obsessed with Lauren. Why wouldn’t she be? But she had also gotten bolder. We all thought that, with age, the little girl would grow out of it but even the typically oblivious Lauren was made aware of her crush when she was proposed to by the little one. She wasn’t very happy finding out that I had already married the green-eyed woman and unsurprisingly, Khiara was a guest to that wedding.  
It was also interesting to have so little privacy, something Lauren and I really wasn’t used to anymore. I hope it wasn’t the cow onesie that caused my wife’s arousal but it had been a long time to see her that disappointed to realise sex was off the cards.  
But cooing over Dinah’s baby bump was what my wife especially found most interesting.  
Lauren teased me about getting baby fever and she teased me that it won’t be too long until I jump her bones and asking for another child myself. “Sure you don’t want another, babe?” She would ask. It was considered but I had to say that I’m sure. Two children and expanding a business was enough to focus on though Lauren apparently thinks not.  
In retrospect, pregnancy was a lot of fun and I would probably do it again. With Lauren there with me, everything was perfect. From shopping for baby clothes to talking optimistically about how to raise our children, I enjoyed her excitement and it only made me the same. Even with the potentially scary stuff like preparing for childbirth, Lauren was exceptional. Her own fear and unpreparedness made everything even the more fun.  
Lauren watched intently at the tutorials and grimaced at the particularly gory parts that were shown by birthing classes that we attended together during the third trimester of my pregnancy with Micah. She actually heaved when we were shown footage from a birthing video along with some of the Dads. Like Micah, she’s not fond of blood.  
She tried comforting me before realising that it was only she that had the problem. Lauren was the one pale-faced with her mouth agape and her eyes wide. A woman sat beside us joked that it would be her to have the next baby – ‘take turns’.  
“It’s not possible. I have a penis,” Lauren replied, simply smiling and turning back to the birthing instructor without any elaboration. The woman sat beside us still shocked and confused and I chuckled quietly to myself when I note Lauren doesn’t care for beating around the bush anymore.  
“That’s one way of telling people, baby.” I say, leaning back into Lauren’s embrace and kissing the side of her neck. It was a slightly better way of telling people about her condition than she had done previously, however. Her explanations to my family and old friends we ran into (including Abbey), were not as good.  
“With my semen,” was the reply to my bitchy cousin and Aunt when they asked how it was possible I was pregnant again.  
“She felt too good to pull out,” was the one said to Abbey.  
So her explanations were still blunt and not very informative but at least they weren’t as crude. She’s learning.  
Lauren hasn’t spoken about her condition too much, often settling for short responses which leave people confused still. But when Leon asked how everything works, he was given a full explanation into her anatomy and the genetic configuration behind it. I doubt she thought he was too interested, she just wanted to ensure that he and the rest of their friends knew that she was still getting laid and that everything does indeed work very well.  
I exude love and pride when I talk about Lauren to people I meet. Nothing could stop me praising my wife and her confidence. Though we do have very different ways of explaining it to people, neither of us are ashamed to talk about our family or her condition. I have tried to encourage my wife to talk more about her condition rather than explaining with variations of “I have a penis.” Apparently it’s too funny to watch people squirm and get confused however, and Lauren has no intention of stopping.  
–  
“Do you remember when you used to get nervous about getting out of the pool like that?” I gesture toward her soaked lower half and the prominent outline of her anatomy in her swim shorts. Every morning she swims laps in the pool and comes prodding into the kitchen, dripping over the tiles and searching for food with wet hands. Most mornings I am already sitting at the island in our kitchen with coffee and a plate of food, tutting when I see the trail of water she leaves behind and not bothering to clean up.  
“I guess I still do when we go to the beach with the kids but when we’re here, I have nobody to hide from.” I accidentally gulp the hot coffee when, as usual, she holds a sandwich between her lips and drops her shorts, not rushing to grab the towel from beside me that she eventually wraps around her lower half. Lauren takes a bite from a sandwich and puts it on my bare thighs so she can remove her bikini top and replace it with a dry t-shirt.  
“Just stripping in the kitchen, babe?”  
“Of course.” She takes the sandwich again, devouring the thing in a few bites. “Good morning.”  
“You’re disgusting.” I say when she deposits a kiss on my lips with her mouth full of food, even leaving a smear of butter on the side of my mouth which I use her t-shit to wipe off.  
“You love me, anyway.” Lauren says with a smirk, moving her body to stand between my legs. The height of the kitchen stool makes me the same height as my wife and I use it to my advantage to smother her in kisses. “Are we gonna do this then, babe? While the kids are still asleep?” I bury my face in her neck with a groan but nod my head anyway. She tugs me to my feet with little effort and without hesitation, grabs me by the thighs and hoists me up for me to wrap my legs around her waist.  
“I’m excited.” Of course she fucking is.  
–  
“Fucking hell.”  
I groan and hold my head in my hands as I sit beside my wife on the cold bathroom floor with a positive pregnancy test between us.   
I look to my wife who’s smiling like a child. Her hand falls to her crotch and she praises it with a “well done”. With a scolding gaze sent her way, the grin disappears and she looks around the room absentmindedly.  
“How did this even happen?”  
“You would think after two kids you would understand the process by now,” Lauren answers the rhetorical question. “Well it starts with you begging me to put it in and-”  
“Shut the fuck up, Lauren.”  
“It was your idea to make the sex tape and it was your idea to go without a condom because apparently they’re not aesthetically pleasing. Once again, this was all your fault,” she finishes with another smug grin.  
“I hate you.” I kick the test away and drop my head onto my annoying wife’s shoulder. Lauren deposits a kiss to the top of my head and circles her arms around me.  
“I love you too, princess.”


End file.
